Failed my test

[Anonymous]

This dude failed your test

But you seem to be failing at life

Worse than that is the lack of awareness or inability to see where you are wrong and learn from lessons that life (and dcum) is giving you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you really need to work on your writing/communication skills. Sounds like you were testing him for gender roles (he should split bill) but then are p*ssed that he did since he ordered more than you PLUS you have a $30 limit on first day cost.

If that is the case, then you are contradicting yourself.

I don’t have a “limit” on the bill cost. That’s what was the typical max bill for a man at first dates with me in the past.
No my test was if he would decline my offer to split and insist on paying himself as the man who invites and chose all items on the menu while I only asked for a $10 drink. I’m not comfortable paying for a man for food - taking out credit card, everyone watching me sign the check etc. I do split other expenses in LTR
I prefer when a man follows standard gender roles

So your test is whether someone can read your mind? This man dodged a bullet.

+1

[Anonymous]

Lord the men are furious about this post. Women understand exactly what OP is talking about. Frankly, if a woman is paying for a first date and getting felt up, she lost. But this goes way over the heads of men here, so whatever.

[Anonymous]

I would not continue to date a man who didn’t pay on a first date to which he invited me. It makes no sense, either he is rude or broke, neither one of which sounds dateable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great first date, lots of common interests, decent guy close to my age, great job and claims to have great values. But two things: 1. He was too physical and 2. Agreed to my offer to split check (which was a test I use to weed out men who don’t follow gender roles). I offer to split and then watch if they gladly agree or insist on them picking the check following the unspoken dating etiquette. Those who insist on them paying get pass to date 2.

Even though I just wanted to order small drinks and he was the one “generously” ordering a whole bottle and lots of food. The bill was $100 and it’s nothing by my income level but typically first date bill for a man would be $30 max - couple drinks or coffee. This left me with unpleasant aftertaste. In my books, it’s the person who invites and orders more food pays. I feel like he didn’t try to impress me and I somehow felt used since he was physical (hands all over me, kisses etc). I didn’t really reject his advances and he’s a great kisser, but he did this in public and it pushed my comfort level somewhat.

He is a foreigner. Maybe that’s part of why he failed the test. Am I in the wrong here ?

Woman: “I didn’t communicate or communicated the opposite of what I really wanted, why didn’t he just know?”

Basically if a guy insists on paying he is wrong. If he doesn’t insist on paying, also wrong.

Have fun dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This dude failed your test

But you seem to be failing at life

Worse than that is the lack of awareness or inability to see where you are wrong and learn from lessons that life (and dcum) is giving you

Well she is being honest. I think a number of women will say yes to splitting but it gets annoying and feels transactional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great first date, lots of common interests, decent guy close to my age, great job and claims to have great values. But two things: 1. He was too physical and 2. Agreed to my offer to split check (which was a test I use to weed out men who don’t follow gender roles). I offer to split and then watch if they gladly agree or insist on them picking the check following the unspoken dating etiquette. Those who insist on them paying get pass to date 2.

Even though I just wanted to order small drinks and he was the one “generously” ordering a whole bottle and lots of food. The bill was $100 and it’s nothing by my income level but typically first date bill for a man would be $30 max - couple drinks or coffee. This left me with unpleasant aftertaste. In my books, it’s the person who invites and orders more food pays. I feel like he didn’t try to impress me and I somehow felt used since he was physical (hands all over me, kisses etc). I didn’t really reject his advances and he’s a great kisser, but he did this in public and it pushed my comfort level somewhat.

He is a foreigner. Maybe that’s part of why he failed the test. Am I in the wrong here ?

Woman: “I didn’t communicate or communicated the opposite of what I really wanted, why didn’t he just know?”

Basically if a guy insists on paying he is wrong. If he doesn’t insist on paying, also wrong.

Have fun dating.

I think OP realizes at some level she’s a pill, and is seeking validation from a beehive while she remains single and without a guy who really cares about her.

[Anonymous]

You both sound nutso.

[Anonymous]

OP seems to have set up a test similar to the Kobayashi Maru test. It seems the best way to win is not the play at all.

[Anonymous]

I declined Saturday date . Either way, the first date was too publicly physical and I felt uncomfortable he pulled me several times and held by hair. He did appear passionate but I take time to warm up and that would be a difficult relationship for both. I told him we are a libido mismatch. Maybe I was wrong about offering to split. But 90% men don’t fail this test
He said he had a wonderful time (he sure did !) and sorry to hear I felt that way. But didn’t appear particular heartbroken so my guess is he has a good time with many ladies.
I’ll try not to date hot Latino guys anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This dude failed your test

But you seem to be failing at life

Worse than that is the lack of awareness or inability to see where you are wrong and learn from lessons that life (and dcum) is giving you

I’m actually enjoying my singlehood. First year post divorce I dated a lot and had a relationship. Now a guy should be truly amazing for me to see him instead of my gym workout or friends on Saturday night. I don’t spend my time when I have doubts - time is limited and the most valuable resource in life.

When I was married I also was defining myself and success through my status. But now I feel truly liberated to have a choice. And I’m financially very secure which makes it easier. I don’t need a man to provide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lord the men are furious about this post. Women understand exactly what OP is talking about. Frankly, if a woman is paying for a first date and getting felt up, she lost. But this goes way over the heads of men here, so whatever.

I thought this was funny. I get this point. However, sometimes think “We’ll this is consensual and I can not get this in the office.” I basically think like a guy. A good grope by a nice-looking guy feels great. Sometimes by a so-so looking guy can feel wonderful if he has muscles. I’ll totally take your hot latino for a spin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lord the men are furious about this post. Women understand exactly what OP is talking about. Frankly, if a woman is paying for a first date and getting felt up, she lost. But this goes way over the heads of men here, so whatever.

I thought this was funny. I get this point. However, sometimes think “We’ll this is consensual and I can not get this in the office.” I basically think like a guy. A good grope by a nice-looking guy feels great. Sometimes by a so-so looking guy can feel wonderful if he has muscles. I’ll totally take your hot latino for a spin.

OP here - I get a sense many neighborhood women are taking him for a spin. Thus he doesn’t care to pick the bill even. But that’s not for me, he can go back into the pot for you ladies to pick from

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lord the men are furious about this post. Women understand exactly what OP is talking about. Frankly, if a woman is paying for a first date and getting felt up, she lost. But this goes way over the heads of men here, so whatever.

This guy does sound like one that should get tossed back, but the point the men are making is that even a bad guy doesn’t deserve to get weeded out by a middle aged woman playing at being a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lord the men are furious about this post. Women understand exactly what OP is talking about. Frankly, if a woman is paying for a first date and getting felt up, she lost. But this goes way over the heads of men here, so whatever.

This guy does sound like one that should get tossed back, but the point the men are making is that even a bad guy doesn’t deserve to get weeded out by a middle aged woman playing at being a teenager.

He’s also middle age, to be fair