Why do some women think it's acceptable to get engaged without a ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The olds’ hypocrisy of “The man proposes with a diamond ring on bended knee after getting permission from her father” but “I am a proud feminist” simply cannot die off soon enough.

Gag.

Has any of the women here who expects a ring identifiex herself as a feminist?

I don't know how they could. Feminism is about having choices and honoring the choice. Expecting a proposal and an engagement ring is anti-feminist even when it's a role reversal - their expectation is that a man will meet the expectation of gendered role simply because he's male. It's definitely contrary to feminism.

I expected a ring and consider myself a feminist for sure. Feminism is absolutely about a woman’s freedom to live her life the way she chooses, to vote and get an education just as any man could, to be president or a SAHM. It doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the differences between the sexes, both in terms of biology and society. Seems like we disagree on what feminism is.

I don’t care one bit if a woman wants a ring or not, but I do hope in these situations it’s not a woman wanting a ring and going along with not getting one to keep her guy or appear like a cool girl. I particularly love the greenhouse story.

If you consider yourself a feminist, how have you missed the Fourth Wave?

Feminists now recognize that it is not just women that are harmed by women's inequity. Everyone is harm even men. Gendered norms are just as much pillars of toxic masculinity and patriarchy as women's inequity. Expecting a man to propose and give you a ring just because he's a man and you're a woman is a gendered norm.

There is nothing wrong with wanting and asking for something. How a someone responds to a loved one's request is an indication of what kind of partner they will be. Expecting a ring and proposal from a man because you are a woman is no different than a expecting a woman to be responsible all gift giving for her DH's family simply because that's what women are supposed to do. Again, asking is perfectly fine. Expecting something because of gendered norms is not.

You’re wasting your time. The olds Do. Not. Get. It.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The olds’ hypocrisy of “The man proposes with a diamond ring on bended knee after getting permission from her father” but “I am a proud feminist” simply cannot die off soon enough.

Gag.

Has any of the women here who expects a ring identifiex herself as a feminist?

I don't know how they could. Feminism is about having choices and honoring the choice. Expecting a proposal and an engagement ring is anti-feminist even when it's a role reversal - their expectation is that a man will meet the expectation of gendered role simply because he's male. It's definitely contrary to feminism.

I expected a ring and consider myself a feminist for sure. Feminism is absolutely about a woman’s freedom to live her life the way she chooses, to vote and get an education just as any man could, to be president or a SAHM. It doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the differences between the sexes, both in terms of biology and society. Seems like we disagree on what feminism is.

I don’t care one bit if a woman wants a ring or not, but I do hope in these situations it’s not a woman wanting a ring and going along with not getting one to keep her guy or appear like a cool girl. I particularly love the greenhouse story.

If you consider yourself a feminist, how have you missed the Fourth Wave?

Feminists now recognize that it is not just women that are harmed by women's inequity. Everyone is harm even men. Gendered norms are just as much pillars of toxic masculinity and patriarchy as women's inequity. Expecting a man to propose and give you a ring just because he's a man and you're a woman is a gendered norm.

There is nothing wrong with wanting and asking for something. How a someone responds to a loved one's request is an indication of what kind of partner they will be. Expecting a ring and proposal from a man because you are a woman is no different than a expecting a woman to be responsible all gift giving for her DH's family simply because that's what women are supposed to do. Again, asking is perfectly fine. Expecting something because of gendered norms is not.

You’re wasting your time. The olds Do. Not. Get. It.

PP you’re responding to. I'm almost 60 so it's not necessarily the 'olds' who aren't getting it.

Who ARE these women? You think it's the same ones over on the walking date thread calling men who don't want to spend money on a first date 'cheap'? Yet another example of an exchange for access.

[Anonymous]

I assume OP was one of those women who got married young and her husband was partying all the time so she was super insecure that he would meet someone else. I got married in my early 30s and DH and I were probably much more mature than OP and her husband were when they got married. I never felt insecure about my relationship with my husband. We talked about marriage first and agreed that we would rather use $20K towards a down payment on our first house than on an engagement ring. We did buy an engagement ring, but it was a gemstone ring, not a diamond so cost much less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The olds’ hypocrisy of “The man proposes with a diamond ring on bended knee after getting permission from her father” but “I am a proud feminist” simply cannot die off soon enough.

Gag.

Has any of the women here who expects a ring identifiex herself as a feminist?

