Husband doesn't want to leave our kids much in inheritence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not many fans of giving to charity on DCUM lol

Too much experience with scammy NGOs

[Anonymous]

I’ve been thinking more about this post lately. Dh and I both have wealthy parents. One of our children has special needs. We don’t know what his adulthood will look like. I only know that as a parent, I’d want my children to never have to worry about whether they’d have enough money to get through retirement and make sure their special needs child or grandchild was also taken care of when they were gone. You never know what kind of circumstances you or your children/grandchildren will face.

My grandfather became very wealthy after surviving a traumatic childhood. I get the sense that he aimed to provide financial security for his family and grandchildren because it could have helped him escape the horrific things that happened to his family. I’m not talking about leaving a billion dollars to your kids, but at a 14M dollar level, I don’t think it’s a crazy amount of money to leave entirely split amongst several children. It’s life changing, but hopefully in a way that gives them freedom. I don’t understand Ops husbands mentality of wanting his kids to struggle. My grandfather specifically did not want his family to struggle like he had. He wanted them to achieve, but not struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking more about this post lately. Dh and I both have wealthy parents. One of our children has special needs. We don’t know what his adulthood will look like. I only know that as a parent, I’d want my children to never have to worry about whether they’d have enough money to get through retirement and make sure their special needs child or grandchild was also taken care of when they were gone. You never know what kind of circumstances you or your children/grandchildren will face.

My grandfather became very wealthy after surviving a traumatic childhood. I get the sense that he aimed to provide financial security for his family and grandchildren because it could have helped him escape the horrific things that happened to his family. I’m not talking about leaving a billion dollars to your kids, but at a 14M dollar level, I don’t think it’s a crazy amount of money to leave entirely split amongst several children. It’s life changing, but hopefully in a way that gives them freedom. I don’t understand Ops husbands mentality of wanting his kids to struggle. My grandfather specifically did not want his family to struggle like he had. He wanted them to achieve, but not struggle.

I often think that people who say they struggled and learned so much that they want others to struggle too never actually struggled. I'd never want my children or grandchildren to go through what I went through (or my parents went through, or my grandparents went through).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking more about this post lately. Dh and I both have wealthy parents. One of our children has special needs. We don’t know what his adulthood will look like. I only know that as a parent, I’d want my children to never have to worry about whether they’d have enough money to get through retirement and make sure their special needs child or grandchild was also taken care of when they were gone. You never know what kind of circumstances you or your children/grandchildren will face.

My grandfather became very wealthy after surviving a traumatic childhood. I get the sense that he aimed to provide financial security for his family and grandchildren because it could have helped him escape the horrific things that happened to his family. I’m not talking about leaving a billion dollars to your kids, but at a 14M dollar level, I don’t think it’s a crazy amount of money to leave entirely split amongst several children. It’s life changing, but hopefully in a way that gives them freedom. I don’t understand Ops husbands mentality of wanting his kids to struggle. My grandfather specifically did not want his family to struggle like he had. He wanted them to achieve, but not struggle.

. 14 m is not that much, as you well know with a special needs kids.

It would allow a parent to be a sahp, provide top care/therapies and specialized private schools for said kids/grandkids. And ongoing care for their life if needed.

That is why we will leave our 20m + for our kids and future generations. We trust them to manage it well (so far very responsible). It will last for at least 2-3 generations, probably more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking more about this post lately. Dh and I both have wealthy parents. One of our children has special needs. We don’t know what his adulthood will look like. I only know that as a parent, I’d want my children to never have to worry about whether they’d have enough money to get through retirement and make sure their special needs child or grandchild was also taken care of when they were gone. You never know what kind of circumstances you or your children/grandchildren will face.

My grandfather became very wealthy after surviving a traumatic childhood. I get the sense that he aimed to provide financial security for his family and grandchildren because it could have helped him escape the horrific things that happened to his family. I’m not talking about leaving a billion dollars to your kids, but at a 14M dollar level, I don’t think it’s a crazy amount of money to leave entirely split amongst several children. It’s life changing, but hopefully in a way that gives them freedom. I don’t understand Ops husbands mentality of wanting his kids to struggle. My grandfather specifically did not want his family to struggle like he had. He wanted them to achieve, but not struggle.

