Any other moms out just not order when you eat with your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can OPs family have large appetites such that there is hardly any food left for OP yet OP is concerned about "waste"? OP doesn't make a lot of sense which is what people are reacting to. Oh, and also OP just seems extremely cheap. Stop eating out so much if you can't afford it and it puts a crimp in the grocery budget.

Op - there are many repliers on this thread.
There is always more than enough food left for me and I dont wait to eat it - I just rarely choose what I would naturally order bc the kids are permanently in denial that they won’t eat anything.

Maybe it’s cheap but if I save $600 in a year that way, imagine I put it on nvidia in 2022 (which I did) - it turns into many thousands.

I just truly am uncomfortable with throwing money away when I know everyone will have enough. If we wouldn’t then I wouldn’t do it

Why not just bring a PB&J from home to eat at the restaurant while everyone else enjoys their meal. You could save even more money!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I sometimes did this because I am cheap, picky, and don’t like to see food wasted. I don’t think it’s a big deal. Now that my kids are older and more likely to finish their meals, I rarely skip ordering. I don’t see why people need to shame others so much.

The shamers in this thread are most likely fat gluttons who are justifying their over spending and over eating as being… feminism?

So, you think that people who actually eat dinner are “over eaters” and “fat?” But, you’re the one without weird food hangups?

No I think the people shaming OP are fat over eaters. Work on your reading comprehension.

Disordered behavior should be described as such. It does no one any good to pretend that OP is healthy and okay. She's not. It's like calling it "shaming" to describe a tumor as cancer.

It’s not disordered just because some over dramatic idiots could never dream of NOT wasting food and money every time they belly up to the trough.

I don’t think OP’s choices are disordered, just set a bad example for her kids. That being said, all the comments saying it is disordered eating have been relatively kind and not shaming. Your comments on other posters however…

What world are you living in where it is KIND to tell a mother that she has an eating disorder, is acting like a martyr, and is a bad mother (sorry, setting a bad example for her children)?

NP. It is literally modeling for your kids that mom doesn’t choose or get a full entree; mom gets what others pick, and she gets the scraps.

It is literally modeling that the family doesn’t waste food or money, and mom is smart and savvy.

No, there are two ways to model that.

One is to eat at home.

The other is to order an amount of food that's appropriate for the whole family, reflects the whole family's tastes, and that the whole family can eat at the same time. It might mean sharing meals, or getting an appetizer instead of entree, or whatever, but it doesn't mean that some people choose and eat first and other people don't choose and eat the scraps. That communicates all kinds of wrong things.

Ever heard of different strokes for different folks? If that’s the takeaway your family would have then absolutely don’t do it. My family just thinks I’m quirky and cheap (both of which are true).

No, your way is ridiculous. How uncomfortable everyone must be watching you stare at their plates with big eyes hoping they will save a bite for you. Most people wait until everyone has been served and then all eat together. But instead you're like Oliver Twist begging for more. So quirky.

Right?! I can’t even imagine what thought process would make someone act like this and think it’s normal. And all the comments shaming moms who order their own plate and eat with the rest of the family. This is wild.

We need a counter to keep track of all of the absolute idiots on this thread who are incapable of comprehending what they read or otherwise following a conversation. No one has shamed moms for eating with their family - only the moms who declare that OP is an anti-feminist, eating-disordered martyr are getting pushback. Because they are stupid, nasty, and (most likely) absolute gluttons.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, why don’t you order what you want, tell the kids they don’t get to choose/order, and that they are expected to eat from whatever scraps you don’t eat after you’ve finished? See how bad that sounds?

Her kids aren’t ordering her to eat their scraps. She is choosing to do so because that’s what she prefers to do. So your scenario is in no way comparable.

It is shocking how triggered some people are at the thought of just waiting to eat the food that you know is going to be left. I think ya’ll are projecting your own weird issues around food onto OP.

“I don’t need anything. I will just have your leftovers.” Is classic covert narcissist behavior. And there is always a very weird dance going on between the husband and wife when one is a covert narcissist.

How is that narcissistic? Not everything is narcissism. Sometimes people just don’t like food waste. Have you googled narcissism?

Who has wasted food? If you don't take your leftovers home to eat later that's on you. Why do you do that?

JFC nobody is going to box up a third of a cheeseburger, a leftover chicken tender, and grilled cheese crusts (some of the examples from this thread) to bring home to eat *later*. But those things can make a perfectly satisfactory meal while still in the restaurant.

