Youth sports and over scheduling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think overscheduling is a hot button for me because I want to give at least a little bit of the old school childhood that I had.

Except that’s not really possible because of technology. I don’t have screens at home (well we watch tv but maybe once every month or two?) but you send a kid to a playdate or to school and he is on screens. They aren’t wandering into old construction sites and building forts and stuff every day like we did.

Maybe it'll be impossible, but I'll at least try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think overscheduling is a hot button for me because I want to give at least a little bit of the old school childhood that I had.

And you can do that. I had a childhood with no activities, and I grew up totally unathletic, unable to play an instrument, and with no real skills other than school. I'm trying to give me kid something different.

You're assuming that kids need to be athletic and musical.

Art and exercise make you healthier mentally and physically

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think overscheduling is a hot button for me because I want to give at least a little bit of the old school childhood that I had.

And you can do that. I had a childhood with no activities, and I grew up totally unathletic, unable to play an instrument, and with no real skills other than school. I'm trying to give me kid something different.

You're assuming that kids need to be athletic and musical.

Art and exercise make you healthier mentally and physically

Yeah, but you don't need organized activities for art and exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think overscheduling is a hot button for me because I want to give at least a little bit of the old school childhood that I had.

And you can do that. I had a childhood with no activities, and I grew up totally unathletic, unable to play an instrument, and with no real skills other than school. I'm trying to give me kid something different.

You're assuming that kids need to be athletic and musical.

+1. Whats so great about being athletic and playing an instrument? There is an overemphasis on sports and music. So your kid can play the cello? Or saxaphone? So what? Big deal. So your kid plays on his HS team? Big deal! It means nothing when it comes to other more important skills one needs to lead a happy, successful and fulfilling life.

I'm the PP who said I had a childhood with no activities. I'm "assuming" that based on my life experience of wishing I had those skills more than I do. I assume this is what we're all doing; taking the lessons I learned from my childhood and parenting based on that. Personally, I wanted to learn an instrument as an adult and it was hard. I wish I had been encouraged to try as a kid, so that's what my kid gets: encouragement and the opportunity to try things.

I also know people for whom playing sports or music is a big part of how they are happy and fulfilled. At a minimum, there's nothing about taking piano lessons or being on a basketball team, that keeps you from ALSO learning to be happy and fulfilled.

DP who also grew up unathletic and with minimal music, and same. People who grew up with basic rec sports and enough music have no idea what it feels like to be invited to an intramural game and really have no clue how the game goes, or to not have music appreciation. It's just really different.

You can still get lots of cool life skills without athletics or music, but you can also get life skills with them, and those skills happen to be valuable into adulthood.

What life skills do you mean?

Non-sport specific that you can get from other hobbies and school, but also music or arts: Resilience, diligence, teamwork (team sports, music ensembles, group projects, jobs), persistence.

Sport specific: being able to go to the company golf tournament, play on the work softball team, or join the ultimate frisbee game your group of friends is setting up

Music specific: music appreciation, generally just being cultured.

Of course hanging out and daydreaming or having free play time can teach things like getting along with other kids, negotiating differences, entertaining yourself, learning to be alone with your own thoughts, and so on. The unscheduled time certainly has value. So does the scheduled time, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think overscheduling is a hot button for me because I want to give at least a little bit of the old school childhood that I had.

And you can do that. I had a childhood with no activities, and I grew up totally unathletic, unable to play an instrument, and with no real skills other than school. I'm trying to give me kid something different.

You're assuming that kids need to be athletic and musical.

You’re also assuming kids don’t need that at all. I guess you will never know if there was a hidden talent there. Maybe your kid will think you made a mistake bc it turns out they are nothing like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think overscheduling is a hot button for me because I want to give at least a little bit of the old school childhood that I had.

And you can do that. I had a childhood with no activities, and I grew up totally unathletic, unable to play an instrument, and with no real skills other than school. I'm trying to give me kid something different.

You're assuming that kids need to be athletic and musical.

You’re also assuming kids don’t need that at all. I guess you will never know if there was a hidden talent there. Maybe your kid will think you made a mistake bc it turns out they are nothing like you.

Maybe or they could thank me. For letting them be a kid as long as they can. For not overscheduling them. For letting make their own fun or be bored and not just assuming that they'll be trouble makers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think overscheduling is a hot button for me because I want to give at least a little bit of the old school childhood that I had.

And you can do that. I had a childhood with no activities, and I grew up totally unathletic, unable to play an instrument, and with no real skills other than school. I'm trying to give me kid something different.

