What secrets do most of your friends & family not know about you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im married and I talk to a man online. We have a very strong sexual chemistry. He lives in another state so we will never meet but our lusty conversations are fun. DH has zero drive and won’t do anything about it. I went on HRT to make things better but he’s content and not meeting my needs. I’ve tried for years. now I have an outlet.

How’d you meet? What app?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had 5 abortions.

Why don't you use birth control? That pattern sounds irresponsible, TBH.

Not this poster, but I hope that if you ever need help, you will be met with less judgment.

The number 5 is what caught my eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that I frequently consider killing myself

Please call 988

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I banged a street hooker with no condom

Hope you were not married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has no idea I identified as bisexual when we married and now identify as a lesbian married to a man. He doesn’t even know I’m attracted to women. If we divorce (which we very well might because we don’t get along for reasons having nothing to do with my sexuality), I’ll never date another man again.

Why do you think it is okay to lie to him about who he married?

I didn’t lie. He never asked about my sexuality, kinks, sexual history, or anything. He’s a very self-absorbed, uncurious person. When I asked him about his sexuality, history etc, his answers were plain and it was clear he had very little sexual experience and was ashamed of that. It made what should’ve been fun conversations feel awkward and needless.

When we were engaged and then soon got married, his lack of questions seemed like he was willing to accept me for whomever I am and just wanted to love me. I knew I wasn’t going to cheat, so bringing up my bisexuality to someone who really didn’t care to have the convo seemed needless. It took time for me to realize his lack of interest in basic details about others is actually a deep narcissism. By the time I realized that, I had too much contempt for him to confide. The rift has widened over time.

You did lie, by omission. When you withhold information that you know you should share with another person, you are lying. There’s no other way to put it. And every day that goes by that you keep information to yourself that the other person should know is another day that you are lying.

“The other person didn’t ask” is not an excuse for hiding information/lying. I’m so tired of people who lie and rationalize their lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has no idea I identified as bisexual when we married and now identify as a lesbian married to a man. He doesn’t even know I’m attracted to women. If we divorce (which we very well might because we don’t get along for reasons having nothing to do with my sexuality), I’ll never date another man again.

Why do you think it is okay to lie to him about who he married?

I didn’t lie. He never asked about my sexuality, kinks, sexual history, or anything. He’s a very self-absorbed, uncurious person. When I asked him about his sexuality, history etc, his answers were plain and it was clear he had very little sexual experience and was ashamed of that. It made what should’ve been fun conversations feel awkward and needless.

When we were engaged and then soon got married, his lack of questions seemed like he was willing to accept me for whomever I am and just wanted to love me. I knew I wasn’t going to cheat, so bringing up my bisexuality to someone who really didn’t care to have the convo seemed needless. It took time for me to realize his lack of interest in basic details about others is actually a deep narcissism. By the time I realized that, I had too much contempt for him to confide. The rift has widened over time.

You did lie, by omission. When you withhold information that you know you should share with another person, you are lying. There’s no other way to put it. And every day that goes by that you keep information to yourself that the other person should know is another day that you are lying.

“The other person didn’t ask” is not an excuse for hiding information/lying. I’m so tired of people who lie and rationalize their lying.

I’m fine with you feeling that way. Look for my other post after the one you responded to. It turns out he flat out lied to me about so much that I don’t want any part of him most days, much less to share any more of myself with him. I’m here strictly for the kids.

[Anonymous]

When I was 5 shopping with my mother she got arrested for shoplifting a pair of jeans. She was read her rights behind the dressing room curtain, I guess it was in another store. We were arrested and we went to the police station, etc. the police officer gave me cookies. Over the years I have developed more ways to look at the situation and ask questions. Why did she shoplift? Why did she do it with me? Did she think having a young child with her would make them ignore her crime? Why did she just bring me and not my sister? Why did she need the jeans so badly? Why does she buy $1000s in Clothes every month now that she can afford it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am secretly ready for my father to die. He is mostly independent and not mean in any way but I am tired having to be responsible for him in general

Have the same feelings for my mother.

Np, and I am confused by these posts. If your parents are independent and not unkind, why would prefer they die?? Is the air in their lungs holding up your inheritance? If so, gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has no idea I identified as bisexual when we married and now identify as a lesbian married to a man. He doesn’t even know I’m attracted to women. If we divorce (which we very well might because we don’t get along for reasons having nothing to do with my sexuality), I’ll never date another man again.

