Nobody Wants This on Netflix

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a huge crush on a Jewish guy I dated in my twenties. He shared with me early on that his grandmother made him promise on her deathbed that he would marry a Jewishwoman.

I felt that was an unfair pressure/guilt trip to instill in her young grandson.

Lol sorry his commitment to his blood relatives wishes trumped your twenties crush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reality is this show could have been made with any religious or cultural or racial groups.

I observed the following IRL:

-Chinese friend’s entire family didn’t attend her wedding because they were outraged that she was marrying a non-Chinese man. Same religion, same advanced level of education, and the guy is awesome on all levels. Didn’t matter. Pretty sure we’ve seen movies about how this plays out in Asian culture, right?

-A white friend’s family threatened to cut her off when she got engaged to a black man. His family wasn’t any better: his family was blatantly hostile to her the first time he brought her to a family party. She wasn’t deterred despite leaving in tears. She kept showing up and being kind, and they eventually came around. Ditto for her family.

-A Muslim friend’s family did cut her off (stopped paying her tuition) when she got engaged to a catholic white American. She was American too btw—despite her American-born parents considering themselves as “Insert other Muslim country here.” That marriage was a disaster thanks to the unwillingness of her family to accept him. She caved eventually and her parents rewarded her with a new life in another city: fancy new place, new wardrobe, new car, etc.

I could go on, but I’ll stop here. As a shiksa whose future MIL enlisted the help of relatives to try to dissuade us from marrying (I won’t say how, but it was heavily orchestrated and blatant), I chalk it up to loss of control and fear of the unknown that some rigid older women have. It’s a thing, which is why the evil MIL stereotypes exist in every culture, etc.

NP here. All of this. I know a Chinese woman who was dumped by her Korean boyfriend (of 10 years) because his mother threatened to never speak to him again if he married a Chinese woman. My white sister married a black man and HIS family refused to come to the wedding because our family is white. I married a man from a Western European country that is predominately catholic and they opposed our engagement because I’m 1) American, 2) not Catholic (even though they are not practicing) and the real winner 3) I am disabled and they thought I was taking advantage of a non disabled person so he could be my lifelong care taker (I don’t need a caretaker). After 20 years married my FIL still makes snide remarks about all of them. My Quaker friend was engaged to a Jewish man and was starting the process of converting when he broke the engagement at the insistence of his family because she wasn’t born Jewish.

There are so many modern examples of prejudice. This movie could have been about any two opposite cultures. This crap still happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reality is this show could have been made with any religious or cultural or racial groups.

I observed the following IRL:

-Chinese friend’s entire family didn’t attend her wedding because they were outraged that she was marrying a non-Chinese man. Same religion, same advanced level of education, and the guy is awesome on all levels. Didn’t matter. Pretty sure we’ve seen movies about how this plays out in Asian culture, right?

-A white friend’s family threatened to cut her off when she got engaged to a black man. His family wasn’t any better: his family was blatantly hostile to her the first time he brought her to a family party. She wasn’t deterred despite leaving in tears. She kept showing up and being kind, and they eventually came around. Ditto for her family.

-A Muslim friend’s family did cut her off (stopped paying her tuition) when she got engaged to a catholic white American. She was American too btw—despite her American-born parents considering themselves as “Insert other Muslim country here.” That marriage was a disaster thanks to the unwillingness of her family to accept him. She caved eventually and her parents rewarded her with a new life in another city: fancy new place, new wardrobe, new car, etc.

I could go on, but I’ll stop here. As a shiksa whose future MIL enlisted the help of relatives to try to dissuade us from marrying (I won’t say how, but it was heavily orchestrated and blatant), I chalk it up to loss of control and fear of the unknown that some rigid older women have. It’s a thing, which is why the evil MIL stereotypes exist in every culture, etc.

Wow. I gently offer to you another explanation: since her son has married someone non-Jewish she literally will not have Jewish grandchildren. I’m not saying that it’s right to put pressure on your kids; it certainly isn’t. But it’s not very mysterious why she felt this way. It’s actually a huge, huge cultural loss. Hopefully realizing that can lead you towards some compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a huge crush on a Jewish guy I dated in my twenties. He shared with me early on that his grandmother made him promise on her deathbed that he would marry a Jewishwoman.

I felt that was an unfair pressure/guilt trip to instill in her young grandson.

