I was so close and now I’m shut out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is that there is real suffering as a result of this market and there is self imposed suffering. This self imposed suffering, although understandable, is hard to empathize with and relate to because $1 million is vastly more than most americans can afford for a house. It’s like complaining that your diamond shoes are too tight.

You must not be from here. $1 million gets you a 1965 fixer upper.. Yes, a lot of money but it also is a starter home. That what’s frustrating.

So what if it's a starter home? It's a home! It's not like you are "priced out," you just can't get exactly what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are single at 50 and need a 2 million dollar home? Wtf. Lady I have 2 kids and a 700K home.

+1

I have kids and live in a $800k townhouse, and it is fine. Why do you need a $2 mil house?

[Anonymous]

Why does 1 person need a 1.7M property? I mean, I sympathize, OP. We were in the same exact position, but as a family of 4, so buying a modest 3br in our hood was our aim. Now we’ll be renting forever. If I were you, I’d buy a close in 2br condo in a great neighborhood and build equity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does 1 person need a 1.7M property? I mean, I sympathize, OP. We were in the same exact position, but as a family of 4, so buying a modest 3br in our hood was our aim. Now we’ll be renting forever. If I were you, I’d buy a close in 2br condo in a great neighborhood and build equity.

She has kids.

[Anonymous]

Nobody should use the word suffering in this context. That should be reserved for true suffering like being in pain from a medical condition, or losing family members and everything you had because you’re an earthquake victim like hundreds of thousand of people in Turkey and Syria.

Get some perspective and you will be more content

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is that there is real suffering as a result of this market and there is self imposed suffering. This self imposed suffering, although understandable, is hard to empathize with and relate to because $1 million is vastly more than most americans can afford for a house. It’s like complaining that your diamond shoes are too tight.

You must not be from here. $1 million gets you a 1965 fixer upper.. Yes, a lot of money but it also is a starter home. That what’s frustrating.

Actually, I am from here and I sold my “starter” home last summer for what others surely would consider to be another “starter” home and it was GASP built in 1970 and I paid a ton more for it than what it would have cost the previous year. I am happy with my choice! I took a ton of risk last year to make this change while so many others here on dcum were gloating about how smart they were to sit on the sidelines so they could swoop in and buy this year when the prices were sure to be 40 percent lower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is correct. Houses in my neighborhood that would have been $1.2 a few years ago are now going for $1.6 or more. It is depressing for those of us who were looking and could have bought but didn't do it quickly enough and now find that we missed the boat. But it really doesn't help to dwell on it! You can only move forward from where you are and who knows what the future will bring.

Same. We’re now priced out of a neighborhood we love and hoped to buy in.

It’s pathetic that so many of the people on this forum can’t have compassion for people priced out by a ridiculous and unimaginable sharp increase in such a short time. Just confirms my suspicions that half of you are corporate slumlords, brokers, and builders greedy for cash.

Same here. We were looking and could have bought but thought we would be patient for the right fit. Now we are having to look at much lower quality houses at a higher price. I don't really understand why people on this forum can't understand how that would be disappointing. Imagine you wanted to book an airline ticket, you wait a day to confirm your travel dates and all the sudden the ticket price jumped by 40 percent. Wouldn't you be regretful and disappointed? Now instead of your holiday to Rome, you are looking at spending even more money to go to Atlantic City. And no, I am not trying to start a debate on the merits of Atlantic City vis a vis Rome - it is just an example!

I get it, I really do. It feels like the housing market is moving faster than “normal” buyers can keep up with.

I think the negative reaction to this thread is that OP had $1.2m to spend on a house while rates are low and yet … didn’t. Why? Clearly she could have bought a home but was unwilling to jump in. Or was picky about what was on the market?

She is 50. I am 38. I graduated into a recession. Many of my kids’ friends’ parents are 40s to even 50. They bought houses while I was still in HS or college! OP had SO much more opportunity than me to be an adult when the housing market was more affordable, but never bought anything. I now live in a house that is valued less than $1.2 even following the COVID price run up. We paid 800k back in 2018, but I’m sure she’d thumb her nose at my house. So I’m just having a hard time feeling sorry for her. And with a 300k HHI I know I’m part of the UMC, but OP thinks not being able to afford the $1.7m house makes her MC. Just not a very sympathetic poster.

