No one eats in this house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We stayed with my MIL one Thanksgiving and brought a big pot of soup for the family potluck, which was held at a nearby SIL's place. MIL did not have any food in her house. Worse, I was in my first trimester and had never knew hunger like that. The day after Thanksgiving, my H and SFIL went hunting and took the car. I ate the leftover of the soup we brought, plus some rolls, that's all I had for a whole day. MIL couldn't be bothered. What a miserable experience.

Did your DH not know there was not any food in the house? I would be more angry with him for leaving you in that home without food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stayed with my MIL one Thanksgiving and brought a big pot of soup for the family potluck, which was held at a nearby SIL's place. MIL did not have any food in her house. Worse, I was in my first trimester and had never knew hunger like that. The day after Thanksgiving, my H and SFIL went hunting and took the car. I ate the leftover of the soup we brought, plus some rolls, that's all I had for a whole day. MIL couldn't be bothered. What a miserable experience.

Did your DH not know there was not any food in the house? I would be more angry with him for leaving you in that home without food.

Since when is bread and soup not "food"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A good host caters to the needs of their guests. Period. The people who close off the kitchen to guests, who may have different wants/need than YOU do are NOT good hosts. Sorry.


I say this after hosting many people with wants/need that are very different than my own. Suck it up. If you don’t want to host, send them to a hotel. But don’t hold them hostage in your home.

Well said. This is what it always felt like being at my in laws during the holidays. The first time I went I almost died from dehydration. Mil would keep the thermostat at 1000 d. We would be pressured to get there as soon as we could and we lived close enough that we would get there before the other siblings. We'd get there 11 ish and try to help but no one was allowed. Dh had 4 siblings all adults by the time we met and none of them other than dh knew how to boil water. We weren't even allowed to get a drink of water. Dinner wasn't served until 630 or 7. I did eventually get mil to allow me to set the table and move some of the food to serving platters.

By the 3rd year, I'd had it. I made an appetizer to share and got a glass of water after we got there. Mil didn't talk to me the entire visit.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The Italian mother in me is horrified to hear that people are hungry.

Are all these people not feeding you nordic Europeans? Irish?

I can't imagine having guests in your house, and not offering them a staggering amount of food.

If you don't have a ton of leftovers after Christmas that means you didn't do it right.

Italians are the best hosts! Out of all the European cultures here in America Italians are the only ones who actually feed people and are hospitable to guests. It is definitely a quality that other white folks lack. There have been numerous threads on DCUM about white people in the northeast not feeding guests. Why do people invite people over their homes and refuse to feed them? In my culture its considered rude to not provide meals for house guests. It will hurt me to know that a person is starving at my house.

Have you ever been to the South? You're not going hungry at a Southern home.

Agree with this! It’s unthinkable for a Southern host not to have plenty of good and drink out for guests IME. We always tell guests to help themselves and offer food and drinks regularly. We don’t each much ourselves - in case y’all think we’re huge - it’s just good manners to make sure people have what they need and don’t have to ask! I was raised that you have to be thinking about the comfort of your guests regularly. By the same token, making sure the parents to their liking, they’re warm or cool enough, have the linens, other things they need, etc. If I was at home didn’t extend me the same courtesy, I’d respect the houses rules of course, but you better believe I’d be out getting food if my family was hungry!

Thanks for schooling us on Southern hospitality. Of course, this hospitality only was extended to white people, right? I'm so over the Southern hospitality schtick. Yes, you had plenty of cheese straws to pass around, but you also had some strange fruit hanging in your trees...

Get bent, judgy. I have both black and white southern family members. It’s the same on both sides- food and hospitality.

I'm so over the mythology of Southern hospitality. "Y'all" can think you are so superior all you want, but all the sweet tea in the world can't wash away the disgusting, atrocious things that still happen in your backyards on a daily basis.

