Do you think that its rude for neither parent to stay home to hand out candy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The biggest factor here is where you live. I'd say only about a fourth of the families in our neighborhood have small kids, so there are plenty of single folks/empty nesters/ parents with teens who can stay home to distribute candy. It's a given in our neighborhood that the families with small kids are out trick-or-treating and not home giving out candy. It works well for us.

The most overused statement on DCUM (alternatives include "It works for our family.") Meaning: We don't care that it's rude, we do it anyway.

Well put, PP. This is the classic case of people getting on DCUM and trying to rationalize their inconsiderate behavior, instead of acknowledging that they are acting selfishly when it's pointed out to them.

While I agree with that sentiment in general, I disagree in this case. Like PPs have pointed out, this is just not a big deal in certain neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are craaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

If your neighbors are going to be mad that your house is dark for an hour, you live in a mean neighborhood. Move somewhere normal.

Yep.

Nope. This intentionally misses the point. No one is mad just because your lights are off, maybe you have to work or travel or don't have kids and don't care to participate. That's cool. Honestly, that is what I have always assumed when I saw lights out and not taught twice about it. But it is completely different if you are turning out your lights, and not leaving a bowl, so that two parents can take snowflake to freeload candy from your neighbors.

It is also worth pointing out that having two parents come is completely about the parents, and how they want to experience Halloween. Most kids could care less if Mommy and Daddy about both behind them as they dart from house to house. Trick or treating is not family-focused, quality time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are craaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

If your neighbors are going to be mad that your house is dark for an hour, you live in a mean neighborhood. Move somewhere normal.

Yep.

I feel bad for some of the pps' neighbors in here that have to deal with being judged as inconsiderate for not leaving out candy or staying home. Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are craaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

If your neighbors are going to be mad that your house is dark for an hour, you live in a mean neighborhood. Move somewhere normal.

Yep.

Nope. This intentionally misses the point. No one is mad just because your lights are off, maybe you have to work or travel or don't have kids and don't care to participate. That's cool. Honestly, that is what I have always assumed when I saw lights out and not taught twice about it. But it is completely different if you are turning out your lights, and not leaving a bowl, so that two parents can take snowflake to freeload candy from your neighbors.

It is also worth pointing out that having two parents come is completely about the parents, and how they want to experience Halloween. Most kids could care less if Mommy and Daddy about both behind them as they dart from house to house. Trick or treating is not family-focused, quality time.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The biggest factor here is where you live. I'd say only about a fourth of the families in our neighborhood have small kids, so there are plenty of single folks/empty nesters/ parents with teens who can stay home to distribute candy. It's a given in our neighborhood that the families with small kids are out trick-or-treating and not home giving out candy. It works well for us.

The most overused statement on DCUM (alternatives include "It works for our family.") Meaning: We don't care that it's rude, we do it anyway.

Well put, PP. This is the classic case of people getting on DCUM and trying to rationalize their inconsiderate behavior, instead of acknowledging that they are acting selfishly when it's pointed out to them.

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are craaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

If your neighbors are going to be mad that your house is dark for an hour, you live in a mean neighborhood. Move somewhere normal.

Yep.

Nope. This intentionally misses the point. No one is mad just because your lights are off, maybe you have to work or travel or don't have kids and don't care to participate. That's cool. Honestly, that is what I have always assumed when I saw lights out and not taught twice about it. But it is completely different if you are turning out your lights, and not leaving a bowl, so that two parents can take snowflake to freeload candy from your neighbors.

It is also worth pointing out that having two parents come is completely about the parents, and how they want to experience Halloween. Most kids could care less if Mommy and Daddy about both behind them as they dart from house to house. Trick or treating is not family-focused, quality time.

Now you're trying to tell others how the holiday should be experienced? Lady, you are a douche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are craaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

If your neighbors are going to be mad that your house is dark for an hour, you live in a mean neighborhood. Move somewhere normal.

Yep.

Nope. This intentionally misses the point. No one is mad just because your lights are off, maybe you have to work or travel or don't have kids and don't care to participate. That's cool. Honestly, that is what I have always assumed when I saw lights out and not taught twice about it. But it is completely different if you are turning out your lights, and not leaving a bowl, so that two parents can take snowflake to freeload candy from your neighbors.

