Parents who volunteer for everything

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m thankful for kids’ sports coaches if they are volunteer, or the parent that volunteers to run an after school math club, or chess club, or be the Science Olympiad leader/coach.

I’m not thankful for the “room parents” that keep distracting education with too many dumb class parties or the parties that do school carnival or whatever. I don’t need other parents to “make things fun” at school. School is for education and schools are doing a pretty bad job at it- and it isn’t because of lack of parent volunteers to throwing parties or lack of snacks in the teachers’ break room

So kids would be smarter and learn more if school was more unpleasant?

It is unhelpful. Schools is perfectly pleasant without parents fighting and clawing to get the sign up sheet first for these extras. It’s unnecessary and judging my the sheer number of posts about parents complaining about not being able “get a spot” on the sign up, it isn’t about actually helping. It’s about it being seen, feeling important, gaining affection from your kid (and maybe other peoples) and getting insider info about which teachers to request, which kids to say you don’t want yours in class with, etc. We all know how it is.

Okay, well, you are crazy.

But also most parent volunteering isn’t this kind of thing. It’s behind the scenes, off hours.

If there are not enough spots for parents to come to the St Patrick’s Day party or whatever they should just make more spots.

She is not crazy and it’s very true.

Most of the parenting volunteers are not behind the scenes. They’re very few jobs behind the scenes.

There’s a lot that could be behind the scenes, but parents insist on doing them inside the school like cutting things.

And no, they don’t make more spots. Why would you make more spots if it’s to help and not to be seen?

You are obviously not one of those parents who actually volunteer behind the scenes. You are not the one updating the website, collecting dues, getting spirit wear delivered to your house, the one getting Girl Scout cookies in your garage, registering for spellling bee, writing the newsletter, gathering all the info for the newsletter, making the flyer, getting the license for movie night, ordering the food, sending order forms for pizza for movie night, designing a logo for a t shirt, putting together wish lists, buying snacks for these parties and dropping off, going to Costco to buy drinks for the event, running to buy extra tape or last minute things.

Well for school #1, sure I did some of that and in the school.

But for school #2 that banned all volunteering, all of that got done no problem, less drama, from trained people so it wasn't such a heavy lift. Well not all of it because 50% of the stuff you mention is just noise in the school, not necessary and a distraction.

You were one of those parents who insisted on doing things inside the school??

No I didn't insist. I did it and was like WTF is this crazy town scene. Then I become a treasurer. Then I moved to a school with no volunteers and it was glorious.

You just don’t want to volunteer. But no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. But to think the teachers are throwing a bone to the parent who showed up one time to the Valentine’s Day Party is amusing. Do you think the teacher gave the kid all As or something?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

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If you can't see what's really happening - that's on you. Or are you one of these moms? I know it's true because I've done it before, and I know a few moms who still do this. I do know that there are a few moms who actually helped out just for the sake of helping, but their help stops after a few sign-ups. The moms with questionable intent don't stop.

Uh huh. So any mom who volunteers more than once or twice is a smothering psycho narcissist, and anyone who questions that characterization is also one?

Yes, you said it correctly.

If you genuinely believe this you are either breathtakingly stupid, or have some form of mental illness. Possibly both.

I'm thinking you are one of the moms who volunteer for the perks. It's fine. But know that many of us know the truth. You are trying to make up for your kids' shortcomings. Keep pretending.

[Anonymous]

I freely admit that I volunteered when my kids were in ES in order to shape their teacher assignment for the following year. I didn’t volunteer for school-wide PTO stuff but classroom helper/filing/party type stuff. Make friends with the teacher, and then when class placements happen in the spring, you drop hints to who you do/don’t want your child to have the following year. At our school it is chosen by the current year teachers.

I got my first choice teacher every single year for each kid except the one year that followed virtual school because I did not have a relationship with the teacher. The following year was the only year my child got the bad class and oh was it a doozy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

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If you can't see what's really happening - that's on you. Or are you one of these moms? I know it's true because I've done it before, and I know a few moms who still do this. I do know that there are a few moms who actually helped out just for the sake of helping, but their help stops after a few sign-ups. The moms with questionable intent don't stop.

