Accidental child death, prosecute the parents?

[Anonymous]

I think about the handful of child deaths that I have known about personally in my life. Most of them involved some sort of "negligence" and fatigue on the part of the care taker. Most of them drownings, one struck by a car, another poisoning. That does not include the few who died due to a lack of prompt medical attention, meningitis, pneumonia, aspiration.
It is easy to say that you could relate to a particular accident if you could see yourself making that mistake. But when it is something that you could not imagine like leaving a child in a car in the heat, we say "prosecute!".
But I am not sure what good that does for us as a whole. The parents are (usually) the ones who grieve the most, and when these things happen, families are torn apart with guilt and blame. At a time that a normal mourning process and healing should be taking place, there are sometimes the courts, lawyers and jurors to worry about.
Needless to say, fear of prosecution encourages lies and accusations against others that make the whole situation messier.
Children have died from accidents for eons, and no one wants to see it happen. I has become a leading cause of child death since we discovered antibiotics and vaccines. Very good research is being done to help bring down the accidental death rates, but will probably never eliminate the possibility.

I have a friend from childhood whose baby brother died of suffocation in his crib on a piece of plastic from his clothing. My friend said that her family never recovered. She as the oldest child felt a maternal love for the baby, and she went back to school in third grade feeling so ashamed and guilt ridden, even though it was no ones fault. To make a long story short, her mom and brother took to drinking, the parents divorced, and one child ran away. This family did not face the cruel judicial system, but even without outside judgement, they suffered.
I think that it is fair to say that we come to the parenting job with different skills and strengths. We do things differently. My kids NEVER swim with anyone other than their mother or father. We had no kiddie pools or buckets hen they were toddlers. My nannies could never drive my kids anywhere. However, my kids can have a lunchable every once in a while. I am sure that people could easily judge my behavior in many ways, as I could judge theirs. We can all say that we have endangered our children at some point. When I think back to dangerous events where I turned my back on my kids, it makes me wonder why I have been so lucky. One or two of those incidents keep me up at night every now and then. I say, "there but for the grace of God, go I".

I have learned a thing or two over the years. I try to eliminate distractions, like pets and volunteer duties, and so on when taking care of young children. I knew of a woman whose toddler son drowned in their pool while she was busy making lunches for the homeless. Another whose son was hit by a car (not killed), when she let go of his hand to chase her dog back into the house.

This recent case in Virginia with the woman who left her toddler in the car is so very sad. I wish the prosecution would just stop. Let the mother grieve at home. It hurts enough already.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/prince-william-mother-who-left-toddler-in-van-charged-with-felony-murder/2011/07/05/gHQA7A5pzH_story.html

[Anonymous]

If the "accident" is 1000% avoidable, it's not an accident, it's negligence. And that's what this was. There are so many ways to avoid this that I can't even believe this still happens. The mom a few years ago who did this has made it her life's mission to ensure that it not happen to anyone else. Her simple solution? Never put your own things in the front - put them in the back with your kid, so that you always have to go into the back seat to get your bag or purse. Simple. Yes, this is horribly sad for everyone, but it was 1000% avoidable.

[Anonymous]

The law was put in place to attempt to decrease gross parental negligence - the people who have no clue how to parent. If once in a while it catches vigilant parents who have had one lapse in vigilance - that is sad. But laws are there to regulate society, not the individual.

Also maybe at some level, isn't the application of law cathartic to the people involved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the "accident" is 1000% avoidable, it's not an accident, it's negligence. And that's what this was. There are so many ways to avoid this that I can't even believe this still happens. The mom a few years ago who did this has made it her life's mission to ensure that it not happen to anyone else. Her simple solution? Never put your own things in the front - put them in the back with your kid, so that you always have to go into the back seat to get your bag or purse. Simple. Yes, this is horribly sad for everyone, but it was 1000% avoidable.

This is the first time I have ever read about such a good idea. I doubt that I am the only one who does not know this? It can happen.

