My abortion story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a medical abortion. The embryo heart stopped but because of other issues my body would not miscarry. I’m ever thankful that my doctor was kind and performed it before sepsis set in. People posting here know very little about the dangers of pregnancy.
I have had 3 friends with later MC who nearly bled to death. MC can be fatal.
Up until recently the main cause of death among women under 50 was childbirth or pregnancy complications of which there are many.
But nothing will change the pro choice attitude.

Yes this. It broke my heart to see abortion listed on my medical paperwork for a much wanted and desired pregnancy. But nothing was right with the pregnancy from the very first scans. I waited an agonizing 5 weeks for the heartbeat to stop. We all knew it would, it was just a matter of when. I was 11 weeks. Then my body would not give up the fetal tissue. I waited another two weeks to miscarry naturally and it would not happen. So I had a D&C. Traumatizing and the nurses didn’t help. I’d never had a general in my life and I woke up sobbing, to hear a nurse say “we’ve got a a weeper.”

What would have happened if I couldn’t get that D&C, even with a no longer viable pregnancy that had already lingered for weeks?

I am unaware of any state law that outlaws abortion for a non-viable pregnancy or one that is to protect the health of the mother.

Well, until Friday it was unconstitutional for such a law to exist.

Texas, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Louisiana have no exceptions for health of the mother, for rape or incest, or for a fetus with conditions incompatible with life. I am not sure what you mean by non-viable pregnancy - doesn't matter in the above states unless the mother's life is in danger.

So now you are aware.

https://www.politico.com/news/2022/06/24/abortion-laws-by-state-roe-v-wade-00037695

You appear to be contradicting yourself—see bolded above.

Exceptions for the life of the mother mean nothing when there is no doctor in your state who will perform the abortion .

Life of the mother exceptions also do not cover those fetuses who are incompatible with life (t-18 or heart defects, for example) because technically the mothers life isn’t in danger. The impact on NICUs and the trauma that will place on families who have to deliver a baby just to watch it die will be significant. Also, what happens to prenatal care like NIPT tests, amnio, or CVS if you don’t have a choice to terminate for medical reasons?

In many cases, NO ONE, even the doctor knows for sure that the baby isn’t compatible with life. Not every condition, or diagnosis made is automatically a death sentence. Down’s syndrome isn’t incompatible with life. Think of all the babies born with special needs and no one knows until they are born.

Yes, having a baby with special needs takes a lot of selflessness and so parents might choose to abort instead.

Even if a baby is likely to only live hours, many people choose to carry to term out of dignity for the baby because they do believe that baby is a life. And maybe they can hold that baby for a few hours or even a few days. But that’s a very courageous that not many can make.

Maybe it’s the opposite. It is not moral to inflict futile suffering on any being. The moral thing is whatever prevents futile suffering. So maybe it takes more courage in that situation to have an abortion.

The point is: the person who gets to make this call is the person who is pregnant. Because it is so complex, no one here has a role in that decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a medical abortion. The embryo heart stopped but because of other issues my body would not miscarry. I’m ever thankful that my doctor was kind and performed it before sepsis set in. People posting here know very little about the dangers of pregnancy.
I have had 3 friends with later MC who nearly bled to death. MC can be fatal.
Up until recently the main cause of death among women under 50 was childbirth or pregnancy complications of which there are many.
But nothing will change the pro choice attitude.

Yes this. It broke my heart to see abortion listed on my medical paperwork for a much wanted and desired pregnancy. But nothing was right with the pregnancy from the very first scans. I waited an agonizing 5 weeks for the heartbeat to stop. We all knew it would, it was just a matter of when. I was 11 weeks. Then my body would not give up the fetal tissue. I waited another two weeks to miscarry naturally and it would not happen. So I had a D&C. Traumatizing and the nurses didn’t help. I’d never had a general in my life and I woke up sobbing, to hear a nurse say “we’ve got a a weeper.”

What would have happened if I couldn’t get that D&C, even with a no longer viable pregnancy that had already lingered for weeks?

I am unaware of any state law that outlaws abortion for a non-viable pregnancy or one that is to protect the health of the mother.

Well, until Friday it was unconstitutional for such a law to exist.

Texas, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Louisiana have no exceptions for health of the mother, for rape or incest, or for a fetus with conditions incompatible with life. I am not sure what you mean by non-viable pregnancy - doesn't matter in the above states unless the mother's life is in danger.

So now you are aware.

https://www.politico.com/news/2022/06/24/abortion-laws-by-state-roe-v-wade-00037695

You appear to be contradicting yourself—see bolded above.

