So tired of the carpool--how can I get out of this?

[Anonymous]

Wow. I think it is interesting to read all of these responses with women saying they did it when they had a newborn or a baby and a toddler and so she should be able to as well. Did you have HER baby? HER toddler? I have two kids - one 12 and the other 1 year old. When I had my 1 year old, it was an emergency c section, horrible, huge problems with feeding and sleeping, COLIC for months - cute as a button but high maintenance and very trying for all of us. NOW she is an absolute delight with tinges of the high maintenance thing showing up only every once in a while. But getting the 12 year old to school on no sleep, long C section recovery, infant with colic? PLEASE. My DH had to do it for almost 4 months. No joke. If I had a two year old who was tough as well and DH traveling all the time? Yikes! I would take a neighbor up on helping me out as long as she was willing. That last part of the sentence is totally up to her of course. And the OP said she LIKES the woman. Sometimes things are tough with new babies and toddlers. We all need help on occasion. And for all you lucky gals who had low maintenance babies who were great in cars and toddlers who listened and bobbled about while you went about your days, good for you. My 12 year old was like that. Life was easy. Every baby is different though. I think assuming she is just lazy or taking advantage of OP is a stretch really. It's possible of course but not a given in my mind anyways...

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're being a doormat, OP. I think it would be better if the neighbor reciprocated in some way, but since she is the one who needs help now, it's not likely she can and it makes sense that it is one-sided. Life will even it all out down the line. The issue is the annoying behavior of the kids. Ask your neighbor to speak to her kids about it.

[Anonymous]

OP, it is really nice of you to help the other mother out. Have a talk with her and let her know that all of the kids are bickering and the carpool is becoming hard for you. Maybe the two of you together can come up with a way for all of the kids to behave in a better manner. The least that she can do is help out on her end by setting some ground rules for her own kids, especially since she is so dependent upon you.

[Anonymous]

OP, to really help the mother, try and figure out how they could do all of that themselves.
How old are the children? Why can they not take the school bus? Can they go to school by bicycle? How far away is the school?
I would give them some slack as a new baby always overwhelms the parents and the whole family. Fortunately that is temporary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Tips for getting out if this.
1. Go Cold Turkey - I am sorry I am at my wits end. The kids bicker the entire time, starting tomorrow you are going to have to do your own drop off and pick up.
2. Transition - this really is not working for us anymore, starting a week from Monday you are going to have to do your own drop off and pick up
3. Make excuses - Oh, I forgot, we have somthing scheduled on Wed and Fri for the rest of the school year and we will not be able to carpool
4. Be an Ass - "forget" to pick the kid
5. Enforce new rules - No talking
6. Distract - get a book on tape from the library for them to listen to on the ride

Good luck!


Agree with everything here except #4 - actually #4 is a very cowardly way to go and will definately damage the relationship with your neighbor. Remember, that you may need her help one day.

that is why I labeled #4 "Be an Ass". I did not think that #4 would do anything but damage the relationship - but it is an option.

[Anonymous]

i don't think you're being a doormat unless the neighbor is demanding it or feeling entitled to your help, which isn't what i got, yet others seem to assume.

if i was that mom i would be SO grateful and i hope she is.

and if that's the case, then i'd encourage you to stick it out for the rest of the school yr and then work out a more shared situation with the neighbor for next year. knowing how fickle kids are, your kids may love each other by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is really nice of you to help the other mother out. Have a talk with her and let her know that all of the kids are bickering and the carpool is becoming hard for you. Maybe the two of you together can come up with a way for all of the kids to behave in a better manner. The least that she can do is help out on her end by setting some ground rules for her own kids, especially since she is so dependent upon you.

Absolutely. SHe needs to know that this is becoming an issue and as I parent I would want to know if my child was misbehaving. I think you are being a good neighbor and unless you would have another option for getting your child to school without driving, it really isn't any additional burden so you are kind to share. I wouldn't feel bad about begging off a few times though if you find you aren't going straight home after school, etc.

[Anonymous]

Definitely talk to her b/c it seems like this is going to affect your friendship which is (one hopes) of more value to her than your carpool services.