Completely agree. Why did self proclaimed southerners always come on threads boasting about their southern hospitality as if they alone own the rights to proper hosting? There is so much smug boasting in those comments yet when you look under the surface there is a lot to be ashamed of.
?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A good host caters to the needs of their guests. Period. The people who close off the kitchen to guests, who may have different wants/need than YOU do are NOT good hosts. Sorry.


I say this after hosting many people with wants/need that are very different than my own. Suck it up. If you don’t want to host, send them to a hotel. But don’t hold them hostage in your home.

Well said. This is what it always felt like being at my in laws during the holidays. The first time I went I almost died from dehydration. Mil would keep the thermostat at 1000 d. We would be pressured to get there as soon as we could and we lived close enough that we would get there before the other siblings. We'd get there 11 ish and try to help but no one was allowed. Dh had 4 siblings all adults by the time we met and none of them other than dh knew how to boil water. We weren't even allowed to get a drink of water. Dinner wasn't served until 630 or 7. I did eventually get mil to allow me to set the table and move some of the food to serving platters.

By the 3rd year, I'd had it. I made an appetizer to share and got a glass of water after we got there. Mil didn't talk to me the entire visit.

Mil should have really served appetizers. We at the very least had vegetables and dip, and my favorite, deviled eggs. Sounds like you should have brought bottled water for youself. It would have helped somewhat. Arriving super early sounds unnecessary, like my mom and church. She said we had to get their 45 min to one hour before mass even though we always sat in the last pew. We were always the first ones there. My mom said she was afraid there would no seats left and we would have to park too far away from church. We always ended up parking a few feet from the front door of the church. The real reason we went so early so she could watch every walk down the aisle as they came in. She loved seeing everyone and what they were wearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stayed with my MIL one Thanksgiving and brought a big pot of soup for the family potluck, which was held at a nearby SIL's place. MIL did not have any food in her house. Worse, I was in my first trimester and had never knew hunger like that. The day after Thanksgiving, my H and SFIL went hunting and took the car. I ate the leftover of the soup we brought, plus some rolls, that's all I had for a whole day. MIL couldn't be bothered. What a miserable experience.

Did your DH not know there was not any food in the house? I would be more angry with him for leaving you in that home without food.

Since when is bread and soup not "food"?

It's fantastic, and I would have done what the PP did, but she brought it herself. So...MIL is not being arsed to host anything, though she probably takes credit for it. At least you could be in the kitchen and eat when you want, I guess... the ones who ban you from the kitchen but still expect you to do a puzzle or other nonsense are not going to get any visitors next year, I suspect. SAD.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Dinner time -- how's it going? Did everyone get a nice big Christmas dinner? Or were you fed a Christmas lunch that the hosts thought was so big at 2 pm that no one should need to eat again until Monday morning?

I served light appetizers for lunch and then a big dinner at 3 followed by dessert. After that, no more food - nada, zip. I'm still not that hungry this morning and my feet are sore from standing in the kitchen making that nice meal yesterday, so I'm not making breakfast this morning. Burger King is only a short 5 mile walk away.

Signed,

The Host

Wow. You do not have to eat. You do not have to cook. But let others in your kitchen. You may have stuffed yourself silly, but others may have not. And How hard is it to put out some bagels and cereal?

I never stuff myself at any meal (thin, small stomach) so I would be hungry again after three hours.

You're an adult. You do not need to be on the feeding schedule of a newborn. Once you get teeth - the kitchen is closed after a heavy meal.

Actually when you’re an adult you decide when to eat.

Stop trying to control your guests’ every bite of food. Why are you so obsessed over making sure none of your guests eat an apple or a sandwich outside of your strict mealtimes? You have issues.

Crumbs and fingerprints in the kitchen are my business. I want one morning not to worry about them, thank you very much.

Here's the thing. If my mom said to me, "I'd love a break tomorrow morning*, would you mind going out for breakfast?" I'd be happy to do so.

But it's never that. It's "How can you possibly eat. We had such a big meal yesterday. I don't think it's healthy to eat two days in a row. I'm sure your brother doesn't do that. Have you noticed how slim he is? Oh, and please don't go in the kitchen. You always make such a mess. Do you remember that time in fifth grade when you left the lid off the diet margarine? I just can't handle it."