I often think that people who say they struggled and learned so much that they want others to struggle too never actually struggled. I'd never want my children or grandchildren to go through what I went through (or my parents went through, or my grandparents went through).

Our kids are fiscally responsible despite never having to struggle like my spouse and I did. It is possible to raise kind caring responsible kids without having them grow up poor/without any extras.

Not all rich kids are spoiled brats. In fact most are hardworking motivated kids. They know it takes hard work and a good education to get far in life

[Anonymous]

Leave 7M to the kids, (3.5M each is a nice inheritance) and donate the rest. Problem solved, both parents happy.

Of course, in my book, every penny would be going to the kids and not any scammy charities and especially not any alma maters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a d*ck. Basically, like the kind of guy who derives a lot of self-pride from having done well, and now doesn’t want to help others. I get not wanting your kids to be lazy or entitled. But wtf was the point of making all that money? To leave it to some bs charity that will forget him 6 months after he’s gone? Good grief. Tell him to set up an education trust or something like that. That way the kids and grandkids still have to work and be productive to get anything.

OP here. Honestly, you're the one who sounds like a d*ck. Besides setting our kids up for success with private schools and universities, we have helped disadvantaged kids through his non-profit...you have no idea. I don't know where you are getting this impression other than the fact that you are jealous of our success and generosity. Your tone, is frankly, over the top and bordering on unhinged.

I'm with PP here. My inlaws are doing the same thing. And they are leaving a boatload more than your husband--think ten figures--all to charity. They put some money in trusts for their kids, which the kids now have, and it's helpful, but not life changing. And all the rest is going to charity and a foundation so they can secure their "legacy." It's actually laughable, because nobody will remember who they are a year after they are gone. Those charities do not care who they are. Those who do don't even like them, but act like they do because of their money. Why people care about their "legacies" when they'll be dead is beyond me. My legacy is my children and if I could leave them some security, then that's what I would do. My in-laws, on the other hand, are leaving them nothing.

Wow, another DCUM billionaire. Strange that these outlier-net-worth people are exceedingly rare in the real world - there are like 750 billionaires in the entire country of 340 million people - but so common on DCUM.

I definitely believe everyone who posts their income and net worth here. Definitely no one is lying about their numbers.

Okay, it's true, it's not 10 figures but it is just shy of it. They truly do have approx 850 million. This is not a lie, I promise you. And though to know them and who they are, you would know they are wealthy, but may not realize it's that level of wealth. There are about 15 billionaires known to be in DC, and a small handful of others who are less known, mainly because their primary residence is elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking more about this post lately. Dh and I both have wealthy parents. One of our children has special needs. We don’t know what his adulthood will look like. I only know that as a parent, I’d want my children to never have to worry about whether they’d have enough money to get through retirement and make sure their special needs child or grandchild was also taken care of when they were gone. You never know what kind of circumstances you or your children/grandchildren will face.

My grandfather became very wealthy after surviving a traumatic childhood. I get the sense that he aimed to provide financial security for his family and grandchildren because it could have helped him escape the horrific things that happened to his family. I’m not talking about leaving a billion dollars to your kids, but at a 14M dollar level, I don’t think it’s a crazy amount of money to leave entirely split amongst several children. It’s life changing, but hopefully in a way that gives them freedom. I don’t understand Ops husbands mentality of wanting his kids to struggle. My grandfather specifically did not want his family to struggle like he had. He wanted them to achieve, but not struggle.

I think people are very out of touch with reality when they think that being given only 2 million means a life of struggle. No one has ever given me any money and our HHI is about 250K and we live an amazing life, not one of struggle at all. No we don't spend the weekend at the country club or stay in 10K a night hotels or live in a Mc Mansion or mingle with the rich but we don't need those things to have a great life. The absence of wealth and all the trappings of wealth for us is not struggle. It is a great life.

