Do you make alternative dinners for your kids if they don't like what you made?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I hate judging and bragging over picky eaters/food/one meal/five meals/kids who love book Chou. It's just food and what your kid eats or doesn't eat isn't a reflection of your parenting.

It is unless there are health issues. Kids need to learn that it is not always about their needs, they should be able to eat without a laundry lists of things they won't eat. It is rude.

What's your definition of health issues? I have a child with some that aren't outwardly visible. To you she would probably just look difficult.

my definition? If your child cannot eat a certain food or has some kind of eating issue that would prevent them from eating what is being served. Not sure what you are asking. If you are invited to eat at my house I assume we are good enough friends that I already know about your issue and I will make all necessary accommodations. I am fed up with the kids that come over and ask for something else when dinner is served.

What I'm asking is, how do you decide what is worthy of being validated as a health issue? Some kids have allergies. Others have sensory processing disorder, or colitis, or IBS, or whatever. Any can affect what kids can or will eat in ways that are out of their control but so many people here seem determined to make what a kid will eat a judgment of their moral character or their parents' fitness in raising them properly.

I understand both sides of this. I have a child with food allergies & intolerances. He simply could not eat the usual 'food' that most parents seem to serve children his age (mac/cheese, pizza, fish fingers, nuggets, etc). And so I would never have him eating a meal at someone else's house, unless I knew that person well and their family had a similar style of eating to us and were also made aware of his situation and the specific things that he could eat and were totally okay with that.

I would accommodate another child's allergies too, but I would absolutely expect that to be communicated to me when the invitation was given. Not on the day/night. If a child came to my house and refused to eat what I cooked, they would be offered honey on bread, and if they declined that too (definite possibility since both the bread and the honey that we have are special types that the kid probably hadn't had before) then they would be going back to their own house. In either case, they wouldn't be invited back. It's honestly a bit hard for me to believe that this even happens, but that's what PPs have said does occur.

If your kid can't eat other people's food, I don't know why you'd put them in a situation where they had to eat other people's food. It's disrespectful to the host AND to your child. And if your kid just doesn't eat whatever they don't want to eat, depending on the day, regardless of where they are, and you had no way of knowing... sounds like you have bigger problems than what's on the menu. Which should also be clearly communicated to someone before accepting an invitation for your child to eat/stay at their house, out of respect for the host and your child. Who would want their child being somewhere where the caregiver was not happy/prepared to offer the level of care that's required for your child??

It also astounds me how some parents don't understand that food is what enables your kids to grow and develop. People say "it's just food! who cares what they eat?" and then next week they're asking how to possibly get a child to behave for an hour or two at a special event after you've dosed them up all you can for the day on their meds. Maybe if more people understood the relationship between food and development/behavior then they'd care more about what they put into their kids' mouths every day.

To be clear, I wouldn't put my child in that situation. What I would do and have done is say, "I will be sending along a snack for her" and then letting her know she can accept the food offered or politely decline. I don't need to go into the whys of why my child won't eat something offered or why she can't, I have taught her to be polite in declining it, but some people here have decided to take the most malicious view of this and call the child difficult and never invite them back again.

look, I think you are missing the point. It is not about YOUR kid or his/her health issues. If there is an issue and you don't tell me and just send along their own food, that is even more offensive that them declining. Do you not understand that? The good news is that I can tell by your posts that we would never be friends IRL so your kid would never be in our home anyway. Too much drama.

I just said I would and do tell the parents that she is bringing her own snack. Can you even read? I DON'T go into her health issues because it's not their business. You think that's drama because you're a twit who thinks your kids eating x food makes them better than kid who eats y food.

once again, over your head...can you read? or more importantly comprehend what you read? Do us all a favor and stay home to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If so, what are your easy go tos?

If no, what do you do when they refuse to eat the dinner or don't eat much of it and are still hungry?

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It seems to me as a NP there is plenty of drama to go around, Ms My Child Behaves Because She Eats Special Bread Your Kids Have Never Seen.

Ummm I guess I'm Ms My Children Eat Special Bread. Not sure what your problem is. I didn't write the subsequent posts. I just noted that the bread that we have is more likely to be offensive to a child than roast chicken or whatever we're serving for dinner that night. It's special because my kids have allergies, not because they're well behaved.

But if you raise your kids the same nasty way you communicate on this forum then my kids are probably better behaved than yours, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If so, what are your easy go tos?

