I am done - literally don’t care anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get how lawyers can get away with working 100 hours a week when there is no court in session.

I wonder if your dh is avoiding childcare by making it seem like he has 100 hours a week of work. If he were in the office he would have commuting time and chatting at the water cooler time. There are less people committing crimes right now, no court in session. What the heck is he doing?

He needs to help you. Even if he comes down for 30 minutes at lunch time to take over the kids so you can take a walk. If he can’t do that then there’s something wrong.

Op here - he is not doing criminal law. He does government litigation therefore is extremely busy. Protests on top of protests for government contracts. I don’t doubt he is actually busy. He is constantly writing and on calls and doing briefs and depositions. It is exhausting for him. I get it. But what I am doing is equally exhausting. It’s not the pain Olympics. It sucks for everybody. I just don’t get any sleep since I am breastfeeding a baby along with it.

OP, the courts are closed. I get not wanting to backlog everything, but what's the rush in doing a virtual deposition when there won't be a trial any time soon? If you're doing depositions it seems like you'd be more likely to have to try the issue rather than have a judge rule on the papers.

The Federal Courts are not closed, courts have not halted deadlines, courts continue to issue rulings on motions and are holding virtual hearings (and in-person for criminal matters). My guess is OP’s DH is a mid to senior level associate who can either shine during this time and make partner or not. Lawyers in many fields are slammed and dealing with remote issues that make their days longer (having to do their own scanning/copying /editing). It’s unfortunate that there are 3 small children at home for OP to handle but her DH could not have predicted a pandemic. OP is the primary caregiver and just as her DH’s workload has increased during this pandemic so has hers. TV and Cheetos are fine.

Really?

All civil and criminal in-person proceedings in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia, including court appearances, trials, hearings, settlement conferences, and naturalization ceremonies scheduled to occur through June 10, 2020, with the exception of critical or emergency proceedings, are POSTPONED, subject to the conditions set forth in this General Order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quarantine is hard. Quarantine with a newborn is the absolutely most torturous thing I can imagine. You have all my sympathies.

Actually I think with a newborn it's much easier (if there are no other kids). They don't need to be cooked for, they don't care where you walk with them, they don't care if you watch TV...

And they sleep a lot!!! Not as consecutively for long, but they still sleep a lot during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can DH take more paternity leave? COVID leave? My guess is that he could take more time off he just feels pressure (internal or external) not to.

Another poster that doesn’t understand law firm culture.

I guess that I also don't understand this. His wife is depressed. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in women post partum, and, frankly, OP seems high risk. What is he going to do if she dies, and he has to take care of the kids? He really cannot possibly take any time off?

The solution isn’t him losing his job, it’s to get help...OP needs to get a virtual therapist she can meet with when DCs are asleep and she needs to cut out the night feedings. She also should hire someone to live-in even if it’s for 3 months. Put the crib in her room.

Why can't he do any of these things? Find live-in help? Find a therapist?

He had enough time to father three children...

You really cannot delegate finding a therapist to someone else. And, as a Mother...no way would I trust DH to pick out a caregiver on his own...just no.

Yes you can delegate finding a therapist to someone else.
And I am confident that this man is sufficiently type A to find a quality caregiver for his children. This is not unreasonable in any way.

My husband found my therapist for me. Even called her first and had an initial chat. It was a huge gift when I needed it. My husband would never just let me drown like this.

Mine did the same. Called my doctor, got referrals, called around and made the appointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you guys aren't going to post helpful responses for OP, can you at least not give in to the temptation to be an asshole? Take that to the Real Estate forum or something.

People tried being helpful at first. OP balked at every possible solution to her problem.

EXACTLY! I can't stand OPs who come on here and are just like "nope" to the posters who take the time to write thoughtful responses to provide useful advice. that's why she's getting crapped on now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you guys aren't going to post helpful responses for OP, can you at least not give in to the temptation to be an asshole? Take that to the Real Estate forum or something.

People tried being helpful at first. OP balked at every possible solution to her problem.

EXACTLY! I can't stand OPs who come on here and are just like "nope" to the posters who take the time to write thoughtful responses to provide useful advice. that's why she's getting crapped on now.