I don't know how they could. Feminism is about having choices and honoring the choice. Expecting a proposal and an engagement ring is anti-feminist even when it's a role reversal - their expectation is that a man will meet the expectation of gendered role simply because he's male. It's definitely contrary to feminism.

I expected a ring and consider myself a feminist for sure. Feminism is absolutely about a woman’s freedom to live her life the way she chooses, to vote and get an education just as any man could, to be president or a SAHM. It doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the differences between the sexes, both in terms of biology and society. Seems like we disagree on what feminism is.

I don’t care one bit if a woman wants a ring or not, but I do hope in these situations it’s not a woman wanting a ring and going along with not getting one to keep her guy or appear like a cool girl. I particularly love the greenhouse story.

If you consider yourself a feminist, how have you missed the Fourth Wave?

Feminists now recognize that it is not just women that are harmed by women's inequity. Everyone is harm even men. Gendered norms are just as much pillars of toxic masculinity and patriarchy as women's inequity. Expecting a man to propose and give you a ring just because he's a man and you're a woman is a gendered norm.

There is nothing wrong with wanting and asking for something. How a someone responds to a loved one's request is an indication of what kind of partner they will be. Expecting a ring and proposal from a man because you are a woman is no different than a expecting a woman to be responsible all gift giving for her DH's family simply because that's what women are supposed to do. Again, asking is perfectly fine. Expecting something because of gendered norms is not.

You’re wasting your time. The olds Do. Not. Get. It.

Interestingly enough, I know a lot of materialistic women in their early 30s who would think in exactly the same manner as OP. Not everyone is as progressive as you claim to be. In fact, most people aren't. Look at the number of women willing to give their bodily autonomy over to Trump and his cronies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and another friend got "engaged" recently. None of them had rings and in the case of my sister, there was not even a proposal, just her and the guy agreeing on a date to get married later this year. I feel like it sets the bar very low for their partners and it's not something women should be ok with. My husband too popped the question without one and it felt incredibly informal, as if he wasn't serious about getting married. I told him that a ring was important to me and he popped the question again a week later with a ring.

A ring doesn't even need to be expensive, there are many cute rings for less than $500. It's the symbolism behind it that's important. It doesn't seem that my friend and sister are being taken seriously by their men, but they look like they're ok with it which is baffling. Women should stop pretending to be cool girls and set higher standards for their partners.

They are secure in their relationship and don't need a piece of jewelry to signal their commitment to the rest of the world.

[Anonymous]

I had this thread in mind the other day when I went through the Dunkin drive thru to grab a coffee and egg sandwich Friday. The young woman who handed me my order held the bags out with her hands in the weirdest position and for a second I wondered if she was disabled and then I realized she had a shiny diamond on her left ring finger and was holding her hand in that weird position so she could maximize its visibility to every stranger to whom she was handing an order that day.

I just felt sorry for her. Imagine that being the focus of one’s self worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The olds’ hypocrisy of “The man proposes with a diamond ring on bended knee after getting permission from her father” but “I am a proud feminist” simply cannot die off soon enough.

Gag.

Has any of the women here who expects a ring identifiex herself as a feminist?

I don't know how they could. Feminism is about having choices and honoring the choice. Expecting a proposal and an engagement ring is anti-feminist even when it's a role reversal - their expectation is that a man will meet the expectation of gendered role simply because he's male. It's definitely contrary to feminism.

I expected a ring and consider myself a feminist for sure. Feminism is absolutely about a woman’s freedom to live her life the way she chooses, to vote and get an education just as any man could, to be president or a SAHM. It doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the differences between the sexes, both in terms of biology and society. Seems like we disagree on what feminism is.

I don’t care one bit if a woman wants a ring or not, but I do hope in these situations it’s not a woman wanting a ring and going along with not getting one to keep her guy or appear like a cool girl. I particularly love the greenhouse story.

You can identify as you wish, but it's baffling how somebody who follows a movement for gender equality expects to be given things just because of their gender. You might be a feminist, the the expectation of a ring isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The olds’ hypocrisy of “The man proposes with a diamond ring on bended knee after getting permission from her father” but “I am a proud feminist” simply cannot die off soon enough.

Gag.

Has any of the women here who expects a ring identifiex herself as a feminist?

I don't know how they could. Feminism is about having choices and honoring the choice. Expecting a proposal and an engagement ring is anti-feminist even when it's a role reversal - their expectation is that a man will meet the expectation of gendered role simply because he's male. It's definitely contrary to feminism.

