If you left Big Law…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re still reading, OP, I am a single mom who is a government lawyer. I came here from a law firm. I make $183k, which is what your husband can expect to make. I don’t know why people are saying $160k. I have one child, not three, and I don’t have a second adult in the family (which means I’m not paying for a second adult but it also means I don’t have the benefit of a second adult’s labor). I could swing $4200 per month in mortgage but $4500 would be getting tight. (I say that because I pay $3000 now and save $1200 each month, over and above my TSP contribution, so I know I could do $4200.)

You’ll be fine, and I don’t think you’ll need to dip into savings. I also have a special needs child, and my budget works. You’ve got this.

Are you a GS 14 Step 10 ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. Your husband is going to ruin your family’s life. He needs to own it and be willing to relocate to a different part of the country or support you going back to school to earn a degree to support the family and fund retirement.

This is why it’s dangerous to rely on a man. He’s about to mess up everything. He should go in house. A government job is silly. To be fair it could take an entire year to move.

I’d mess with him and start studying for the GMAT instead of having sex at night or doing anything fun. Act very serious about returning to school and tell him you have to in order to get a high enough paying of a job. A preschool teacher won’t cut it. Also go visit daycares with him. Cancel any upcoming vacations this summer under the auspice of changing your lifestyle to prepare for losing most of your income.

Wait...so studying for the GMAT isn't as fun as...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. Your husband is going to ruin your family’s life. He needs to own it and be willing to relocate to a different part of the country or support you going back to school to earn a degree to support the family and fund retirement.

This is why it’s dangerous to rely on a man. He’s about to mess up everything. He should go in house. A government job is silly. To be fair it could take an entire year to move.

I’d mess with him and start studying for the GMAT instead of having sex at night or doing anything fun. Act very serious about returning to school and tell him you have to in order to get a high enough paying of a job. A preschool teacher won’t cut it. Also go visit daycares with him. Cancel any upcoming vacations this summer under the auspice of changing your lifestyle to prepare for losing most of your income.

How about you refrain from giving advice? You sound awful.

I think this PP is calling out the OP - this is satire.

Nope. I’d go crazy on a DH who tried to pull this crap on me as a SAHM.

Get a job then

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re still reading, OP, I am a single mom who is a government lawyer. I came here from a law firm. I make $183k, which is what your husband can expect to make. I don’t know why people are saying $160k. I have one child, not three, and I don’t have a second adult in the family (which means I’m not paying for a second adult but it also means I don’t have the benefit of a second adult’s labor). I could swing $4200 per month in mortgage but $4500 would be getting tight. (I say that because I pay $3000 now and save $1200 each month, over and above my TSP contribution, so I know I could do $4200.)

You’ll be fine, and I don’t think you’ll need to dip into savings. I also have a special needs child, and my budget works. You’ve got this.

Are you a GS 14 Step 10 ?

No. She’s a 15 step 7 or higher. Which is what OP’s husband would need to break $180k for the government.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh wow. Your husband is going to ruin your family’s life. He needs to own it and be willing to relocate to a different part of the country or support you going back to school to earn a degree to support the family and fund retirement.

This is why it’s dangerous to rely on a man. He’s about to mess up everything. He should go in house. A government job is silly. To be fair it could take an entire year to move.

I’d mess with him and start studying for the GMAT instead of having sex at night or doing anything fun. Act very serious about returning to school and tell him you have to in order to get a high enough paying of a job. A preschool teacher won’t cut it. Also go visit daycares with him. Cancel any upcoming vacations this summer under the auspice of changing your lifestyle to prepare for losing most of your income. [/quote]

How about you refrain from giving advice? You sound awful. [/quote]

I think this PP is calling out the OP - this is satire.[/quote]

Nope. I’d go crazy on a DH who tried to pull this crap on me as a SAHM. [/quote]

Get a job then[/quote]

(DP)

I became a SAHM when DH made partner. If he wanted to hold the door open on me being a big earner he needed to do basically everything up to this point differently. His ambition and ego sucked up all the oxygen and so here we are now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband sounds irresponsible. I wonder if this is about having an affair/ wants easy job to allow him to get fit and indulge.

WTF? There are a lot of nutcases posting here. Wanting to leave big law is normal.

This. I feel so sorry for all these husband’s whose wives want them miserable for the next 20-30 years to fund their lavish lifestyles.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh wow. Your husband is going to ruin your family’s life. He needs to own it and be willing to relocate to a different part of the country or support you going back to school to earn a degree to support the family and fund retirement.

