Can we ban this phrase?

[Anonymous]

Can we ban the phrase "All I wanted out of my birth was a healthy baby."? It is A) obnoxious, because do you really think there are women on here who don't prioritize a healthy baby? I'm sure there are a few drug addicts, nutsos out there who don't give a crap if their babies are healthy, but in general, if a woman carries a baby to term, she wants it to be healthy, and B) it is not true - all women (again excluding the clinically insane) want a healthy baby and not to die, not to be horribly injured by the birth, not to have a hellish experience (maybe via epidural, maybe through other coping strategies), etc. etc.
I just don't understand why people write that phrase except as some sort of weird swipe at women who make different choices. Ask any woman (regardless of her birth choices) where having a healthy baby ranks, and I promise you, it will be her first priority. But unless you truly do not give a crap about what happens to you (in which case you have serious issues), we all want both a healthy baby and some sort of decent treatment while we give birth to said baby.
I feel better.

[Anonymous]

Interesting that you take this so personally. To me, it just means that some women don't prioritize the type(s) of birth they are going to have. Many women want a birth plan down to the finest detail. But many women don't really care. Lump me in with the women who don't really care. I wanted a healthy baby and as little pain as possible. Whether that was vaginal or c-section, I didn't care. I certainly didn't (and still don't) feel passionately about giving birth in any particular manner. And as shocking as it may be, I have never thought any less of any other woman who chooses to plan things out. In many cases, I admire their convictions and passion about the subject.

[Anonymous]

Of course, all women want healthy babies. When someone says "all I want", it means that this is what they want to the exclusion of anything else.

Some women want a "birth experience". And that birth experience may entail additional risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course, all women want healthy babies. When someone says "all I want", it means that this is what they want to the exclusion of anything else.

Some women want a "birth experience". And that birth experience may entail additional risk.

Exactly. I couldn't care less about the birth experience. But I know many women who feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that you take this so personally. To me, it just means that some women don't prioritize the type(s) of birth they are going to have. Many women want a birth plan down to the finest detail. But many women don't really care. Lump me in with the women who don't really care. I wanted a healthy baby and as little pain as possible. Whether that was vaginal or c-section, I didn't care. I certainly didn't (and still don't) feel passionately about giving birth in any particular manner. And as shocking as it may be, I have never thought any less of any other woman who chooses to plan things out. In many cases, I admire their convictions and passion about the subject.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

I don't like the phrase either, because as a special needs mom, it makes me feel as if my child is somehow the "booby prize" (can't think of a better word) of the birth process. And she and I had a great birth experience and a great nursing experience, much better it sounds like than many so-called healthy children. If your child is not healthy, you can and will make a good birth and a good life for yourself, even if it involves a c-section and a team of experts standing by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course, all women want healthy babies. When someone says "all I want", it means that this is what they want to the exclusion of anything else.

Some women want a "birth experience". And that birth experience may entail additional risk.

This is the OP's objection in a nutshell -- the underlying judgmental idea that if you care about the birth experience itself, it is because you are willing to risk not having a healthy baby to do it. That is unlikely, and ignores the risks to both mothers and babies that many people believe are a part of what is considered normal and routine childbirth in this country.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I feel much more judged for being "okay" with a csection. Your priorities inherently look down upon my method of birth and it's not okay for me to express that I'm okay with my choices so long as the baby is healthy? Something wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I feel much more judged for being "okay" with a csection. Your priorities inherently look down upon my method of birth and it's not okay for me to express that I'm okay with my choices so long as the baby is healthy? Something wrong with that.

OK, so we're even then.

[Anonymous]

No. I will not stop using that phrase. It is what I feel and you cannot tell me otherwise. As someone else mentioned, there are some mothers who are so concerned about their birth plan and not having a c-section that their health and their child's health, is could be put at risk.

So, I don't find it obnoxious or obvious. You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but I will continue with mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I will not stop using that phrase. It is what I feel and you cannot tell me otherwise. As someone else mentioned, there are some mothers who are so concerned about their birth plan and not having a c-section that their health and their child's health, is could be put at risk.

So, I don't find it obnoxious or obvious. You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but I will continue with mine.

...even if it's wrong."

OP, they will continue using this phrase because it pushes people's buttons, which is so much more fun than listening to the arguments being made.

[Anonymous]

On a slightly different note: Please stop giving me that pitying look because I didn't get to have a natural birth experience (just like yours). I really couldn't give a rat's ass, and my life as a woman has not been diminished.

Yes, I would have preferred a less medicalized birth. Yes, I would have preferred that I did less hemmorraging, too. I am thankful for the medicalized experience because it succeeded in creating two healthy outcomes (and that wasn't obvious during the experience).

[Anonymous]

As someone who didn't end up with a healthy baby, i like this phrase. It is a good "oh get over yourself already" to the women who complain that their birth experience wasn't everything they hoped for because they had to have a c-section or the birthing pool was full or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Why do people who claim they "don't give a rat's ass" sound so upset about the opinions of others? Sure sounds to me like they "give a rat's ass."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like the phrase either, because as a special needs mom, it makes me feel as if my child is somehow the "booby prize" (can't think of a better word) of the birth process. And she and I had a great birth experience and a great nursing experience, much better it sounds like than many so-called healthy children. If your child is not healthy, you can and will make a good birth and a good life for yourself, even if it involves a c-section and a team of experts standing by.

I was talking to a HS senior who volunteers at my workplace - he is an amazing person, very articulate, intelligent and personable. We were talking the other day about having children and he asked if I wanted to have a boy or a girl. I thought about it for a minute and said that it didn't matter to me and he finished my thought with, "just as long as they're healthy?" I was kind of caught off guard and said yes, but it gave me pause since he is in a wheelchair and has very limited abilities in terms of using his hands/body(not sure what his DX is exactly). I'm sure that his parents love him very much and are proud of the person he is even though he isn't "healthy." It just really struck me to hear it from him and I didn't know what to say...