Exceptions for the life of the mother mean nothing when there is no doctor in your state who will perform the abortion .

Life of the mother exceptions also do not cover those fetuses who are incompatible with life (t-18 or heart defects, for example) because technically the mothers life isn’t in danger. The impact on NICUs and the trauma that will place on families who have to deliver a baby just to watch it die will be significant. Also, what happens to prenatal care like NIPT tests, amnio, or CVS if you don’t have a choice to terminate for medical reasons?

In many cases, NO ONE, even the doctor knows for sure that the baby isn’t compatible with life. Not every condition, or diagnosis made is automatically a death sentence. Down’s syndrome isn’t incompatible with life. Think of all the babies born with special needs and no one knows until they are born.

Yes, having a baby with special needs takes a lot of selflessness and so parents might choose to abort instead.

Even if a baby is likely to only live hours, many people choose to carry to term out of dignity for the baby because they do believe that baby is a life. And maybe they can hold that baby for a few hours or even a few days. But that’s a very courageous that not many can make.

I'm going to take issue with the bolded. Choosing not to carry a pregnancy to term because the child has special needs isn't selfish. It's all about knowing you and your family. I have a close friend whose second child has spina bifida. They chose to have that child. They even tried to get into a clinical trial where he would be operated on while still in utero to try to help him. They are lucky that they have great healthcare and are financially able to provide him with everything he needs and then some. He's a smart kid, but has learning disabilities and is on the autism spectrum, and has depression. He also can't walk, use the bathroom, etc. He has had to have major surgeries almost every summer he has been alive and spends weeks recovering. He is wheelchair bound.

She got pregnant with a third child and it turned out that baby had an even worse case of spina bifida. They chose to terminate, not because they weren't "selfless" enough, but because they could not see themselves knowingly bringing another child into the world with the challenges he would face, likely more than his brother, and they were also worried about the effect that would have on the two older children since they understood the time, attention, and care this child would need. Her husband's parents are no help with the kids in general (her MIL told her she should terminate the second pregnancy) and her own mother has the beginnings of dementia.

There's really a full spectrum of disability out there and the current trotting out of happy, functional children with Down Syndrome doesn't reflect reality for many, many families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a medical abortion. The embryo heart stopped but because of other issues my body would not miscarry. I’m ever thankful that my doctor was kind and performed it before sepsis set in. People posting here know very little about the dangers of pregnancy.
I have had 3 friends with later MC who nearly bled to death. MC can be fatal.
Up until recently the main cause of death among women under 50 was childbirth or pregnancy complications of which there are many.
But nothing will change the pro choice attitude.

Yes this. It broke my heart to see abortion listed on my medical paperwork for a much wanted and desired pregnancy. But nothing was right with the pregnancy from the very first scans. I waited an agonizing 5 weeks for the heartbeat to stop. We all knew it would, it was just a matter of when. I was 11 weeks. Then my body would not give up the fetal tissue. I waited another two weeks to miscarry naturally and it would not happen. So I had a D&C. Traumatizing and the nurses didn’t help. I’d never had a general in my life and I woke up sobbing, to hear a nurse say “we’ve got a a weeper.”

What would have happened if I couldn’t get that D&C, even with a no longer viable pregnancy that had already lingered for weeks?

I am unaware of any state law that outlaws abortion for a non-viable pregnancy or one that is to protect the health of the mother.

Well, until Friday it was unconstitutional for such a law to exist.

Texas, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Louisiana have no exceptions for health of the mother, for rape or incest, or for a fetus with conditions incompatible with life. I am not sure what you mean by non-viable pregnancy - doesn't matter in the above states unless the mother's life is in danger.

So now you are aware.

https://www.politico.com/news/2022/06/24/abortion-laws-by-state-roe-v-wade-00037695

You appear to be contradicting yourself—see bolded above.

How so?

The health of the mother can include life, but overall health is something very different. I'm still not sure what is meant by non-viable pregnancy. A fetus with severe birth defects that make it incompatible with life can still be delivered only to die. And considering there was legislation previously introduced in one state to require re-implantation of an embryo in the case of ectopic pregnancies I am not sure lawmakers know what a non-viable pregnancy is either.

A non viable pregnancy is exactly what you described- not going to survive birth or only shortly after birth.

Well, if you are the PP that wrote this: "I am unaware of any state law that outlaws abortion for a non-viable pregnancy or one that is to protect the health of the mother." then now you know there are a lot of laws that outlaw or will soon under trigger laws, abortion for a non-viable pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a medical abortion. The embryo heart stopped but because of other issues my body would not miscarry. I’m ever thankful that my doctor was kind and performed it before sepsis set in. People posting here know very little about the dangers of pregnancy.
I have had 3 friends with later MC who nearly bled to death. MC can be fatal.
Up until recently the main cause of death among women under 50 was childbirth or pregnancy complications of which there are many.
But nothing will change the pro choice attitude.

