Can we ban this phrase?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I feel much more judged for being "okay" with a csection. Your priorities inherently look down upon my method of birth and it's not okay for me to express that I'm okay with my choices so long as the baby is healthy? Something wrong with that.

OK, so we're even then.

Except you two are not even if we are talking about delivery of a breech baby. The mortality rate is 3.8x as high for vaginal delivery of breech babies. That is not even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we ban the phrase "All I wanted out of my birth was a healthy baby."? It is A) obnoxious, because do you really think there are women on here who don't prioritize a healthy baby? I'm sure there are a few drug addicts, nutsos out there who don't give a crap if their babies are healthy, but in general, if a woman carries a baby to term, she wants it to be healthy, and B) it is not true - all women (again excluding the clinically insane) want a healthy baby and not to die, not to be horribly injured by the birth, not to have a hellish experience (maybe via epidural, maybe through other coping strategies), etc. etc.
I just don't understand why people write that phrase except as some sort of weird swipe at women who make different choices. Ask any woman (regardless of her birth choices) where having a healthy baby ranks, and I promise you, it will be her first priority. But unless you truly do not give a crap about what happens to you (in which case you have serious issues), we all want both a healthy baby and some sort of decent treatment while we give birth to said baby.
I feel better.

Just shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I feel much more judged for being "okay" with a csection. Your priorities inherently look down upon my method of birth and it's not okay for me to express that I'm okay with my choices so long as the baby is healthy? Something wrong with that.

OK, so we're even then.

Except you two are not even if we are talking about delivery of a breech baby. The mortality rate is 3.8x as high for vaginal delivery of breech babies. That is not even.

Then obviously we're not talking about a breech baby.

[Anonymous]

So what? Now is not politically correct to say all you want is a healthy baby? We must change to what?
"All I want is a live baby?" You people are crazy.

[Anonymous]

I wish that was obvious but then we have the thread about that home birth baby who died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like the phrase either, because as a special needs mom, it makes me feel as if my child is somehow the "booby prize" (can't think of a better word) of the birth process. And she and I had a great birth experience and a great nursing experience, much better it sounds like than many so-called healthy children. If your child is not healthy, you can and will make a good birth and a good life for yourself, even if it involves a c-section and a team of experts standing by.

I was talking to a HS senior who volunteers at my workplace - he is an amazing person, very articulate, intelligent and personable. We were talking the other day about having children and he asked if I wanted to have a boy or a girl. I thought about it for a minute and said that it didn't matter to me and he finished my thought with, "just as long as they're healthy?" I was kind of caught off guard and said yes, but it gave me pause since he is in a wheelchair and has very limited abilities in terms of using his hands/body(not sure what his DX is exactly). I'm sure that his parents love him very much and are proud of the person he is even though he isn't "healthy." It just really struck me to hear it from him and I didn't know what to say...

Exactly my point, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Are there those who do not want a healthy baby? Doesn't everyone want a healthy baby?

And a healthy baby can have special needs. Healthy does not have to equate to "perfect".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there those who do not want a healthy baby? Doesn't everyone want a healthy baby?

And a healthy baby can have special needs. Healthy does not have to equate to "perfect".

I think you missed the point. Yes, everyone wants a healthy baby. But the phrase "I don't care [about anything] as long as the baby is healthy" implies that in the hierarchy of wants and needs and desires, not having a special needs child comes before everything else. That anything and everything else is preferable to having an unhealthy child. Would it surprise you to know that special needs parents do not feel that way, do not lead lives of agony and despair and grief -- that we are actually happy and having fun too with out kids?

And I have to say, unhealthy does mean special needs. How else do you define it? What else is it that you think people are thinking of? A baby with a birthmark?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like the phrase either, because as a special needs mom, it makes me feel as if my child is somehow the "booby prize" (can't think of a better word) of the birth process. And she and I had a great birth experience and a great nursing experience, much better it sounds like than many so-called healthy children. If your child is not healthy, you can and will make a good birth and a good life for yourself, even if it involves a c-section and a team of experts standing by.

I was talking to a HS senior who volunteers at my workplace - he is an amazing person, very articulate, intelligent and personable. We were talking the other day about having children and he asked if I wanted to have a boy or a girl. I thought about it for a minute and said that it didn't matter to me and he finished my thought with, "just as long as they're healthy?" I was kind of caught off guard and said yes, but it gave me pause since he is in a wheelchair and has very limited abilities in terms of using his hands/body(not sure what his DX is exactly). I'm sure that his parents love him very much and are proud of the person he is even though he isn't "healthy." It just really struck me to hear it from him and I didn't know what to say...

Exactly my point, thank you.

Wanting to deliver a healthy baby does not imply that you would not love an unhealthy one. You know that. I know that. And the boy in the wheel chair knows that.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure the boy in the wheelchair's parents love him very much AND wish he weren't in a wheelchair. I'm sure the boy himself wishes he weren't in a wheelchair.

The point of the thread is that anti-natural birth posters use the phrase to make it seem as if people who choose a natural birth are compromising the chances of having a healthy baby by making that choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what? Now is not politically correct to say all you want is a healthy baby? We must change to what?
"All I want is a live baby?" You people are crazy.

Completely agree with the above. This whole thread is strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what? Now is not politically correct to say all you want is a healthy baby? We must change to what?
"All I want is a live baby?" You people are crazy.

Completely agree with the above. This whole thread is strange.

You're missing the point by taking it out of context. Put the emphasis on the word "I" and you get that it is used as half of an argument. "Really? You care about your birth experience? Well, all I want is a healthy baby." As if people who have a preference about their birth experience don't also want a healthy baby.

[Anonymous]

OP here, interesting how people assume I had a natural birth - I didn't I was in a hospital with IVs, internal monitoring, epidural, you name it. A number of the responses don't seem to get that the phrase is ridiculously condescending and insulting in any context. Like how about:
Person A: I want an epidural or I want a c-section so I don't tear.
Person B: All I want is a healthy baby.
Would you really hear that and not think Person B is being self-righteous?
And I hadn't thought of this, but if I had a special needs child, I would find the phrase obnoxious for that reason as well.
But anyways, I stand by my point that I wish women would stop using that sort of phrase around eachother. It just reeks of smugness and judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure the boy in the wheelchair's parents love him very much AND wish he weren't in a wheelchair. I'm sure the boy himself wishes he weren't in a wheelchair.

The point of the thread is that anti-natural birth posters use the phrase to make it seem as if people who choose a natural birth are compromising the chances of having a healthy baby by making that choice.

No, actually, I am NOT sure.

Neither the boy nor his parents probably spend their days wishing and hoping he weren't in a wheelchair.

You just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure the boy in the wheelchair's parents love him very much AND wish he weren't in a wheelchair. I'm sure the boy himself wishes he weren't in a wheelchair.

The point of the thread is that anti-natural birth posters use the phrase to make it seem as if people who choose a natural birth are compromising the chances of having a healthy baby by making that choice.

No one objects to a natural birth if conditions are right. It's not like you are required to have an epidural. There are no people who think that vaginal delivery should be outlawed.

But mothers who expect a natural or even at-home birth even when there are complications are compromising the chances of having a healthy baby. It's not compromised to the point of a coin flip, but you are making choices which may double or triple the chance that your baby could die in child birth. That's what people object to.