I get that many want to be as wealthy as possible due to the status and lifestyle and social class they can the engage with. But for many, life isn't about class and being above everyone else. The majority of people find purpose and meaning in life in things other than money.

I am thoroughly team DH. Having your own purpose and finding meaning and accomplishing things on your own steam and contributing to society has so much more value to me than showing off your millions and never needing to work a day in your life. His children are getting a very generous 2 million gift. When I look at how the children of the very wealthy act and the lives they lead, that is not in any way a legacy I want to leave to my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking more about this post lately. Dh and I both have wealthy parents. One of our children has special needs. We don’t know what his adulthood will look like. I only know that as a parent, I’d want my children to never have to worry about whether they’d have enough money to get through retirement and make sure their special needs child or grandchild was also taken care of when they were gone. You never know what kind of circumstances you or your children/grandchildren will face.

My grandfather became very wealthy after surviving a traumatic childhood. I get the sense that he aimed to provide financial security for his family and grandchildren because it could have helped him escape the horrific things that happened to his family. I’m not talking about leaving a billion dollars to your kids, but at a 14M dollar level, I don’t think it’s a crazy amount of money to leave entirely split amongst several children. It’s life changing, but hopefully in a way that gives them freedom. I don’t understand Ops husbands mentality of wanting his kids to struggle. My grandfather specifically did not want his family to struggle like he had. He wanted them to achieve, but not struggle.

Your grandfather became wealthy in part because of the struggle he went through during his childhood.
Most people who build a fortune didn’t inherit a ton of money. They often went through some struggle to get there.
People who inherit a ton of money don’t build fortunes. They aren’t “hungry”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking more about this post lately. Dh and I both have wealthy parents. One of our children has special needs. We don’t know what his adulthood will look like. I only know that as a parent, I’d want my children to never have to worry about whether they’d have enough money to get through retirement and make sure their special needs child or grandchild was also taken care of when they were gone. You never know what kind of circumstances you or your children/grandchildren will face.

My grandfather became very wealthy after surviving a traumatic childhood. I get the sense that he aimed to provide financial security for his family and grandchildren because it could have helped him escape the horrific things that happened to his family. I’m not talking about leaving a billion dollars to your kids, but at a 14M dollar level, I don’t think it’s a crazy amount of money to leave entirely split amongst several children. It’s life changing, but hopefully in a way that gives them freedom. I don’t understand Ops husbands mentality of wanting his kids to struggle. My grandfather specifically did not want his family to struggle like he had. He wanted them to achieve, but not struggle.

Your grandfather became wealthy in part because of the struggle he went through during his childhood.
Most people who build a fortune didn’t inherit a ton of money. They often went through some struggle to get there.
People who inherit a ton of money don’t build fortunes. They aren’t “hungry”.

Really? Go through any list of the richest people in the US and find the ones who came from poverty. Next find the ones who came from UMC or higher. Which group do you expect to be bigger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave 7M to the kids, (3.5M each is a nice inheritance) and donate the rest. Problem solved, both parents happy.

Of course, in my book, every penny would be going to the kids and not any scammy charities and especially not any alma maters.

Even better, tell your husband that's the plan. Rewrite the will to leave them everything if he predeceases you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking more about this post lately. Dh and I both have wealthy parents. One of our children has special needs. We don’t know what his adulthood will look like. I only know that as a parent, I’d want my children to never have to worry about whether they’d have enough money to get through retirement and make sure their special needs child or grandchild was also taken care of when they were gone. You never know what kind of circumstances you or your children/grandchildren will face.

My grandfather became very wealthy after surviving a traumatic childhood. I get the sense that he aimed to provide financial security for his family and grandchildren because it could have helped him escape the horrific things that happened to his family. I’m not talking about leaving a billion dollars to your kids, but at a 14M dollar level, I don’t think it’s a crazy amount of money to leave entirely split amongst several children. It’s life changing, but hopefully in a way that gives them freedom. I don’t understand Ops husbands mentality of wanting his kids to struggle. My grandfather specifically did not want his family to struggle like he had. He wanted them to achieve, but not struggle.

