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So tired of the carpool--how can I get out of this?
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Anonymous
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I've been the go to carpool person for my neighbor all year. Every single day I bring her kids home. I really like the mom but our kids do not get along. I dread the bickering that happens every day. Now the mom just had another baby so I'm taking all the kids morning and afternoon! I feel bad for the mom. Her husband is always traveling, she has a difficult 2 year old at home plus this new baby. That said I just don't want to do this any more. How can a make it through the rest of the school year?
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Anonymous
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doormat.
either embrace that this is who you are, or knock on her door and tell her that you can't keep her kids more than (fill in some reasonable amount). |
Anonymous
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Eight more weeks? Is that what it is?
First, if you are doing this, you are entitled to lay down rules for all the kids in the car. Is there some sort of incentive that would work? Whoever behaved best on the previous trip gets to pick what we listen to on the radio/CD on the current trip? |
Anonymous
| I feel for you. I think if you do this kindness for your neighbor through the end of the year you should (and will) feel good that you helped someone during a tough time. It's a good model for your kid, too, to see you helping your neighbor. Maybe you can institute a "no talking" rule in the car ... or ask your kid to help by trying not to get into it with your neighbor's kid. Good luck, and you'll make it ... it's nearly May. |
Anonymous
| I agree with 11:32, and think it's a great teaching moment for your children --- sometimes we have to be around others with whom we don't get along (work, school, whatever), and that requires civility or, at the very least, quiet. |
Anonymous
| If it is really 8 more weeks then maybe try hanging on until the end to avoid the awkwardness. Then blow her off all summer and starting in the Fall she can't count on you because you have so much going on it just doesn't work for you. She should take the hint and just be GRATEFUL you did this for an entire year! Has she at least done nice things for you, too? And its not your fault she has kids she can't take care of, why did she have another one then? Didn't she think about the details of having another child with a husband who is out of town a lot? Girlfriend, you have enough on your plate taking care of your family, time to put an end to your Mother Teresa-ess - after you maximize the teachable moment for your kids the other posters noted. |
Anonymous
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Institute rules for the car trips. Don't be afraid to enforce them or be stern!
And once school ends, you can relax knowing you have truly helped someone in need, without thought of a return. Thank you. |
Anonymous
| Stick with it OP! I'm pulling for you. This does not make you a doormat or weak. It makes you a good human being. |
Anonymous
I like you. |
Anonymous
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OP, you are a much better person than I. We did not have more kids, even though we want them so bad, because we do not feel "it takes a village" to the extent that some feel "it takes a village". Actually, I think that saying is BS because I think more people should act like adults and accept their own responsibilities as just that - their own responsibilities!
For example, I have seen people try to poach nannies when the poachers have helpful family nearby and the family that has the nanny does not. I have zero tolerance for this selfishness. I feel like you are being used. I know I am in the minority, but I feel there are just too many entitled people here. You can't give them an inch, they always want more and see nothing wrong with expecting it. If only there was such thing as responsibility. I have enough of my own problems to not sign up for other peoples. Again, we only had X amount of kids because - surprise! That is all we can handle. What a concept. Besides, when they have a true emergency, then what? Crying wolf means less chance of having people when you really need them. "Yeah, I'm too tired because I gave birth to more kids than I can handle" just does not cut it. We only ask favors in true emergencies (medical, for example). We know well who will be there for us and who will not. And we do the same for them. But absolutely not on a regular basis. I think you are too nice. This isn't the place for that. Just saying. |
Anonymous
| The school year is coming to a close so try to stick it out as much as possible just to keep the peace. But in order to get your neighbor used to idea that she can't count on you for ferrying service next school year, for these last several weeks you need to pick one or two days a week that you can't pick up her kids. Come up with excuses...go to the grocery store. Go on a shoe shopping errand. Take your kids to the library. Etc. Just put her in a position where she needs to start figuring it out. You are very kind and generous but her family size and the pressures of her marriage (father traveling a great deal, etc.) are not your responsibility. It's great to be a helpful neighbor but you don't have to be her kids' taxi service. Tell her TODAY that you can't bring her kids home from school on Friday. Do it. |
Anonymous
| OP, I hope you can find some incentive to give the two kids to make peace with each other. The world really needs more people like you. Hang in there for 8 more weeks. |
Anonymous
Amen! |
Anonymous
| You are doing a wonderful thing. With that said first order of business is if you are going to continue thru the end of the school year institute rules with the kids. Also talk with your own kids before the car rides and tell them about the behavior you are expecting from them regardless of their feelings for the other kids. That will help to make the drives more manageable. Also let the mom know when the kids act out. She should know what they are doing. I would also come up with a few days a week for her to drive her kids (doctor's appointments etc - whatever excuse to get her use to it). When school rolls around in the fall say no. Don't even start driving her kids again. Once you start its impossible to end. By then her baby will be older, she'll have to figure out another way to balance her life. |
Anonymous
Agree wholeheartedly. Nowhere in the original post does the OP say that the neighbor can't handle her children. She says she likes the mom. How nice to have a helpful and generous neighbor when you have a new baby! I agree with the teachable moment comments and suggestions that you can set rules in your own car if the kids aren't getting along. By the time the next school year rolls around, the baby will be older and you can choose not to car pool or she should be able to split with you (and maybe the difficult 2 year old will be in a better place). Some of you are selfish assholes and selfish assholes are always good at rationalizing why it's okay to be a selfish person. Yuck. |