This is why it’s dangerous to rely on a man. He’s about to mess up everything. He should go in house. A government job is silly. To be fair it could take an entire year to move.

I’d mess with him and start studying for the GMAT instead of having sex at night or doing anything fun. Act very serious about returning to school and tell him you have to in order to get a high enough paying of a job. A preschool teacher won’t cut it. Also go visit daycares with him. Cancel any upcoming vacations this summer under the auspice of changing your lifestyle to prepare for losing most of your income. [/quote]

How about you refrain from giving advice? You sound awful. [/quote]

I think this PP is calling out the OP - this is satire.[/quote]

Nope. I’d go crazy on a DH who tried to pull this crap on me as a SAHM. [/quote]

Get a job then[/quote]

(DP)

I became a SAHM when DH made partner. If he wanted to hold the door open on me being a big earner he needed to do basically everything up to this point differently. His ambition and ego sucked up all the oxygen and so here we are now. [/quote]

You worked before. You can do it again. It’s not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh wow. Your husband is going to ruin your family’s life. He needs to own it and be willing to relocate to a different part of the country or support you going back to school to earn a degree to support the family and fund retirement.

This is why it’s dangerous to rely on a man. He’s about to mess up everything. He should go in house. A government job is silly. To be fair it could take an entire year to move.

I’d mess with him and start studying for the GMAT instead of having sex at night or doing anything fun. Act very serious about returning to school and tell him you have to in order to get a high enough paying of a job. A preschool teacher won’t cut it. Also go visit daycares with him. Cancel any upcoming vacations this summer under the auspice of changing your lifestyle to prepare for losing most of your income. [/quote]

How about you refrain from giving advice? You sound awful. [/quote]

I think this PP is calling out the OP - this is satire.[/quote]

Nope. I’d go crazy on a DH who tried to pull this crap on me as a SAHM. [/quote]

Get a job then[/quote]

(DP)

I became a SAHM when DH made partner. If he wanted to hold the door open on me being a big earner he needed to do basically everything up to this point differently. His ambition and ego sucked up all the oxygen and so here we are now. [/quote]

You worked before. You can do it again. It’s not rocket science. [/quote]

It was biglaw for me too. And no, I can’t waltz back into a firm. Or into an agency. If DH wanted my earnings he should have checked his ambition and supported my career.

So let’s not pretend these men in biglaw didn’t make their own beds.

[Anonymous]

Hope you got a postnup PP, since apparently you are unable to ever work again, or live on less than biglaw money. Best of luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hope you got a postnup PP, since apparently you are unable to ever work again, or live on less than biglaw money. Best of luck to you!

I do have a postnup actually. Hopefully will never need to be tested. Thanks for your concern!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope you got a postnup PP, since apparently you are unable to ever work again, or live on less than biglaw money. Best of luck to you!

I do have a postnup actually. Hopefully will never need to be tested. Thanks for your concern!

I’m not concerned.

[Anonymous]

So these husbands are indentured servants? Make X minimum salary forever or else? Or else what?

[Anonymous]

I left big law but my spouse was making 7 figures in finance, so it was not scary at all. That said, I went to a small firm instead of a government job, which for me, is better in every way. I still make $300k+ many years (not this year), and I work from wherever I want on my own schedule. Transactional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So these husbands are indentured servants? Make X minimum salary forever or else? Or else what?

I mean that is called being a man. You decide how to structure your life. If the idea was that biglaw could go away any second you would keep spouse working and save like crazy. If you go the route that OP's family did here -- it is on the spouse in biglaw --- one thing if he was fired or could not bring in enough work but otherwise you do not get to leave. You made the choice --- if you watch what you do -- no reason you cannot make the move at age 50ish. But have that as your plan. You gave up on the other job when you went this route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh, give the poor guy a break! He’s wildly unhappy? Let him try something else. I’m sorry but this seems wildly selfish. Nice your youngest is out of preschool, you could get a job because even though you discussed it, things have now changed. He’s begging you to let him stop being miserable. Please, let him.

Wow. I’m not not letting him do anything. I said I want to support him. I just am asking for anyone who has done this how the financial element worked for them. And he has always wanted me to stay at home because I handle 100% of everything else so he doesn’t ever have to stress about it. Kids are sick or off school yet again for a mcps holiday? No worries because I’m home to handle it. I made $30,000 as a preschool teacher. We aren’t retiring off of my income if I go back to work.

You need to rethink your working. The decision to have you stay home and handle everything home based made sense when he was at biglaw but if he's out of that, he can help out and you can split the load and you could work too. Is 30K the most you can make? Or are you certified to teacher public school where you can make more?