OP I don’t know how you did it, but you have somehow managed to draw ALL of the smug yet stupid moms of DCUM out of the woodwork with this completely innocuous topic. There has to be some weird psychology behind why so many women are so OFFENDED at the prospect of eating the kids’ leftovers. This whole thread is wild.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I sometimes did this because I am cheap, picky, and don’t like to see food wasted. I don’t think it’s a big deal. Now that my kids are older and more likely to finish their meals, I rarely skip ordering. I don’t see why people need to shame others so much.

The shamers in this thread are most likely fat gluttons who are justifying their over spending and over eating as being… feminism?

So, you think that people who actually eat dinner are “over eaters” and “fat?” But, you’re the one without weird food hangups?

No I think the people shaming OP are fat over eaters. Work on your reading comprehension.

Disordered behavior should be described as such. It does no one any good to pretend that OP is healthy and okay. She's not. It's like calling it "shaming" to describe a tumor as cancer.

It’s not disordered just because some over dramatic idiots could never dream of NOT wasting food and money every time they belly up to the trough.

I don’t think OP’s choices are disordered, just set a bad example for her kids. That being said, all the comments saying it is disordered eating have been relatively kind and not shaming. Your comments on other posters however…

What world are you living in where it is KIND to tell a mother that she has an eating disorder, is acting like a martyr, and is a bad mother (sorry, setting a bad example for her children)?

NP. It is literally modeling for your kids that mom doesn’t choose or get a full entree; mom gets what others pick, and she gets the scraps.

It is literally modeling that the family doesn’t waste food or money, and mom is smart and savvy.

It’s neither smart nor savvy to have 1/2 a cheeseburger and one chicken tender for dinner as a 36yo woman when what you really want—and what would be healthier for you—is the salmon, or the salad with goat cheese, or the gnocchi with brown sage butter.

But what I really want is to make sure all the food I paid for gets eaten. And I like cheeseburgers and chicken tenders. So it’s a win win for me. Smart, savvy, satisfied.

Then why don’t you save the food for the next day’s lunch, for the kids or for you? Then you can have a meal that maybe has some fresh greens, some vegetables, and some kind of care in preparation beyond quickly heating up something off the Sysco truck? If you’re going to pay a mark-up for food, your kids might as well enjoy it twice.

So you’ve never been an adventurous eater? If not, I guess this is a great way to cover up for pickiness as an adult…

Serious question: why do you CARE what I or the OP or the any number of other posters who also do this eat, when we eat it, or where we eat it? Nobody needs your advice on how to put together a meal - it is completely off topic and irrelevant. You have zero information about the day to day eating habits of OP or any other mother who does this (and there are lots of us!) so your picky eater assumption is also just way out of left field.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I sometimes did this because I am cheap, picky, and don’t like to see food wasted. I don’t think it’s a big deal. Now that my kids are older and more likely to finish their meals, I rarely skip ordering. I don’t see why people need to shame others so much.

The shamers in this thread are most likely fat gluttons who are justifying their over spending and over eating as being… feminism?

So, you think that people who actually eat dinner are “over eaters” and “fat?” But, you’re the one without weird food hangups?

No I think the people shaming OP are fat over eaters. Work on your reading comprehension.

Disordered behavior should be described as such. It does no one any good to pretend that OP is healthy and okay. She's not. It's like calling it "shaming" to describe a tumor as cancer.

It’s not disordered just because some over dramatic idiots could never dream of NOT wasting food and money every time they belly up to the trough.

I don’t think OP’s choices are disordered, just set a bad example for her kids. That being said, all the comments saying it is disordered eating have been relatively kind and not shaming. Your comments on other posters however…

What world are you living in where it is KIND to tell a mother that she has an eating disorder, is acting like a martyr, and is a bad mother (sorry, setting a bad example for her children)?

NP. It is literally modeling for your kids that mom doesn’t choose or get a full entree; mom gets what others pick, and she gets the scraps.

It is literally modeling that the family doesn’t waste food or money, and mom is smart and savvy.

It’s fine to be thrifty, but not at the expense of only one gender. Why can’t your husband be the one to eat table scraps sometimes?

Everyone should take a turn not ordering, even the kids. And be sure to tell the waitstaff "Sorry, it's Bentley's turn to not order" when asked what he would like. Husband should also be in the rotation if this is to be a fair and effective model. Otherwise it just show mom is worthless, doesn't even deserve to eat.