If OP were a 30 year old who had just finally scrounged together a DP and they were bummed a 500-700k house is now close to 900k+, I would feel bad for them.

You know nothing about her life so you have no reason to be so judgmental. You’re assuming her life was just like yours and you’re shaming her for not making the decisions you would have made in your life. Nonsense.

Sure sure sure, but OP has also made cringe statements about never becoming “upper middle class,” and has acted like a victim at every turn. (The market, a landlord who won’t negotiate with her, no one will want to marry her, etc.) And all this despite being in a stronger financial than the majority of people in this area.

The best I can say is that, if this is the type of person she is in real life and not just blowing off steam, is that I hope she had a therapist or at least a loving friend she can talk to. Someone in that mindset is never going to be happy. For her own sake, as well as her kids’ wellbeing, something has to change.

This is concern trolling and IMO bullying behavior. Stop throwing the word "therapy" around like an underhanded insult (yes, it's clear your are using that work to take a dig at her). It contributes to the stigma around mental illness and is offensive.

Fair enough; I don’t see reference to therapy or hoping someone has a trusted friend to talk to as a dig—but as someone who has suffered from depression, including a nasty bout of postpartum depression, I also don’t see much point beating around the bush or encouraging wallowing. You’re right my words weren’t worded as well as they could be.

To OP, in all honesty I hope you find something that’ll make you happy—but truly, it sounds like you have many blessings and I hope you can focus on those.

You were bashing her as a terrible person who "has acted like a victim at every turn" and then said she should see a therapist. Everything you have written is a dig at her. Anyone who is attacking someone else and then suggests they get therapy is a bully and an a-hole. You wanna bash people online? Go ahead, but don't pretend by bashing them and then telling them to get therapy that you are trying to help them. It's so transparent and offensive.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, $1M homes are not starter homes for 99% of people.
If it’s a starter home for you then you’re posturing the lifestyle of the 1%. You don’t have to but you insist so pay what it costs and shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My friend back when he was 28 bought a huge beautiful home in a super nice area with award winning schools as a single person with average income. His secret live at home 21-27 to save up downpayment. He picked a home on a corner with side entrance to basement. He carved out a little 200 SF apt for himself. Rented whole upstairs and rented other 3/4/ of basement. He lived there till married at 36. Eventually by 44 they took over whole house.

Most people won’t do that. But that is how a middle class person owns a home now worth 2 million.

Most people want it HGTV turnkey

“His secret” was to have parents who own a home in a major city already

And parents who likely paid for college so the young man was able to add to his "secret plan". He's one clever dude!

DP here. It's true that these are advantages, but many people with these same types of advantages don't make the same sacrifices that he did to increase their wealth. I'm still impressed with this story.

I don’t know. Given they sheltered and fed their son through the majority of his 20s, I’d say his parents were the ones who made the majority of the sacrifices here. Whatever works for each family though. Just think his parents should get some credit here, the “secret” wouldn’t have been possible without them.

I could have lived with my parents in the DMV area when I was starting out and I am positive I would have some financial benefits to show for it if I had, but living on my own also taught me some invaluable lessons that I personally value more than being one rung up the property latter right now. (And while my parents and I are very close and think all parties involved enjoyed me coming home for weekly dinners or what have you…we were all glad not to be under the same roof constantly.)

Of course there are benefits to doing it the way you did. But this guy supposedly bought a home, created a small apartment for himself in the basement, then rented out the main house and the rest of the basement. Most people don't do that part. That's impressive to me.

Most people don’t have either the capital or the stability to do this in their 20s. Most people who eventually become UMC needed mobility in their 20s to attend graduate school and possible move for first and or second job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does 1 person need a 1.7M property? I mean, I sympathize, OP. We were in the same exact position, but as a family of 4, so buying a modest 3br in our hood was our aim. Now we’ll be renting forever. If I were you, I’d buy a close in 2br condo in a great neighborhood and build equity.

She has kids.