Six million Jews. It's very common to remind children to marry jewish. We're still trying to recover from the Holocaust in terms of numbers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reality is this show could have been made with any religious or cultural or racial groups.

I observed the following IRL:

-Chinese friend’s entire family didn’t attend her wedding because they were outraged that she was marrying a non-Chinese man. Same religion, same advanced level of education, and the guy is awesome on all levels. Didn’t matter. Pretty sure we’ve seen movies about how this plays out in Asian culture, right?

-A white friend’s family threatened to cut her off when she got engaged to a black man. His family wasn’t any better: his family was blatantly hostile to her the first time he brought her to a family party. She wasn’t deterred despite leaving in tears. She kept showing up and being kind, and they eventually came around. Ditto for her family.

-A Muslim friend’s family did cut her off (stopped paying her tuition) when she got engaged to a catholic white American. She was American too btw—despite her American-born parents considering themselves as “Insert other Muslim country here.” That marriage was a disaster thanks to the unwillingness of her family to accept him. She caved eventually and her parents rewarded her with a new life in another city: fancy new place, new wardrobe, new car, etc.

I could go on, but I’ll stop here. As a shiksa whose future MIL enlisted the help of relatives to try to dissuade us from marrying (I won’t say how, but it was heavily orchestrated and blatant), I chalk it up to loss of control and fear of the unknown that some rigid older women have. It’s a thing, which is why the evil MIL stereotypes exist in every culture, etc.

Wow. I gently offer to you another explanation: since her son has married someone non-Jewish she literally will not have Jewish grandchildren. I’m not saying that it’s right to put pressure on your kids; it certainly isn’t. But it’s not very mysterious why she felt this way. It’s actually a huge, huge cultural loss. Hopefully realizing that can lead you towards some compassion.

If folks feel this way, then why raise your kids in the U.S.? Move to Israel, India, Saudi Arabia, Kenya, China, or wherever if having ethnically pure “[insert] grandchildren” is so important to you.

That’s the trade off you make when you come to America to live the good life. Don’t emotionally traumatize your otherwise lovely and competent adult kids/grandkids about it.

[Anonymous]

What’s the difference between Donald Trump and a liberal Jew?

Trump has Jewish grandchildren.

As a liberal Jew I can tell you: this joke is both funny and not at all funny. There is a heartbreaking reality behind it. There are so, so few of us. But you can’t help who you fall in love with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reality is this show could have been made with any religious or cultural or racial groups.

I observed the following IRL:

-Chinese friend’s entire family didn’t attend her wedding because they were outraged that she was marrying a non-Chinese man. Same religion, same advanced level of education, and the guy is awesome on all levels. Didn’t matter. Pretty sure we’ve seen movies about how this plays out in Asian culture, right?

-A white friend’s family threatened to cut her off when she got engaged to a black man. His family wasn’t any better: his family was blatantly hostile to her the first time he brought her to a family party. She wasn’t deterred despite leaving in tears. She kept showing up and being kind, and they eventually came around. Ditto for her family.

-A Muslim friend’s family did cut her off (stopped paying her tuition) when she got engaged to a catholic white American. She was American too btw—despite her American-born parents considering themselves as “Insert other Muslim country here.” That marriage was a disaster thanks to the unwillingness of her family to accept him. She caved eventually and her parents rewarded her with a new life in another city: fancy new place, new wardrobe, new car, etc.

I could go on, but I’ll stop here. As a shiksa whose future MIL enlisted the help of relatives to try to dissuade us from marrying (I won’t say how, but it was heavily orchestrated and blatant), I chalk it up to loss of control and fear of the unknown that some rigid older women have. It’s a thing, which is why the evil MIL stereotypes exist in every culture, etc.

Wow. I gently offer to you another explanation: since her son has married someone non-Jewish she literally will not have Jewish grandchildren. I’m not saying that it’s right to put pressure on your kids; it certainly isn’t. But it’s not very mysterious why she felt this way. It’s actually a huge, huge cultural loss. Hopefully realizing that can lead you towards some compassion.

If folks feel this way, then why raise your kids in the U.S.? Move to Israel, India, Saudi Arabia, Kenya, China, or wherever if having ethnically pure “[insert] grandchildren” is so important to you.

That’s the trade off you make when you come to America to live the good life. Don’t emotionally traumatize your otherwise lovely and competent adult kids/grandkids about it.

