So tired of the carpool--how can I get out of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are a much better person than I. We did not have more kids, even though we want them so bad, because we do not feel "it takes a village" to the extent that some feel "it takes a village". Actually, I think that saying is BS because I think more people should act like adults and accept their own responsibilities as just that - their own responsibilities!
For example, I have seen people try to poach nannies when the poachers have helpful family nearby and the family that has the nanny does not. I have zero tolerance for this selfishness. I feel like you are being used. I know I am in the minority, but I feel there are just too many entitled people here. You can't give them an inch, they always want more and see nothing wrong with expecting it. If only there was such thing as responsibility.
I have enough of my own problems to not sign up for other peoples. Again, we only had X amount of kids because - surprise! That is all we can handle. What a concept. Besides, when they have a true emergency, then what? Crying wolf means less chance of having people when you really need them. "Yeah, I'm too tired because I gave birth to more kids than I can handle" just does not cut it. We only ask favors in true emergencies (medical, for example). We know well who will be there for us and who will not. And we do the same for them. But absolutely not on a regular basis. I think you are too nice. This isn't the place for that. Just saying.

I like you more. (I'm not the OP though)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Some of you are selfish assholes and selfish assholes are always good at rationalizing why it's okay to be a selfish person. Yuck.

Wow. I wouldn't go that far to call everyone selfish a**holes. You must be a great friend to disagree with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Some of you are selfish assholes and selfish assholes are always good at rationalizing why it's okay to be a selfish person. Yuck.

Wow. I wouldn't go that far to call everyone selfish a**holes. You must be a great friend to disagree with.

Perhaps my reaction is a bit harsh, but I do believe that if you are a person who reads the OPs post and your mind goes directly to "some people have more kids than they can handle" and some of the other BS people have written, then you must be one of those people who has spent some time rationalizing your own selfish behavior.

I think I am just disgusted by so many of the answers on this forum in general that show just how selfish and nasty people are when they can express it anonymously and I went a little nasty myself. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't carpooling imply that you do drop off and pick up some days and she does other? Isn't the goal to reduce the burden on all parents?

To me it sounds like you are simply the other woman's unpaid help. I think it is wonderful that you've helped for so long, but I do not think you are under any obligation to keep doing it - unless you have some sort of agreement. Do you drive and she does something else? We are in a relationship with another family where I think we get more of the "burden" at times, but I'm willing to take it because the other mom is there when I need her. Is this the case? Or is it purely you doing things for the other family?

She is the one that choose to have a big family. I'm not saying you shouldn't help her if you can do it without creating too much stress for yourself, but it sounds like this is very stressful to you. Unless she is sick, or her husband is sick, or there is some other sad drama, there is no reason why you need to be suffering so she can have an easier life.

I say - if you can't take it anymore - tell her the truth. Her kids do not get along with your kids and the drive is too stressful, and that you won't be able to take them anymore.

[Anonymous]

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And what goes around comes around.

I hope that when some of you judgmental posters are at your wits end and need help, that someone helps you, like OP is helping her neighbor.

[Anonymous]

I know at least 12 women with a baby, 2 year old and school aged child who manage to get their oldest to/from school everyday. They did it in rain, snow and heat with humidity. I am having trouble with this idea that the woman needs someone to transport her child every single day. People get PAID to do that!
Is there something I'm missing? So her husband travels? I just don't get it. Do unto others and all, but this is no emergency. No one is ill/disabled/injured! This mother is just taking advantage of a neighbor.

[Anonymous]

My ass is twitching. You people make my ass twitch.

[Anonymous]

I agree that this woman should be able to handle her own kids, but I also agree that it's a really decent thing to do to help her out. How long is the car ride, OP? If we're talking under 10 minutes I would just suck it up until the end of the school year. If it's much more than that, perhaps it is time for you to talk to the mom about how you can both facilitate the kids getting along in the car. But know that someday, sometime, someone is going to do you a really big favor, and you will totally deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know at least 12 women with a baby, 2 year old and school aged child who manage to get their oldest to/from school everyday. They did it in rain, snow and heat with humidity. I am having trouble with this idea that the woman needs someone to transport her child every single day. People get PAID to do that!
Is there something I'm missing? So her husband travels? I just don't get it. Do unto others and all, but this is no emergency. No one is ill/disabled/injured! This mother is just taking advantage of a neighbor.