Op here - I don’t think I said nope to anything. I am looking into a therapist and also on care.com to try and find a nanny situation. Thanks for all the helpful posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get how lawyers can get away with working 100 hours a week when there is no court in session.

I wonder if your dh is avoiding childcare by making it seem like he has 100 hours a week of work. If he were in the office he would have commuting time and chatting at the water cooler time. There are less people committing crimes right now, no court in session. What the heck is he doing?

He needs to help you. Even if he comes down for 30 minutes at lunch time to take over the kids so you can take a walk. If he can’t do that then there’s something wrong.

Op here - he is not doing criminal law. He does government litigation therefore is extremely busy. Protests on top of protests for government contracts. I don’t doubt he is actually busy. He is constantly writing and on calls and doing briefs and depositions. It is exhausting for him. I get it. But what I am doing is equally exhausting. It’s not the pain Olympics. It sucks for everybody. I just don’t get any sleep since I am breastfeeding a baby along with it.

OP, the courts are closed. I get not wanting to backlog everything, but what's the rush in doing a virtual deposition when there won't be a trial any time soon? If you're doing depositions it seems like you'd be more likely to have to try the issue rather than have a judge rule on the papers.

The Federal Courts are not closed, courts have not halted deadlines, courts continue to issue rulings on motions and are holding virtual hearings (and in-person for criminal matters). My guess is OP’s DH is a mid to senior level associate who can either shine during this time and make partner or not. Lawyers in many fields are slammed and dealing with remote issues that make their days longer (having to do their own scanning/copying /editing). It’s unfortunate that there are 3 small children at home for OP to handle but her DH could not have predicted a pandemic. OP is the primary caregiver and just as her DH’s workload has increased during this pandemic so has hers. TV and Cheetos are fine.

Really?

All civil and criminal in-person proceedings in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia, including court appearances, trials, hearings, settlement conferences, and naturalization ceremonies scheduled to occur through June 10, 2020, with the exception of critical or emergency proceedings, are POSTPONED, subject to the conditions set forth in this General Order.

Yes ...really? In-person is postponed not telephonic or other deadlines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you guys aren't going to post helpful responses for OP, can you at least not give in to the temptation to be an asshole? Take that to the Real Estate forum or something.

People tried being helpful at first. OP balked at every possible solution to her problem.

EXACTLY! I can't stand OPs who come on here and are just like "nope" to the posters who take the time to write thoughtful responses to provide useful advice. that's why she's getting crapped on now.

Op here - I don’t think I said nope to anything. I am looking into a therapist and also on care.com to try and find a nanny situation. Thanks for all the helpful posters.

yes, you absolutely did. the first 3-5 times you responded it was defensive and "i just don't care, i'm letting them watch tv" blah blah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you guys aren't going to post helpful responses for OP, can you at least not give in to the temptation to be an asshole? Take that to the Real Estate forum or something.

People tried being helpful at first. OP balked at every possible solution to her problem.

EXACTLY! I can't stand OPs who come on here and are just like "nope" to the posters who take the time to write thoughtful responses to provide useful advice. that's why she's getting crapped on now.

Op here - I don’t think I said nope to anything. I am looking into a therapist and also on care.com to try and find a nanny situation. Thanks for all the helpful posters.

Good luck OP! A nanny service may be your best route or do a search on Nextdoor for those saying their available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quarantine is hard. Quarantine with a newborn is the absolutely most torturous thing I can imagine. You have all my sympathies.

Actually I think with a newborn it's much easier (if there are no other kids). They don't need to be cooked for, they don't care where you walk with them, they don't care if you watch TV...

And they sleep a lot!!! Not as consecutively for long, but they still sleep a lot during the day.

Not everyone has sleepy newborns. Both my kids as newborns slept in 20 minute increments during the day.

[Anonymous]

OP - is your OB or GP offering telemedicine appointments? I would call them up and try to get on some Lexapro or something to try to tackle the PPD.

And I fully support your plan for screens and snacks in abundance. Just hang in there and do whatever you have to to survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get how lawyers can get away with working 100 hours a week when there is no court in session.