It is also worth pointing out that having two parents come is completely about the parents, and how they want to experience Halloween. Most kids could care less if Mommy and Daddy about both behind them as they dart from house to house. Trick or treating is not family-focused, quality time.

Well, in our family it is, at least when our kids our small. That's fine if Halloween is just a candy grab for your kids, but my 4- and 2-year olds like to have their parents with them and actually don't really care much about the candy. They like walking around in their costumes with their parents and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are craaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

If your neighbors are going to be mad that your house is dark for an hour, you live in a mean neighborhood. Move somewhere normal.

Yep.

Nope. This intentionally misses the point. No one is mad just because your lights are off, maybe you have to work or travel or don't have kids and don't care to participate. That's cool. Honestly, that is what I have always assumed when I saw lights out and not taught twice about it. But it is completely different if you are turning out your lights, and not leaving a bowl, so that two parents can take snowflake to freeload candy from your neighbors.

It is also worth pointing out that having two parents come is completely about the parents, and how they want to experience Halloween. Most kids could care less if Mommy and Daddy about both behind them as they dart from house to house. Trick or treating is not family-focused, quality time.

Well, in our family it is, at least when our kids our small. That's fine if Halloween is just a candy grab for your kids, but my 4- and 2-year olds like to have their parents with them and actually don't really care much about the candy. They like walking around in their costumes with their parents and friends.

This is getting ridiculous. Parents these days are all so precious. I am embarrassed for our generation of precious parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are craaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

If your neighbors are going to be mad that your house is dark for an hour, you live in a mean neighborhood. Move somewhere normal.

Yep.

Nope. This intentionally misses the point. No one is mad just because your lights are off, maybe you have to work or travel or don't have kids and don't care to participate. That's cool. Honestly, that is what I have always assumed when I saw lights out and not taught twice about it. But it is completely different if you are turning out your lights, and not leaving a bowl, so that two parents can take snowflake to freeload candy from your neighbors.

It is also worth pointing out that having two parents come is completely about the parents, and how they want to experience Halloween. Most kids could care less if Mommy and Daddy about both behind them as they dart from house to house. Trick or treating is not family-focused, quality time.

Now you're trying to tell others how the holiday should be experienced? Lady, you are a douche.

Great, now I have that Aerosmith song "Douche Looks Like a Lady" stuck in my head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think rude is the word. But it is definitely self-centered. Parents count on each other to make Halloween fun for the kids. A lot of parents don't take kids to houses of people they don't know so if other parents don't stay home, Halloween doesn't work.

What is self-centered is expecting that every house will have someone home to cater to your child's candy needs. So, how do you explain why you won't go knock on the door of an elderly lady versus another family's door? You expect that every house regardless of who lives there will be open to trick or treating? Your child can learn that people have other commitments and not to expect that every house is going to be available for them to get candy from. My husband and I rarely get to do things together with my son in the evenings because of our busy schedules. So, I'm supposed to explain to my son that we both won't go out trick or treating with him because one of us needs to stay home to give a snicker's bar to your kid? Come on...

Um, not that unreasonable. Plenty of us parents of 3-year old split the duties. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that *most* of us actually do, at least in neighborhoods where we know one another and don't want to be the assholes.

How many days a week do you get to have dinner together as a family? Spend time together in the evenings as a family? My husband doesn't walk in the door from work until 8pm. So, zero days a week for us. Special "kid" occasions like Halloween are the rare evening times that my son looks forward to us both being there with him. We plan it and it is important family time for us. We split a lot of duties. I'm not splitting up our family time for the sake of your snowflake.

Well hopefully your nieghbors don't feel the same way otherwise you, DH, and your snowflake will have no where to go trick or treat. Most families split up the duties to enable trick or treating to take place otherwise it would be a nieghborhood of darkened homes.

NP here. What kind of neighborhoods do you all live in?? I live in AU Park, and while there are many children, not everyone's kids are the same age. There are also plenty of empty nesters. My kid is still too small to trick or treat (so I'm only handing out candy now, not collecting any), but when the time comes, I'm pretty sure we'll go together, at least the first couple of years. All these types of comments are predicated on the idea that everyone in the neighborhood has kids around the same age, and I don't see that in my neighborhood.