Yes this. It broke my heart to see abortion listed on my medical paperwork for a much wanted and desired pregnancy. But nothing was right with the pregnancy from the very first scans. I waited an agonizing 5 weeks for the heartbeat to stop. We all knew it would, it was just a matter of when. I was 11 weeks. Then my body would not give up the fetal tissue. I waited another two weeks to miscarry naturally and it would not happen. So I had a D&C. Traumatizing and the nurses didn’t help. I’d never had a general in my life and I woke up sobbing, to hear a nurse say “we’ve got a a weeper.”

What would have happened if I couldn’t get that D&C, even with a no longer viable pregnancy that had already lingered for weeks?

I am unaware of any state law that outlaws abortion for a non-viable pregnancy or one that is to protect the health of the mother.

Well, until Friday it was unconstitutional for such a law to exist.

Texas, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Kentucky, Arkansas, and Louisiana have no exceptions for health of the mother, for rape or incest, or for a fetus with conditions incompatible with life. I am not sure what you mean by non-viable pregnancy - doesn't matter in the above states unless the mother's life is in danger.

So now you are aware.

https://www.politico.com/news/2022/06/24/abortion-laws-by-state-roe-v-wade-00037695

You appear to be contradicting yourself—see bolded above.

Exceptions for the life of the mother mean nothing when there is no doctor in your state who will perform the abortion .

Life of the mother exceptions also do not cover those fetuses who are incompatible with life (t-18 or heart defects, for example) because technically the mothers life isn’t in danger. The impact on NICUs and the trauma that will place on families who have to deliver a baby just to watch it die will be significant. Also, what happens to prenatal care like NIPT tests, amnio, or CVS if you don’t have a choice to terminate for medical reasons?

In many cases, NO ONE, even the doctor knows for sure that the baby isn’t compatible with life. Not every condition, or diagnosis made is automatically a death sentence. Down’s syndrome isn’t incompatible with life. Think of all the babies born with special needs and no one knows until they are born.

Yes, having a baby with special needs takes a lot of selflessness and so parents might choose to abort instead.

Even if a baby is likely to only live hours, many people choose to carry to term out of dignity for the baby because they do believe that baby is a life. And maybe they can hold that baby for a few hours or even a few days. But that’s a very courageous that not many can make.

I'm going to take issue with the bolded. Choosing not to carry a pregnancy to term because the child has special needs isn't selfish. It's all about knowing you and your family. I have a close friend whose second child has spina bifida. They chose to have that child. They even tried to get into a clinical trial where he would be operated on while still in utero to try to help him. They are lucky that they have great healthcare and are financially able to provide him with everything he needs and then some. He's a smart kid, but has learning disabilities and is on the autism spectrum, and has depression. He also can't walk, use the bathroom, etc. He has had to have major surgeries almost every summer he has been alive and spends weeks recovering. He is wheelchair bound.

She got pregnant with a third child and it turned out that baby had an even worse case of spina bifida. They chose to terminate, not because they weren't "selfless" enough, but because they could not see themselves knowingly bringing another child into the world with the challenges he would face, likely more than his brother, and they were also worried about the effect that would have on the two older children since they understood the time, attention, and care this child would need. Her husband's parents are no help with the kids in general (her MIL told her she should terminate the second pregnancy) and her own mother has the beginnings of dementia.

There's really a full spectrum of disability out there and the current trotting out of happy, functional children with Down Syndrome doesn't reflect reality for many, many families.

+1

My sister had a child with very complex medical needs and got pregnant accidentally 18 months later. She cried a lot and really thought she would get an abortion because she knew how much she needed to focus on her child with medical needs. She ultimately decided not to but that choice was there for her. And seeing how difficult her and her DH’s lives were caring for their medically complex child I would not have blamed her. I really just don’t think people have any idea how hard it is and how it is a 24/7 job with intense stress.

[Anonymous]

"I am appalled!"

-- The most anti-woman statement on this thread.

Get your own life, your own story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I terminated when we found out the 3rd pregnancy was a boy. I had told my husband I would only raise a 3rd child if it was a girl, as our first 2 were boys. This was an unintended pregnancy so I was not thrilled to begin with. 1st trimester so there were no issues.