I wonder if your dh is avoiding childcare by making it seem like he has 100 hours a week of work. If he were in the office he would have commuting time and chatting at the water cooler time. There are less people committing crimes right now, no court in session. What the heck is he doing?

He needs to help you. Even if he comes down for 30 minutes at lunch time to take over the kids so you can take a walk. If he can’t do that then there’s something wrong.

Op here - he is not doing criminal law. He does government litigation therefore is extremely busy. Protests on top of protests for government contracts. I don’t doubt he is actually busy. He is constantly writing and on calls and doing briefs and depositions. It is exhausting for him. I get it. But what I am doing is equally exhausting. It’s not the pain Olympics. It sucks for everybody. I just don’t get any sleep since I am breastfeeding a baby along with it.

OP, the courts are closed. I get not wanting to backlog everything, but what's the rush in doing a virtual deposition when there won't be a trial any time soon? If you're doing depositions it seems like you'd be more likely to have to try the issue rather than have a judge rule on the papers.

The Federal Courts are not closed, courts have not halted deadlines, courts continue to issue rulings on motions and are holding virtual hearings (and in-person for criminal matters). My guess is OP’s DH is a mid to senior level associate who can either shine during this time and make partner or not. Lawyers in many fields are slammed and dealing with remote issues that make their days longer (having to do their own scanning/copying /editing). It’s unfortunate that there are 3 small children at home for OP to handle but her DH could not have predicted a pandemic. OP is the primary caregiver and just as her DH’s workload has increased during this pandemic so has hers. TV and Cheetos are fine.

Really?

All civil and criminal in-person proceedings in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia, including court appearances, trials, hearings, settlement conferences, and naturalization ceremonies scheduled to occur through June 10, 2020, with the exception of critical or emergency proceedings, are POSTPONED, subject to the conditions set forth in this General Order.

Yes ...really? In-person is postponed not telephonic or other deadlines.

NP. Also, many lawyers in this area have nation-wide practices, meaning they have cases pending in different state or federal courts, each of which have enacted different orders. Not sure why so many PPs are insisting that there must be no work to do because "courts are closed" when many of us have repeatedly said that's not true.

[Anonymous]

Hire help. 100 percent. Have that person start this week. Even if only three hours a day a few days a week. Ask that person to do some educational activities like reading, and counting, and building with blocks with the kids. Have her take the kids out for a some fresh air, a walk, some skipping/hopscotch and ball play. During that time you should sleep or go out to exercise on your own...go get coffee at an open cafe just to see humans, keeping your distance of course.

Look for teenagers to help. I have two and they are going crazy not having normal employment opportunities for extra money. They are sick of being cooped up and being responsible not seeing friends. They could help, depending on where you live. Or a neighbor's teens could help. Kids are not at high risk for covid complications. Have them wear masks, but let them get out with a responsible teen who will wear one too.

If your spouse is going to work that much, during this pandemic, and maybe always, you should get some assistance considering the workload of three kids (since it sounds like you usually work too).

Screw the people who say you are not a good mom. They are idiots whose next babies will be the worst sleepers ever....or the ones they already have will develop challenging learning disorders yet to be diagnosed. They will face their hard times....everyone does. If you have never felt overwhelmed to the point of wanting to quit, well then, you haven't really had your hard time yet. Trust me, naysayers.

Every great mother has had days, weeks, even few month chunks feeling overwhelmed. These are challenging times. You are normal and healthy to feel overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get how lawyers can get away with working 100 hours a week when there is no court in session.

I wonder if your dh is avoiding childcare by making it seem like he has 100 hours a week of work. If he were in the office he would have commuting time and chatting at the water cooler time. There are less people committing crimes right now, no court in session. What the heck is he doing?

He needs to help you. Even if he comes down for 30 minutes at lunch time to take over the kids so you can take a walk. If he can’t do that then there’s something wrong.

Op here - he is not doing criminal law. He does government litigation therefore is extremely busy. Protests on top of protests for government contracts. I don’t doubt he is actually busy. He is constantly writing and on calls and doing briefs and depositions. It is exhausting for him. I get it. But what I am doing is equally exhausting. It’s not the pain Olympics. It sucks for everybody. I just don’t get any sleep since I am breastfeeding a baby along with it.