I often think that people who say they struggled and learned so much that they want others to struggle too never actually struggled. I'd never want my children or grandchildren to go through what I went through (or my parents went through, or my grandparents went through).

Our kids are fiscally responsible despite never having to struggle like my spouse and I did. It is possible to raise kind caring responsible kids without having them grow up poor/without any extras.

Not all rich kids are spoiled brats. In fact most are hardworking motivated kids. They know it takes hard work and a good education to get far in life

We're talking about different groups of people. You're talking about rich kids who are responsible, hardworking, and motivated. You didn't let your kids struggle thinking that was the best (or only) way for them to turn out well (even though you struggled). I agree with you. Well done! My post was about people (clearly not you) who claim their struggles were so beneficial that their kids should struggle too for the "benefits" of "struggling." I don't think people who have truly experienced struggle just stand by and let their kids truly struggle too because they truly believe struggle was such a great thing. I think they do what you did, give opportunities and teach kids the value of hard work and education (which is what I am doing also).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking more about this post lately. Dh and I both have wealthy parents. One of our children has special needs. We don’t know what his adulthood will look like. I only know that as a parent, I’d want my children to never have to worry about whether they’d have enough money to get through retirement and make sure their special needs child or grandchild was also taken care of when they were gone. You never know what kind of circumstances you or your children/grandchildren will face.

My grandfather became very wealthy after surviving a traumatic childhood. I get the sense that he aimed to provide financial security for his family and grandchildren because it could have helped him escape the horrific things that happened to his family. I’m not talking about leaving a billion dollars to your kids, but at a 14M dollar level, I don’t think it’s a crazy amount of money to leave entirely split amongst several children. It’s life changing, but hopefully in a way that gives them freedom. I don’t understand Ops husbands mentality of wanting his kids to struggle. My grandfather specifically did not want his family to struggle like he had. He wanted them to achieve, but not struggle.

Your grandfather became wealthy in part because of the struggle he went through during his childhood.
Most people who build a fortune didn’t inherit a ton of money. They often went through some struggle to get there.
People who inherit a ton of money don’t build fortunes. They aren’t “hungry”.

Reading comprehension. PP said grandfather became wealthy AFTER a traumatic childhood, not BECAUSE OF a traumatic childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been thinking more about this post lately. Dh and I both have wealthy parents. One of our children has special needs. We don’t know what his adulthood will look like. I only know that as a parent, I’d want my children to never have to worry about whether they’d have enough money to get through retirement and make sure their special needs child or grandchild was also taken care of when they were gone. You never know what kind of circumstances you or your children/grandchildren will face.

My grandfather became very wealthy after surviving a traumatic childhood. I get the sense that he aimed to provide financial security for his family and grandchildren because it could have helped him escape the horrific things that happened to his family. I’m not talking about leaving a billion dollars to your kids, but at a 14M dollar level, I don’t think it’s a crazy amount of money to leave entirely split amongst several children. It’s life changing, but hopefully in a way that gives them freedom. I don’t understand Ops husbands mentality of wanting his kids to struggle. My grandfather specifically did not want his family to struggle like he had. He wanted them to achieve, but not struggle.

Your grandfather became wealthy in part because of the struggle he went through during his childhood.
Most people who build a fortune didn’t inherit a ton of money. They often went through some struggle to get there.
People who inherit a ton of money don’t build fortunes. They aren’t “hungry”.

Really? Go through any list of the richest people in the US and find the ones who came from poverty. Next find the ones who came from UMC or higher. Which group do you expect to be bigger?

DP here. Sure, by definition if someone builds the fortune they didn't have it to begin with. I believe PPs point was that most wealthy people didn't build fortunes themselves, they were given something to start off with. I would agree. But we all love a good Cinderella story.

[Anonymous]

Op, you say "our" estate. 50% of it can be left to whomever/whatever you choose. You are legally entitled to make any decision you want re: your share.