I'm ashamed of my husband.

[Anonymous]

OP reminds me of a girlfriend I had years ago. She was never satisfied with what she had -- always looking for something better. Gorgeous, educated, nice family, but... spoiled and problematic. She always tried to get me to wear this or that when we'd go out too. So glad we broke up. Now, over 20 years later, she's nearly 50 and still unmarried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a girlfriend I had years ago. She was never satisfied with what she had -- always looking for something better. Gorgeous, educated, nice family, but... spoiled and problematic. She always tried to get me to wear this or that when we'd go out too. So glad we broke up. Now, over 20 years later, she's nearly 50 and still unmarried.

God forbid that a woman should be 50 and unmarried. She must be a miserable failure.

Condi Rice.
Oprah Winfrey.
Diane Keaton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm shallow too but I get what the OP is saying. Not sure how to help on the lack of conversation/dorkiness, but as for wardrobe -- it's doable. You need to go thru his closet and get rid of EVERY SINGLE thing that you don't want to see him in and replace it with things that you think look good. Bonus points if you could put it together on hangers and train him that he MUST wear everything off on one hanger as one outfit. That means when he spills on the blue shirt with khaki pant outfit, he doesn't just go throw on a pair of navy pants. He must wear whatever the navy pants are paired with as well.

As for the dancing -- dance lessons? Practice at home watching youtube - as there are home videos of people dancing to every top 40 song out there? Not suggesting you guys should bust out a routine when you're out with friends, but some basic practice may help him find some rhythm.

Thank you! I'm glad someone gets it. I've tried with the clothes. I have, and I suppose I can try again.

The dancing though is truly a lost cause, we had dance lessons for our wedding, so our first dance wouldn't be a complete disaster,his body is just incapable of moving in rhythm of any sort. He tries hard, but he just can't. I'm afraid to suggest looking on Youtube as he might try to surprise me with something.

Omg, I love him just at this description - is that so wrong?

[Anonymous]

How's the sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm shallow too but I get what the OP is saying. Not sure how to help on the lack of conversation/dorkiness, but as for wardrobe -- it's doable. You need to go thru his closet and get rid of EVERY SINGLE thing that you don't want to see him in and replace it with things that you think look good. Bonus points if you could put it together on hangers and train him that he MUST wear everything off on one hanger as one outfit. That means when he spills on the blue shirt with khaki pant outfit, he doesn't just go throw on a pair of navy pants. He must wear whatever the navy pants are paired with as well.

As for the dancing -- dance lessons? Practice at home watching youtube - as there are home videos of people dancing to every top 40 song out there? Not suggesting you guys should bust out a routine when you're out with friends, but some basic practice may help him find some rhythm.

Thank you! I'm glad someone gets it. I've tried with the clothes. I have, and I suppose I can try again.

The dancing though is truly a lost cause, we had dance lessons for our wedding, so our first dance wouldn't be a complete disaster,his body is just incapable of moving in rhythm of any sort. He tries hard, but he just can't. I'm afraid to suggest looking on Youtube as he might try to surprise me with something.

Omg, I love him just at this description - is that so wrong?

Nope. He sounds darling to me too.

[Anonymous]

The dancing though is truly a lost cause, we had dance lessons for our wedding, so our first dance wouldn't be a complete disaster,his body is just incapable of moving in rhythm of any sort. He tries hard, but he just can't. I'm afraid to suggest looking on Youtube as he might try to surprise me with something.

Is that you, Michelle? Everyone, please welcome the first lady to DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I think your husband sounds lovely and you sound horrible and shallow.

As to picking out his clothes - are you kidding me? Unless he's 5 and you are his Mom, cut it out, unless he literally asks you for help in that department.

How would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot - if your DH tried to control your wardrobe to make you wear not what you like or find comfortable but what conformed with his tastes - what if his condition for tolerating you in public was you wearing clothes that are not your thing at all?

UGH. Talk about controlling and infantilizing.

You know what works in our household? I wear what I like and DH wears what he likes. Sometimes, his clothing style is not my thing but I keep my mouth shut because he's a grown man and entitled to dress himself. Sometimes what I wear isn't what he'd prefer either but he keeps his mouth shut because I am entitled to dress myself.

Think about changing your attitude.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he likes pissing you off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many babbies die awkward husband. But some live. Maybe you luck?

Totally love this!

[Anonymous]

I think OP is depressed and looking for a cause. I was always blaming my depression on my husband but, surprise, after the divorce and free of him, surprise, I was still depressed. I try to self-talk that I am lucky in so many ways, as many of these posters have urged OP to do, but when you are depressed, at least for me, the self-talk even with meds to support it, just doesn't get me very far. I feel for the OP because she is heading down a path that is going to make her more and more miserable as time goes on.

She wants kids, and that is probably why she's in denial that she needs to let this guy go. He's her ticket to kids and she probably thinks things will be fine once she has them because she can mold them her way. But they will be his kids too, and probably at least one of them will take after the dad in sloppy uncoordinated fashion. Or they will grow up to repeat her mistake in settling for someone that she grows to resent.

I'm almost crying to think how I should have taken this advice 20 years ago when I realized the mistake I'd made. Please, OP, you are young. Set this man free and find someone who makes your heart sing. It would be a kindness to him and your future children.

[Anonymous]

When I don't like my dhs clothes I throw them out. He doesn't notice.y DH dresses very nicely overall. My husband is very presentable around his circle, intelligent conversationalist , smart etc. My group, he's just uninterested and kind of a jerk. Not to me but more sarcastic.than he needs to be . I now remind him bf we go out and he is more conscious abt what I want. I think it's subconscious.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you tired doing more chores? offering back rubs?

[Anonymous]

You can't change anyone but yourself OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a girlfriend I had years ago. She was never satisfied with what she had -- always looking for something better. Gorgeous, educated, nice family, but... spoiled and problematic. She always tried to get me to wear this or that when we'd go out too. So glad we broke up. Now, over 20 years later, she's nearly 50 and still unmarried.

I have a friend like this. She was never satisfied with the nice guys, even if they were great. They just weren't good enough. Then she falls for these guys that are kind of out of her league and gets dumped. Now she is 38 and probably will never get married and have kids. I wonder if she prefers this life than settling down with one of her ex bfs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel a little terrible for thinking this way, but it's the truth.
It's just when I see my colleagues with their spouses, my husband seems so basic and unsophisticated. He's embarrassing.
He's a terrible dresser with a bad haircut. I've given up on the hair, but I try to help him put, but even that doesn't help. Tonight I picked out a nice outfit for him to wear to dinner with our friends. What does he do? He some how gets it dirty , and comes back down dressed in a blue shirt and maroon pants. Of course we're running late so there's no time for him to change.
At dinner he orders way too much food, and gets a doggy bag. He doesn't need the extra food he's already too think around the middle. I seriously don't know how he has middle age pudge as he works out and is only 32.
If that wasn't enough I was cringing as he participated in the conversation. He didn't say anything wrong in particular, he was just a little to eager to participate and was stumbling and stuttering over his words, and repeated himself.
I try to focus on his good qualities. He has a steady job and career that he loves, and makes a decent income, but even that is a downside as he could be further than where he is if he were just a little more ambitious.
No, I'm not contemplating an affair, and I want a divorce.
I do wonder what it would be like to have a husband that was more impressive.

Do your husband a favour and get a divorce. He'll grieve for a while, but he'll heal. And he won't be in a miserable marriage with a mindboggling woman who is ashamed of him.

I'm female, btw.