Who cares if your kid is overweight!

[Anonymous]

The post about the "naturally thin" mom who is worried that 2 of her children might have weight struggles really bothered me! Not everyone is going to be a thin person, despite if the mother and father are or aren't. If a child is overweight then so be it. It doesn't mean they are less of a person or won't be as successful. That mom is going to make those kids feel isolated and will drive them away. Some people are going to be fat, despite eating pita and raw vegetables for lunch, sorry your fat kids are making you look bad! So typical DCUM

[Anonymous]

I think that you have missed the point completely. She loves her kids and wants the best for them. Being overweight is not pleasant for a child. I didn't see anything in her post that would lead you to the conclusion you drew.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read the post that you are referencing but I don't agree with you. "Some people are going to be fat, despite eating pita and raw vegetables for lunch" - no, that's not true. I've lived in a developing county where I had mostly fresh veggies and fruit to eat and everyone had to use their legs to get around (very few cars or buses). It was rare for a person to be overweight. I have four children now and one became overweight because she loved to eat and didn't like to run around, even at age 2. As she grew older I got more serious about having only healthy foods in the house and more active with my kids. Lo and behold, over the course of about three years, my child stretched out and is more confident about her body. I never said a word to her about it and as far as I can tell she is oblivious. Except she comments how good she feels about herself, about her ability to swim well and ride her bike, and can do well at PE class. I'm really quite proud of her. I feel that it's important to teach my kids to have a healthy relationship with food and with exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that you have missed the point completely. She loves her kids and wants the best for them. Being overweight is not pleasant for a child. I didn't see anything in her post that would lead you to the conclusion you drew.

If a child is otherwise healthy but slightly on the chubbier side, the unpleasant part about being overweight is the judgmental people like the ones on DCUM who think there is only one acceptable body type and size and if you are not that size, its somehow your fault.

The best thing a parent can do for a child who is on the heavier side is to teach them that people come in all shapes and sizes and they are beautiful and perfect the way they are. A healthy self-image is way more important to a child's health than losing 5-10 lbs. People, particularly children, with low self-confidence and poor self image are more likely to engage in risky sex, drugs, drinking, etc. Children are not dumb and however subtlely a parent may try to focus them on healthy food and exercise, they will think "my mom thinks I'm fat." It is incredibly important to combat that with everything you have, even if it means accepting them as chubby.

[Anonymous]

You know why I care that my child is chubby? (I posted on the other thread). Because HE IS UPSET. I don't say squat to him. He cries when he can't button his pants and he says, and I quote, "I hate this!!! I am so fat! Aren't I fat?"

It kills me to see his self-esteem battered like this. I have a feeling, though he won't admit it, that some kids in his class are calling him fat now.

[Anonymous]

With extremely rare exceptions, people are not overweight unless they are eating too much of the wrong foods. We can play around with excuses, but we all know that kids don't get fat unless they are eating (read: being fed) incorrectly. Add that to a sedentary lifestyle, and you have the recipe for a fat kid.

It's never the child's fault. As a parent, you own it 100%. And you owe it to your child to fix it.

[Anonymous]

http://www.nature.com/ijo/journal/vaop/ncurrent/full/ijo2010222a.html

"A relatively large and fairly consistent body of evidence now demonstrates that overweight and obesity in childhood and adolescence have adverse consequences on premature mortality and physical morbidity in adulthood."

[Anonymous]

With extremely rare exceptions, people are not overweight unless they are eating too much of the wrong foods. We can play around with excuses, but we all know that kids don't get fat unless they are eating (read: being fed) incorrectly. Add that to a sedentary lifestyle, and you have the recipe for a fat kid.

It's never the child's fault. As a parent, you own it 100%. And you owe it to your child to fix it.