Uh huh. So any mom who volunteers more than once or twice is a smothering psycho narcissist, and anyone who questions that characterization is also one?

Yes, you said it correctly.

If you genuinely believe this you are either breathtakingly stupid, or have some form of mental illness. Possibly both.

I'm thinking you are one of the moms who volunteer for the perks. It's fine. But know that many of us know the truth. You are trying to make up for your kids' shortcomings. Keep pretending.

Still wondering what these perks are. What are you so pissy about exactly? What is your kid supposedly missing out on?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

\\

If you can't see what's really happening - that's on you. Or are you one of these moms? I know it's true because I've done it before, and I know a few moms who still do this. I do know that there are a few moms who actually helped out just for the sake of helping, but their help stops after a few sign-ups. The moms with questionable intent don't stop.

Uh huh. So any mom who volunteers more than once or twice is a smothering psycho narcissist, and anyone who questions that characterization is also one?

Yes, you said it correctly.

If you genuinely believe this you are either breathtakingly stupid, or have some form of mental illness. Possibly both.

I'm thinking you are one of the moms who volunteer for the perks. It's fine. But know that many of us know the truth. You are trying to make up for your kids' shortcomings. Keep pretending.

Still wondering what these perks are. What are you so pissy about exactly? What is your kid supposedly missing out on?

Some people seem to think being seen or chummy with teachers and principals equates to being the winners or leads in the school play. This just isn’t true.

Yes, there are some kids whose parents also volunteer who also can sing or are good at math. My friend was the pta president and she had one child who was a superstar and another with severe special needs. Another friend has kids who all didn’t win anything. The current pta president has a very smart daughter but the kid is super motivated. She probably will win something this year whether it is spelllng be or science Olympiad but she didn’t win because her mom volunteers to buy cookies for the holiday party.

[Anonymous]

Let your kid do their own thing. Give them space. It's not about you. If you volunteer, just be there to actually help and not kiss @ss to the teachers. You kids need breathing room to grow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

\\

If you can't see what's really happening - that's on you. Or are you one of these moms? I know it's true because I've done it before, and I know a few moms who still do this. I do know that there are a few moms who actually helped out just for the sake of helping, but their help stops after a few sign-ups. The moms with questionable intent don't stop.

Uh huh. So any mom who volunteers more than once or twice is a smothering psycho narcissist, and anyone who questions that characterization is also one?

Yes, you said it correctly.

If you genuinely believe this you are either breathtakingly stupid, or have some form of mental illness. Possibly both.

I'm thinking you are one of the moms who volunteer for the perks. It's fine. But know that many of us know the truth. You are trying to make up for your kids' shortcomings. Keep pretending.

Still wondering what these perks are. What are you so pissy about exactly? What is your kid supposedly missing out on?

The rest of the kids don't get things "perks" on their own merit; they have to compete with the kids who are favorites. The parents who constantly push themselves on others - just know the rest of us know what you're doing and see the shortcomings of you and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These programs run on volunteers. These people put the time in so that their kids and the whole community benefit from it. Honestly, having spent hours doing unglamorous things at my kids’ school so that events don’t fail, I’m just going to say STFU. Oh, and try volunteering yourself sometime so the same parents don’t have to do everything.

This x1000. We are having a hard time getting parents to step up and sign up to volunteer. You will see me time and time again volunteering at my kid’s school games simply because other parents didn’t sign up and those slots were still showing empty just a few days before the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

\\

If you can't see what's really happening - that's on you. Or are you one of these moms? I know it's true because I've done it before, and I know a few moms who still do this. I do know that there are a few moms who actually helped out just for the sake of helping, but their help stops after a few sign-ups. The moms with questionable intent don't stop.

Uh huh. So any mom who volunteers more than once or twice is a smothering psycho narcissist, and anyone who questions that characterization is also one?

Yes, you said it correctly.

If you genuinely believe this you are either breathtakingly stupid, or have some form of mental illness. Possibly both.

