Was I married to a stranger? Even socialites get ghosted. Modern Love!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gift link.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/30/style/modern-love-married-to-a-stranger.html?unlocked_article_code=CEsAeHv8LtV30mw4KWsCiaC-hiuFp_fELq0qgwzGhvFszG7cyEcPUyV0NlCo9JC688sJCNX8JMgDbwwZZbgxdW14jkpA8so6U-Tprh4VMC4mdi68YuWJQ7QVUutxfZteRgkagKP8kU0WD5X7NEm8jAzeygJA4xhmLY4eF_7wBzQufN07xGICcVZS9rA2tvxaA_n24XElP5J_G7zxQqK5xZ1TQugWHhGQ1MC621Ok5-ANW7UQtCT2XhxGWnyAMbi7u7mjhqaaFaDLSjhn_Qb9cGrA7b1Y1Z8gBnLVoD9CWmlOM8YmKY0mqBSY8fYYksBahl3w_evUNjI9A-DuzwKiJc1oJO5_MU2KlA&smid=url-share

This did not work for me.

What does the essay say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but this story is basic. Needs way more *unexpected* drama/twists/turns to be compelling and way more intense, warped WASPiness than blueberry bushes, Harvard and cellos.

This is what I thought. Maybe Modern Love is running out of unique angles to publish. Why publish this particular version of one of the many "my husband left me" stories? I'm not seeing what makes the story stand out and can't believe that others have not sent in similar stories over the decade or more Modern Love has been around.

[Anonymous]

This should never have left the group chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but this story is basic. Needs way more *unexpected* drama/twists/turns to be compelling and way more intense, warped WASPiness than blueberry bushes, Harvard and cellos.

This is what I thought. Maybe Modern Love is running out of unique angles to publish. Why publish this particular version of one of the many "my husband left me" stories? I'm not seeing what makes the story stand out and can't believe that others have not sent in similar stories over the decade or more Modern Love has been around.

Agree but I think the angle they were going for was that it was about something that happened during the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her decision to move forward stoically without answers, without even talking to the OW DH, is very WASPy, but it could be something else. Many toxic people claim to "have no idea" why they were abadoned, but they were told why, and just would not accept it.

Publishing this article is not very WASPy, and it is smelling fishier to me the more I think on it. It makes him look bad, yes, but it makes her look bad too. Why would she do this thing her class has been raised not to do? Seems like an abuser's stance: I'll take you down WITH me.

Also I think she's overstating the abandonment of the kids. I would bet he still sees them, but declined to fight for custody of teens, set in their routines and a few years from independence. That's actually a fine fatherly decision. He also may not have been willing to fight on that point because he knew she'd get vicious and it would hurt the kids further.

Total conjecture, but she might be the bad guy, I see plenty of red flags, like it was an abuser/victim role reversal

This. First red flag is that she’s suggesting the guy is a sociopath. Well why did she marry him?

I’m married to a wealthy man who is quite evil and would fight me for custody. If we were to divorce I’d likely give up custody. I simply don’t have it in me to go to war with him. It’s not the best thing for the kids. I’m a woman and can absolutely see man taking this approach. Your average well educated man with a solid career doesn’t just walk away from his kids for no reason. She’d either being dishonest about his involvement with the kids or he gave up custody for legit reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gift link.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/30/style/modern-love-married-to-a-stranger.html?unlocked_article_code=CEsAeHv8LtV30mw4KWsCiaC-hiuFp_fELq0qgwzGhvFszG7cyEcPUyV0NlCo9JC688sJCNX8JMgDbwwZZbgxdW14jkpA8so6U-Tprh4VMC4mdi68YuWJQ7QVUutxfZteRgkagKP8kU0WD5X7NEm8jAzeygJA4xhmLY4eF_7wBzQufN07xGICcVZS9rA2tvxaA_n24XElP5J_G7zxQqK5xZ1TQugWHhGQ1MC621Ok5-ANW7UQtCT2XhxGWnyAMbi7u7mjhqaaFaDLSjhn_Qb9cGrA7b1Y1Z8gBnLVoD9CWmlOM8YmKY0mqBSY8fYYksBahl3w_evUNjI9A-DuzwKiJc1oJO5_MU2KlA&smid=url-share

Expired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her decision to move forward stoically without answers, without even talking to the OW DH, is very WASPy, but it could be something else. Many toxic people claim to "have no idea" why they were abadoned, but they were told why, and just would not accept it.

