My son brought a friend on vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is "home training" a commonly used phrase? It has shown up a lot on this thread, but I don't remember seeing it before.

I agree that it is perfectly appropriate (and enjoyable for the rest of us) for an OP to come on here and vent about things they'd never say in public. It's just that this particular OP seems to not quite view the annoying house guest as an actual person. That's what's off-putting, for me anyway. Does anyone else truly sort their kids' friends into tiers?

I took “third tier” to mean it’s someone who her son doesn’t hang out with much, not like, his value as a person. So first tier = best friends, second tier = wider circle of friends, third tier = friend seen from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is "home training" a commonly used phrase? It has shown up a lot on this thread, but I don't remember seeing it before.

I agree that it is perfectly appropriate (and enjoyable for the rest of us) for an OP to come on here and vent about things they'd never say in public. It's just that this particular OP seems to not quite view the annoying house guest as an actual person. That's what's off-putting, for me anyway. Does anyone else truly sort their kids' friends into tiers?

Are all your kids' friends as equally close? You're telling me your kid doesn't have certain friends she's closer to and others that are just a notch above being at the acquaintance level? My dds definitely have the inner circle of a few very close friends, the next circle of good friends but maybe not as close and then the outer circle of friend (3rd tier, if you will) of friends who are just a step above acquaintance. Heck, I even have those different level of friendships. Doesn't everyone?

Doesn't mean they are bad kids it just refers to where they are in the friend hierarchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is "home training" a commonly used phrase? It has shown up a lot on this thread, but I don't remember seeing it before.

I agree that it is perfectly appropriate (and enjoyable for the rest of us) for an OP to come on here and vent about things they'd never say in public. It's just that this particular OP seems to not quite view the annoying house guest as an actual person. That's what's off-putting, for me anyway. Does anyone else truly sort their kids' friends into tiers?

Are all your kids' friends as equally close? You're telling me your kid doesn't have certain friends she's closer to and others that are just a notch above being at the acquaintance level? My dds definitely have the inner circle of a few very close friends, the next circle of good friends but maybe not as close and then the outer circle of friend (3rd tier, if you will) of friends who are just a step above acquaintance. Heck, I even have those different level of friendships. Doesn't everyone?

Doesn't mean they are bad kids it just refers to where they are in the friend hierarchy.

Absolutely. But I wouldn’t allow my child no matter their age to invite an acquaintance/3rd tier on our family vacation. That’s on OP for allowing someone she didn’t know to join them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm team OP.

I generally discourage my kids from being friends with those that are very overweight or downright obese.

I can't stand being around anyone who is that food-centric. They suck the fun out of things. My SIL is obese and only ever wants to eat at restaurants where you "get your money's worth" instead of nicer places. We went to a nice prix fixe meal for my MIL's bday in May and all SIL did was complain about portion sizes. "TWO SHRIMP? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" It was a 8 course meal and everyone else got full except for her, who kept complaining and then went to McDonald's on the way back to MIL's house for cake.

I also grew up with an overweight sister who refused to wear a bathing suit in public, so until I was old enough to go to the pool on my own or I found a friend's parent to take me, I didn't get to go swimming because my mom didn't think it was right to make her sit on the side or stay home alone. No beach trips either. No water park trips. When we went to a theme park, any ride that she may not have fit on, we didn't even attempt to ride for fear that she might be singled out and made to get off the ride in front of everyone. Instead of trying to help her lose weight, everyone just catered to her. Even she admitted this when she was older and finally lost the weight as an adult. She said she wished our parents had been more strict with her instead of bending over backward to accommodate her.

Wow. You are.... Wow. You have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave OP alone. Every one of you would get annoyed to no end if your child invited a similar guest to your family vacation.

Totally agree. OP has an oblivious, annoying kid with her on vacation...she just came here to vent. Some of the posts on this thread, like the ones trying to insinuate that OP must have an eating disorder, are truly bizarre.

He isn't even a kid! He is 19. His parents should have known how much their son eats and to send him with money to cover the costs of his meals/snacks.

Come on OP bashers - let's say I posted this thread.

"My 19 year old son was invited to a beach vacation with a friend from high school. He and the boy who invited him weren't super close but I'm glad my son will be able to get-away to the beach. My 19 year old eats EVERYTHING in sight and when we go out to eat, he always order steaks/filets.

When he goes on vacation with this friend and family, I don't need to give my son any money to cover the costs of food - right? He is the guest and I expect the family will cover all costs."

How would you respond to that post? Everyone would reply that she does indeed need to give her son money to cover the cost of his food! This is a case of bad home training and has turned that adult into an unappealing fat slob.

We can only advise the person who posted. The idea of that the group is somehow unfairly picking on OP after some of the spew that she posted is pretty unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave OP alone. Every one of you would get annoyed to no end if your child invited a similar guest to your family vacation.

But instead of drawing boundaries or taking action like an adult with choices, options, language, OP decided to come here and complain about a teenager.