I'm thinking you are one of the moms who volunteer for the perks. It's fine. But know that many of us know the truth. You are trying to make up for your kids' shortcomings. Keep pretending.

Still wondering what these perks are. What are you so pissy about exactly? What is your kid supposedly missing out on?

The rest of the kids don't get things "perks" on their own merit; they have to compete with the kids who are favorites. The parents who constantly push themselves on others - just know the rest of us know what you're doing and see the shortcomings of you and your kids.

NP. You still haven’t told us exactly what those perks are.

Why don’t you go send your kid to a school with no parent volunteers like a title 1 school and get back to us with the differences in experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

\\

If you can't see what's really happening - that's on you. Or are you one of these moms? I know it's true because I've done it before, and I know a few moms who still do this. I do know that there are a few moms who actually helped out just for the sake of helping, but their help stops after a few sign-ups. The moms with questionable intent don't stop.

Uh huh. So any mom who volunteers more than once or twice is a smothering psycho narcissist, and anyone who questions that characterization is also one?

Yes, you said it correctly.

If you genuinely believe this you are either breathtakingly stupid, or have some form of mental illness. Possibly both.

I'm thinking you are one of the moms who volunteer for the perks. It's fine. But know that many of us know the truth. You are trying to make up for your kids' shortcomings. Keep pretending.

Still wondering what these perks are. What are you so pissy about exactly? What is your kid supposedly missing out on?

The rest of the kids don't get things "perks" on their own merit; they have to compete with the kids who are favorites. The parents who constantly push themselves on others - just know the rest of us know what you're doing and see the shortcomings of you and your kids.

NP. You still haven’t told us exactly what those perks are.

Why don’t you go send your kid to a school with no parent volunteers like a title 1 school and get back to us with the differences in experiences.

My kids have gone to both and they actually like their title 1 school more. There isn’t even a PTA. But the teachers are great and they give quality lessons. They really don’t miss the parent ran parties. The school carnival at previous school was a big waste as well. Dumb games and cheap plastic prizes. They had more fun just playing with friends on the school playground outside of the carnival than at the actual carnival

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

\\

If you can't see what's really happening - that's on you. Or are you one of these moms? I know it's true because I've done it before, and I know a few moms who still do this. I do know that there are a few moms who actually helped out just for the sake of helping, but their help stops after a few sign-ups. The moms with questionable intent don't stop.

Uh huh. So any mom who volunteers more than once or twice is a smothering psycho narcissist, and anyone who questions that characterization is also one?

Yes, you said it correctly.

If you genuinely believe this you are either breathtakingly stupid, or have some form of mental illness. Possibly both.

I'm thinking you are one of the moms who volunteer for the perks. It's fine. But know that many of us know the truth. You are trying to make up for your kids' shortcomings. Keep pretending.

Still wondering what these perks are. What are you so pissy about exactly? What is your kid supposedly missing out on?

The rest of the kids don't get things "perks" on their own merit; they have to compete with the kids who are favorites. The parents who constantly push themselves on others - just know the rest of us know what you're doing and see the shortcomings of you and your kids.

NP. You still haven’t told us exactly what those perks are.

Why don’t you go send your kid to a school with no parent volunteers like a title 1 school and get back to us with the differences in experiences.

My kids have gone to both and they actually like their title 1 school more. There isn’t even a PTA. But the teachers are great and they give quality lessons. They really don’t miss the parent ran parties. The school carnival at previous school was a big waste as well. Dumb games and cheap plastic prizes. They had more fun just playing with friends on the school playground outside of the carnival than at the actual carnival

Still waiting to hear what all the magical perks are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

\\

If you can't see what's really happening - that's on you. Or are you one of these moms? I know it's true because I've done it before, and I know a few moms who still do this. I do know that there are a few moms who actually helped out just for the sake of helping, but their help stops after a few sign-ups. The moms with questionable intent don't stop.

Uh huh. So any mom who volunteers more than once or twice is a smothering psycho narcissist, and anyone who questions that characterization is also one?

Yes, you said it correctly.

If you genuinely believe this you are either breathtakingly stupid, or have some form of mental illness. Possibly both.

