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Am I being a doormat?
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Anonymous
I don't need it, but I don't want to give it away as a charity (I've already given her a lot of stuff). I wanted to sell it back way then. I should have just gotten it then. I kept waiting for them to bring it to me, but they never did and the times that I should have picked it up myself I didn't have the space in the car. I either give things away or sell them. I don't lend for long periods of time. Lending for extensive periods of time is like giving away - they will be returned worn out and broken. |
Anonymous
| Rich people love to get things for free. Your friend sounds like a tool. |
Anonymous
| Yes, you are being a doormat. It's your right to sell the swing (to her or someone else). If you want the money you need to ask, not just wait for her to pay you. Set some rules/boundaries and stick to them. |
Anonymous
Why? What has OP's friend done to deserve a free swing? |
Anonymous
| We lent a baby item to friends and expected it back when they were done... then one day coming back from a run I saw they'd it set out on the curb with their garbage! I took it back and wrote off the friendship.... |
Anonymous
| I know I've been remiss in getting you the money. Now that I know it's irking you, I'll get it to you soon. Sorry. |
Anonymous
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Holy crap OP, you sound like my SIL. If you perceive (real or imagined) someone has more than you, you resent them? You are charging a friend why, because you think she has "more" than you? I think she offered to pay from the goodness of her heart, expecting you to refuse.
But if you insist on reclaiming goods that will go unused, in a weak effort to feel better about reclaiming that good, than so be it. I'm pretty sure she knows what is up. We knew friends that could "afford" anything for their babies. These are people with amazing cars and amazing homes (as you seem to resent), amazing jobs, home decorating services, you name it. But when we had babies, we did not divide our friends into who we could be jealous of and who we were not jealous of. That is not what friendship or families are. Life is too short. If you spend it keeping score, you will be very unhappy and you will teach your children the same. Isn't there enough of that around here? "Deciding" who you think is worthy of the item will never work. You never really know who has what hardships. The friends with "nice stuff" might be bending over backwards to support their extended family, or health issues, which they probably don't discuss. Certainly not to you! The world does not revolve around who you give what, OP. Get over yourself. |
Anonymous
| 13:19, you write like you're deep in debt and "borrowed" most of your DC's stuff. |
Anonymous
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OP: The time has passed. It has been too long. You need to let it go and move forward. You should have followed up within a couple of weeks of her initally asking to buy the swing. Let it go and chalk it up as a lesson learned.
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Anonymous
First of all, she doesn't have more than me. Secondly, I do feel resentful at someone who buys herself a Mercedes, but can't find fifty bucks to pay her debt to me.
Why? This wasn't meant to be a gift, and I was clear about it. It's like I ask you to lend me some money and then say "oh, I thought it was a gift". Who cares if I use the swing or not? It's my property. |
Anonymous
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OP, did you grow up in a wealthy family? I grew up in a very wealthy family and I have trouble asking people for money even though I feel weird always treating and saying "just think of it as a gift," too. I think the more money you have growing up the less you know how to assert yourself in terms of repayment. Even when billing my clients I get horribly shy and nervous.
That said, you need to tell her that if she doesn't intend on buying it, there is a friend who is more in need of the swing and say, "Since we are more fortunate, I think it ought to go to her. I feel bad but I also knew that you would totally get it and be supportive of someone else receiving it. Anyway, the swings this year are so much nicer!" Smooth it over by appealing to her superficiality, that's what I would do. |
Anonymous
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13:28 - Nope.
15:05 - Yup. Don't assume anything about anyone, particularly if they have more money than you. You might need them someday. Didn't your parents teach you ANYTHING? Bitterness gets you NOWHERE. |
Anonymous
This is sooo TRUE. |
Anonymous
Sorry, you are way off base. OP and her husband worked to pay for that swing. It wasn't meant to be given as a gift to someone. Her friend is showing a complete lack of respect. I give things all the time to friends and I never ask for money but they are small things. Would anyone here just expect to be given a brand new swing from someone and not offer to pay at least something for it? I'd be particularly annoyed if the "borrower" has money as OP says. |
Anonymous
It sounds like you need to chill 
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