Hey there, another DCUM Know-it-All talking out of her ass,

Here's a revelation for you, since I can tell you either have very young tots or babies, or no kids at all: when your children are older they become much more autonomous and they control their food intake themselves to a great extent. You can buy nothing but a bean sprout macrobiotic diet for your house but your 10 year old will still eat what he wants at school, after school, at soccer practice when the team moms bring %#$ crap packaged shit for "snack," .... at the movies with their friends, using their own money they earned ... at the pool snack bar, when you're not with them ...

so, no. You can model all you want as your 'thin parent' self, but at some point, your older kids make their own choices and it's not always baked tofu with fat-free vinagarette and a side of mesclun.

Then they want to quit soccer and instead spend that time on photography and yearbook. Then what?

At some point, oh smug Mom of a 20 month old, it's out of your hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With extremely rare exceptions, people are not overweight unless they are eating too much of the wrong foods. We can play around with excuses, but we all know that kids don't get fat unless they are eating (read: being fed) incorrectly. Add that to a sedentary lifestyle, and you have the recipe for a fat kid.

It's never the child's fault. As a parent, you own it 100%. And you owe it to your child to fix it.

I tend to agree. I used to babysit for a very, very naturally thin mom (under 100 lbs) whose 8 yo daughter was overweight. The mom used to have stashes of candy and crap all over the house because that's what she ate, but her daughter picked up on that and was doing the same. She had to start being really, really discreet and modifying her own diet/lifestyle to accommodate her daughter. When I met DH, he would never eat salad for dinner (his parents are overweight). Now that his dad is literally killing himself with his extra weight, my husband has started following my example (from my parents) of frequent exercise, walking instead of driving, healthier meal choices, etc.

Of course, there is going to be some variation on 'normal' and what is acceptable as far as appearance. Overweight is not good, but being a little thicker in some areas or gaining muscle more easily are normal body variations that we need to teach our kids to appreciate. I was bathing suit shopping online last night and the models are downright disgustingly thin. (Which makes it impossible to shop because you have no idea how the suits will fit on a normal body!) Children should be taught that their natural body type is beautiful, and at the same time, we need to lead by example with a healthy lifestyle. At the same time, give these worried moms some credit; it is REALLY hard to manage your own weight, not to mention your childrens'! I applaud them for seeking tips on how to move forward with developing their child's self esteem while figuring out what they need to do to keep their kids fit. Like the <100 lb mom with an overweight daughter, we are not always the same body type as our kids, so it is indeed a challenge.

[Anonymous]

I understand both sides. I think the OP is frustrated because she took the thread as meaning, "my husband and I are thin and we dont want fat kids," but the OP in the thread just wants to express how she is upset with the situation. No one wants to be fat, I am sorry but they do not. Not just for "beauty" or whatever but its uncomfortable and does not feel good on your body.

I was very large as a child until about 7th grade. I was called every name in the book and I did not eat that bad and my parents got me a personal traininer at a young age because I was so upset. The magically at 13 I shed ALL the weight and was sooo skinny. Everyone outside my family thought it was an eating disorder, which was not the case, I have a Jewish mom who LOVES to feed us still, but it naturally came off.

OP- she probably is frustrated because no one wants their kids to be fat for various reasons especially the aspect of how cruel other children can be. I was called "Baby Beluga" on the bus every day in elementary and thank god I had thick skin. I must say that my proudest moment as an adult right out of school was seeing one of my bullies at a bar and he came up to talk. And I just looked at him and "said look who is fat now" and walked away. He was in shock and I felt awesome!

[Anonymous]

There is no obesity in my family. Of all my siblings---I inherited the very large boned Irish genetics. I am more J-Lo than Paltrow. My sister is 5'9" very thin, Brother is 6'3" and thin..I am 5'5" and very muscular BUT I have always run at least 5 miles a day and lifted weights from my early 20s on. This has kept me in an acceptable weight range...if I ever stopped exercising I'd be on the verge of passing the 'normal weight range'. Not fair---but at least it has kept me exercising which makes me healthier overall than the skinnies that don't exercise.

My boys were very fat babies and very chubby toddlers and still 'stockier' than most kids..but Dr. is not concerned. My sister's kids were the same way and now they are beanpoles and all over 6"ft tall in High School..one is predicted to be about 6'6"!