Exactly! Mom should have no agency! She should be forced to order food she doesn’t want because… wait, why does this scenario make sense to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don’t you order what you want, tell the kids they don’t get to choose/order, and that they are expected to eat from whatever scraps you don’t eat after you’ve finished? See how bad that sounds?

Her kids aren’t ordering her to eat their scraps. She is choosing to do so because that’s what she prefers to do. So your scenario is in no way comparable.

It is shocking how triggered some people are at the thought of just waiting to eat the food that you know is going to be left. I think ya’ll are projecting your own weird issues around food onto OP.

“I don’t need anything. I will just have your leftovers.” Is classic covert narcissist behavior. And there is always a very weird dance going on between the husband and wife when one is a covert narcissist.

How is that narcissistic? Not everything is narcissism. Sometimes people just don’t like food waste. Have you googled narcissism?

NP here.
No, I get what that pp is saying, because my husband does a variation of it.
The server will ask if we want desser and I say "Yes, I'd like the cheesecake" and he says "No, I'll just have some of hers" (meaning mine)

WTH? No. I don't like the assumption that I'm willing to share the cheesecake (especially he always ends up eating most of it.)
The last time he did that (told the server he'd just have some of my dessert) I promptly asked the server to please bring me a slice of cheesecake AND a creme brulee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes did this because I am cheap, picky, and don’t like to see food wasted. I don’t think it’s a big deal. Now that my kids are older and more likely to finish their meals, I rarely skip ordering. I don’t see why people need to shame others so much.

The shamers in this thread are most likely fat gluttons who are justifying their over spending and over eating as being… feminism?

So, you think that people who actually eat dinner are “over eaters” and “fat?” But, you’re the one without weird food hangups?

No I think the people shaming OP are fat over eaters. Work on your reading comprehension.

Disordered behavior should be described as such. It does no one any good to pretend that OP is healthy and okay. She's not. It's like calling it "shaming" to describe a tumor as cancer.

It’s not disordered just because some over dramatic idiots could never dream of NOT wasting food and money every time they belly up to the trough.

I don’t think OP’s choices are disordered, just set a bad example for her kids. That being said, all the comments saying it is disordered eating have been relatively kind and not shaming. Your comments on other posters however…

What world are you living in where it is KIND to tell a mother that she has an eating disorder, is acting like a martyr, and is a bad mother (sorry, setting a bad example for her children)?

NP. It is literally modeling for your kids that mom doesn’t choose or get a full entree; mom gets what others pick, and she gets the scraps.

It is literally modeling that the family doesn’t waste food or money, and mom is smart and savvy.

It’s neither smart nor savvy to have 1/2 a cheeseburger and one chicken tender for dinner as a 36yo woman when what you really want—and what would be healthier for you—is the salmon, or the salad with goat cheese, or the gnocchi with brown sage butter.

But what I really want is to make sure all the food I paid for gets eaten. And I like cheeseburgers and chicken tenders. So it’s a win win for me. Smart, savvy, satisfied.

Ah. You have the palate of a toddler. Got it.

You realize there are many posters who do this right? Prob for many reasons. Why are you so triggered by this?

Not triggered, just shocked that there are adults who prefer chicken fingers over salmon or gnocchi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don’t you order what you want, tell the kids they don’t get to choose/order, and that they are expected to eat from whatever scraps you don’t eat after you’ve finished? See how bad that sounds?

Her kids aren’t ordering her to eat their scraps. She is choosing to do so because that’s what she prefers to do. So your scenario is in no way comparable.

It is shocking how triggered some people are at the thought of just waiting to eat the food that you know is going to be left. I think ya’ll are projecting your own weird issues around food onto OP.

“I don’t need anything. I will just have your leftovers.” Is classic covert narcissist behavior. And there is always a very weird dance going on between the husband and wife when one is a covert narcissist.

How is that narcissistic? Not everything is narcissism. Sometimes people just don’t like food waste. Have you googled narcissism?

Who has wasted food? If you don't take your leftovers home to eat later that's on you. Why do you do that?

JFC nobody is going to box up a third of a cheeseburger, a leftover chicken tender, and grilled cheese crusts (some of the examples from this thread) to bring home to eat *later*. But those things can make a perfectly satisfactory meal while still in the restaurant.