Publishing this article is not very WASPy, and it is smelling fishier to me the more I think on it. It makes him look bad, yes, but it makes her look bad too. Why would she do this thing her class has been raised not to do? Seems like an abuser's stance: I'll take you down WITH me.

Also I think she's overstating the abandonment of the kids. I would bet he still sees them, but declined to fight for custody of teens, set in their routines and a few years from independence. That's actually a fine fatherly decision. He also may not have been willing to fight on that point because he knew she'd get vicious and it would hurt the kids further.

Total conjecture, but she might be the bad guy, I see plenty of red flags, like it was an abuser/victim role reversal

This. First red flag is that she’s suggesting the guy is a sociopath. Well why did she marry him?

I’m married to a wealthy man who is quite evil and would fight me for custody. If we were to divorce I’d likely give up custody. I simply don’t have it in me to go to war with him. It’s not the best thing for the kids. I’m a woman and can absolutely see man taking this approach. Your average well educated man with a solid career doesn’t just walk away from his kids for no reason. She’d either being dishonest about his involvement with the kids or he gave up custody for legit reasons.

Unfortunately his legit reasons (not wanting to poke the toxic bear) failed to accomplish his desired goal — to make a smooth, gray-rock exit. His fears of her ability to exact revenge proved legitimate — she did a number on his reputation via the NYT. The publicity probably hangs over his new relationship still. Mission accomplished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The humble brag about losing 20 lbs was annoying
Yeah, I don't feel so sorry for her. She'll be fine, he was probably an ass anyway.

Humble brag?! That’s all you can focus on. That says more about your issues than anything. I lost 20lbs when my DH cheated (among other things) and believe me this is not a “humble brag”. I would gladly trade those 20lbs back for a return to my old life and to erase all the stress and heartache and most years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift link.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/30/style/modern-love-married-to-a-stranger.html?unlocked_article_code=CEsAeHv8LtV30mw4KWsCiaC-hiuFp_fELq0qgwzGhvFszG7cyEcPUyV0NlCo9JC688sJCNX8JMgDbwwZZbgxdW14jkpA8so6U-Tprh4VMC4mdi68YuWJQ7QVUutxfZteRgkagKP8kU0WD5X7NEm8jAzeygJA4xhmLY4eF_7wBzQufN07xGICcVZS9rA2tvxaA_n24XElP5J_G7zxQqK5xZ1TQugWHhGQ1MC621Ok5-ANW7UQtCT2XhxGWnyAMbi7u7mjhqaaFaDLSjhn_Qb9cGrA7b1Y1Z8gBnLVoD9CWmlOM8YmKY0mqBSY8fYYksBahl3w_evUNjI9A-DuzwKiJc1oJO5_MU2KlA&smid=url-share

Expired.

new gift link - https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/30/style/modern-love-married-to-a-stranger.html?unlocked_article_code=1._0w.0Cl6.39DzP9GC5GVi&smid=url-share

I think the husband had been having affairs the whole time. He married her for her name and her money. Here's their wedding announcement - he was still an associate at Davis Polk when they got married. https://www.nytimes.com/1999/06/06/style/belle-burden-and-henry-davis.html?unlocked_article_code=1._0w.rICs.ZFOzxmNhx0hG&smid=url-share

Once he became rich and successful on his own he didn't need her anymore. He's a typical completely self-absorbed, super successful, sociopathic wealthy Wall Street dirtbag.

I'm sorry this happened to Belle - we have mutual friends who all say she's a very nice person and devoted mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift link.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/30/style/modern-love-married-to-a-stranger.html?unlocked_article_code=CEsAeHv8LtV30mw4KWsCiaC-hiuFp_fELq0qgwzGhvFszG7cyEcPUyV0NlCo9JC688sJCNX8JMgDbwwZZbgxdW14jkpA8so6U-Tprh4VMC4mdi68YuWJQ7QVUutxfZteRgkagKP8kU0WD5X7NEm8jAzeygJA4xhmLY4eF_7wBzQufN07xGICcVZS9rA2tvxaA_n24XElP5J_G7zxQqK5xZ1TQugWHhGQ1MC621Ok5-ANW7UQtCT2XhxGWnyAMbi7u7mjhqaaFaDLSjhn_Qb9cGrA7b1Y1Z8gBnLVoD9CWmlOM8YmKY0mqBSY8fYYksBahl3w_evUNjI9A-DuzwKiJc1oJO5_MU2KlA&smid=url-share

