private school admissions--what sets kids apart?

[Anonymous]

We have had two kids go from k-8's on to "Big 3/5's"--being from a k-8 is a hook in itself, but otherwise we were not connected to any schools through legacy or board friends, non-athletic kids, non-board member, just normal parent job, etc.

While many kids seem the same on paper, the message communicated with school through the process can be the differentiating factor. Admissions gets tons of applications--you need to get your child and your family on their radar in a clear positive way. Attend every admissions event your invited to--schools want to offer spots to families they "know". Help them get to "know" your child/family.

For HS especially, think about your child like a brand, figure out what makes their brand special/unique/interesting and be very consistent with that story in interviews and essays. Do not laundry list accomplishments, or extra curriculars. Dig deeper--especially for sporty kids--tons of kids play sports so unless your child is really a sports star, you need to articulate why this is meaningful or find something else unique about your kid. Communicate what your child is bringing to the party--not just why the school would be a good for your child.

For any grade, do not ever bad-mouth your current school. You can say your child is ready for something smaller, bigger, to be more independent, single sex, co-ed, broader curriculum, more challenging classes, etc.

Do not ask any questions that may make you seem high maintenance--wait until your child is admitted for those questions. Do not ask about anything that would make school have to go over and above just for your child. The exception to this would be if your child has a learning difference, needs an accommodation, has sever allergies, medical condition, etc which definitely do warrant questions and are within reasonable expectations for a school to address.

Do ask some questions beyond something you can get off the website. Do ask about how families can get involved in the school community--volunteering, events, etc. Ask about favorite school traditions. Ask about kids joining clubs, etc. Schools want students and families who want to be involved in their community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, we had former attendees/board members write letters of recommendation.

+1. This is an important comment.

I recall that I have stated this on this DCUM board in the past, and I'll repeat it because it was eye-opening for me.

If you know someone on the board or a big donor or a family whose children excelled at that school, it may be helpful to ask them to write a letter on behalf of your DS or DD.

Approximately 8 years ago, when our DS was rejected from Potomac, I had a friend tell me that she wishes she would have known that my DS was applying because she or her DH could have written a letter. My son still may not have been admitted even with the letter, but I was intrigued that she was pretty confident that the letter could have helped. I honestly didn't think that there was a place for any letters in the application, other than letters from teachers or coaches.

In the past 10 years, we knew a girl who was admitted to a top school (cannot state it) off of the wait list for middle school. The girl's friend had been admitted to this school, but had turned it down for another top school. Upon turning it down, that girl's family recommended that this school admit the girl who was on the wait list. Within one day, that girl got a call off of the wait list. Maybe it was coincidence, but maybe not.

Finally, I know of a family where their DD was admitted to a top school for middle school. She might have gotten admitted on her own. However, a person very connected with the school was willing to write a letter on her behalf. Who knows if that helped, but it likely did help as this school gets so many applicants.

Additional datapoints, especially from respected boosters who have a vested interest in the school, are very helpful. You just have to make sure you don’t come across as pushy and the supplemental letters are gratuitous or superficial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have had two kids go from k-8's on to "Big 3/5's"--being from a k-8 is a hook in itself, but otherwise we were not connected to any schools through legacy or board friends, non-athletic kids, non-board member, just normal parent job, etc.

While many kids seem the same on paper, the message communicated with school through the process can be the differentiating factor. Admissions gets tons of applications--you need to get your child and your family on their radar in a clear positive way. Attend every admissions event your invited to--schools want to offer spots to families they "know". Help them get to "know" your child/family.

For HS especially, think about your child like a brand, figure out what makes their brand special/unique/interesting and be very consistent with that story in interviews and essays. Do not laundry list accomplishments, or extra curriculars. Dig deeper--especially for sporty kids--tons of kids play sports so unless your child is really a sports star, you need to articulate why this is meaningful or find something else unique about your kid. Communicate what your child is bringing to the party--not just why the school would be a good for your child.

For any grade, do not ever bad-mouth your current school. You can say your child is ready for something smaller, bigger, to be more independent, single sex, co-ed, broader curriculum, more challenging classes, etc.

Do not ask any questions that may make you seem high maintenance--wait until your child is admitted for those questions. Do not ask about anything that would make school have to go over and above just for your child. The exception to this would be if your child has a learning difference, needs an accommodation, has sever allergies, medical condition, etc which definitely do warrant questions and are within reasonable expectations for a school to address.

Do ask some questions beyond something you can get off the website. Do ask about how families can get involved in the school community--volunteering, events, etc. Ask about favorite school traditions. Ask about kids joining clubs, etc. Schools want students and families who want to be involved in their community.

This is sage advice. A lot of it is common sense but sadly many people don’t practice it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had two kids go from k-8's on to "Big 3/5's"--being from a k-8 is a hook in itself, but otherwise we were not connected to any schools through legacy or board friends, non-athletic kids, non-board member, just normal parent job, etc.

