Documentary: American Promise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I watched this documentary with my husband and his main criticism was that the kids appeared to be from different socioeconomic backgrounds than the majority of Dalton kids. To him, adding financial disadvantages diluted the issue the documentary was seeking to address.
I think the critism about Idris' parents here is unfair. To me the movie showed two different paths to the same goal: getting our kids to college without a major hitch. Both parents achieved that.

It's not clear whether or not the Brewsters were financially disadvantaged. Both parents are ivy-league educated professionals and owned two homes.

Seun's family, yes, their financial disadvantage clearly presented an extra stumbling block.

What stumbling block did Seun's family present? Not arguing, just curious.

While they didn't appear wealthy, it didn't seem that finances were a stumbling block. After all, it's not as if he was denied tutoring due to finances.

And yeah, I don't think the Brewster's were at a (huge) financial disadvantage. They're educated, have the two homes, there was talk of summer camps (French for a week, basketball one summer). Idris played basketball and there was a scene of him playing a clarinet. I believe the Brewsters were playing humble in this documentary with the 'middle class' label.

[Anonymous]

Did no one mention to these parents that many private schools have high academic standards? White parents would not send their kids to "Dalton" and expect that that would cure everything and then turn around and cry "race". Any parent that struggles with a learning disability has the same struggles. These parents just looked for any excuse to say it was the schools fault. Actually, if they had been white they would have been counseled out.

[Anonymous]

Awww...Look at little Miles, panhandling to help raise money for the Brewsters to complete the film.

He's a cutie pie.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2139251104/american-promise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Awww...Look at little Miles, panhandling to help raise money for the Brewsters to complete the film.

He's a cutie pie.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2139251104/american-promise

He is so adorable. Did he end up at Dalton too? I would have loved to see how he fared there. In the film he looked to be more resilient and sure of himself. His brother at that age just looked so much more immature.

[Anonymous]

Just rewatched this doc on Netflix. That version includes a scene of the parents getting married. It was a very brief courthouse wedding with Michele's mother & their two kids there as the guest. In true Joe Brewster fashion, it was completely unromantic with no rings exchanged. Mr. Brewster nonchalantly and with no emotion stated that he felt no different and was returning to work after the brief ceremony. Like geeze at least go out for a steak lunch afterwards or something. When Michele cried during the ceremony, I couldn't tell if it was out of emotion or deep regret. She mentioned marrying because she needed health insurance. As an attorney, I'm not sure why.

Yes this is an old thread that's been revived but if you haven't done so already, the doc is still worth watching. As you can tell, I still watch it from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm recommending it in this forum as I think it touches on a lot of the academic, parenting issues we discuss here. Perhaps someone will see themselves in these parents and learn from their mistakes before it's "too late".

The filmmakers are both Ivy league-educated. (Harvard and Stanford) What they thought would be a documented record of their son's successful life, beginning with his acceptance to the Dalton school (a training ground for the Ivy leagues) at age 5 ended up being a record of his sometimes highs, mostly lows, parental 'failures' and regrets--as well as an unfair indictment of schools like Dalton and their treatment of African-American males.

We see these families go through the college application process with less than motivated sons-and the outcomes of the college decisions.

It is an intriguing watch.

If you haven't seen it already, head on over to pbs.org, watch it for free, then let's come back here and discuss.

Watched. There was not an unfair inditement of Dalton. We witnessed their experience there, which I don't doubt was/is their experience. I can imagine it's the experience of other African Americans as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I watched it. Interesting how parenting has changed since we were kids: Neither of our parents were so interested and helpful with schoolwork. They mostly nagged us about getting good grades. But it seems the parenting represented in the film is what is the norm now. DH and I both went to Ivies and elite private schools for grade school - hs although we are not AA. I am Asian and DH is white.

I agree with Idris's mom's lament that her son does not have the same drive that she had. Told my DH that I don't want to redo elementary, middle and high school with our son, doing homework, keeping track of his work and projects. If the kid cannot manage those things himself, what's going to happen when the kid goes off to college?

Interesting film. Very much worth watching.