Expired.

new gift link - https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/30/style/modern-love-married-to-a-stranger.html?unlocked_article_code=1._0w.0Cl6.39DzP9GC5GVi&smid=url-share

I think the husband had been having affairs the whole time. He married her for her name and her money. Here's their wedding announcement - he was still an associate at Davis Polk when they got married. https://www.nytimes.com/1999/06/06/style/belle-burden-and-henry-davis.html?unlocked_article_code=1._0w.rICs.ZFOzxmNhx0hG&smid=url-share

Once he became rich and successful on his own he didn't need her anymore. He's a typical completely self-absorbed, super successful, sociopathic wealthy Wall Street dirtbag.

I'm sorry this happened to Belle - we have mutual friends who all say she's a very nice person and devoted mother.

I don’t know these people, but just from those links (and a quick google search to see what they look like) and I completely agree. He’s a self-absorbed dirt bag who married her for her connections and was always cheating because that is who he is.

And no, he did not love her ever. He was always already in love with himself.

She’s got a smart face. So, I do think that she must have lied to herself about it. There must have been signs that she chose not to see because it would explode her world. She may not be able to see it now, but she is much better off without him.

And she’s so lucky to be wealthy and financially independent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her decision to move forward stoically without answers, without even talking to the OW DH, is very WASPy, but it could be something else. Many toxic people claim to "have no idea" why they were abadoned, but they were told why, and just would not accept it.

Publishing this article is not very WASPy, and it is smelling fishier to me the more I think on it. It makes him look bad, yes, but it makes her look bad too. Why would she do this thing her class has been raised not to do? Seems like an abuser's stance: I'll take you down WITH me.

Also I think she's overstating the abandonment of the kids. I would bet he still sees them, but declined to fight for custody of teens, set in their routines and a few years from independence. That's actually a fine fatherly decision. He also may not have been willing to fight on that point because he knew she'd get vicious and it would hurt the kids further.

Total conjecture, but she might be the bad guy, I see plenty of red flags, like it was an abuser/victim role reversal

This. First red flag is that she’s suggesting the guy is a sociopath. Well why did she marry him?

I’m married to a wealthy man who is quite evil and would fight me for custody. If we were to divorce I’d likely give up custody. I simply don’t have it in me to go to war with him. It’s not the best thing for the kids. I’m a woman and can absolutely see man taking this approach. Your average well educated man with a solid career doesn’t just walk away from his kids for no reason. She’d either being dishonest about his involvement with the kids or he gave up custody for legit reasons.

Unfortunately his legit reasons (not wanting to poke the toxic bear) failed to accomplish his desired goal — to make a smooth, gray-rock exit. His fears of her ability to exact revenge proved legitimate — she did a number on his reputation via the NYT. The publicity probably hangs over his new relationship still. Mission accomplished.

DP. I don’t buy it. If she was truly that toxic where he felt he needed to gray-rock exit then he had a responsibility to his children not to leave them abandoned to their toxic mom. He’s an adult man and they are children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift link.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/30/style/modern-love-married-to-a-stranger.html?unlocked_article_code=CEsAeHv8LtV30mw4KWsCiaC-hiuFp_fELq0qgwzGhvFszG7cyEcPUyV0NlCo9JC688sJCNX8JMgDbwwZZbgxdW14jkpA8so6U-Tprh4VMC4mdi68YuWJQ7QVUutxfZteRgkagKP8kU0WD5X7NEm8jAzeygJA4xhmLY4eF_7wBzQufN07xGICcVZS9rA2tvxaA_n24XElP5J_G7zxQqK5xZ1TQugWHhGQ1MC621Ok5-ANW7UQtCT2XhxGWnyAMbi7u7mjhqaaFaDLSjhn_Qb9cGrA7b1Y1Z8gBnLVoD9CWmlOM8YmKY0mqBSY8fYYksBahl3w_evUNjI9A-DuzwKiJc1oJO5_MU2KlA&smid=url-share

Expired.

new gift link - https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/30/style/modern-love-married-to-a-stranger.html?unlocked_article_code=1._0w.0Cl6.39DzP9GC5GVi&smid=url-share

I think the husband had been having affairs the whole time. He married her for her name and her money. Here's their wedding announcement - he was still an associate at Davis Polk when they got married. https://www.nytimes.com/1999/06/06/style/belle-burden-and-henry-davis.html?unlocked_article_code=1._0w.rICs.ZFOzxmNhx0hG&smid=url-share

Once he became rich and successful on his own he didn't need her anymore. He's a typical completely self-absorbed, super successful, sociopathic wealthy Wall Street dirtbag.