[Anonymous]

My kids NEVER swim with anyone other than their mother or father. We had no kiddie pools or buckets hen they were toddlers. My nannies could never drive my kids anywhere. However, my kids can have a lunchable every once in a while. I am sure that people could easily judge my behavior in many ways, as I could judge theirs. We can all say that we have endangered our children at some point. When I think back to dangerous events where I turned my back on my kids, it makes me wonder why I have been so lucky. One or two of those incidents keep me up at night every now and then. I say, "there but for the grace of God, go I".

I have learned a thing or two over the years. I try to eliminate distractions, like pets and volunteer duties, and so on when taking care of young children. I knew of a woman whose toddler son drowned in their pool while she was busy making lunches for the homeless. Another whose son was hit by a car (not killed), when she let go of his hand to chase her dog back into the house.

I understand your fear and assume you are the parents of young children. The reality is, as your kids get older there is only so much you can do to prevent accidents. Unless your child lives in a bubble, accidents will happen. Sadly, kids sometimes die. My nine year old is at the pool right now with a group of about seven kids. I guess he could drown. But he's a strong swimmer and there are lifeguards on duty. Teenagers drown when they go to parties and drink too much. I had a friend die at 15 when she hit her head on the diving board. No one could have prevented that.

Eliminating pets seems over the top. Could my child be kidnapped while I'm in the backyard with the dog? Sure. But the same thing could happen if I were tending to a sibling.

You do what you can to keep your kids safe. And you let go of the rest. Otherwise, you'll make yourself (and your kids) nuts.

-Mom of 5....ages 22, 18, 17, 15, and 9. Plenty of ER visits, but thankfully no serious injuries. Yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My kids NEVER swim with anyone other than their mother or father. We had no kiddie pools or buckets hen they were toddlers. My nannies could never drive my kids anywhere. However, my kids can have a lunchable every once in a while. I am sure that people could easily judge my behavior in many ways, as I could judge theirs. We can all say that we have endangered our children at some point. When I think back to dangerous events where I turned my back on my kids, it makes me wonder why I have been so lucky. One or two of those incidents keep me up at night every now and then. I say, "there but for the grace of God, go I".

I have learned a thing or two over the years. I try to eliminate distractions, like pets and volunteer duties, and so on when taking care of young children. I knew of a woman whose toddler son drowned in their pool while she was busy making lunches for the homeless. Another whose son was hit by a car (not killed), when she let go of his hand to chase her dog back into the house.

I understand your fear and assume you are the parents of young children. The reality is, as your kids get older there is only so much you can do to prevent accidents. Unless your child lives in a bubble, accidents will happen. Sadly, kids sometimes die. My nine year old is at the pool right now with a group of about seven kids. I guess he could drown. But he's a strong swimmer and there are lifeguards on duty. Teenagers drown when they go to parties and drink too much. I had a friend die at 15 when she hit her head on the diving board. No one could have prevented that.

Eliminating pets seems over the top. Could my child be kidnapped while I'm in the backyard with the dog? Sure. But the same thing could happen if I were tending to a sibling.

You do what you can to keep your kids safe. And you let go of the rest. Otherwise, you'll make yourself (and your kids) nuts.

-Mom of 5....ages 22, 18, 17, 15, and 9. Plenty of ER visits, but thankfully no serious injuries. Yet.

OP here, I agree with you...my behavior seems over the top. It is to some degree cultural. My mother lost three cousins in one night to drowning, and she put the fear of god in us about that. She grew up in a rural beach community where drownings were all too common.
I bet, you could find things that I do to be careless.
I am not suggesting a bubble.
I am just saying that when accidents happen, they are just that, and accident.
Why prosecute.
From what I can tell, only that mother would give her life to bring that child back. The prosecutor, judge, or jurors would not give their lives for her child.

[Anonymous]

I agree, OP, they should not be prosecuting that poor mother for murder.

[Anonymous]

I am just saying that when accidents happen, they are just that, and accident.
Why prosecute.
From what I can tell, only that mother would give her life to bring that child back. The prosecutor, judge, or jurors would not give their lives for her child.

Totally agree that accidents should not be prosecuted. And they usually aren't. But when true negligence is involved, it changes things. The law asks, what would a reasonable person have done under similar circumstances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am just saying that when accidents happen, they are just that, and accident.
Why prosecute.
From what I can tell, only that mother would give her life to bring that child back. The prosecutor, judge, or jurors would not give their lives for her child.