You're assuming that kids need to be athletic and musical.

You’re also assuming kids don’t need that at all. I guess you will never know if there was a hidden talent there. Maybe your kid will think you made a mistake bc it turns out they are nothing like you.

Maybe or they could thank me. For letting them be a kid as long as they can. For not overscheduling them. For letting make their own fun or be bored and not just assuming that they'll be trouble makers.

Maybe they'll thank you for passing along your artistic gift for making strawmen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think overscheduling is a hot button for me because I want to give at least a little bit of the old school childhood that I had.

And you can do that. I had a childhood with no activities, and I grew up totally unathletic, unable to play an instrument, and with no real skills other than school. I'm trying to give me kid something different.

You're assuming that kids need to be athletic and musical.

You’re also assuming kids don’t need that at all. I guess you will never know if there was a hidden talent there. Maybe your kid will think you made a mistake bc it turns out they are nothing like you.

Maybe or they could thank me. For letting them be a kid as long as they can. For not overscheduling them. For letting make their own fun or be bored and not just assuming that they'll be trouble makers.

Maybe they'll thank you for passing along your artistic gift for making strawmen?

Maybe, who knows? Maybe they won't care if they're artistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think overscheduling is a hot button for me because I want to give at least a little bit of the old school childhood that I had.

And you can do that. I had a childhood with no activities, and I grew up totally unathletic, unable to play an instrument, and with no real skills other than school. I'm trying to give me kid something different.

You're assuming that kids need to be athletic and musical.

You’re also assuming kids don’t need that at all. I guess you will never know if there was a hidden talent there. Maybe your kid will think you made a mistake bc it turns out they are nothing like you.

I'm pretty sure that I never once said I wouldn't let my kids do activities at all. Where did you get that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think overscheduling is a hot button for me because I want to give at least a little bit of the old school childhood that I had.

And you can do that. I had a childhood with no activities, and I grew up totally unathletic, unable to play an instrument, and with no real skills other than school. I'm trying to give me kid something different.

You're assuming that kids need to be athletic and musical.

You’re also assuming kids don’t need that at all. I guess you will never know if there was a hidden talent there. Maybe your kid will think you made a mistake bc it turns out they are nothing like you.

I have one kid out of college and one in college and a middle schooler. I have seen lots and lots of families push their kids into music because thats what is expected in our culture now. My son tried violin in 4th and was pretty good at it but didn’t stick with it. My daughter tried it in 2nd grade and stuck with it all through school and college. The difference between them is I never ever needed to tell my daughter to practice her instrument. She loved it and spent a lot of time practicing it. But my son even though good at it didn’t want to do it and never practiced. So he stopped in 6th grade. Other friends whose kids were also not interested in their instruments were pushed to do it anyway all through high school and take lessons too. They were miserable and felt unhappy that they aren’t allowed to decide for themselves. Those kids didn’t progress and never played after middle and high school. Same stories about sports. Patents push their kids to do sports because other kids do it whether or not the kids is interested. I have seen many kids at basketball, soccer games who don’t want to be there. They aren’t into the game and honestly aren’t good either. But you ask the parent and they say ‘he loves it!’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think overscheduling is a hot button for me because I want to give at least a little bit of the old school childhood that I had.

And you can do that. I had a childhood with no activities, and I grew up totally unathletic, unable to play an instrument, and with no real skills other than school. I'm trying to give me kid something different.

You're assuming that kids need to be athletic and musical.

You’re also assuming kids don’t need that at all. I guess you will never know if there was a hidden talent there. Maybe your kid will think you made a mistake bc it turns out they are nothing like you.

I have one kid out of college and one in college and a middle schooler. I have seen lots and lots of families push their kids into music because thats what is expected in our culture now. My son tried violin in 4th and was pretty good at it but didn’t stick with it. My daughter tried it in 2nd grade and stuck with it all through school and college. The difference between them is I never ever needed to tell my daughter to practice her instrument. She loved it and spent a lot of time practicing it. But my son even though good at it didn’t want to do it and never practiced. So he stopped in 6th grade. Other friends whose kids were also not interested in their instruments were pushed to do it anyway all through high school and take lessons too. They were miserable and felt unhappy that they aren’t allowed to decide for themselves. Those kids didn’t progress and never played after middle and high school. Same stories about sports. Patents push their kids to do sports because other kids do it whether or not the kids is interested. I have seen many kids at basketball, soccer games who don’t want to be there. They aren’t into the game and honestly aren’t good either. But you ask the parent and they say ‘he loves it!’