*Note, the reason she needs a break is because she won't let anyone help, and any attempts by others to help are so stressful to her. I'm the PP whose mother now allows water, and tolerated the salad. Yesterday, while I was prepping the vegetables she asked me to make, she came hobbling into the kitchen 3 or 4 times because she heard some "awful noise" and had to make sure things were OK. One time the awful noise was the sound a knife makes on a cutting board when I cut up carrots. Another time, it was the sound of a drawer opening so I could find her pepper. She also had to come check that there wasn't anything out of place. So, she's exhausted by the process of making Christmas dinner, but only because her anxiety made her go back and forth

PP, maybe you should have the meal catered, and you go pick it up. Or make reservations for Christmas dinner at a hotel nearby and drag your mother there. I would not want to be in that situation.

Or maybe you should realize that your mom does not want you in and out of the kitchen every 3 hours making crumbs and getting fingerprints on the stainless steel appliances or putting knives away in the wrong drawer? Some people are naturally neat and tidy. Other people are not.

The day after Christmas breakfast is a nice day to go out somewhere and grab yourself a bite. Or just wait until lunchtime.

LOL. This is my crazy MIL to a tee! If you care more about the refrigerator getting its feelings hurt or how the knives might feel than you do about the comfort and feelings of the actual animate visitors to the house then you have mental problems. Humans are more valuable than objects. Normal people understand this

[Anonymous]

My ex's mother:

1. Does NOT allow any outside food in the home. No exceptions. All food in her fridge is measured, labeled and put in color-coordinated containers.
2. Got a "special breakfast" which was a SINGLE-serve container of greek yogurt, to be split among 4 people.
3. Roasted a small chicken...for a very large group. She served ONE button mushroom per person.
4. Repeatedly talked about how she is only 98 pounds and people shouldn't eat during the day.
5. Would find staying in a hotel unacceptable but holds us hostage. She has no books, no tv (other than in her room, which we are not allowed in), no magazines, etc. in her home. We cannot sit on the couches or use the bathrooms since they are "art."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex's mother:

1. Does NOT allow any outside food in the home. No exceptions. All food in her fridge is measured, labeled and put in color-coordinated containers.
2. Got a "special breakfast" which was a SINGLE-serve container of greek yogurt, to be split among 4 people.
3. Roasted a small chicken...for a very large group. She served ONE button mushroom per person.
4. Repeatedly talked about how she is only 98 pounds and people shouldn't eat during the day.
5. Would find staying in a hotel unacceptable but holds us hostage. She has no books, no tv (other than in her room, which we are not allowed in), no magazines, etc. in her home. We cannot sit on the couches or use the bathrooms since they are "art."

PP here. I meant we cannot use all of the bathrooms except one and we had to clean it top to bottom post-use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gas stations often have healthy snacks. If you don't want Burger King you can go to Gas N Go for breakfast.

good one lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex's mother:

1. Does NOT allow any outside food in the home. No exceptions. All food in her fridge is measured, labeled and put in color-coordinated containers.
2. Got a "special breakfast" which was a SINGLE-serve container of greek yogurt, to be split among 4 people.
3. Roasted a small chicken...for a very large group. She served ONE button mushroom per person.
4. Repeatedly talked about how she is only 98 pounds and people shouldn't eat during the day.
5. Would find staying in a hotel unacceptable but holds us hostage. She has no books, no tv (other than in her room, which we are not allowed in), no magazines, etc. in her home. We cannot sit on the couches or use the bathrooms since they are "art."

Dear God, I hope you never let her come to your home when you were still with your ex.

She and I would have words.

[Anonymous]

NP here

The reason I don’t host is because I’m very anal about my kitchen and how I keep it. I’m a neat freak and know I will get upset if someone comes over and ruins my flow. I’ve had many friends get upset because I refuse to let them come over.