Totally agree that accidents should not be prosecuted. And they usually aren't. But when true negligence is involved, it changes things. The law asks, what would a reasonable person have done under similar circumstances?

This is what is subjective. In hind sight so much looks like "true negligence".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the "accident" is 1000% avoidable, it's not an accident, it's negligence. And that's what this was. There are so many ways to avoid this that I can't even believe this still happens. The mom a few years ago who did this has made it her life's mission to ensure that it not happen to anyone else. Her simple solution? Never put your own things in the front - put them in the back with your kid, so that you always have to go into the back seat to get your bag or purse. Simple. Yes, this is horribly sad for everyone, but it was 1000% avoidable.

This is the first time I have ever read about such a good idea. I doubt that I am the only one who does not know this? It can happen.

I don't know why the AAP has not made a campaign of this, just like they've done with Back to Sleep to prevent SIDS.

[Anonymous]

I yanked a kid out of the pool the other day who was drowning - his mom was with another kid and didn't see anything, and the lifeguard completely missed it. It happened in the blink on an eye....should the mom have been more observant - I guess. But it happened, and it wasn't because the mom secretly wanted the kid to drown or was actively ignoring him - she was distracted for 30 seconds. I think we want "justice" for the woman who left the child in the car because that helps us separate ourselves from the situation and makes us feel that she is the "other" - that it couldn't happen to us. I think the consequences of her actions will be enough to punish her and her family for the rest of time. I don't think prosecution is necessary. Should they remove the rest of her kids from her custody? Where would we stop?

[Anonymous]

This recent case in Virginia with the woman who left her toddler in the car is so very sad. I wish the prosecution would just stop. Let the mother grieve at home. It hurts enough already.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/prince-william...11/07/05/gHQA7A5pzH_story.html

Read the article. That mother left her child in the car not once, but TWICE. Therefore, she knew for a fact that she was capable of forgetting that little boy in the car -- she already did it once. She was fortunate that her child didn't die the first time. Instead of learning from the experience, she did nothing to ensure she would never forget him again. It was her responsibility to make sure she didn't do it AGAIN.

I agree these are usually accidents, but in this case it is reprehensible.

Btw, this is a tragedy, but the remorse of the accused does not go to the question of guilt or innocence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the "accident" is 1000% avoidable, it's not an accident, it's negligence. And that's what this was. There are so many ways to avoid this that I can't even believe this still happens. The mom a few years ago who did this has made it her life's mission to ensure that it not happen to anyone else. Her simple solution? Never put your own things in the front - put them in the back with your kid, so that you always have to go into the back seat to get your bag or purse. Simple. Yes, this is horribly sad for everyone, but it was 1000% avoidable.

OP, nice post. Yes, each accidental child death is a tragedy, and I am sure that parents go back to that moment that changed their lives forever and find 1000 things that they could have done differently.

PP quoted above, can you think of a single accident that is not[u] 1000% avoidable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The law was put in place to attempt to decrease gross parental negligence - the people who have no clue how to parent. If once in a while it catches vigilant parents who have had one lapse in vigilance - that is sad. But laws are there to regulate society, not the individual.

Also maybe at some level, isn't the application of law cathartic to the people involved?

I am not so sure that punitive laws are the best way to go in ensuring child safety. Wouldn't make more sense rather than put laws that punish a parent after the fact, to put up awareness programs and support to parents to prevent / reduce the acts negligence in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This recent case in Virginia with the woman who left her toddler in the car is so very sad. I wish the prosecution would just stop. Let the mother grieve at home. It hurts enough already.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/prince-william...11/07/05/gHQA7A5pzH_story.html

Read the article. That mother left her child in the car not once, but TWICE. Therefore, she knew for a fact that she was capable of forgetting that little boy in the car -- she already did it once. She was fortunate that her child didn't die the first time. Instead of learning from the experience, she did nothing to ensure she would never forget him again. It was her responsibility to make sure she didn't do it AGAIN.
I agree these are usually accidents, but in this case it is reprehensible.

Btw, this is a tragedy, but the remorse of the accused does not go to the question of guilt or innocence.

Unfortunate as this is....I agree with the above.