I find this absolutely appalling. I am struggling with how I feel about abortion, and a story like this makes it even harder.

why should random stories (that may be fake) be what informs your view? for every story you find appalling, I can tell you another one that isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing I find interesting in the things I’m reading since Friday here and on social media, is that the loudest voices are white privileged woman who CAN afford another baby and aren’t dealing with bad circumstances. Woman who want the option but might never choose and don’t relate at all the poor, underprivileged woman who seem most likely to choose abortion. I teach in a school with this population and likely half are illegal immigrants. Most of the kids I had could have been aborted because of their mom’s circumstances yet they choose life for them instead. And their lives haven’t necessarily gotten easier.

The statistics are out there that a majority of woman having abortions are Christian, married woman. Or the stories above of the catholic girls who likely had unsupportive parents and were terrified to tell them, not that it was easier for them to choose abortion.

I’m sorry but what is your point?

The point is that it’s not going to solve the problem of abortion being less accessible. These voices may not be anti-abortion but the time has come to figure out they can help to support the woman who find themselves in situations where they really, truly can’t afford to have a baby. It’s not a cause to fight for privileged woman who just don’t want to have a baby.

I still don’t get your point. So now, that abortion is being outlawed, you want to tone police women who are upset and suggest that they don’t really NEED abortions because they can afford to raise children? Seriously wtf is wrong with you.

It’s not being outlawed. Especially not anywhere near the DC area. But this issue is bigger than “ I didn’t want that gender” so I terminated the pregnancy. All I’m saying is the woman speaking out against this are not the woman in real need of an abortion.

how the f do you judge who has a “real need” for an abortion? are you aware that WV has no abortion clinics now? Leaving aside the gender selection case, all women of all colors & incomed need abortions potentially. I am truly not clear on why you are making this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing I find interesting in the things I’m reading since Friday here and on social media, is that the loudest voices are white privileged woman who CAN afford another baby and aren’t dealing with bad circumstances. Woman who want the option but might never choose and don’t relate at all the poor, underprivileged woman who seem most likely to choose abortion. I teach in a school with this population and likely half are illegal immigrants. Most of the kids I had could have been aborted because of their mom’s circumstances yet they choose life for them instead. And their lives haven’t necessarily gotten easier.

The statistics are out there that a majority of woman having abortions are Christian, married woman. Or the stories above of the catholic girls who likely had unsupportive parents and were terrified to tell them, not that it was easier for them to choose abortion.

I’m sorry but what is your point?

The point is that it’s not going to solve the problem of abortion being less accessible. These voices may not be anti-abortion but the time has come to figure out they can help to support the woman who find themselves in situations where they really, truly can’t afford to have a baby. It’s not a cause to fight for privileged woman who just don’t want to have a baby.

I still don’t get your point. So now, that abortion is being outlawed, you want to tone police women who are upset and suggest that they don’t really NEED abortions because they can afford to raise children? Seriously wtf is wrong with you.

It’s not being outlawed. Especially not anywhere near the DC area. But this issue is bigger than “ I didn’t want that gender” so I terminated the pregnancy. All I’m saying is the woman speaking out against this are not the woman in real need of an abortion.

Wait what? I’m OP and I am a white Jewish woman and I needed an abortion.

Are you saying that Hispanic and black and poor women should be aborting their children just because of their race or social status?

No- but outside of your particular circumstances, the poor is who we should be trying to help the most.

Ok … who is not trying to help poor women here? You are aware that abortion is being banned for all women in many states, and that’s what we’re talking about? And it could well be banned in DC with an R majority on the Hill and WH.

[Anonymous]

I am the author of the gender selection "story." It is as real as any other story here.

I had 2 boys and didn't want another one. That's it.

If you don't like it, choose another reason. I absolutely have a right to determine my family make-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to all who shared their stories. I don't think that can be easy. Thanks, OP.

I am pro-life.

I do not have strong feelings about the Supreme Court decision other than that it seems, from a legal perspective, reasonable.

I know a good number of people (including myself and one sibling and an adopted niece) who would not be here if our mom had not chosen life. Our mom couldn't really afford us. Her relationship choices were not good. Our grandparents urged her to abort because they believed her struggles as a single mom raising mixed race kids would be too great.

I want to join forces with the pro-choice side because I live in the real world; I hear and reflect on the stories like yours OP and others. But can we find a way to do it in a way (and I think, OP, you did) that allows choice while not elevating abortion as THE choice. I don't speak for any kind of movement, but I do know that 20% of people who go to pregnancy crisis centers (the kind many abortion advocates hate) go on to choose abortion anyway.

I know many people here perhaps hate people like me, think I'm stupid and ignorant, think it's not worth even talking to someone like me. But I just wanted to offer my appreciation of your generosity in sharing difficulty stories and offer my own perspective.