Exactly, it's also, what are kids supposed to say though? There is a good chance their parents wouldn't let them quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Payne, who also wrote the book Simplicity Parenting, argues that if you can hold off on organized sports until age 11 or 12, it allows your child “that whole learning window for creativity, resilience, negotiation, the things they learn during unstructured play.” Starting competitive sports early can interrupt the social-emotional learning development that comes from play, he explains, and they don’t even pay off the way most families think they will. “For children who start competitive sports before age 13, the dropout rate is 70 percent,” says Lancaster."

I can't imagine starting organized baseball, soccer, or hockey until 11 or 12. If a child waited until then, they would have zero chance of playing any of those sports in our high school sports.

That’s not true. Northern states dominate ice hockey because there are so many frozen lakes to play on for half the year. The lucky kids have a group of kids that go to the lake, shovels the snow and play hockey for hours. They don’t need it organized until 11 or 12.

All basketball takes is a ball and a hoop. Kids working on their muscle memory by shooting 200 baskets a day, playing with a couple of other kids at a local court or driveway. Maybe a rec team weekly. They can wait until 11 or 12 before going into organized sports.

Kids who are self driven who are working independently at a young age on their skills will easily transition into an organization at 11 or 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Payne, who also wrote the book Simplicity Parenting, argues that if you can hold off on organized sports until age 11 or 12, it allows your child “that whole learning window for creativity, resilience, negotiation, the things they learn during unstructured play.” Starting competitive sports early can interrupt the social-emotional learning development that comes from play, he explains, and they don’t even pay off the way most families think they will. “For children who start competitive sports before age 13, the dropout rate is 70 percent,” says Lancaster."

I can't imagine starting organized baseball, soccer, or hockey until 11 or 12. If a child waited until then, they would have zero chance of playing any of those sports in our high school sports.

That’s not true. Northern states dominate ice hockey because there are so many frozen lakes to play on for half the year. The lucky kids have a group of kids that go to the lake, shovels the snow and play hockey for hours. They don’t need it organized until 11 or 12.

All basketball takes is a ball and a hoop. Kids working on their muscle memory by shooting 200 baskets a day, playing with a couple of other kids at a local court or driveway. Maybe a rec team weekly. They can wait until 11 or 12 before going into organized sports.

Kids who are self driven who are working independently at a young age on their skills will easily transition into an organization at 11 or 12.

What's so special about 11 or 12 that they need organized? Why can't they just play with friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Payne, who also wrote the book Simplicity Parenting, argues that if you can hold off on organized sports until age 11 or 12, it allows your child “that whole learning window for creativity, resilience, negotiation, the things they learn during unstructured play.” Starting competitive sports early can interrupt the social-emotional learning development that comes from play, he explains, and they don’t even pay off the way most families think they will. “For children who start competitive sports before age 13, the dropout rate is 70 percent,” says Lancaster."

I can't imagine starting organized baseball, soccer, or hockey until 11 or 12. If a child waited until then, they would have zero chance of playing any of those sports in our high school sports.

That’s not true. Northern states dominate ice hockey because there are so many frozen lakes to play on for half the year. The lucky kids have a group of kids that go to the lake, shovels the snow and play hockey for hours. They don’t need it organized until 11 or 12.

All basketball takes is a ball and a hoop. Kids working on their muscle memory by shooting 200 baskets a day, playing with a couple of other kids at a local court or driveway. Maybe a rec team weekly. They can wait until 11 or 12 before going into organized sports.

Kids who are self driven who are working independently at a young age on their skills will easily transition into an organization at 11 or 12.

Kids in places with frozen ponds still absolutely start hockey before 11 or 12. Timbits is under seven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think overscheduling is a hot button for me because I want to give at least a little bit of the old school childhood that I had.

And you can do that. I had a childhood with no activities, and I grew up totally unathletic, unable to play an instrument, and with no real skills other than school. I'm trying to give me kid something different.

You're assuming that kids need to be athletic and musical.

You’re also assuming kids don’t need that at all. I guess you will never know if there was a hidden talent there. Maybe your kid will think you made a mistake bc it turns out they are nothing like you.

Maybe or they could thank me. For letting them be a kid as long as they can. For not overscheduling them. For letting make their own fun or be bored and not just assuming that they'll be trouble makers.

Why do people seem to think “being a kid” means doing nothing but hanging out for as long as possible?