Husband doesn't want to leave our kids much in inheritence

[Anonymous]

We are in the process of updating our estate documents and it has become very tense. Current investments are around $14M and our only debt is $400K mortgage and we will owe income taxes when we exercise our stock options (probably around $1.2M or so in taxes). Bottom line, we aren't going to run out of money based on our current spending so there will be a substantial amount left when we die.

My husband only wants to leave each of our 2 kids $2M each and the rest to charity. My concern is $2M seems like a lot of money, but when you consider inflation, who knows what it will be in 20 or 30 years. He keeps telling me he doesn't want his legacy to be making his kids wealthy. I am struggling with leaving them such a small percentage of our estate. Both my husband and I came from very humble background, and he basically wants our kids to have our same or similar struggles in life. I am at a loss at how to counter this.

Anyone else grapple with this?

[Anonymous]

Maybe compromise that you will give a percentage to the kids and a percentage to charity. That would help with your inflation concerns. Like you could do 25% to each kid and the remaining half to charity.

[Anonymous]

Why would he think he gets to decide for both of you? I’d probably suggest you deciding about half of the estate and him deciding about half of the estate. And I’d like the kids know from whom they would be inheriting.

[Anonymous]

Luckily, women tend to outlive men, so odds are you can change it when he's gone.

[Anonymous]

They already won't have similar struggles to you.

You can find other ways to set them up financially instead of leaving them a huge inheritance. Mainly, help pay for college and buy them a house afterwards. That ALONE put them in the top 10% easily.

You also have to consider that your kid may not get any inheritance you leave them for MULTIPLE reasons. If you die first and your DH remarries the new lady could take it all. If you live a very long time your "kids" could be in their 60s by the time they inherit, making your worries pointless.

[Anonymous]

Can you plan a percentage of the estate? E.g, they each get 25% and 50% goes to charity?

Also, by the time they get the $$ they will either have launched or not. Better practice is to not indulge/spoil them now.

[Anonymous]

I am leaving my kids as much as possible. As climate change makes conditions worse, those with more money will be able to handle it a lot better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They already won't have similar struggles to you.

You can find other ways to set them up financially instead of leaving them a huge inheritance. Mainly, help pay for college and buy them a house afterwards. That ALONE put them in the top 10% easily.

You also have to consider that your kid may not get any inheritance you leave them for MULTIPLE reasons. If you die first and your DH remarries the new lady could take it all. If you live a very long time your "kids" could be in their 60s by the time they inherit, making your worries pointless.

The kids shouldn't rely on it and those are good reasons why. OTOH, it should be there for them in case they do need it... what if one of them becomes horribly disabled, or gives birth to a disabled child and has to quit work? 2 million would go fast. I think OP should at least try to convince DH to put the money in some kind of trust they can access for housing, medical, education, and basic living expenses.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your wills should be different. Is he planning on leaving you money if he dies or are you also expected to be scrappy and take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Is everything you have in one stock? If you wait too long to exercise your options this could be all moot. Remember Enron!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is everything you have in one stock? If you wait too long to exercise your options this could be all moot. Remember Enron!

OP here. Good question and no obviously not but right now too much due to very strong performance, but we plan to start divesting gradually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would he think he gets to decide for both of you? I’d probably suggest you deciding about half of the estate and him deciding about half of the estate. And I’d like the kids know from whom they would be inheriting.

This is such an odd take. OP described something they don't agree on regarding how to spend their money. If OP wanted to do something with the money and DH was not onboard, would you ask OP why she thinks she gets to decide for the both of them?

This is conversation. OP is asking how to handle it.

[Anonymous]

2M is plenty. I think there is nothing wrong with his suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in the process of updating our estate documents and it has become very tense. Current investments are around $14M and our only debt is $400K mortgage and we will owe income taxes when we exercise our stock options (probably around $1.2M or so in taxes). Bottom line, we aren't going to run out of money based on our current spending so there will be a substantial amount left when we die.

My husband only wants to leave each of our 2 kids $2M each and the rest to charity. My concern is $2M seems like a lot of money, but when you consider inflation, who knows what it will be in 20 or 30 years. He keeps telling me he doesn't want his legacy to be making his kids wealthy. I am struggling with leaving them such a small percentage of our estate. Both my husband and I came from very humble background, and he basically wants our kids to have our same or similar struggles in life. I am at a loss at how to counter this.

Anyone else grapple with this?

He has the "Bill Gates" syndrome. Gates kept announcing that he will leave 'only' $10 mil to each of his kids. Nevermind that the daughter has her own multi-acre equestrian estate, a fancy $25mil+ house in NYC and god knows what else. Buffet claims to be doing something similar but his kids are on the board of charities that pay them hefty salaries. The point is, the rich talk out of both sides of their mouth. Tell him not to emulate them.

As others pointed out, of the $14 mil, $7mil is yours to leave to whoever you want and you should leave that to your kids. He doesn't need to know.

[Anonymous]

Why is this solely your husbands decision? I’m team OP.

And hopefully you live a very long life and your kids are very well established adults before they inherit anything. My dad’s parents are in their nineties. My grandfather recently passed away. He was very wealthy, and very generous in his lifetime - but his kids are in their late sixties and early seventies and making his kids wealthy is far from the main point of his incredible legacy. My dad is independently very successful, hard working, modest and unspoiled because of values instilled in him.

My parents are similar - well off and will help with whatever we need, but we hope they live a long time and that our inheritance is far off. They never speak about it and I know their intention is to divide it amongst their kids so we can have financial security for ourselves or the next generation.

Interestingly, my in laws are also wealthy and seem to resent in some ways that their kids could inherit money and not earn it, so I get your DHs mentality.

You need to have a talk with your husband about how you both picture financial planning, and how to instill financial responsibility & independence in your kids in early adulthood. In my mid-twenties, it gave me a huge sense of pride when I didn’t need to ask for help with my rent anymore, but I was so appreciative of the help my parents gave me after college to make sure I got on my feet while I was first working.