I don't know anyone that is pro-choice that says it is THE CHOICE, I'm not sure where you are getting that idea from, but it's wrong. No one is forcing anybody to have abortions.

The point that I take from your story is that your mother had a choice and she made the one that made the most sense for her. You, OF ALL PEOPLE, should be thrilled that she had and made the choice that was right for her personal and medical situation. Why would you want to take that choice away from anybody?

I’m op. By accepting the Supreme Court decision as reasonable you believe that women and doctors should NOT have the right to make decisions about womens bodies and that decision should be left up to states. Which means that the government gets to decide whether people like me live or die.

I'm not sure why you are posting this in response to what I wrote. I am pro-choice, I am telling PP that I think her opinion is ridiculous and that her mom had a choice and other people should have that same choice.

Because OP is not a critical thinker or careful reader. The whole premise of the thread is based on an unprovable assertion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing I find interesting in the things I’m reading since Friday here and on social media, is that the loudest voices are white privileged woman who CAN afford another baby and aren’t dealing with bad circumstances. Woman who want the option but might never choose and don’t relate at all the poor, underprivileged woman who seem most likely to choose abortion. I teach in a school with this population and likely half are illegal immigrants. Most of the kids I had could have been aborted because of their mom’s circumstances yet they choose life for them instead. And their lives haven’t necessarily gotten easier.

The statistics are out there that a majority of woman having abortions are Christian, married woman. Or the stories above of the catholic girls who likely had unsupportive parents and were terrified to tell them, not that it was easier for them to choose abortion.

I’m sorry but what is your point?

The point is that it’s not going to solve the problem of abortion being less accessible. These voices may not be anti-abortion but the time has come to figure out they can help to support the woman who find themselves in situations where they really, truly can’t afford to have a baby. It’s not a cause to fight for privileged woman who just don’t want to have a baby.

I still don’t get your point. So now, that abortion is being outlawed, you want to tone police women who are upset and suggest that they don’t really NEED abortions because they can afford to raise children? Seriously wtf is wrong with you.

It’s not being outlawed. Especially not anywhere near the DC area. But this issue is bigger than “ I didn’t want that gender” so I terminated the pregnancy. All I’m saying is the woman speaking out against this are not the woman in real need of an abortion.

Wait what? I’m OP and I am a white Jewish woman and I needed an abortion.

Are you saying that Hispanic and black and poor women should be aborting their children just because of their race or social status?

Well, OP, why do you think Planned Parenthood was started in the first place? There are such racist overtones to this issue that so many of you are just too narrow minded and unwilling to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't want to be in the situation where people are debating whether your life is "truly' at risk before getting access to an abortion. The outcry over the case below is why heavily Catholic Ireland now allows abortion.

https://www.irishcentral.com/news/savita-halappanavar

Savita Halappanavar died on October 28, 2012, at Galway University Hospital after suffering a septic miscarriage for which she was denied an abortion.

I used to work at a hospital in Liberia, where abortion was illegal. Our doctor performed abortions. He explained to me that when he was a new doctor, a girl came asking for an abortion and they denied it to her. She tried herself and show back at the hospital dead. After that, even though it was risky, he did them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't want to be in the situation where people are debating whether your life is "truly' at risk before getting access to an abortion. The outcry over the case below is why heavily Catholic Ireland now allows abortion.

https://www.irishcentral.com/news/savita-halappanavar

Savita Halappanavar died on October 28, 2012, at Galway University Hospital after suffering a septic miscarriage for which she was denied an abortion.

I used to work at a hospital in Liberia, where abortion was illegal. Our doctor performed abortions. He explained to me that when he was a new doctor, a girl came asking for an abortion and they denied it to her. She tried herself and show back at the hospital dead. After that, even though it was risky, he did them.

Did he ever offer resources? Supposedly most people don’t really want an abortion, but feel alone with no other options.

[Anonymous]

Supposedly most people don’t really want an abortion, but feel alone with no other options.

I’m going to need a citation for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I terminated when we found out the 3rd pregnancy was a boy. I had told my husband I would only raise a 3rd child if it was a girl, as our first 2 were boys. This was an unintended pregnancy so I was not thrilled to begin with. 1st trimester so there were no issues.

I find this absolutely appalling. I am struggling with how I feel about abortion, and a story like this makes it even harder.

You might also consider that this is extremely likely to be untrue/a troll.

My mother worked in a women’s hospital as a nurse and said this was in fact a very common reason to have an abortion. Other common reasons were, I’m going on vacation or to a wedding and want to be able to drink or I just don’t feel like being pregnant right now.