[Anonymous]

I learned to take non-noisy food after my first visit to his parent's house. He even warned me that "my parents are kind of weird about food" but I was NOT prepared. What he should have said was "since both parents are huge marathoners and health nuts, they either eat air & water or tons of pasta with butter, depending on the day."

The first full day there, breakfast was black coffee (no cream or sugar in the house) and two very soft boiled eggs. I'm allergic to eggs and can only eat 100% hard boiled or else I break out in hives. I explained this to my future FIL who then proceeded to lecture me about how food allergies weren't real and the best cure to bombard my body with the offending food until it accepted it. Like, for real. Peanut allergy? Blasphemy! Eat this tub of peanut butter until you can't breathe and you'll be cured!

Lunch that day was a wedge salad, but not the yummy kind with bacon and blue cheese. No, it was a head of iceberg lettuce cut into 4 wedges and then sprinkled with oil & vinegar and salt & pepper. Dinner was a chicken breast each, 1c of steamed broccoli each, and a 1/2c brown rice each. Like, literally, portioned out. There were no seconds or leftovers.

I told my fiance that we needed to borrow his parent's car and run a fake errand because I had passed the hangry mark 2 hours prior. We hit up McDonald's and then I grabbed a bunch of snacks from the grocery store.

Unfortunately, I didn't factor in the "noise" associated with the food items I bought and was quickly found out. "I heard a crunching sound from your room. Do you have chips in there? We don't allow chips in our home or food in the bedrooms." I felt like a scolded child and my chips were confiscated. I cried. It was bad.

Now I buy my snacks before we arrive and take them out of their noisy wrappers and put them in ziploc bags. No more chips, though. Last time I was there, I had a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter in my suitcase and would eat illegal sandwiches in my room.

[Anonymous]

It seems that most of the food-offenders are not very considerate people. Those that are saying things along the lines of "buck up, fend for yourself etc" aren't much nicer. What happened to common courtesy and kindness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A good host caters to the needs of their guests. Period. The people who close off the kitchen to guests, who may have different wants/need than YOU do are NOT good hosts. Sorry.


I say this after hosting many people with wants/need that are very different than my own. Suck it up. If you don’t want to host, send them to a hotel. But don’t hold them hostage in your home.

Well said. This is what it always felt like being at my in laws during the holidays. The first time I went I almost died from dehydration. Mil would keep the thermostat at 1000 d. We would be pressured to get there as soon as we could and we lived close enough that we would get there before the other siblings. We'd get there 11 ish and try to help but no one was allowed. Dh had 4 siblings all adults by the time we met and none of them other than dh knew how to boil water. We weren't even allowed to get a drink of water. Dinner wasn't served until 630 or 7. I did eventually get mil to allow me to set the table and move some of the food to serving platters.

By the 3rd year, I'd had it. I made an appetizer to share and got a glass of water after we got there. Mil didn't talk to me the entire visit.

I ruined Christmas one year, according to my MIL, because I showed up with a veggie tray and had the audacity to get my own glass of water. "Remember when you and John were first dating and you ruined Christmas that one year?" she'll still talk about to this day. She didn't talk to me at all that day after I showed up with an appetizer and got my own glass of water.

I showed up with a veggie tray because I was sick of being requested to show up at 11, but not actually being fed until 4. No apps were ever offered. We were all just expected to hang out and chat until dinner was ready. Every year it was the same, "I think we'll eat around 12:30, so be there no later than 11." And then the food is really served at 2, 3, or 4. She always had wine out but no other beverages. I don't drink and the first year I ventured into the kitchen and asked where the glasses were for some water, you'd have thought I slapped her across the face based on her reaction. "I guess I can stop doing this dinner prep and get a glass of water for you, but this is really going to put me behind, just so you know. Is it really that important?" It's not like I waltzed in and said, "Joan, stop your cutting immediately and get me a glass of water!"

She also wouldn't accept any help in the kitchen. No one could do anything just like her, so it was easier for her to just do it, according to her. Maybe if she'd let others help, we wouldn't have had to wait 3+ hours for food.