OP, the courts are closed. I get not wanting to backlog everything, but what's the rush in doing a virtual deposition when there won't be a trial any time soon? If you're doing depositions it seems like you'd be more likely to have to try the issue rather than have a judge rule on the papers.

The Federal Courts are not closed, courts have not halted deadlines, courts continue to issue rulings on motions and are holding virtual hearings (and in-person for criminal matters). My guess is OP’s DH is a mid to senior level associate who can either shine during this time and make partner or not. Lawyers in many fields are slammed and dealing with remote issues that make their days longer (having to do their own scanning/copying /editing). It’s unfortunate that there are 3 small children at home for OP to handle but her DH could not have predicted a pandemic. OP is the primary caregiver and just as her DH’s workload has increased during this pandemic so has hers. TV and Cheetos are fine.

Really?

All civil and criminal in-person proceedings in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia, including court appearances, trials, hearings, settlement conferences, and naturalization ceremonies scheduled to occur through June 10, 2020, with the exception of critical or emergency proceedings, are POSTPONED, subject to the conditions set forth in this General Order.

Yes ...really? In-person is postponed not telephonic or other deadlines.

Good God. Most of us practice in hundreds of different jurisdictions, many lawyers do deals, many lawyers review contracts. Many advise clients on how to comply with laws or conduct business. Most never even go to court. Don't try to make sweeping stupid judgments when you obviously have zero understanding or awareness of what it is that "lawyers do."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quarantine is hard. Quarantine with a newborn is the absolutely most torturous thing I can imagine. You have all my sympathies.

really?

Hmmmm. Try quarantining with covid-19! And almost dying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get how lawyers can get away with working 100 hours a week when there is no court in session.

I wonder if your dh is avoiding childcare by making it seem like he has 100 hours a week of work. If he were in the office he would have commuting time and chatting at the water cooler time. There are less people committing crimes right now, no court in session. What the heck is he doing?

He needs to help you. Even if he comes down for 30 minutes at lunch time to take over the kids so you can take a walk. If he can’t do that then there’s something wrong.

Op here - he is not doing criminal law. He does government litigation therefore is extremely busy. Protests on top of protests for government contracts. I don’t doubt he is actually busy. He is constantly writing and on calls and doing briefs and depositions. It is exhausting for him. I get it. But what I am doing is equally exhausting. It’s not the pain Olympics. It sucks for everybody. I just don’t get any sleep since I am breastfeeding a baby along with it.

OP, the courts are closed. I get not wanting to backlog everything, but what's the rush in doing a virtual deposition when there won't be a trial any time soon? If you're doing depositions it seems like you'd be more likely to have to try the issue rather than have a judge rule on the papers.

The Federal Courts are not closed, courts have not halted deadlines, courts continue to issue rulings on motions and are holding virtual hearings (and in-person for criminal matters). My guess is OP’s DH is a mid to senior level associate who can either shine during this time and make partner or not. Lawyers in many fields are slammed and dealing with remote issues that make their days longer (having to do their own scanning/copying /editing). It’s unfortunate that there are 3 small children at home for OP to handle but her DH could not have predicted a pandemic. OP is the primary caregiver and just as her DH’s workload has increased during this pandemic so has hers. TV and Cheetos are fine.

Really?

All civil and criminal in-person proceedings in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia, including court appearances, trials, hearings, settlement conferences, and naturalization ceremonies scheduled to occur through June 10, 2020, with the exception of critical or emergency proceedings, are POSTPONED, subject to the conditions set forth in this General Order.

Yes ...really? In-person is postponed not telephonic or other deadlines.

NP. Also, many lawyers in this area have nation-wide practices, meaning they have cases pending in different state or federal courts, each of which have enacted different orders. Not sure why so many PPs are insisting that there must be no work to do because "courts are closed" when many of us have repeatedly said that's not true.

I don't think anyone has said OP's husband has NO WORK to do. People have expressed disbelief that he is working 12 hours a day 7 days a week.