DS given melatonin gummies as prank by “friends at sleepover

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have socially awkward teen desperate for friends so I understand.

Bare minimum is that he need to get off that soccer team and find another one. He’s not safe around those kids and should never be around them.

If you can do that then I might consider not contacting the other parents.

Ugh…

He has practice tomorrow and has told me he’s going to pretend it didn’t happen. I haven’t gotten a chance to really talk to DH about it but I do think we are done with this soccer team.

He’s played since he was 6 but this is a newer team he started in last year.

What? Do not send him to practice until you have figured out your response (eg, is he staying on the team? If not, why woukd he ever go back?) and talked to the host parents if not others. Sending him to practice is conceding this was NBD.

We aren’t sending him to soccer.

He’s upset and embarrassed by the entire situation. Yes, he knows it’s not his fault but he is hurt. I don’t want to hurt him more.

We are contacting parents and have gotten mixed reactions. But most likely no soccer this summer. Finding an alternative that will make DS happy.

I'm so sorry op, this is overall just and awful situation and I know your son is the one suffering when the other kids are the ones that made the terrible choice. And I'm sorry you've gotten mixed reactions. Some parents have a very hard time accepting and picturing their child making really poor choices. I think the soccer coach should know why you are leaving. There should be punishments for these kids via the team since it sounds like it was a team get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have socially awkward teen desperate for friends so I understand.

Bare minimum is that he need to get off that soccer team and find another one. He’s not safe around those kids and should never be around them.

If you can do that then I might consider not contacting the other parents.

Ugh…

He has practice tomorrow and has told me he’s going to pretend it didn’t happen. I haven’t gotten a chance to really talk to DH about it but I do think we are done with this soccer team.

He’s played since he was 6 but this is a newer team he started in last year.

What? Do not send him to practice until you have figured out your response (eg, is he staying on the team? If not, why woukd he ever go back?) and talked to the host parents if not others. Sending him to practice is conceding this was NBD.

We aren’t sending him to soccer.

He’s upset and embarrassed by the entire situation. Yes, he knows it’s not his fault but he is hurt. I don’t want to hurt him more.

We are contacting parents and have gotten mixed reactions. But most likely no soccer this summer. Finding an alternative that will make DS happy.

Honest to God how can the reactions be mixed?! If I was a parent of one of the other kids I'd be utterly horrified and my kid would be off to therapy/off the team/off to volunteer somewhere.

Like was said upthread, this can be a formative age and how you/we react can have long-lasting implications.

Seriously! I was on the fence about involving the police but if the parents are not taking it seriously I'd be inclined to file a police report.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have socially awkward teen desperate for friends so I understand.

Bare minimum is that he need to get off that soccer team and find another one. He’s not safe around those kids and should never be around them.

If you can do that then I might consider not contacting the other parents.

Ugh…

He has practice tomorrow and has told me he’s going to pretend it didn’t happen. I haven’t gotten a chance to really talk to DH about it but I do think we are done with this soccer team.

He’s played since he was 6 but this is a newer team he started in last year.

What? Do not send him to practice until you have figured out your response (eg, is he staying on the team? If not, why woukd he ever go back?) and talked to the host parents if not others. Sending him to practice is conceding this was NBD.

We aren’t sending him to soccer.

He’s upset and embarrassed by the entire situation. Yes, he knows it’s not his fault but he is hurt. I don’t want to hurt him more.

We are contacting parents and have gotten mixed reactions. But most likely no soccer this summer. Finding an alternative that will make DS happy.

I would pull my kid if they knowingly went along with this too. These parents who are blowing it off are setting themselves up for big problems when their boys get older. Another parent will sue them or they will get kicked out or arrested eventually.

Consider looking into martial arts for your kid so he can work on strengthening boundaries and self esteem/standing up to bully issues. Everyone wants to fit in and it’s incredibly hard to be the kid who stands up to the bully.