I'm sorry this happened to Belle - we have mutual friends who all say she's a very nice person and devoted mother.

I don’t know these people, but just from those links (and a quick google search to see what they look like) and I completely agree. He’s a self-absorbed dirt bag who married her for her connections and was always cheating because that is who he is.

And no, he did not love her ever. He was always already in love with himself.

She’s got a smart face. So, I do think that she must have lied to herself about it. There must have been signs that she chose not to see because it would explode her world. She may not be able to see it now, but she is much better off without him.

And she’s so lucky to be wealthy and financially independent!

I don’t think she’s lucky to be wealthy if that level of wealth attracted a charming narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gift link.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/30/style/modern-love-married-to-a-stranger.html?unlocked_article_code=CEsAeHv8LtV30mw4KWsCiaC-hiuFp_fELq0qgwzGhvFszG7cyEcPUyV0NlCo9JC688sJCNX8JMgDbwwZZbgxdW14jkpA8so6U-Tprh4VMC4mdi68YuWJQ7QVUutxfZteRgkagKP8kU0WD5X7NEm8jAzeygJA4xhmLY4eF_7wBzQufN07xGICcVZS9rA2tvxaA_n24XElP5J_G7zxQqK5xZ1TQugWHhGQ1MC621Ok5-ANW7UQtCT2XhxGWnyAMbi7u7mjhqaaFaDLSjhn_Qb9cGrA7b1Y1Z8gBnLVoD9CWmlOM8YmKY0mqBSY8fYYksBahl3w_evUNjI9A-DuzwKiJc1oJO5_MU2KlA&smid=url-share

Expired.

new gift link - https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/30/style/modern-love-married-to-a-stranger.html?unlocked_article_code=1._0w.0Cl6.39DzP9GC5GVi&smid=url-share

I think the husband had been having affairs the whole time. He married her for her name and her money. Here's their wedding announcement - he was still an associate at Davis Polk when they got married. https://www.nytimes.com/1999/06/06/style/belle-burden-and-henry-davis.html?unlocked_article_code=1._0w.rICs.ZFOzxmNhx0hG&smid=url-share

Once he became rich and successful on his own he didn't need her anymore. He's a typical completely self-absorbed, super successful, sociopathic wealthy Wall Street dirtbag.

I'm sorry this happened to Belle - we have mutual friends who all say she's a very nice person and devoted mother.

I don’t know these people, but just from those links (and a quick google search to see what they look like) and I completely agree. He’s a self-absorbed dirt bag who married her for her connections and was always cheating because that is who he is.

And no, he did not love her ever. He was always already in love with himself.

She’s got a smart face. So, I do think that she must have lied to herself about it. There must have been signs that she chose not to see because it would explode her world. She may not be able to see it now, but she is much better off without him.

And she’s so lucky to be wealthy and financially independent!

I don’t think she’s lucky to be wealthy if that level of wealth attracted a charming narcissist.

Lol, I’m a lot poorer and I attracted a few charming narcissists, too. It has more to do with your personality and upbringing than anything else. There were other attractive, rich women in this guy’s path. He zoned in on her. She’s probably pretty trusting and a people pleaser with poor boundaries, etc.

Anyway, it’s lot better to have a lot of money in the aftermath of a narcissist then it is to be poor. So, I say she’s lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The humble brag about losing 20 lbs was annoying
Yeah, I don't feel so sorry for her. She'll be fine, he was probably an ass anyway.

Humble brag?! That’s all you can focus on. That says more about your issues than anything. I lost 20lbs when my DH cheated (among other things) and believe me this is not a “humble brag”. I would gladly trade those 20lbs back for a return to my old life and to erase all the stress and heartache and most years.

I believe you but I have to say, that’s how I reacted when I read it—humblebrag about losing weight. The whole piece was a humblebrag in a way. Going to their beach house, the idyllic isolation, the kids and their cellos, blah blah.

[Anonymous]

The DH’s crisis PR has entered the chat.