While many kids seem the same on paper, the message communicated with school through the process can be the differentiating factor. Admissions gets tons of applications--you need to get your child and your family on their radar in a clear positive way. Attend every admissions event your invited to--schools want to offer spots to families they "know". Help them get to "know" your child/family.

For HS especially, think about your child like a brand, figure out what makes their brand special/unique/interesting and be very consistent with that story in interviews and essays. Do not laundry list accomplishments, or extra curriculars. Dig deeper--especially for sporty kids--tons of kids play sports so unless your child is really a sports star, you need to articulate why this is meaningful or find something else unique about your kid. Communicate what your child is bringing to the party--not just why the school would be a good for your child.

For any grade, do not ever bad-mouth your current school. You can say your child is ready for something smaller, bigger, to be more independent, single sex, co-ed, broader curriculum, more challenging classes, etc.

Do not ask any questions that may make you seem high maintenance--wait until your child is admitted for those questions. Do not ask about anything that would make school have to go over and above just for your child. The exception to this would be if your child has a learning difference, needs an accommodation, has sever allergies, medical condition, etc which definitely do warrant questions and are within reasonable expectations for a school to address.

Do ask some questions beyond something you can get off the website. Do ask about how families can get involved in the school community--volunteering, events, etc. Ask about favorite school traditions. Ask about kids joining clubs, etc. Schools want students and families who want to be involved in their community.

This is sage advice. A lot of it is common sense but sadly many people don’t practice it.

+100 VERY sage advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, we had former attendees/board members write letters of recommendation.

+1. This is an important comment.

I recall that I have stated this on this DCUM board in the past, and I'll repeat it because it was eye-opening for me.

If you know someone on the board or a big donor or a family whose children excelled at that school, it may be helpful to ask them to write a letter on behalf of your DS or DD.

Approximately 8 years ago, when our DS was rejected from Potomac, I had a friend tell me that she wishes she would have known that my DS was applying because she or her DH could have written a letter. My son still may not have been admitted even with the letter, but I was intrigued that she was pretty confident that the letter could have helped. I honestly didn't think that there was a place for any letters in the application, other than letters from teachers or coaches.

In the past 10 years, we knew a girl who was admitted to a top school (cannot state it) off of the wait list for middle school. The girl's friend had been admitted to this school, but had turned it down for another top school. Upon turning it down, that girl's family recommended that this school admit the girl who was on the wait list. Within one day, that girl got a call off of the wait list. Maybe it was coincidence, but maybe not.

Finally, I know of a family where their DD was admitted to a top school for middle school. She might have gotten admitted on her own. However, a person very connected with the school was willing to write a letter on her behalf. Who knows if that helped, but it likely did help as this school gets so many applicants.

Additional datapoints, especially from respected boosters who have a vested interest in the school, are very helpful. You just have to make sure you don’t come across as pushy and the supplemental letters are gratuitous or superficial.

I echo this. We had similar letters of recommendation from board members for both of our DC. We also had a Jesuit who knows our DS offer to write a letter which I really think helped him gain admission to his #1 school in an extremely competitive year. They are both great students and very well may have gotten admission anyway but I doubt the letters didn't help at least somewhat. Also, in response to someone saying there wasn't a place for additional letters, in both my DC's cases, the additional letters were sent to the admissions office or President's office, depending on who the person recommending knew better. They both got responses saying the letter had been added to the admissions file.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which ones get thrown in the "no'' file first round?

PIA parents. When we were applying one of the teachers showed us her recommendation form, and it had multiple questions asking about parents. The keys were how did the parents support the school, and do the parents' perception of the child's strengths and weaknesses align with the school's perception. Basically, who thinks their little darling is an angel when they're...most definitely not...and who shows up to volunteer and/or donate. Both questions were designed to give ample opportunity for teachers to let schools knows which parents make their lives harder, whose calls do they just dread, etc..

This 100%.

One school in VA had a lot of questions about following dismissal and carpool procedures (compliance). When the au pair picks the kids up around the corner, the person who notices is often the person who is helping with the records/letters being sent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of theories put forth on this thread, but 2 things seem to not be mentioned enough when it comes to getting into a big 3:

1. It is important to "know somebody" preferably a close friend on the board of a school, but knowing head of school or teachers or prominent parents at the school.
2. College legacy status of the parents can help because the high school wants to keep their college placement stats up, and having families with legacy to ivy league colleges and other highly ranked colleges helps a lot.

If you did not get you kid accepted, don't worry. College admissions might be just as good from a public. Public schools have higher GPAs and more AP classes.

I just realized that the goal of these elite schools is not just education (that is part of it) but to keep social status and social order. Children from Legacy parents and big law partners stay legacy and big law. But I recognize that in the US it is kinda of important. I am from a different country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of theories put forth on this thread, but 2 things seem to not be mentioned enough when it comes to getting into a big 3:

1. It is important to "know somebody" preferably a close friend on the board of a school, but knowing head of school or teachers or prominent parents at the school.
2. College legacy status of the parents can help because the high school wants to keep their college placement stats up, and having families with legacy to ivy league colleges and other highly ranked colleges helps a lot.