Really, that's a perfectly satisfactory meal for an adult? I guess anyone who eats more than 1/3 of a burger, one nugget, and a crust (?! really, you can't let a piece of CRUST go to waste?!) is a fat gluttonous pig.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do this a lot now. My kids are older, and I never have any idea how much they will eat. Food's gotten so expensive, and my family doesn't do well eating leftovers. For four people I'll order three entrees and wait to see how hungry people are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can OPs family have large appetites such that there is hardly any food left for OP yet OP is concerned about "waste"? OP doesn't make a lot of sense which is what people are reacting to. Oh, and also OP just seems extremely cheap. Stop eating out so much if you can't afford it and it puts a crimp in the grocery budget.

Op - there are many repliers on this thread.
There is always more than enough food left for me and I dont wait to eat it - I just rarely choose what I would naturally order bc the kids are permanently in denial that they won’t eat anything.

Maybe it’s cheap but if I save $600 in a year that way, imagine I put it on nvidia in 2022 (which I did) - it turns into many thousands.

I just truly am uncomfortable with throwing money away when I know everyone will have enough. If we wouldn’t then I wouldn’t do it

Why not just bring a PB&J from home to eat at the restaurant while everyone else enjoys their meal. You could save even more money!

... or not go to a restaurant at all

i think it's really smart to order just a little bit if you only want to eat a little bit. i think it's bonkers to go to a restaurant where everyone is ordering what they want - and you are hungry and have preferences, but have to wait for someone to toss you a scrap. i would prefer not eating out to that situation.

i guess i don't order dessert, but i do take bites of my husband's dessert. i would have a hard time extending that to a whole meal?

[Anonymous]

This should probably go into the health forum, as in mental health, because there are so many people who do not order what they want in a restaurant for many reasons. The psychology is fascinating. My husband orders exactly what he wants to eat, no thought to price, spiciness (to share with kids), leftovers.

I have always considered
1. Size
2. Price (keep it lower than the average or thereabouts)
3. Leftovers
4. Share with kids
etc.

And I DO NOT CARE. I'm not so obsessed with food that I have to have such and such on the menu. I'm happy to compromise and don't feel like I'm eating scraps.

[Anonymous]

I'd be curious to know how often everybody responding goes out to eat. If my family ate out all the time I'd be more "whatever" about it, but we eat out as a family only occasionally. And we've stopped going to most mid-range places altogether because their prices have gone up too high for the quality. We only go to nicer places, and since it's not an every day or every week occurrence, I order exactly what I want as does the rest of my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don’t you order what you want, tell the kids they don’t get to choose/order, and that they are expected to eat from whatever scraps you don’t eat after you’ve finished? See how bad that sounds?

Her kids aren’t ordering her to eat their scraps. She is choosing to do so because that’s what she prefers to do. So your scenario is in no way comparable.

It is shocking how triggered some people are at the thought of just waiting to eat the food that you know is going to be left. I think ya’ll are projecting your own weird issues around food onto OP.

“I don’t need anything. I will just have your leftovers.” Is classic covert narcissist behavior. And there is always a very weird dance going on between the husband and wife when one is a covert narcissist.

How is that narcissistic? Not everything is narcissism. Sometimes people just don’t like food waste. Have you googled narcissism?

Who has wasted food? If you don't take your leftovers home to eat later that's on you. Why do you do that?

JFC nobody is going to box up a third of a cheeseburger, a leftover chicken tender, and grilled cheese crusts (some of the examples from this thread) to bring home to eat *later*. But those things can make a perfectly satisfactory meal while still in the restaurant.

Really, that's a perfectly satisfactory meal for an adult? I guess anyone who eats more than 1/3 of a burger, one nugget, and a crust (?! really, you can't let a piece of CRUST go to waste?!) is a fat gluttonous pig.

I'm surprised someone willing to eat their children's scraps and leftovers is suddenly too high brow to consider 1/3 of a cheeseburger or partially eaten nugget. That's what they do in the restaurant but now they are to good to box that up and take home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I do this a lot now. My kids are older, and I never have any idea how much they will eat. Food's gotten so expensive, and my family doesn't do well eating leftovers. For four people I'll order three entrees and wait to see how hungry people are.

I think that's fine if you make it clear when ordering like "we're going to order these 3 things to share" and not let everyone order and one person is at everyone else's whim. My DH and I often order 1 entree and 2 sides to share or a couple of small plates and no entree but we make it clear its to be shared and they often split things onto separate plates for us without us asking which is nice.

[Anonymous]

I'm really curious how the server reacts when you are sitting at a restaurant and don't order food?