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We don't fit in with our neighbors
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Anonymous
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A few years ago, my husband and I bought a great house in a neighborhood we love. Our street has a lot of young families, and the families are all good friends who socialize together a lot. We also have a young family, and so it should have been the perfect set up for us. However, it became apparent after awhile that -- for whatever reason -- we just don't fit in and that we are never going to be a part of "the group." There is a lot of obvious socializing that we are not a part of, some casual (chatting it up in the front yard) and some planned (parties). We are sometimes invited to participate, but it feels like an afterthought and the interaction can be a little awkward. Our kids are no longer invited to birthday parties.
I'm not trying to malign my neighbors. They are nice people and I think everyone made an effort at first to welcome us to the neighborhood. We just don't click with them the way they click with each other, I think in part because of class differences (we are definitely on the low end of the income distribution for this street). Intellectually I know that something like this shouldn't bother me, but it has been a real downer to feel like we don't belong. Our kids are too young to notice at this point, but I'm also concerned our how they'll feel when they realize that they're not a part of the neighborhood gang of kids. Before anyone starts flaming away, I do realize that there are worse problems to have. I'm just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation, and, if so, how you dealt with it. |
Anonymous
| Have you tried to initiate? Maybe start a conversation or host a party? |
Anonymous
| We actually have a similar situation where we are not included despite being nice and friendly. And it feels like crap, so I understand where you are coming from. We just stayed friendly and tried to not let it bother us. Now we do our own thing. I guess you really can't help how they will behave but you can control how you react to it. Don't let it bother you. |
Anonymous
| When your kids get older the will initiate events such as Tommy wants to play with Billy and not with Chuckie. Doesn't matter if it's your kid of the kids from the "neighborhood gang". For right now, just continue to be friendly and maybe have a few playdates (if your kids are of that age). |
Anonymous
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1) Initiate what you can, if you find these people are worthwhile.
2) Socialize with the groups you like, and be happy you live in a house you like and where you're happy to have people over 3) For the kids, do they want to socialize with the other kids? Invite them over. If it is never reciprocated, move on and invite other friends over. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
PP: nice drawing skills on your fingers, because you are using a non-verbal cue to get a point across-which already tells me you are much smarter than we are and that much funnier-I am going to interpret it as 'ugly thumb tries to blend in with happy pair of fingers.' In so many words: what's your point? |
Anonymous
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Just google FOREVER ALONE
*gigle* |
Anonymous
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Even though this is a subject that comes up again and again on DCUM, there is something about this post that feels off to me and I think it is a fake.
On the off chance OP is legit -- sometimes all it takes is one interaction to change the dynamic. You may be in retreat mode and not realize that you are blocking your neighbors out emotionally. Anyway, with weather getting warmer, it sounds like there will be opportunities to start including yourself, since your neighbors have given up on extending invitations to you. When you see your neighbors standing around chatting, walk up and start participating. Do that every time you can until it feels normal. Pretty soon you'll be an accepted part of the group and wonder why you ever felt so afraid to join in. |
Anonymous
LOL, slow Sunday morning around the homestead? Private eye business in a slump? |
Anonymous
No, just sounds off to me. Fake. |
Anonymous
| OP, there are many reasons why you would not fit in with the adults. However, I think it sucks that your kids would be excluded from the kid birthday scene. I thought it was an unwritten rule not to do this to kids, but I guess I'm wrong. |
Anonymous
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OP - Not sure if you live in the outside burbs, but I have always lived inside the beltway - NW and Chevy Chase, and frankly have never lived in a neighborhood where there was much socializing in the front yard - or other obvious places. People were too busy with work and life to shoot the breeze....kinda prefer it that way and not the Wisteria Lane scenario you're describing.
But that is my preference....so having said all that - I agree with the second poster. If you really want to be friends with a bunch of bitches (because that's what they sound like....adult clique bitches), then make an attempt to reach out, host a cocktail party or bbq. IF you are still being "shunned", then you have to make a decision. Either - Stop giving a shit, and make pretend they don't exist, or move. |
Anonymous
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But, where's the idea come from that you should "belong"? Maybe I'm just a jaded city-dweller. I just don't get the whole socialize-with-the-neighbors thing. Why should you all be good friends...because of the proximity? Bananas. We've lived in this neighborhood forever and are definitely on polite terms with everyone, but I'm not concerned when neighbor X is invited over to neighbor Y's porch for a visit and we are not. I'm busy living my own life. There aren't a lot of kids in the area but I'd imagine that they'd either work out their own arrangements with other kids in the neighborhood [gasp! making playdates for themselves, without the management of their parental units], or they'd stick to their buddies at school. Whyfor the angst? I would die if my social world revolved around neighborhood bbqs and kiddie birthdays. Go to the theater. Plan time with your family. Geesh. |
Anonymous
| Curious what area this is... |