I got all kinds of stupid comments from well-meaning friends...and now when they see my 5.5 year old they say things like 'wow--he's really lost weight'...'he's slimmed so much'. He is not on a diet. He still eats the same healthy food he always ate...and he has been the same EXACT weight (but grown inches) for the past 1.5years. This is completely normal--but some ppl are so frickin' clueless. My kids are also predicted to be tall (they were both 97% height since 2months old on...they were also about 90-95% weight).

I don't think the other poster was giving her kids a complex. Being overweight has all kinds of implications and if it is concentrated in the abdominal area (not healthy) and it continues at the rate it is going it could very well become a serious problem. It is so much easier to control it early on then when it becomes a real problem later. She should talk with her doctors (not in front of sensitive kids) and find out their take on if there is anything they should be doing differently. I think that is being a good parent and not saying anyone should fit a certain 'mold'.

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry, but whether or not someone is fat is completely a product of their food intake, their exercise level, and their metabolism (which affect how they should do the first two).

I was a chubby teen and HATED it. I finally got serious about exercising and not eating too much processed crap in college, and have kept it up since, and finally look and feel great. There was nothing worse than getting picked on, not being able to go to pool parties/the prom without looking terrible in bathing suits and gowns, etc. I will make sure my kids have the benefit of good physical activity and healthy foods (and healthy PORTIONS) from the time they are small.

You're wrong if you think everyone is happy to be fat, or that it's normal. Just because more of us are getting overweight in this country doesn't make it fun. (And I agree with PP who's lived in a developing country -- my DH is from one and literally no one I've seen in that country is fat).

[Anonymous]

I WISH my parents had taken some more responsibility for our eating habits. My brother and I were always naturally thin, and we were also active. My sister, however, struggled with her weight since she was a toddler. I remember going out to play and running around with my brother and we'd always have to beg my sister to come out and play with us - she preferred to stay inside and watch TV.

She went from plump as a toddler to overweight as a child to obese in college and morbidly obese after that. She eventually lost all the weight in her 30s, and she's undergoing a massive surgery tomorrow to remove all the excess skin. Her entire life has been crippled by this weight, her personality forever scarred by the teasing in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

With extremely rare exceptions, people are not overweight unless they are eating too much of the wrong foods. We can play around with excuses, but we all know that kids don't get fat unless they are eating (read: being fed) incorrectly. Add that to a sedentary lifestyle, and you have the recipe for a fat kid.

It's never the child's fault. As a parent, you own it 100%. And you owe it to your child to fix it.

Hey there, another DCUM Know-it-All talking out of her ass,

Here's a revelation for you, since I can tell you either have very young tots or babies, or no kids at all: when your children are older they become much more autonomous and they control their food intake themselves to a great extent. You can buy nothing but a bean sprout macrobiotic diet for your house but your 10 year old will still eat what he wants at school, after school, at soccer practice when the team moms bring %#$ crap packaged shit for "snack," .... at the movies with their friends, using their own money they earned ... at the pool snack bar, when you're not with them ...

so, no. You can model all you want as your 'thin parent' self, but at some point, your older kids make their own choices and it's not always baked tofu with fat-free vinagarette and a side of mesclun.

Then they want to quit soccer and instead spend that time on photography and yearbook. Then what?

At some point, oh smug Mom of a 20 month old, it's out of your hands.

Nice...

"Here's a revelation for you, since I can tell you either have very young tots or babies, or no kids at all..."

WRONG! My oldest is 22. I have five kids. None of them are "very young tots". None of them are overweight. If anything, they could gain. They are a healthy weight because we modeled healthy eating habits and a healthy lifestyle.

You're not very smart.

[Anonymous]

The OP from the other threat mentioned her and her husband's thinness to put the gene part of the equation out there. Also, if they are both thin and their children are eating the same food they keep in the house, you can see her confusion. At least that's how I read it.

You can teach self-love and acceptance of others without just throwing in the towel when you kids starts to develop a condition that can have health and social consequences.