Ah, DCUM: the one place on earth Jews are both told to move to Israel in the same breath as they’re told that they’re illegally colonizing the land. Don’t ever change!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reality is this show could have been made with any religious or cultural or racial groups.

I observed the following IRL:

-Chinese friend’s entire family didn’t attend her wedding because they were outraged that she was marrying a non-Chinese man. Same religion, same advanced level of education, and the guy is awesome on all levels. Didn’t matter. Pretty sure we’ve seen movies about how this plays out in Asian culture, right?

-A white friend’s family threatened to cut her off when she got engaged to a black man. His family wasn’t any better: his family was blatantly hostile to her the first time he brought her to a family party. She wasn’t deterred despite leaving in tears. She kept showing up and being kind, and they eventually came around. Ditto for her family.

-A Muslim friend’s family did cut her off (stopped paying her tuition) when she got engaged to a catholic white American. She was American too btw—despite her American-born parents considering themselves as “Insert other Muslim country here.” That marriage was a disaster thanks to the unwillingness of her family to accept him. She caved eventually and her parents rewarded her with a new life in another city: fancy new place, new wardrobe, new car, etc.

I could go on, but I’ll stop here. As a shiksa whose future MIL enlisted the help of relatives to try to dissuade us from marrying (I won’t say how, but it was heavily orchestrated and blatant), I chalk it up to loss of control and fear of the unknown that some rigid older women have. It’s a thing, which is why the evil MIL stereotypes exist in every culture, etc.

Wow. I gently offer to you another explanation: since her son has married someone non-Jewish she literally will not have Jewish grandchildren. I’m not saying that it’s right to put pressure on your kids; it certainly isn’t. But it’s not very mysterious why she felt this way. It’s actually a huge, huge cultural loss. Hopefully realizing that can lead you towards some compassion.

If folks feel this way, then why raise your kids in the U.S.? Move to Israel, India, Saudi Arabia, Kenya, China, or wherever if having ethnically pure “[insert] grandchildren” is so important to you.

That’s the trade off you make when you come to America to live the good life. Don’t emotionally traumatize your otherwise lovely and competent adult kids/grandkids about it.

It’s not about ethnically pure kids at all. It’s about fearing total disappearance of a community and thousands of years of traditions and culture. That actually is traumatizing especially given the Holocaust because that fear came so close to reality. I converted partly because I understood the importance of that. I don’t think it’s the same at all as a culture with many people to keep it going. I am from such a culture myself and my parents were not fearful of any loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Finished the series last night.

What did I take away from this?

Erin Foster appreciahes many of the spiritual and traditional elements of Judaism. But it’s pretty clear she has a lot of trauma related to being accepted by the Jewish women in her husband’s life. Foster really did Jewish women dirty in this portrayal - she clearly has a bone to pick.

You also need to remember that the vast majority of people watching this series have ZERO Jewish people in their personal lives. So this series - warts and all - is forming their views of Judaism, their traditions, family life, etc. This is a very skewed portrayal and, frankly, kind of worrying.

Disagree.

Quick show of hands: who felt immediately accepted by their BF’s mom? Anyone?

Now let’s just hear from those dating a Jewish guy (regardless of your religion). Anyone?

Now let’s hear from the shiksas: how long until your MIL accepted you? How was the wedding planning?

Life is messy. Plenty of moms are difficult or perceived as difficult by the GF regardless of religion. It’s a thing.

Regardless, there’s no hook for a show without conflict. Duh.

Shiksa is a hateful word thrown around too casually. I am Jewish now but was not when I met dh. I was always accepted and conversion never came up once with my ils. We never had a religious wedding and nobody cared. Honestly it was more about how our kids would be raised than about me at all! And with Kristen Bell being 40+ the issue of kids would have mattered more than her being Jewish or not.

[Anonymous]

Jeez! We got hate mail when we married because my husband (a Lutheran) married me (a catholic).
Neither family cared but a couple distant relatives on his side, I’m guessing sent the letters.
Ppl just need to chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a huge crush on a Jewish guy I dated in my twenties. He shared with me early on that his grandmother made him promise on her deathbed that he would marry a Jewishwoman.

I felt that was an unfair pressure/guilt trip to instill in her young grandson.

Six million Jews. It's very common to remind children to marry jewish. We're still trying to recover from the Holocaust in terms of numbers.

Seems like there have been a lot of children born since then with Jewish blood or are you only counting the ones with Jewish moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reality is this show could have been made with any religious or cultural or racial groups.

