Parents who volunteer for everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thankful for kids’ sports coaches if they are volunteer, or the parent that volunteers to run an after school math club, or chess club, or be the Science Olympiad leader/coach.

I’m not thankful for the “room parents” that keep distracting education with too many dumb class parties or the parties that do school carnival or whatever. I don’t need other parents to “make things fun” at school. School is for education and schools are doing a pretty bad job at it- and it isn’t because of lack of parent volunteers to throwing parties or lack of snacks in the teachers’ break room

So kids would be smarter and learn more if school was more unpleasant?

It is unhelpful. Schools is perfectly pleasant without parents fighting and clawing to get the sign up sheet first for these extras. It’s unnecessary and judging my the sheer number of posts about parents complaining about not being able “get a spot” on the sign up, it isn’t about actually helping. It’s about it being seen, feeling important, gaining affection from your kid (and maybe other peoples) and getting insider info about which teachers to request, which kids to say you don’t want yours in class with, etc. We all know how it is.

Okay, well, you are crazy.

But also most parent volunteering isn’t this kind of thing. It’s behind the scenes, off hours.

If there are not enough spots for parents to come to the St Patrick’s Day party or whatever they should just make more spots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thankful for kids’ sports coaches if they are volunteer, or the parent that volunteers to run an after school math club, or chess club, or be the Science Olympiad leader/coach.

I’m not thankful for the “room parents” that keep distracting education with too many dumb class parties or the parties that do school carnival or whatever. I don’t need other parents to “make things fun” at school. School is for education and schools are doing a pretty bad job at it- and it isn’t because of lack of parent volunteers to throwing parties or lack of snacks in the teachers’ break room

So kids would be smarter and learn more if school was more unpleasant?

It is unhelpful. Schools is perfectly pleasant without parents fighting and clawing to get the sign up sheet first for these extras. It’s unnecessary and judging my the sheer number of posts about parents complaining about not being able “get a spot” on the sign up, it isn’t about actually helping. It’s about it being seen, feeling important, gaining affection from your kid (and maybe other peoples) and getting insider info about which teachers to request, which kids to say you don’t want yours in class with, etc. We all know how it is.

Okay, well, you are crazy.

But also most parent volunteering isn’t this kind of thing. It’s behind the scenes, off hours.

If there are not enough spots for parents to come to the St Patrick’s Day party or whatever they should just make more spots.

Exactly. I wonder which school this person’s kids attend. At our school, with a healthy volunteer population, no parents have ever fought or clawed to get seen. Teachers and admin are also very careful to never share info and there is absolutely no preferential treatment given to kids whose parents volunteer. Other than class parties or field trips, most volunteers are behind the scenes or picking up things to take care of at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thankful for kids’ sports coaches if they are volunteer, or the parent that volunteers to run an after school math club, or chess club, or be the Science Olympiad leader/coach.

I’m not thankful for the “room parents” that keep distracting education with too many dumb class parties or the parties that do school carnival or whatever. I don’t need other parents to “make things fun” at school. School is for education and schools are doing a pretty bad job at it- and it isn’t because of lack of parent volunteers to throwing parties or lack of snacks in the teachers’ break room

So kids would be smarter and learn more if school was more unpleasant?

It is unhelpful. Schools is perfectly pleasant without parents fighting and clawing to get the sign up sheet first for these extras. It’s unnecessary and judging my the sheer number of posts about parents complaining about not being able “get a spot” on the sign up, it isn’t about actually helping. It’s about it being seen, feeling important, gaining affection from your kid (and maybe other peoples) and getting insider info about which teachers to request, which kids to say you don’t want yours in class with, etc. We all know how it is.

Okay, well, you are crazy.

But also most parent volunteering isn’t this kind of thing. It’s behind the scenes, off hours.

If there are not enough spots for parents to come to the St Patrick’s Day party or whatever they should just make more spots.

Exactly. I wonder which school this person’s kids attend. At our school, with a healthy volunteer population, no parents have ever fought or clawed to get seen. Teachers and admin are also very careful to never share info and there is absolutely no preferential treatment given to kids whose parents volunteer. Other than class parties or field trips, most volunteers are behind the scenes or picking up things to take care of at home.

I’m at an elementary school and know of a mom with a similar type complaint. Maybe the thread or the pp is that parent.

At our school, there are a lot of volunteer opportunities. It can be setting up community events, shelving library books, running one of the many clubs or teams. One role is room parent. Parents can sign up to be a room parent. Anyone can sign up. By second grade, there are very few parents who are room parents. The room parent executes what the teachers want done for the various parties throughout the year.

At our school, the teachers want only 3-5 volunteers per party. If there are 2-3 room parents, then there is only 1-2 slots left and OP or PP may get upset if she didn’t get the spot and it may seem like we are trying to hoard all the spots.