Why do you think it is okay to lie to him about who he married?

I didn’t lie. He never asked about my sexuality, kinks, sexual history, or anything. He’s a very self-absorbed, uncurious person. When I asked him about his sexuality, history etc, his answers were plain and it was clear he had very little sexual experience and was ashamed of that. It made what should’ve been fun conversations feel awkward and needless.

When we were engaged and then soon got married, his lack of questions seemed like he was willing to accept me for whomever I am and just wanted to love me. I knew I wasn’t going to cheat, so bringing up my bisexuality to someone who really didn’t care to have the convo seemed needless. It took time for me to realize his lack of interest in basic details about others is actually a deep narcissism. By the time I realized that, I had too much contempt for him to confide. The rift has widened over time.

FYI the way you wrote this completely absolves you of any responsibility for the state of your own marriage. No one held a knife to your neck and made you marry him. No one forced you not to get couples counselling as your contempt for him set in. Unless you are a therapist, you’re not qualified to diagnose him as a narcissist. His lack of questions about you is not necessarily narcissistic. A lot of men just communicate differently or are happy with what’s in front of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im married and I talk to a man online. We have a very strong sexual chemistry. He lives in another state so we will never meet but our lusty conversations are fun. DH has zero drive and won’t do anything about it. I went on HRT to make things better but he’s content and not meeting my needs. I’ve tried for years. now I have an outlet.

This is playing with fire and people get divorced over less, not to mention the possibility of catching feelings. Eventually you will get burned!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am secretly ready for my father to die. He is mostly independent and not mean in any way but I am tired having to be responsible for him in general

Have the same feelings for my mother.

Np, and I am confused by these posts. If your parents are independent and not unkind, why would prefer they die?? Is the air in their lungs holding up your inheritance? If so, gross.

Not of the PPs, and don't feel the same way. But it is exhausting supporting my very elderly parents, who live independently but suffer from mild dementia and other health issues and constantly need support and reassurance of one form or another. Both were amazing and it is incredibly difficult to see them in this diminished state. Knowing that there is no good outcome, only further diminishment, gives me sympathy for the PPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am secretly ready for my father to die. He is mostly independent and not mean in any way but I am tired having to be responsible for him in general

Have the same feelings for my mother.

Np, and I am confused by these posts. If your parents are independent and not unkind, why would prefer they die?? Is the air in their lungs holding up your inheritance? If so, gross.

Not of the PPs, and don't feel the same way. But it is exhausting supporting my very elderly parents, who live independently but suffer from mild dementia and other health issues and constantly need support and reassurance of one form or another. Both were amazing and it is incredibly difficult to see them in this diminished state. Knowing that there is no good outcome, only further diminishment, gives me sympathy for the PPs.

NP and I read this the same way. Care giving is absolutely exhausting and I can only imagine what it’s like to do elder care.

[Anonymous]

I was never so happy to get my mom to Oregon where she could end her life on her terms. Such a relief and burden was lifted!

[Anonymous]

I secretly enjoy porn. No one knows, not even DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has no idea I identified as bisexual when we married and now identify as a lesbian married to a man. He doesn’t even know I’m attracted to women. If we divorce (which we very well might because we don’t get along for reasons having nothing to do with my sexuality), I’ll never date another man again.

Why do you think it is okay to lie to him about who he married?

I didn’t lie. He never asked about my sexuality, kinks, sexual history, or anything. He’s a very self-absorbed, uncurious person. When I asked him about his sexuality, history etc, his answers were plain and it was clear he had very little sexual experience and was ashamed of that. It made what should’ve been fun conversations feel awkward and needless.

When we were engaged and then soon got married, his lack of questions seemed like he was willing to accept me for whomever I am and just wanted to love me. I knew I wasn’t going to cheat, so bringing up my bisexuality to someone who really didn’t care to have the convo seemed needless. It took time for me to realize his lack of interest in basic details about others is actually a deep narcissism. By the time I realized that, I had too much contempt for him to confide. The rift has widened over time.

FYI the way you wrote this completely absolves you of any responsibility for the state of your own marriage. No one held a knife to your neck and made you marry him. No one forced you not to get couples counselling as your contempt for him set in. Unless you are a therapist, you’re not qualified to diagnose him as a narcissist. His lack of questions about you is not necessarily narcissistic. A lot of men just communicate differently or are happy with what’s in front of them.

And how exactly do you know I didn’t seek out couple’s counseling or do anything again?