If no, what do you do when they refuse to eat the dinner or don't eat much of it and are still hungry?

No

Those single-serving cereals with milk & some fruit. DS has some sensory issues that often make eating difficult. He's also 5th percentile in weight for 7yr olds so I don't make him go to bed hungry when he won't eat our family dinner. So honey nut Cheerios is the go-to when necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is only 2.5 so perhaps take my advice with a grain of salt. But he eats what is served or he doesn't eat. We don't force him to eat, but we are very firm that what is available is what is served. We try to hold really firm to this to prevent the issue spiraling into picky eating as he gets older. Earlier this week he didn't want to eat what we made, so eventually he went to bed without having had dinner. He did, in fact, survive until his next meal - breakfast.

You are doing the right thing. I have 2 kids 7&11 and ive never made separate meals. Theyve always eaten adult food. We are a teo income home and i put in a huge effort to put a home cooked from scratch meal on the table and have no time to waste efforts on extra options that are not nearly as healthy.

Our best friends have kids the same age and when they come to dinner they bring their own frozen dinosaur nuggets for their kids. Both of their kids have never in their entire lives tried a green vegetable.

[Anonymous]

My 9 year old can make himself a PB sandwich as an alternative for dinner if he wants after he has tried everything. When he was younger, I always made sure there was one or two things he liked. My 6 year old is an adventurous eater, will try anything, and likes most things, so an alternate dinner has never been an issue.

My picky eater continues to expand his variety of food and willingness to try new things with an open mind, so we try to be patient with him versus punitive. I am more like my younger child, so I don't relate to the pickiness, but I do think it is legitimate and I wouldn't want someone forcing me to eat a lot of something I didn't like. Growing up, I had one picky sibling among a few adventurous eaters who did outgrow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is only 2.5 so perhaps take my advice with a grain of salt. But he eats what is served or he doesn't eat. We don't force him to eat, but we are very firm that what is available is what is served. We try to hold really firm to this to prevent the issue spiraling into picky eating as he gets older. Earlier this week he didn't want to eat what we made, so eventually he went to bed without having had dinner. He did, in fact, survive until his next meal - breakfast.

You are doing the right thing. I have 2 kids 7&11 and ive never made separate meals. Theyve always eaten adult food. We are a teo income home and i put in a huge effort to put a home cooked from scratch meal on the table and have no time to waste efforts on extra options that are not nearly as healthy.

Our best friends have kids the same age and when they come to dinner they bring their own frozen dinosaur nuggets for their kids. Both of their kids have never in their entire lives tried a green vegetable.

I had my plate with lemon slices when I was a child. I just wouldn't eat. I will live on tomatoes. What is that huge effort to put a home cooked from scratch meal? Been cooking since I was 11, what is the effort? Washing vegetables and cutting them? Are you making beef Wellington from scratch (including dough) and throwing away "not the perfectly cooked" ones?

[Anonymous]

Well, I am in the "we don't have as much control as we thought" camp.

I have four kids, two eat pretty much everything, the other two eat a broad range of food but are extremely picky in totally different ways. I cook fairly simply but I never make separate kid meals. And I don't allow kids to make PB&Js or anything like that -- I have never given any alternative. It's take it or leave it, but you have to stay at the dinner table and join us in the conversation. They don't make a fuss, I don't force them, we keep it pleasant. One of the kids frequently eats only one item and the other will sometimes skip entire meals.

Despite my strictness on the matter... my picky kids are still picky! My only hope is that repeated exposure will make them less picky adults. And, I have to say, I am kind of proud that despite their general "selectiveness" they do eat a healthy diet. But I have had much less control than I expected and i assumed I would. And I certainly don't take credit for my other kids openness to food!! I think those of you who do should re-examine and be grateful for your luck.