I actually did it. I And my husband traveled all the time. And I was new in the country, no friends or family, just bought the house, did a major renovation in the house while my younger was an infant. Yes, it was hard but it came with the package. I couldn't imagine asking anyone to drive my kid every day - only in exchange to something useful to the other party. I think OP is a great person. Sign up your kids to an interesting after school activity instead. Does she offer her help in exchange? Do you take it?

[Anonymous]

OP. It's only 10 minutes each way and since I would *usually* go by her house it was the kind (and green) thing to do but as the year has worn on, it has just gotten tiresome. BTW, I spoke w/ a different car pool family and they feel similarly re their car pool. So maybe this is just an end of the year thing that happens.

I admit the doormat comments kind of got to me today. Maybe this is part of it or maybe I'm just starting to resent carpool b/c of the rising gas prices and the fact that I have no help either.

Anyway, thanks for the support and for letting me vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... That said I just don't want to do this any more. How can a make it through the rest of the school year?

The OP asked a specific question - "I just don't want to do this any more." "How can I get out of this"
Yes, she is great for helping out a neighbor in need (OP - you rock!)

Tips for getting out if this.
1. Go Cold Turkey - I am sorry I am at my wits end. The kids bicker the entire time, starting tomorrow you are going to have to do your own drop off and pick up.
2. Transition - this really is not working for us anymore, starting a week from Monday you are going to have to do your own drop off and pick up
3. Make excuses - Oh, I forgot, we have somthing scheduled on Wed and Fri for the rest of the school year and we will not be able to carpool
4. Be an Ass - "forget" to pick the kid
5. Enforce new rules - No talking
6. Distract - get a book on tape from the library for them to listen to on the ride

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

When I had my third baby, a mom from my son's preschool offered to bring him to and from school once a week. I had a two year old as well as a newborn. It was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me. Two years later another mom I knew was having a baby and I paid it forward. My newborn was two and my two year old was four. I volunteered to pick up her son and bring him back from preschool once a week for the rest of the school year. I told her someone had done it for me. Flash forward four or five years and I ran into the Mom I helped at a kitchen/cooking party. She told the entire group about what I had done. She was very touched by my thoughtfulness even if she was a little too overwhelmed to express it at the time. I understood because I had felt the same way.

I understand why some people think you are a doormat. You didn't really volunteer. I suggest you mention to your neighbor that you would love to keep taking the children home in the afternoon and would love to give her a break one morning a week. You could be very generous and make Monday. That would only mean another eight trips.

By the way my four year old was a total pill about this routine and we had many teachable moments.

[Anonymous]

Once a week car pool is caring and cute. Every day is PLAYED OUT.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, 'cause we should slave to people who can't help themselves when there is no emergency. WTF?

I know people who have family help (read: FREE) and they still try to use others. No. Way.

OP, I hope she is paying you for your labor. Nothing comes free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... That said I just don't want to do this any more. How can a make it through the rest of the school year?

The OP asked a specific question - "I just don't want to do this any more." "How can I get out of this"
Yes, she is great for helping out a neighbor in need (OP - you rock!)

Tips for getting out if this.
1. Go Cold Turkey - I am sorry I am at my wits end. The kids bicker the entire time, starting tomorrow you are going to have to do your own drop off and pick up.
2. Transition - this really is not working for us anymore, starting a week from Monday you are going to have to do your own drop off and pick up
3. Make excuses - Oh, I forgot, we have somthing scheduled on Wed and Fri for the rest of the school year and we will not be able to carpool
4. Be an Ass - "forget" to pick the kid
5. Enforce new rules - No talking
6. Distract - get a book on tape from the library for them to listen to on the ride

Good luck!


Agree with everything here except #4 - actually #4 is a very cowardly way to go and will definately damage the relationship with your neighbor. Remember, that you may need her help one day.