If you did not get you kid accepted, don't worry. College admissions might be just as good from a public. Public schools have higher GPAs and more AP classes.

I just realized that the goal of these elite schools is not just education (that is part of it) but to keep social status and social order. Children from Legacy parents and big law partners stay legacy and big law. But I recognize that in the US it is kinda of important. I am from a different country.

lol no the goal is to have paying customers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had two kids go from k-8's on to "Big 3/5's"--being from a k-8 is a hook in itself, but otherwise we were not connected to any schools through legacy or board friends, non-athletic kids, non-board member, just normal parent job, etc.

While many kids seem the same on paper, the message communicated with school through the process can be the differentiating factor. Admissions gets tons of applications--you need to get your child and your family on their radar in a clear positive way. Attend every admissions event your invited to--schools want to offer spots to families they "know". Help them get to "know" your child/family.

For HS especially, think about your child like a brand, figure out what makes their brand special/unique/interesting and be very consistent with that story in interviews and essays. Do not laundry list accomplishments, or extra curriculars. Dig deeper--especially for sporty kids--tons of kids play sports so unless your child is really a sports star, you need to articulate why this is meaningful or find something else unique about your kid. Communicate what your child is bringing to the party--not just why the school would be a good for your child.

For any grade, do not ever bad-mouth your current school. You can say your child is ready for something smaller, bigger, to be more independent, single sex, co-ed, broader curriculum, more challenging classes, etc.

Do not ask any questions that may make you seem high maintenance--wait until your child is admitted for those questions. Do not ask about anything that would make school have to go over and above just for your child. The exception to this would be if your child has a learning difference, needs an accommodation, has sever allergies, medical condition, etc which definitely do warrant questions and are within reasonable expectations for a school to address.

Do ask some questions beyond something you can get off the website. Do ask about how families can get involved in the school community--volunteering, events, etc. Ask about favorite school traditions. Ask about kids joining clubs, etc. Schools want students and families who want to be involved in their community.

This is sage advice. A lot of it is common sense but sadly many people don’t practice it.

I agree with both PPs here. Great advice... and very true that many people don't follow it.
-a private school parent and former private school teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of theories put forth on this thread, but 2 things seem to not be mentioned enough when it comes to getting into a big 3:

1. It is important to "know somebody" preferably a close friend on the board of a school, but knowing head of school or teachers or prominent parents at the school.
2. College legacy status of the parents can help because the high school wants to keep their college placement stats up, and having families with legacy to ivy league colleges and other highly ranked colleges helps a lot.

If you did not get you kid accepted, don't worry. College admissions might be just as good from a public. Public schools have higher GPAs and more AP classes.

I just realized that the goal of these elite schools is not just education (that is part of it) but to keep social status and social order. Children from Legacy parents and big law partners stay legacy and big law. But I recognize that in the US it is kinda of important. I am from a different country.

lol no the goal is to have paying customers.

Depends on the school. But for schools that can afford to pick their students, of course they think about image and upholding their brand.

[Anonymous]

Although my goal for my kids were being a well-rounded human being. I found being well-rounded made them sometimes uncompetitive in school applications.

[Anonymous]

Don't feel bad. I know a family whose 3rd kid was rejected. The first two graduated from the same Big 3 and did very well in college placement. The last kid wasn't as strong and legacy didn't help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may think you know these families in your K-8 or PK-6 well, know where the parents are from, where they went to school, etc. But what you may not know, because most people don't talk about it, is the legacy connections to the top schools that they have through grandparents, random aunts/ uncles, etc. They have links to these schools that may not be immediately obvious via the parents. And that can make the difference in admissions.

At which top colleges is a random aunt/uncle connection needle-moving for admissions?

Unless the aunt/uncle is a donating billionaire alum or someone famous, it isn’t. Colleges don’t even consider grandparents as legacy in most cases. Parents only, and even then legacy isn’t that big a thing (or anything at all) for moat places any more.

Doesn't make a difference unless that aunt or uncle is donating for that kid. I know someone whose uncle donated a building and it didn't help them. Of course, the uncles kids got in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Do not ask any questions that may make you seem high maintenance--wait until your child is admitted for those questions.

"No. But thanks for your $$$$$. Shoulda asked before you enrolled."

???

Seems like bad advice if what you're asking about is a deal-breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Do not ask any questions that may make you seem high maintenance--wait until your child is admitted for those questions.

"No. But thanks for your $$$$$. Shoulda asked before you enrolled."

???

Seems like bad advice if what you're asking about is a deal-breaker.

It says "wait until your child is admitted for those questions." It doesn't say "enrolled". There are revisit days for students and families before enrollment agreements are due which is the perfect time to ask questions that may make you seem high maintenance. And throughout the process, it's not hard to get info from current parents on most questions.