[Anonymous]

I would never do this! Usually as DS and I are out foraging I point out the edible grasses and mushrooms, thus connecting nourishment to nature. Before cooking, if I have time, I try to have a ritual bath as I believe this helps me transmit the sacredness of feeding the body. If he doesn't like the organic edamame and chamomile-suffused home-grown asparagus compote, I take him aside and gently explain how lucky we are to have food. I tell him we should eat while Mother Nature still has the capacity to produce produce. On the rare occasions I prepare meat, DS (4) and I will sometimes spend up to a half hour journaling about it. Without my guidance at all, DS likes to write and thank the chicken for giving its life. At first DS wouldn't touch the alfalfa briquettes but now it's his favorite snack at school. When his little friends offer him Goldfish, he knows to just smile and say 'no thank you' politely. I teach him to be tolerant of others' choices, even when those choices are bad for the body and the planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never do this! Usually as DS and I are out foraging I point out the edible grasses and mushrooms, thus connecting nourishment to nature. Before cooking, if I have time, I try to have a ritual bath as I believe this helps me transmit the sacredness of feeding the body. If he doesn't like the organic edamame and chamomile-suffused home-grown asparagus compote, I take him aside and gently explain how lucky we are to have food. I tell him we should eat while Mother Nature still has the capacity to produce produce. On the rare occasions I prepare meat, DS (4) and I will sometimes spend up to a half hour journaling about it. Without my guidance at all, DS likes to write and thank the chicken for giving its life. At first DS wouldn't touch the alfalfa briquettes but now it's his favorite snack at school. When his little friends offer him Goldfish, he knows to just smile and say 'no thank you' politely. I teach him to be tolerant of others' choices, even when those choices are bad for the body and the planet.

wow was this an attempt at humor? Horrible, not even witty..try again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And I certainly don't take credit for my other kids openness to food!! I think those of you who do should re-examine and be grateful for your luck.

Actually, the research shows a link between what you eat during pregnancy and what your baby will eat. Since I was one of the mothers who ate a healthy diet including a lot of things that are good for the baby but not something I would normally have wanted to eat otherwise (including liver), I do feel pretty comfortable taking a bit of credit for it.

On the other hand, I think the women choosing to eat a diet of soda and ice cream during their pregnancy should stop whinging about their bad luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
And I certainly don't take credit for my other kids openness to food!! I think those of you who do should re-examine and be grateful for your luck.

Actually, the research shows a link between what you eat during pregnancy and what your baby will eat. Since I was one of the mothers who ate a healthy diet including a lot of things that are good for the baby but not something I would normally have wanted to eat otherwise (including liver), I do feel pretty comfortable taking a bit of credit for it.

On the other hand, I think the women choosing to eat a diet of soda and ice cream during their pregnancy should stop whinging about their bad luck.

Hmmm..I have two kids ate pretty much the same foods for both pregnancies..what I consider a normal healthy diet..lots of veggies moderating sweets etc. I have one who eats anything and everything and one who eats very limited things. Go ahead think it is your diet or your parenting...just don't have anymore kids who might prove you wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never do this! Usually as DS and I are out foraging I point out the edible grasses and mushrooms, thus connecting nourishment to nature. Before cooking, if I have time, I try to have a ritual bath as I believe this helps me transmit the sacredness of feeding the body. If he doesn't like the organic edamame and chamomile-suffused home-grown asparagus compote, I take him aside and gently explain how lucky we are to have food. I tell him we should eat while Mother Nature still has the capacity to produce produce. On the rare occasions I prepare meat, DS (4) and I will sometimes spend up to a half hour journaling about it. Without my guidance at all, DS likes to write and thank the chicken for giving its life. At first DS wouldn't touch the alfalfa briquettes but now it's his favorite snack at school. When his little friends offer him Goldfish, he knows to just smile and say 'no thank you' politely. I teach him to be tolerant of others' choices, even when those choices are bad for the body and the planet.

wow was this an attempt at humor? Horrible, not even witty..try again

She's trying to make herself feel better about not giving her kids proper food. Because, you know, she's busy, and all us parents who prioritize our kids' health and make time for it (despite being just as busy) must be going completely overboard with it and we must simply not understand how insane it really is to give your kids real food.

Totally pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
And I certainly don't take credit for my other kids openness to food!! I think those of you who do should re-examine and be grateful for your luck.

Actually, the research shows a link between what you eat during pregnancy and what your baby will eat. Since I was one of the mothers who ate a healthy diet including a lot of things that are good for the baby but not something I would normally have wanted to eat otherwise (including liver), I do feel pretty comfortable taking a bit of credit for it.

On the other hand, I think the women choosing to eat a diet of soda and ice cream during their pregnancy should stop whinging about their bad luck.

Yeah, it was definitely my fault that the only things I didn't vomit for most of my pregnancy were simple starches and shakes/yogurt smoothies. Dr. said I should do what I could to eat calories and not worry about it, but obviously I was a weakling for choosing to eat what didn't come back up instead of just dealing with the daily barf. You are obviously superior to me.