One year, they allowed a lot of parents. The kids and/or cafeteria was delayed so parents had to wait. Most parents just chatted with one another. I clearly remember one mom huffing and puffing because she had more important stuff to do. Some of these moms don’t like given a task either when they do come. At one party, I gave a mom a stack of items to hand out and she looked at me like I was nuts. It is fine if you don’t want to hand out bingo cards or help a kid with a glue gun. Just don’t come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thankful for kids’ sports coaches if they are volunteer, or the parent that volunteers to run an after school math club, or chess club, or be the Science Olympiad leader/coach.

I’m not thankful for the “room parents” that keep distracting education with too many dumb class parties or the parties that do school carnival or whatever. I don’t need other parents to “make things fun” at school. School is for education and schools are doing a pretty bad job at it- and it isn’t because of lack of parent volunteers to throwing parties or lack of snacks in the teachers’ break room

So kids would be smarter and learn more if school was more unpleasant?

It is unhelpful. Schools is perfectly pleasant without parents fighting and clawing to get the sign up sheet first for these extras. It’s unnecessary and judging my the sheer number of posts about parents complaining about not being able “get a spot” on the sign up, it isn’t about actually helping. It’s about it being seen, feeling important, gaining affection from your kid (and maybe other peoples) and getting insider info about which teachers to request, which kids to say you don’t want yours in class with, etc. We all know how it is.

Okay, well, you are crazy.

But also most parent volunteering isn’t this kind of thing. It’s behind the scenes, off hours.

If there are not enough spots for parents to come to the St Patrick’s Day party or whatever they should just make more spots.

Exactly. I wonder which school this person’s kids attend. At our school, with a healthy volunteer population, no parents have ever fought or clawed to get seen. Teachers and admin are also very careful to never share info and there is absolutely no preferential treatment given to kids whose parents volunteer. Other than class parties or field trips, most volunteers are behind the scenes or picking up things to take care of at home.

I’m at an elementary school and know of a mom with a similar type complaint. Maybe the thread or the pp is that parent.

At our school, there are a lot of volunteer opportunities. It can be setting up community events, shelving library books, running one of the many clubs or teams. One role is room parent. Parents can sign up to be a room parent. Anyone can sign up. By second grade, there are very few parents who are room parents. The room parent executes what the teachers want done for the various parties throughout the year.

At our school, the teachers want only 3-5 volunteers per party. If there are 2-3 room parents, then there is only 1-2 slots left and OP or PP may get upset if she didn’t get the spot and it may seem like we are trying to hoard all the spots.

One year, they allowed a lot of parents. The kids and/or cafeteria was delayed so parents had to wait. Most parents just chatted with one another. I clearly remember one mom huffing and puffing because she had more important stuff to do. Some of these moms don’t like given a task either when they do come. At one party, I gave a mom a stack of items to hand out and she looked at me like I was nuts. It is fine if you don’t want to hand out bingo cards or help a kid with a glue gun. Just don’t come.

Those parents only come because their kids will later ask why they weren’t there. That’s why these parents want this to go away, they can’t handle the consequences of not being there. I could attend more of these than I do, but I don’t really want to and I tell my kids maybe next time. And then everyone forgets about it. It’s always awkward just standing around waiting for someone to hand you napkins. Normally 1-2 people run the show and everyone else just watches.

[Anonymous]

It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

[Anonymous]

I am thankful for any volunteers at school. I try my best to do volunteer some (for my kid's classroom) when I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thankful for kids’ sports coaches if they are volunteer, or the parent that volunteers to run an after school math club, or chess club, or be the Science Olympiad leader/coach.

I’m not thankful for the “room parents” that keep distracting education with too many dumb class parties or the parties that do school carnival or whatever. I don’t need other parents to “make things fun” at school. School is for education and schools are doing a pretty bad job at it- and it isn’t because of lack of parent volunteers to throwing parties or lack of snacks in the teachers’ break room

So kids would be smarter and learn more if school was more unpleasant?

It is unhelpful. Schools is perfectly pleasant without parents fighting and clawing to get the sign up sheet first for these extras. It’s unnecessary and judging my the sheer number of posts about parents complaining about not being able “get a spot” on the sign up, it isn’t about actually helping. It’s about it being seen, feeling important, gaining affection from your kid (and maybe other peoples) and getting insider info about which teachers to request, which kids to say you don’t want yours in class with, etc. We all know how it is.

Okay, well, you are crazy.

But also most parent volunteering isn’t this kind of thing. It’s behind the scenes, off hours.

If there are not enough spots for parents to come to the St Patrick’s Day party or whatever they should just make more spots.

Exactly. I wonder which school this person’s kids attend. At our school, with a healthy volunteer population, no parents have ever fought or clawed to get seen. Teachers and admin are also very careful to never share info and there is absolutely no preferential treatment given to kids whose parents volunteer. Other than class parties or field trips, most volunteers are behind the scenes or picking up things to take care of at home.

I’m at an elementary school and know of a mom with a similar type complaint. Maybe the thread or the pp is that parent.