Thanks for your post. So I get you don't want to redo school with your child. What do you do if you have a child who is disorganized and/or has executive function issues as this kid clearly did. The parents were so upset that their boy was not them. I have a similar situation with a child who has adhd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I watched it. Interesting how parenting has changed since we were kids: Neither of our parents were so interested and helpful with schoolwork. They mostly nagged us about getting good grades. But it seems the parenting represented in the film is what is the norm now. DH and I both went to Ivies and elite private schools for grade school - hs although we are not AA. I am Asian and DH is white.

I agree with Idris's mom's lament that her son does not have the same drive that she had. Told my DH that I don't want to redo elementary, middle and high school with our son, doing homework, keeping track of his work and projects. If the kid cannot manage those things himself, what's going to happen when the kid goes off to college?

Interesting film. Very much worth watching.

Thanks for your post. So I get you don't want to redo school with your child. What do you do if you have a child who is disorganized and/or has executive function issues as this kid clearly did. The parents were so upset that their boy was not them. I have a similar situation with a child who has adhd.

Get the kid treatment for his ADHD: medication and organization tutor. Possibly change schools into one that is less of a pressure cooker. Not everyone does well at a school like Dalton.

I also have a kid with ADHD whose condition is treated with meds and we are considering Dalton among other NYC private schools for when we move back to NYC when DS will be entering middle school. DS excels in an extracurricular and Dalton has an outstanding program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I watched it. Interesting how parenting has changed since we were kids: Neither of our parents were so interested and helpful with schoolwork. They mostly nagged us about getting good grades. But it seems the parenting represented in the film is what is the norm now. DH and I both went to Ivies and elite private schools for grade school - hs although we are not AA. I am Asian and DH is white.

I agree with Idris's mom's lament that her son does not have the same drive that she had. Told my DH that I don't want to redo elementary, middle and high school with our son, doing homework, keeping track of his work and projects. If the kid cannot manage those things himself, what's going to happen when the kid goes off to college?

Interesting film. Very much worth watching.

Thanks for your post. So I get you don't want to redo school with your child. What do you do if you have a child who is disorganized and/or has executive function issues as this kid clearly did. The parents were so upset that their boy was not them. I have a similar situation with a child who has adhd.

Get the kid treatment for his ADHD: medication and organization tutor. Possibly change schools into one that is less of a pressure cooker. Not everyone does well at a school like Dalton.

I also have a kid with ADHD whose condition is treated with meds and we are considering Dalton among other NYC private schools for when we move back to NYC when DS will be entering middle school. DS excels in an extracurricular and Dalton has an outstanding program.

I second your advice!

[Anonymous]

I'm glad this thread revived. I just watched it and my heart broke as I saw the self confidence and self belief erode in these boys. It seemed like putting them in a Hunter or Stuyvesant, which would have been more diverse, might have been a better option.

It was sobering because I am a white mother of a 4 year-old biracial boy who is confident and smart and a product of Ivy League parents. Dad is from Africa, so didn't grow up with same issues.

We are pursing independent schools, but this really scared me. My q is for parents of AA boys in independent schools: how do instill a strong sense of self esteem to ensure your boy doesn't internalize any implicit bias that he may not be good enough as good as others? My son is very confident right now and I want to make sure he continues to believe in his abilities.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure the death was from some form of neglect. Which is why they never said why. They said exactly what it was by not saying anything at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure the death was from some form of neglect. Which is why they never said why. They said exactly what it was by not saying anything at all.

Neglect? What are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just rewatched this doc on Netflix. That version includes a scene of the parents getting married. It was a very brief courthouse wedding with Michele's mother & their two kids there as the guest. In true Joe Brewster fashion, it was completely unromantic with no rings exchanged. Mr. Brewster nonchalantly and with no emotion stated that he felt no different and was returning to work after the brief ceremony. Like geeze at least go out for a steak lunch afterwards or something. When Michele cried during the ceremony, I couldn't tell if it was out of emotion or deep regret. She mentioned marrying because she needed health insurance. As an attorney, I'm not sure why.

Yes this is an old thread that's been revived but if you haven't done so already, the doc is still worth watching. As you can tell, I still watch it from time to time.

Sounds like autism on the paternal lineage side.