Eh, she’s not trying to shame the kid or make him feel bad, so she’s being internally annoyed and venting on an anonymous forum. Most of us would not try and “correct” an obnoxious guest...you just endure it for the sake of politeness.

You really think she's not letting her annoyance show to the guest? I am skeptical. Also, I don't think saying, "let's make sure everyone gets a fair share of the cookies" is impolite or correcting in the least.

He's 19. If OP is showing her annoyance to him, it's okay. He needs to realize his actions are indeed annoying and he needs to shape up.

No, that's absolutely wrong - either you use your words (i.e., please share the cookies) or you keep all negative emotions firmly in control. You seem to be excusing OP acting annoyed but not actually using language to address the issue. If this guy "needs to realize his actions are indeed annoying and [that] he needs to shape up," use words to say what needs to happen. It's not okay for OP, the adult, to act pissy without explanation.

[Anonymous]

You have a lot of facts that are irrelevant. It doesn’t matter that he’s overweight or not your son’s first or second pick to take on vacation. You accept your guests as they are. He’s possibly more secondary, overweight and eats a lot of your food and uses your sunblock. He’s also an invited guest for your family and has no one else there from his family. You guest = your responsibility to make him feel welcome and comfortable.

Suck it up, buttercup. Your judgmental attitude is an ugly look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a lot of facts that are irrelevant. It doesn’t matter that he’s overweight or not your son’s first or second pick to take on vacation. You accept your guests as they are. He’s possibly more secondary, overweight and eats a lot of your food and uses your sunblock. He’s also an invited guest for your family and has no one else there from his family. You guest = your responsibility to make him feel welcome and comfortable.

Suck it up, buttercup. Your judgmental attitude is an ugly look.

Sec Brady = sedentary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP had not mentioned that he was an obese third tier friend who tried to order filet mignon but instead talked about needing to vent about an unhelpful house guest who went through all of the family's supplies if this whole thread would have broken a different way.

Can't believe it has gone on for 11 pages.

Don't forget the part where she calls him a glutton who causes her to lose her appetite.

[Anonymous]

OP, what high school did you son go to? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what high school did you son go to? Just curious.

Why? Is your slightly overweight kid on vacation with the family of a friend from high school? Because that would take this thread from weird to awesome.

[Anonymous]

There are 2 people here who should know better: one is OP who should use her knowledge as an adult to communicate the rules while on vacation in a nice way,

Second is the gluttonous teen who was clearly raised by parents who cater to him and now needs to see how the rest of the world behaves.
Better do it now than in the workplace.

Manners seem to be a lost art for many people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are 2 people here who should know better: one is OP who should use her knowledge as an adult to communicate the rules while on vacation in a nice way,

Second is the gluttonous teen who was clearly raised by parents who cater to him and now needs to see how the rest of the world behaves.
Better do it now than in the workplace.

Manners seem to be a lost art for many people.

I'm curious whether the friend has offered to pay for anything. Maybe he says no to jet skiing and parasailing because he knows he can't afford it. OP and her son should have set the ground rules with the friend in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm team OP.

I generally discourage my kids from being friends with those that are very overweight or downright obese.

I can't stand being around anyone who is that food-centric. They suck the fun out of things. My SIL is obese and only ever wants to eat at restaurants where you "get your money's worth" instead of nicer places. We went to a nice prix fixe meal for my MIL's bday in May and all SIL did was complain about portion sizes. "TWO SHRIMP? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" It was a 8 course meal and everyone else got full except for her, who kept complaining and then went to McDonald's on the way back to MIL's house for cake.

I also grew up with an overweight sister who refused to wear a bathing suit in public, so until I was old enough to go to the pool on my own or I found a friend's parent to take me, I didn't get to go swimming because my mom didn't think it was right to make her sit on the side or stay home alone. No beach trips either. No water park trips. When we went to a theme park, any ride that she may not have fit on, we didn't even attempt to ride for fear that she might be singled out and made to get off the ride in front of everyone. Instead of trying to help her lose weight, everyone just catered to her. Even she admitted this when she was older and finally lost the weight as an adult. She said she wished our parents had been more strict with her instead of bending over backward to accommodate her.

Wow. You are.... Wow. You have issues.

Now, instead of "obese" let's put in disabled. Imagine being friends with someone in a wheelchair, someone who's blind, deaf, etc. Imagine how it would cramp your style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP had not mentioned that he was an obese third tier friend who tried to order filet mignon but instead talked about needing to vent about an unhelpful house guest who went through all of the family's supplies if this whole thread would have broken a different way.

Can't believe it has gone on for 11 pages.

Of course the thread would have gone differently. The whole point of everyone's objection to the OP is that she has made it painfully clear through her chosen vocabulary and tone that her real annoyance with the guest is not that his manners are rude but rather that he is rude for existing as a fat person.

She is turned off by him for being fat and can claim otherwise 'till the cows come home, but it basically seethes out of everything she writes about the kid.