I expected a ring and consider myself a feminist for sure. Feminism is absolutely about a woman’s freedom to live her life the way she chooses, to vote and get an education just as any man could, to be president or a SAHM. It doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the differences between the sexes, both in terms of biology and society. Seems like we disagree on what feminism is.

I don’t care one bit if a woman wants a ring or not, but I do hope in these situations it’s not a woman wanting a ring and going along with not getting one to keep her guy or appear like a cool girl. I particularly love the greenhouse story.

Yep, get your ring, your greenhouse, your house downpayment, but get SOMETHING!

Why do women need to get bought off? Is marriage that terrible?

[Anonymous]

Why can't everyone just accept that people view things differently? Just because I didn't want a huge diamond ring doesn't make me a "pick me" or "cool girl" or whatever girl (I got married 15 years ago before TikTok and these stupid misogynistic naming trends existed!), it just means that I, personally, didn't want my then boyfriend (who was in grad school) to spend a ton of money on an engagement ring. 15 years later and my wedding ring doesn't even fit me anymore (my fingers never shrank when I lost the baby weight), so I bought a different one. Who cares?

[Anonymous]

I know several women including myself who got big rings and fancy proposals. Based on some of these comments you'd think that we were cherished and respected because of the "effort" these men made to marry us. Fast forward into our marriages we were left to do most of the chores as they were too busy making the big bucks. Some of my friends got cheated on, others were verbally abused and others are simply ignored. I got divorced and my situation forced me to reconsider the things I thought were important in a marriage and in the dating stages. With hindsight I wouldn't have married him as there were many red flags I ignored because I was blinded by romance.

I hope OP's sister has a man that actually respects her and has demonstrated this to her over the years. If he has, who cares if there's no ring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't everyone just accept that people view things differently? Just because I didn't want a huge diamond ring doesn't make me a "pick me" or "cool girl" or whatever girl (I got married 15 years ago before TikTok and these stupid misogynistic naming trends existed!), it just means that I, personally, didn't want my then boyfriend (who was in grad school) to spend a ton of money on an engagement ring. 15 years later and my wedding ring doesn't even fit me anymore (my fingers never shrank when I lost the baby weight), so I bought a different one. Who cares?

Those that call you a pick me have their self-worth so invested in a man's approval that they can't understand why not wanting a ring or a fancy proposal, which in my opinion mostly exist to signalize status, is a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The olds’ hypocrisy of “The man proposes with a diamond ring on bended knee after getting permission from her father” but “I am a proud feminist” simply cannot die off soon enough.

Gag.

Has any of the women here who expects a ring identifiex herself as a feminist?

I don't know how they could. Feminism is about having choices and honoring the choice. Expecting a proposal and an engagement ring is anti-feminist even when it's a role reversal - their expectation is that a man will meet the expectation of gendered role simply because he's male. It's definitely contrary to feminism.

I expected a ring and consider myself a feminist for sure. Feminism is absolutely about a woman’s freedom to live her life the way she chooses, to vote and get an education just as any man could, to be president or a SAHM. It doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the differences between the sexes, both in terms of biology and society. Seems like we disagree on what feminism is.

I don’t care one bit if a woman wants a ring or not, but I do hope in these situations it’s not a woman wanting a ring and going along with not getting one to keep her guy or appear like a cool girl. I particularly love the greenhouse story.

Yep, get your ring, your greenhouse, your house downpayment, but get SOMETHING!

Greenhouse poster, clarifying something. I didn't demand a greenhouse from him, or ask for anything. I'm not into jewelry, I don't even wear a wedding band, so that was already off the table. We had talked about it and agreed to be married before. We had purchased a house together and did the renovations, Most of his free time was spent in reno, as I was busy with school and work.
One of DH's love languages is gifts, and he wanted to do something to mark the occasion so he built the greenhouse as a surprise. In return, I made his favorite dinner and dessert which we ate in the greenhouse, and talked about what we should try to grow and if we should spring for a DJ at the wedding, which was held in our backyard.

I'm very much in the camp that each couple should do what's right for them and not judge other couple's for what they choose todo. I also believe the engagement starts the moment you both agree to be married, and your commitment to each other should start before that

[Anonymous]

Women think it's acceptable to marry without an engagement ring because it is acceptable, maybe not to you, but to other people it is. You should find something else to worry about.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the poster who says that women are expected to give themselves away for nothing in return. It's not only the lack of ring though, it's also the whole playing house without marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the poster who says that women are expected to give themselves away for nothing in return. It's not only the lack of ring though, it's also the whole playing house without marriage.

What is exactly this "playing house" I keep hearing?