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Am I being a doormat?
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Anonymous
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I have a friend (not a very close one) who had a baby the same year I did. Her baby was fussy and having difficulties falling asleep.
I lent her our baby swing just so she could see if it helped and it was worth for them to buy one for themselves. She barely used it, but it sat in their house for months and they didn't return it. Then out of a blue she says she wants to buy it from me. I was surprised. "Are you sure?" It turns out they're expecting a second baby. So I told her my price. It has been 5 months since then. She hasn't paid me. I frequently see her at the library where we go to story time. She pretends she doesn't remember she owes me most of the time, but a couple of times she has said "Oh, yes, I remember, I owe you $$! I'll pay you." Now, it's not like they're suffering financially. They have a nice house and very expensive cars. However, when it comes to baby stuff she relies on handouts from other people. Right now she's expecting from me to give her my baby's used clothing and shoes. I don't mind helping, but I do have reservations about donating to a person who drives a BMW rather than someone else who's really poor. And it bugs me that she still hasn't paid me. She tells me about the purchases they make, the travel they plan and I just wonder "Where is my money?" I don't want to be friends with her anymore, but she keeps on pushing on joint activities. What should I do? |
Anonymous
| Tell her a family member is having a baby and you will be giving it to her. Then just say when will you be home so I can pick it back up. |
Anonymous
| Say, "If you're not going to buy the swing, do you mind returning it? I know someone else who wants it." |
Anonymous
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To her it is such a paltry sum that it does not matter, but if it matters to you, bring it up again.
Give her a tiny token bag of hand-me-downs, giving the rest to the really needy. And never lend her anything again. |
Anonymous
Agree. But don't ask her if she minds returning it. Say, "If you're not going to buy the swing, I know someone else who wants it. I'll be seeing her on Saturday, so I'll need it by Friday at latest. Can you bring it by tomorrow? Or I'll swing by your place if that's convenient." |
Anonymous
I think it actually does matter to her. I think they have a lot of debt (house, cars) and she's not working. But I feel like I've waited long enough for them to save up fifty bucks. I suspect that she's dragging it out so I'll give up and say "it's a gift". They "borrowed" a lot of children's items from other people and just kept them. |
Anonymous
| To me it sounds like you both have issues with money. She's being cheap for avoiding paying you. You are being cheap for charging a friend for a swing that you are not using. If I had an item like that, I might sell it to a stranger, but I wouldn't charge a friend even if I knew I could get a really good price for it on craigslist. I think tis is because none of my friends have charged me for hand me downs or loans and they've been so generous. Get it back after the baby is done with it and sell it then. And if you really don't like your friends behavior, maybe you shouldn't be friends with her. |
Anonymous
| I think you are being passive, and if you really wanted her to pay you, you would ask her directly. You are enjoying the drama of the situation just a little too much, OP. If not, you would have asked her directly to return the swing a long, long time ago. |
Anonymous
Ditto, or OP is a doormat. |
Anonymous
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OP,
Are you serious? Just give it to her! |
Anonymous
Well, this swing I got brand new and it was well over a hundred $$ when I got it. I don't give such expensive gifts to people unless they're close friends of mine or family. It wasn't meant to be a gift. If I lent it it was for a few weeks, not for a few years. I'm not sure that it's in a condition to be sold now. But PP gave some good advice I'll ask for it back. |
Anonymous
You're right, I shouldn't have been this passive. It's just awkward for me to remind someone who owes me. I assume she remembers it every time she sees me so it feels awkward. |
Anonymous
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The chiseler (taken from a FFX Underground post about the Salahis):
1. Oh, I'll pay you right away! 2. Oh, I have to wait for XYZ to happen. 3. You're out of line for asking for the $50, it's only $50, we hardly used the swing ... 4. I was going to pay you all along, but you sent me inferior goods. 5. Lawsuit |
Anonymous
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You said you lent it to her for a few weeks, but she has had it for months. First mistake - you didn't ask for it back.
Do you need it? I'm confused as to why you expected it back, if you don't need it. Or maybe you made it clear you were lending it to her and then intended to sell it? If you either want it back or want the money, tell her. Just say you are going to start selling some baby stuff this spring, and would like the swing back to sell. If she says she wants to buy it, give her a deadline - swing or cash by a certain date. |
Anonymous
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I don't sell stuff to my friends.
But, since your friend has agreed to pay you, she should. If you are annoyed with your wealthy friend for holding your swing, then ask for it back and donate it to charity. |