I'm thinking you are one of the moms who volunteer for the perks. It's fine. But know that many of us know the truth. You are trying to make up for your kids' shortcomings. Keep pretending.

Still wondering what these perks are. What are you so pissy about exactly? What is your kid supposedly missing out on?

The rest of the kids don't get things "perks" on their own merit; they have to compete with the kids who are favorites. The parents who constantly push themselves on others - just know the rest of us know what you're doing and see the shortcomings of you and your kids.

NP. You still haven’t told us exactly what those perks are.

Why don’t you go send your kid to a school with no parent volunteers like a title 1 school and get back to us with the differences in experiences.

My kids have gone to both and they actually like their title 1 school more. There isn’t even a PTA. But the teachers are great and they give quality lessons. They really don’t miss the parent ran parties. The school carnival at previous school was a big waste as well. Dumb games and cheap plastic prizes. They had more fun just playing with friends on the school playground outside of the carnival than at the actual carnival

Still waiting to hear what all the magical perks are.

I'm an NP. I find that volunteering in the classroom is a good way to build at least a bit of a relationship with your child's teacher. You're no longer a faceless stranger. Then, in turn, if you have a concern about your child that you would like addressed, the teacher is more apt to to be genuinely responsive. I don't classify this as a "perk" -- but it's beneficial, and in my experience, the volunteering does make a difference in this regard. It's not that the teacher is particularly appreciative and feels like they owe me or something. It's just that now they know who I am, a little more about my kid when we chat, etc.

I also like observing my child - sheds some light on social situations and their classroom behavior.

It also make my kid (who is still young) happy.

Those are all of my non-altruistic reasons for volunteering in the classroom.

I also do genuinely want to help. I think most people, in most settings not just school, volunteer for a mix of selfish and altruistic reasons, and that's ok. There are only a few Mother Theresa's amongst us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can also be a form of narcissistic behavior, not allowing a kid any breathing room and basically taking over and becoming central to their activities -- eg, they (your kid and the whole group) can't do it without you. Smother mothers and competitive mothers (moms who view their child as their competitor) love to do this. They live and walk among us. Not all, but they are definitely out there. I can spot the difference because I had a covert narc for a mother.

THANK YOU!!!!!!! Finally, someone here who can see the truth. My area has a lot of this, not just at the school, but outside of school activities as well. What impacts do you think this has on the kid later in life?

If you think the description above is “the truth” about any person who volunteers at their kid’s school, there is something seriously wrong with you.

\\

If you can't see what's really happening - that's on you. Or are you one of these moms? I know it's true because I've done it before, and I know a few moms who still do this. I do know that there are a few moms who actually helped out just for the sake of helping, but their help stops after a few sign-ups. The moms with questionable intent don't stop.

Uh huh. So any mom who volunteers more than once or twice is a smothering psycho narcissist, and anyone who questions that characterization is also one?

Yes, you said it correctly.

If you genuinely believe this you are either breathtakingly stupid, or have some form of mental illness. Possibly both.

I'm thinking you are one of the moms who volunteer for the perks. It's fine. But know that many of us know the truth. You are trying to make up for your kids' shortcomings. Keep pretending.

Still wondering what these perks are. What are you so pissy about exactly? What is your kid supposedly missing out on?

The rest of the kids don't get things "perks" on their own merit; they have to compete with the kids who are favorites. The parents who constantly push themselves on others - just know the rest of us know what you're doing and see the shortcomings of you and your kids.

Not PP, but you might want to see someone about your paranoid thoughts.

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with reliving your youth with your kids? It can be different but it makes sense that you would be in a role to volunteer this time as an adult. Moms run the towns as the slogan goes. Really its parents. This is free money towards your child. Be grateful. Doesn't mean you have to put up with abuse or unnecessary favoritism but these jobs are plentiful so if you aren't doing one of them most parents expect you to just go along or opt out.

[Anonymous]

I do think the moms that are in the spotlight all the time are kind of like politicians in some ways, but they also take a lot of crap. You have to have a certain personality to be president of the PTA or head commissioner of a sports league.