At our school, there are a lot of volunteer opportunities. It can be setting up community events, shelving library books, running one of the many clubs or teams. One role is room parent. Parents can sign up to be a room parent. Anyone can sign up. By second grade, there are very few parents who are room parents. The room parent executes what the teachers want done for the various parties throughout the year.

At our school, the teachers want only 3-5 volunteers per party. If there are 2-3 room parents, then there is only 1-2 slots left and OP or PP may get upset if she didn’t get the spot and it may seem like we are trying to hoard all the spots.

One year, they allowed a lot of parents. The kids and/or cafeteria was delayed so parents had to wait. Most parents just chatted with one another. I clearly remember one mom huffing and puffing because she had more important stuff to do. Some of these moms don’t like given a task either when they do come. At one party, I gave a mom a stack of items to hand out and she looked at me like I was nuts. It is fine if you don’t want to hand out bingo cards or help a kid with a glue gun. Just don’t come.

Those parents only come because their kids will later ask why they weren’t there. That’s why these parents want this to go away, they can’t handle the consequences of not being there. I could attend more of these than I do, but I don’t really want to and I tell my kids maybe next time. And then everyone forgets about it. It’s always awkward just standing around waiting for someone to hand you napkins. Normally 1-2 people run the show and everyone else just watches.

The kids watch and learn from the parents behavior. My child has one of the kids of these complaining parents. I know the mom has openly complained about this, has also said how these parties are pointless and also doesn’t even help the few times she has been to these parties. Her child also openly puts kids down, says how lame things are and is mean spirited. I remember watching her and wondering if the mom knows this. Mom has also said the child doesn’t want to hang out with her. I couldn’t help but think that the kid doesn’t want to hang out with her because she is so negative!!’

I’m glad my child comes and gives me a hug when I come to her school. She likes when I come and I go to help out because I enjoy being there and seeing her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

\\

If you can't see what's really happening - that's on you. Or are you one of these moms? I know it's true because I've done it before, and I know a few moms who still do this. I do know that there are a few moms who actually helped out just for the sake of helping, but their help stops after a few sign-ups. The moms with questionable intent don't stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

I definitely agree there are the super competitive mothers but they are not the volunteering mothers.

At the end of the day, we are all doing the best we can. I have kids ages 8-16 and have so many different types of kids and parents over the years. By the time the kid is a teenager, the kids are on their own. I have watched tiger parents be disappointed in their unmotivated children. I have seen parents who coached various sports and academic teams to have their kids quit or not make the high school team. The super cute kids don’t always turn out even attractive and the nerdy girl or boy can have a glow up.

You never really know how the kids will turn out. Being a room parent won’t make much difference but being a positive role model will. Whether you are a single mom working two jobs or the SAHM baking cookies with her kids, your kids are watching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thankful for kids’ sports coaches if they are volunteer, or the parent that volunteers to run an after school math club, or chess club, or be the Science Olympiad leader/coach.

I’m not thankful for the “room parents” that keep distracting education with too many dumb class parties or the parties that do school carnival or whatever. I don’t need other parents to “make things fun” at school. School is for education and schools are doing a pretty bad job at it- and it isn’t because of lack of parent volunteers to throwing parties or lack of snacks in the teachers’ break room

So kids would be smarter and learn more if school was more unpleasant?

It is unhelpful. Schools is perfectly pleasant without parents fighting and clawing to get the sign up sheet first for these extras. It’s unnecessary and judging my the sheer number of posts about parents complaining about not being able “get a spot” on the sign up, it isn’t about actually helping. It’s about it being seen, feeling important, gaining affection from your kid (and maybe other peoples) and getting insider info about which teachers to request, which kids to say you don’t want yours in class with, etc. We all know how it is.

Okay, well, you are crazy.

But also most parent volunteering isn’t this kind of thing. It’s behind the scenes, off hours.

If there are not enough spots for parents to come to the St Patrick’s Day party or whatever they should just make more spots.

She is not crazy and it’s very true.

Most of the parenting volunteers are not behind the scenes. They’re very few jobs behind the scenes.

There’s a lot that could be behind the scenes, but parents insist on doing them inside the school like cutting things.

And no, they don’t make more spots. Why would you make more spots if it’s to help and not to be seen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

If you don’t know, it’s the truth then you have your head in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

\\

If you can't see what's really happening - that's on you. Or are you one of these moms? I know it's true because I've done it before, and I know a few moms who still do this. I do know that there are a few moms who actually helped out just for the sake of helping, but their help stops after a few sign-ups. The moms with questionable intent don't stop.

Uh huh. So any mom who volunteers more than once or twice is a smothering psycho narcissist, and anyone who questions that characterization is also one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

If you don’t know, it’s the truth then you have your head in the sand.

I’d rather see the glass as half full than half empty, seeing only the worst in people, distrusting their motives, assuming they were just trying to get one over me. It’s a sad way to live and likely you inherited your mother’s tendencies.