There was a soccer star at my middle school who behaved terribly but who had very wealthy parents who always managed to bail him out somehow. One day he peed in a beloved teachers water bottle in front of his ‘crew’ to show off during a lunch break. We were about to restart class and his usually quiet best friend stood up with tears streaming down his face while the bully kid was screaming and threatening him and told the teacher what happened before she drank it. The courage it took to stand up to that kid still inspires me 30 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the responses but as a parent active in my kids’ soccer club, this is hazing and a Safe Sport violation that should be reported.

https://uscenterforsafesport.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/Hazing-Trifold.pdf

Good point. We called the coach but haven’t gotten a response yet. Assistant coach has been helpful and says it will be taken very seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you friends with any other parents on the team? I'd probably start there, talk to them to see if maybe their kid said anything about it?

And I think I would tell the coach. My kid's coach would be horrified at this kind of behavior.

I'm sorry this happened to your kid. We've had similar issues with ours trying to keep up with the cool kids who aren't nice, and I've got a daughter.

Not really friends. We are all cordial.

I’m friendliest with these two moms who have a boy that’s always been the nicest to DS. I called them and they were pretty validating and spoke to their son and confirmed that he knew it was happening but wasn’t involved. They seem to be taking it seriously.

The host parents were outright dismissive and implied my son lied.

I’ve been able to get a response from a few others who mostly just respond with, “thanks for letting us know”. Not sure if they’ll address it with their kids.

I do want to know who came up with the idea and the dosage of the melatonin but I’m not sure I ever will.

Those people would be dead to me.
And no way should your kid do anything with these kids. Is this a big school where he could fund another friend group?

You may find out from the kids of the moms you're friendliest with of you wait a while to ask. Right now their kid may be worried about being labeled a snitch and deny knowing that info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have socially awkward teen desperate for friends so I understand.

Bare minimum is that he need to get off that soccer team and find another one. He’s not safe around those kids and should never be around them.

If you can do that then I might consider not contacting the other parents.

Ugh…

He has practice tomorrow and has told me he’s going to pretend it didn’t happen. I haven’t gotten a chance to really talk to DH about it but I do think we are done with this soccer team.

He’s played since he was 6 but this is a newer team he started in last year.

What? Do not send him to practice until you have figured out your response (eg, is he staying on the team? If not, why woukd he ever go back?) and talked to the host parents if not others. Sending him to practice is conceding this was NBD.

We aren’t sending him to soccer.

He’s upset and embarrassed by the entire situation. Yes, he knows it’s not his fault but he is hurt. I don’t want to hurt him more.

We are contacting parents and have gotten mixed reactions. But most likely no soccer this summer. Finding an alternative that will make DS happy.

Honest to God how can the reactions be mixed?! If I was a parent of one of the other kids I'd be utterly horrified and my kid would be off to therapy/off the team/off to volunteer somewhere.

Like was said upthread, this can be a formative age and how you/we react can have long-lasting implications.

Seriously! I was on the fence about involving the police but if the parents are not taking it seriously I'd be inclined to file a police report.

Especially the host parents - a kid could have died at their home under their watch. I hope OP contacts the police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you friends with any other parents on the team? I'd probably start there, talk to them to see if maybe their kid said anything about it?

And I think I would tell the coach. My kid's coach would be horrified at this kind of behavior.

I'm sorry this happened to your kid. We've had similar issues with ours trying to keep up with the cool kids who aren't nice, and I've got a daughter.

Not really friends. We are all cordial.

I’m friendliest with these two moms who have a boy that’s always been the nicest to DS. I called them and they were pretty validating and spoke to their son and confirmed that he knew it was happening but wasn’t involved. They seem to be taking it seriously.

The host parents were outright dismissive and implied my son lied.

I’ve been able to get a response from a few others who mostly just respond with, “thanks for letting us know”. Not sure if they’ll address it with their kids.

I do want to know who came up with the idea and the dosage of the melatonin but I’m not sure I ever will.

Those people would be dead to me.
And no way should your kid do anything with these kids. Is this a big school where he could fund another friend group?

You may find out from the kids of the moms you're friendliest with of you wait a while to ask. Right now their kid may be worried about being labeled a snitch and deny knowing that info.

This would absolutely make me want to send them the medical bills with a letter from an attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oof. While I empathize with your DS I feel like you have to tell the parents what happened. What those boys did was dangerous.