My guess is that those people for whom the "neighborhood of darkened homes" on Halloween would be a reality live in subdivisions of newly built tract homes in the suburbs that have all been sold at the same time, after which everyone started breeding simultaneously.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, my DD (now 6) complains if I start suggesting "hey, let's do something with just me and you" or "hey, maybe you and Mommy can do things alone." She *insists* on doing things as a full family and always has.

Maybe kids get cooler with one-parent outings with the arrival of siblings, but I find 10:35's experience (that kids don't care if both parents are there) to be outside what I've experienced.

I do agree that if both parents go out, they can at least (by default) leave out a bowl of candy barring something like getting laid off two months ago, the neighborhood being such that the candy would be scattered around the yard, etc.

I've downgraded from full-sized bars to bite-sized chocolates this year, though, since we're running on one income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The biggest factor here is where you live. I'd say only about a fourth of the families in our neighborhood have small kids, so there are plenty of single folks/empty nesters/ parents with teens who can stay home to distribute candy. It's a given in our neighborhood that the families with small kids are out trick-or-treating and not home giving out candy. It works well for us.

The most overused statement on DCUM (alternatives include "It works for our family.") Meaning: We don't care that it's rude, we do it anyway.

Well put, PP. This is the classic case of people getting on DCUM and trying to rationalize their inconsiderate behavior, instead of acknowledging that they are acting selfishly when it's pointed out to them.

Yes.

Well, I'll try to bear up under the knowledge that you think I'm selfish. It will be difficult, but I will soldier on. <sniff>

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, my DD (now 6) complains if I start suggesting "hey, let's do something with just me and you" or "hey, maybe you and Mommy can do things alone." She *insists* on doing things as a full family and always has.
Maybe kids get cooler with one-parent outings with the arrival of siblings, but I find 10:35's experience (that kids don't care if both parents are there) to be outside what I've experienced.

I do agree that if both parents go out, they can at least (by default) leave out a bowl of candy barring something like getting laid off two months ago, the neighborhood being such that the candy would be scattered around the yard, etc.

I've downgraded from full-sized bars to bite-sized chocolates this year, though, since we're running on one income.

I am glad to hear that your 6yo is the one who makes the decisions in your family - not the adults.

Signed,
Mom of a 6yo also

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are craaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

If your neighbors are going to be mad that your house is dark for an hour, you live in a mean neighborhood. Move somewhere normal.

Yep.

Nope. This intentionally misses the point. No one is mad just because your lights are off, maybe you have to work or travel or don't have kids and don't care to participate. That's cool. Honestly, that is what I have always assumed when I saw lights out and not taught twice about it. But it is completely different if you are turning out your lights, and not leaving a bowl, so that two parents can take snowflake to freeload candy from your neighbors.

It is also worth pointing out that having two parents come is completely about the parents, and how they want to experience Halloween. Most kids could care less if Mommy and Daddy about both behind them as they dart from house to house. Trick or treating is not family-focused, quality time.

Well, in our family it is, at least when our kids our small. That's fine if Halloween is just a candy grab for your kids, but my 4- and 2-year olds like to have their parents with them and actually don't really care much about the candy. They like walking around in their costumes with their parents and friends.

This is getting ridiculous. Parents these days are all so precious. I am embarrassed for our generation of precious parents.

I think you and I have a different definition of precious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are craaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

If your neighbors are going to be mad that your house is dark for an hour, you live in a mean neighborhood. Move somewhere normal.

Yep.

Nope. This intentionally misses the point. No one is mad just because your lights are off, maybe you have to work or travel or don't have kids and don't care to participate. That's cool. Honestly, that is what I have always assumed when I saw lights out and not taught twice about it. But it is completely different if you are turning out your lights, and not leaving a bowl, so that two parents can take snowflake to freeload candy from your neighbors.

It is also worth pointing out that having two parents come is completely about the parents, and how they want to experience Halloween. Most kids could care less if Mommy and Daddy about both behind them as they dart from house to house. Trick or treating is not family-focused, quality time.

Of course it's about the parents. We both want to watch the kids trick-or-treat. I do not owe it to the neighborhood to make sure someone is on duty every second. I think you misunderstand freeloading. Freeloading would be if you take your children trick-or-treating every single year but never hand out candy. Freeloading is NOT deciding to turn on your light an hour later than some other folks do. We gave out candy pre-kids, we will give out candy after our kids are too old, and we give out candy when we get home from watching our children go around the block. People who think this is rude are nuts.