My Neighbor Does not Use Infant Seat...

[Anonymous]

I was just out walking my baby and saw my neighbor (for the umpteenth time) put the infant seat in the front seat of her suv. She just lays it there, does not strap it in. She is here from Africa, I forget the country. Perhaps in Africa car seats are not the norm? She speaks english and drives a huge suv. It kills me each time I see her putting the car seat next to her and driving off. I want to say something but I feel like I would offend her, or that she KNOWS the seat does not go into the front (sideways at that) unbuckled. Would you say something? I cant imagine she has NO IDEA she needs to use the seat properly. I feel like she doesnt care about the rules.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could put a brochure about proper (and lawful) use of car seats in her mailbox or tuck it in her front door. I think that what she's doing is also unlawful, and she may not know that.

[Anonymous]

If your concerned go say something instead of looking and complaining. Chances are if she is from another country maybe she doesn't understand how to use the seat? FYI "that she KNOWS the seat does not go into the front (sideways at that) unbuckled. Would you say something? I cant imagine she has NO IDEA she needs to use the seat properly. I feel like she doesn't care about the rules." You sound borderline racist and may want to rethink how you write things and come across

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your concerned go say something instead of looking and complaining. Chances are if she is from another country maybe she doesn't understand how to use the seat? FYI "that she KNOWS the seat does not go into the front (sideways at that) unbuckled. Would you say something? I cant imagine she has NO IDEA she needs to use the seat properly. I feel like she doesn't care about the rules." You sound borderline racist and may want to rethink how you write things and come across

Borderline racist? Are you serious? I am a white woman referring to another white woman. I said she was from Africa, I did not say she was white, black or green. I did not specify her color but since I sound racist, she is actually white. Does that make me sound even more racist that I am talking about a white African woman and not a black one? Would it have sounded racist if I said she was from China or from France? I am not sure of the country, but I am sure she is African, and I am sure she is white.

Why are you looking to criticize me when I was asking for opinions and advice? Sorry the words I wrote did not sound correct to you. Thank god we are not actually talking about this. I would have said the same thing with my spoken words. Maybe try to to take things as cross. Maybe the poster has good intentions.

[Anonymous]

Could you say something like, "I'd be happy to help you install the car seat--I know how difficult it can be"? I understand the desire not to offend, but it seems like that in this case that's a risk worth taking.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the ideas. I just took a look to see what I had in the house regarding car seat safety. I found a brochure from our 9 month check up so I am going to slip in their mail box. Thank you for the idea! I am worried about the baby and really don't want to approach the mom and tell her she is doing something wrong. Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

I would encourage you to say something instead of slipping something in her mailbox. My mom grew up with 12 brothers and sisters. They were very poor and neighbors slipped something in their mailbox to her mother about birth control. It was very hurtful. Not exactly the same thing, but surely you could say something in a nice way instead so it doesn't come across in such a judgmental way.

[Anonymous]

yeah, i think saying something to her would be better than dropping a brochure in her mailbox. you could approach it by asking her if she knows it's not legal to use a car seat for an infant, letting her know that she may get a ticket or be stopped by the police for this. then you can offer to help or to tell her where she can go to have someone install the seat for her.

[Anonymous]

PP: meant to write that it's not legal NOT to use a car seat!

[Anonymous]

Talk to her.

Offer to help her install the seat correctly. She really may not know or may not know the dangers (air bags) of not doing so. If she refuses, says she knows how to use it and chooses to do it her way- report her to CPS and/or the police. There may be other issues as well. But even if not, you won't feel as bad about doing that as you will reading that the child died in a car accident. CPS report can be made anonymously, police report probably could be as well.

Please take a more active approach to this extremely dangerous situation than just putting something in the mailbox. (Though that's better than nothing...)

[Anonymous]

it seems that she knows a carseat is needed but I suppose may not realize the dangers as they arent used consistently all over africa and the laws arent the same as here

If she chooses not to head your advice I would call both CPS and the police... Id rather she hate me then see a baby die

[Anonymous]

OP- you don't sound racist at all- just a concerned neighbor.. I would consider walking over to her and softly letting her know and help her.. I've seen grandparents ride with their grandkids in their lap and I didn't know what to do to call the police or what- but it';s very unsafe.. some people are just unaware of safety- older- thinking in old law terms- other countries- different standards...

[Anonymous]

Does she know what an airbag will do to her baby? Or even if she just had to stop quickly or do a sharp turn?
I would call the police. Seriously. If it were a stranger and not a neighbor most people on this board would tell you to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she know what an airbag will do to her baby? Or even if she just had to stop quickly or do a sharp turn?
I would call the police. Seriously. If it were a stranger and not a neighbor most people on this board would tell you to do that.

I would call the police if I ever saw anyone driving without a car seat. While I'm sensitive to the fact that she might not know the law, at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. Her child could die at any moment in the car. Her baby's safety must come first. I would never forgive myself if I didn't do something to protect the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would encourage you to say something instead of slipping something in her mailbox. My mom grew up with 12 brothers and sisters. They were very poor and neighbors slipped something in their mailbox to her mother about birth control. It was very hurtful. Not exactly the same thing, but surely you could say something in a nice way instead so it doesn't come across in such a judgmental way.

While I take PP's broader point, I wouldn't worry too much about it in this case. IMHO there's a big difference between judging someone for the number of children she has and judging someone for repeatedly endangering her child and breaking the law.