I observed the following IRL:

-Chinese friend’s entire family didn’t attend her wedding because they were outraged that she was marrying a non-Chinese man. Same religion, same advanced level of education, and the guy is awesome on all levels. Didn’t matter. Pretty sure we’ve seen movies about how this plays out in Asian culture, right?

-A white friend’s family threatened to cut her off when she got engaged to a black man. His family wasn’t any better: his family was blatantly hostile to her the first time he brought her to a family party. She wasn’t deterred despite leaving in tears. She kept showing up and being kind, and they eventually came around. Ditto for her family.

-A Muslim friend’s family did cut her off (stopped paying her tuition) when she got engaged to a catholic white American. She was American too btw—despite her American-born parents considering themselves as “Insert other Muslim country here.” That marriage was a disaster thanks to the unwillingness of her family to accept him. She caved eventually and her parents rewarded her with a new life in another city: fancy new place, new wardrobe, new car, etc.

I could go on, but I’ll stop here. As a shiksa whose future MIL enlisted the help of relatives to try to dissuade us from marrying (I won’t say how, but it was heavily orchestrated and blatant), I chalk it up to loss of control and fear of the unknown that some rigid older women have. It’s a thing, which is why the evil MIL stereotypes exist in every culture, etc.

Wow. I gently offer to you another explanation: since her son has married someone non-Jewish she literally will not have Jewish grandchildren. I’m not saying that it’s right to put pressure on your kids; it certainly isn’t. But it’s not very mysterious why she felt this way. It’s actually a huge, huge cultural loss. Hopefully realizing that can lead you towards some compassion.

Reform Judaism recognizes patrilineal descent. Half of American Jews are marrying gentiles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reality is this show could have been made with any religious or cultural or racial groups.

I observed the following IRL:

-Chinese friend’s entire family didn’t attend her wedding because they were outraged that she was marrying a non-Chinese man. Same religion, same advanced level of education, and the guy is awesome on all levels. Didn’t matter. Pretty sure we’ve seen movies about how this plays out in Asian culture, right?

-A white friend’s family threatened to cut her off when she got engaged to a black man. His family wasn’t any better: his family was blatantly hostile to her the first time he brought her to a family party. She wasn’t deterred despite leaving in tears. She kept showing up and being kind, and they eventually came around. Ditto for her family.

-A Muslim friend’s family did cut her off (stopped paying her tuition) when she got engaged to a catholic white American. She was American too btw—despite her American-born parents considering themselves as “Insert other Muslim country here.” That marriage was a disaster thanks to the unwillingness of her family to accept him. She caved eventually and her parents rewarded her with a new life in another city: fancy new place, new wardrobe, new car, etc.

I could go on, but I’ll stop here. As a shiksa whose future MIL enlisted the help of relatives to try to dissuade us from marrying (I won’t say how, but it was heavily orchestrated and blatant), I chalk it up to loss of control and fear of the unknown that some rigid older women have. It’s a thing, which is why the evil MIL stereotypes exist in every culture, etc.

Wow. I gently offer to you another explanation: since her son has married someone non-Jewish she literally will not have Jewish grandchildren. I’m not saying that it’s right to put pressure on your kids; it certainly isn’t. But it’s not very mysterious why she felt this way. It’s actually a huge, huge cultural loss. Hopefully realizing that can lead you towards some compassion.

If folks feel this way, then why raise your kids in the U.S.? Move to Israel, India, Saudi Arabia, Kenya, China, or wherever if having ethnically pure “[insert] grandchildren” is so important to you.

That’s the trade off you make when you come to America to live the good life. Don’t emotionally traumatize your otherwise lovely and competent adult kids/grandkids about it.

Ah, DCUM: the one place on earth Jews are both told to move to Israel in the same breath as they’re told that they’re illegally colonizing the land. Don’t ever change!

Since when is DCUM monolithic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are a few episodes in and have really been enjoying it! I wasn't sure at first about the chemistry between Adam and Kristen but I actually really like them together.

Didn’t NYTimes just rail this as being anti Jewish women? All stereotype women in the series 1?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the difference between Donald Trump and a liberal Jew?

Trump has Jewish grandchildren.

As a liberal Jew I can tell you: this joke is both funny and not at all funny. There is a heartbreaking reality behind it. There are so, so few of us. But you can’t help who you fall in love with.

Those grandchildren also have grandfathers who were felons.