+1
Next time it could be something that kills him. I'd be so pissed off. I'd tell the coach and the school too. It is illegal to unknowns give drugs to people. Make sure the parents know how stupidly their kids behaved. And don't let your son out with them. So sport is worth this, change teams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np. I am so sorry this happened. My thoughts:

1. Tell the school. I’m no longer in DMV but at our public kids can be disciplined for activities that take place outside school. They may be able to help determine whether anything has been uploaded to social media.

You also don’t want your kid to have any classes with these boys and they should have different lunch periods.

2. Tell the coach. He has a problem on his team and needs to know.

3. Tell the parents. I like the idea of a group email to all of them. You shouldn’t have to send 14 separate emails.

4. Help for your son: therapist to process the incident and confirm it was not his fault. Also, to increase confidence so he learns that these guys are not his friends and that he should not aspire to be friends with him.

Good luck and please keep us posted. Your kid sounds awesome and he does not need to hang out with these jerks.

This is unnecessary and very likely impossible.

Restraining order

At that point it’s easier to switch schools.

Only 5 of the kids go to the same school as DS. He has his own friends at school outside these boys.

But these boys (soccer boys) are of a higher social status and could make DS life hell if the wish. He knows that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Have you had time to share what happened to your spouse? Does your spouse have any additional thoughts?

Yes, we are pretty much on the same page. We both agreed to let all parties involved know. I want to pull DS from the team, DH thinks this will make DS look weak, and DS agrees with this. For now we know he’s not going today until we figure everything out.

[Anonymous]

OP send the host parents a copy of the bill and ask it be turned over to their homeowners insurance.

I also want to add that parents saying thank you might be processing and disciplinary with their kids but not really letting you know the reaction.

I hope your son is ok. You did the right things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would actually contact the parents to confirm that it was “just” melatonin. He was given drug laced gummies and later told it was melatonin but how do you actually know it wasn’t something else.

He son was drug tested at urgent care. OP said that in her post.

Yes, urgent care doctors originally didn’t seem to believe it wasn’t illicit drugs or alcohol so wanted to test him before proceeding with treatment. Nothing came back abnormal at all.


They don’t see how drowsy and forgetful he was. They also wanted to make sure he didn’t have a head injury. He did not.

[Anonymous]

I'd be thinking about a new school and a new soccer team, fresh start. Maybe someplace like Burke with kids who are a bit quirkier. And yes, counseling, maybe a social skills group could get through better than one on one. And martial arts to build confidence and provide an outlet and some self defense skills and promote a more assertive body language that other kids will read.

I'd really try to change schools if I were you. Turn the page on this rather than waiting for another shoe to drop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you friends with any other parents on the team? I'd probably start there, talk to them to see if maybe their kid said anything about it?

And I think I would tell the coach. My kid's coach would be horrified at this kind of behavior.

I'm sorry this happened to your kid. We've had similar issues with ours trying to keep up with the cool kids who aren't nice, and I've got a daughter.

Not really friends. We are all cordial.

I’m friendliest with these two moms who have a boy that’s always been the nicest to DS. I called them and they were pretty validating and spoke to their son and confirmed that he knew it was happening but wasn’t involved. They seem to be taking it seriously.

The host parents were outright dismissive and implied my son lied.

I’ve been able to get a response from a few others who mostly just respond with, “thanks for letting us know”. Not sure if they’ll address it with their kids.

I do want to know who came up with the idea and the dosage of the melatonin but I’m not sure I ever will.

First of all, kudos to you for telling the parents of everyone involved. It's not pleasant to confront people and in many ways it would be easier to not say anything at all and just pull your son out of this group without explanation. And yet you did the right thing.

No sympathy for these jerk parents who implied that your son lied. Is it clear that the host's son was the instigator of the prank? I hope the parents were just being initially defensive and will come to their senses. Honestly, if someone accused my kid of doing something that stupid, I would be doubtful as well until I dug deeper and had some confirmation. By taking it to the coach, you will at least force these parents to have a look at the situation, and that's all you can do. And by telling the other parents, it will hopefully lead to talks with their kids about stupid and dangerous pranks, and the idiocy of just going along with the group when someone plans something stupid.

[Anonymous]

Definitely file police report and send host parents the medical bills. They should not get away with this,