I have a husband and two kids and we live in a 3BR 3.5BA townhouse we're about to sell for $700K. We're in a good neighborhood in close-in NOVA with good schools. In fact, our neighbor across the street is a single mom with two kids -- the house is perfect for that. Not sure why OP is feeling entitled to a $1.3 Million dollar McMansion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does 1 person need a 1.7M property? I mean, I sympathize, OP. We were in the same exact position, but as a family of 4, so buying a modest 3br in our hood was our aim. Now we’ll be renting forever. If I were you, I’d buy a close in 2br condo in a great neighborhood and build equity.

She has kids.

I have a husband and two kids and we live in a 3BR 3.5BA townhouse we're about to sell for $700K. We're in a good neighborhood in close-in NOVA with good schools. In fact, our neighbor across the street is a single mom with two kids -- the house is perfect for that. Not sure why OP is feeling entitled to a $1.3 Million dollar McMansion.

The quoted PP said a single person doesn’t need that. Your comment is all about you. She’s not entitled, she’s frustrated and disappointed that housing here increased drastically and rapidly. Why throw in McMansion? You’re trying to insult her multiple times but you just sound bitter, angry and jealous. The crappy housing situation here does that to people but no need to take it out on another person who’s unhappy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, $1M homes are not starter homes for 99% of people.
If it’s a starter home for you then you’re posturing the lifestyle of the 1%. You don’t have to but you insist so pay what it costs and shut up.

Have you seen the kind os &itboxes $1 million gets you here this year? It’s a ton of money to live in your great grandmother’s time capsule home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, $1M homes are not starter homes for 99% of people.
If it’s a starter home for you then you’re posturing the lifestyle of the 1%. You don’t have to but you insist so pay what it costs and shut up.

Have you seen the kind os &itboxes $1 million gets you here this year? It’s a ton of money to live in your great grandmother’s time capsule home.

U just love repeating this same crap over and over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does 1 person need a 1.7M property? I mean, I sympathize, OP. We were in the same exact position, but as a family of 4, so buying a modest 3br in our hood was our aim. Now we’ll be renting forever. If I were you, I’d buy a close in 2br condo in a great neighborhood and build equity.

She has kids.

I have a husband and two kids and we live in a 3BR 3.5BA townhouse we're about to sell for $700K. We're in a good neighborhood in close-in NOVA with good schools. In fact, our neighbor across the street is a single mom with two kids -- the house is perfect for that. Not sure why OP is feeling entitled to a $1.3 Million dollar McMansion.

The quoted PP said a single person doesn’t need that. Your comment is all about you. She’s not entitled, she’s frustrated and disappointed that housing here increased drastically and rapidly. Why throw in McMansion? You’re trying to insult her multiple times but you just sound bitter, angry and jealous. The crappy housing situation here does that to people but no need to take it out on another person who’s unhappy about it.

Everyone trying to buy is frustrated. I think people are saying OP is entitled or asking for too much because she's basically saying that the way most of us live around here is terrible and depressing and intolerable. That's a little insulting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does 1 person need a 1.7M property? I mean, I sympathize, OP. We were in the same exact position, but as a family of 4, so buying a modest 3br in our hood was our aim. Now we’ll be renting forever. If I were you, I’d buy a close in 2br condo in a great neighborhood and build equity.

She has kids.

I have a husband and two kids and we live in a 3BR 3.5BA townhouse we're about to sell for $700K. We're in a good neighborhood in close-in NOVA with good schools. In fact, our neighbor across the street is a single mom with two kids -- the house is perfect for that. Not sure why OP is feeling entitled to a $1.3 Million dollar McMansion.

The quoted PP said a single person doesn’t need that. Your comment is all about you. She’s not entitled, she’s frustrated and disappointed that housing here increased drastically and rapidly. Why throw in McMansion? You’re trying to insult her multiple times but you just sound bitter, angry and jealous. The crappy housing situation here does that to people but no need to take it out on another person who’s unhappy about it.

Everyone trying to buy is frustrated. I think people are saying OP is entitled or asking for too much because she's basically saying that the way most of us live around here is terrible and depressing and intolerable. That's a little insulting.

More than a little insulting! As if anything below $1.7 is simply not worth buying. So entitled and clueless.