We don't fit in with our neighbors

[Anonymous]

11:00 If you live in a neighborhood where the socializing is obvious, it's hard not to feel left out!

I think the excluding of kids from birthday parties is awful. until my kids were at an age where they just had a few friends, I would never have had a backyard party, for example, without including all the neighborhood kids in the age range, and my neighbors wouldn't have either.

I think you need to ask yourself if they are really as nice as all that.

[Anonymous]

We don't fit in with our neighbors, but I don't really care much as long as we are all civil to eachother. There are some families with kids. There is one family that when we moved in made an effort since our kids are similar ages. We thought that was sweet; however... Over time we got sick of their older child being bossy and nasty to our children and any time we tried to intervene they told us we should just let the kids play. They had no problem with their son whirling large sticks around and chasing after our kids with a large stick in hand. Over time things just felt forced. My kids made it clear they did not want to play with the neighbors and frankly I got sick of these parents telling me to chill out. If their kids want to beat eachother up and bully eachother that is their issue, but it's not for us.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would not worry about it. Sometimes you'll blend and sometimes you won't. Assuming you did nothing to piss them off and mind *your own* boundaries (ie: don't try to tell them what to do with their side of the fence and correct your kids when they are harmful, for example)

You can't be friends with everyone all the time. I doubt if anyone else notices if you are not invited, if that is what you are worried about deep down.

Just don't be a troublemaker neighbor, MYOB and you should be fine, in the long run. No one likes a trouble maker.

[Anonymous]

How about picking one neighbor who seems most likely to be someone you'd like to be friendly with, and candidly ask him or her what is going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about picking one neighbor who seems most likely to be someone you'd like to be friendly with, and candidly ask him or her what is going on?

I think it would be better to pick a neighbor like the one PP mentioned, but instead of asking what's going on, invite that family over for supper. In a non-forceful, non-pushy way, just be friendly and give it time.

[Anonymous]

It's easy to get the kids to play together when everyone is outside, no?

[Anonymous]

NW and Chevy Chase, and frankly have never lived in a neighborhood where there was much socializing in the front yard - or other obvious places. People were too busy with work and life to shoot the breeze....kinda prefer it that way

I think you're my neighbor!

I love that you are totally unselfconscious about announcing that you just don't want to socialize with your neighbors in a spontaneous way and get to know them in the process.

[Anonymous]

Chiming in again...we have some older neighbors who socialize together and then gossip about eachother. Bleck! I think it's a nice bonus if we become friends with neighbors, but I don't have time for bullshit so close to my home and I don't expect to be best friends with my neighborts. Just be pleasant, don't gossip and don't nitpick and obsess over stupid things like why has it taken me a week to get the weeds out of my garden. We can wave nicely at eachother when we see eachother, but really I don't care if some new neighbor who moved in hasn't repainted the house yet or leaves their car in the driveway instead of the garage. As long as our new neighbor is nice and doesn't cause trouble leave them alone. Get a life! (Not aimed at u OP, just aimed at neighbors of the world who have two much time on their hands. If I had a dollar for every time I have had to excuse myself from a convo with a gossipy neighbor.."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I would not worry about it. Sometimes you'll blend and sometimes you won't. Assuming you did nothing to piss them off and mind *your own* boundaries (ie: don't try to tell them what to do with their side of the fence and correct your kids when they are harmful, for example)

You can't be friends with everyone all the time. I doubt if anyone else notices if you are not invited, if that is what you are worried about deep down.

Just don't be a troublemaker neighbor, MYOB and you should be fine, in the long run. No one likes a trouble maker.

Way to miss the point entirely, PP. Sounds like you are definitely part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

is the OP sort of weird or different? need more details before I can diagnose. I really doubt it has anything to do with money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
But, where's the idea come from that you should "belong"? Maybe I'm just a jaded city-dweller. I just don't get the whole socialize-with-the-neighbors thing. Why should you all be good friends...because of the proximity? Bananas.

We've lived in this neighborhood forever and are definitely on polite terms with everyone, but I'm not concerned when neighbor X is invited over to neighbor Y's porch for a visit and we are not. I'm busy living my own life.

There aren't a lot of kids in the area but I'd imagine that they'd either work out their own arrangements with other kids in the neighborhood [gasp! making playdates for themselves, without the management of their parental units], or they'd stick to their buddies at school.

Whyfor the angst?

I would die if my social world revolved around neighborhood bbqs and kiddie birthdays. Go to the theater. Plan time with your family. Geesh.

I couldn't agree with you more although I'm firmly ensconced in suburbia. I just have no desire to be all up in my neighbors' business, nor them in mine. I guess it would be good for my kids to have friends in the immediate neighborhood, but they have friends at school, and make friends with other kids at playgrounds, and I call that good enough. I couldn't stand to live somewhere where the neighbors are constantly hanging out. It would just be too much for me, and I wouldn't be able to relax if I thought someone might knock on my door at any time and want to hang out.

[Anonymous]

17:18 - wow your post was just so not useful. Are you a trouble maker neighbor who wonders why they are left out?

[Anonymous]

PP, I agree re: neighbors who have too much time on their hands. I've seen neighbors who notice the comings and goings of others, but not when it actually matters, which can be unsettling to live around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17:18 - wow your post was just so not useful. Are you a trouble maker neighbor who wonders why they are left out?

shut up troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
But, where's the idea come from that you should "belong"? Maybe I'm just a jaded city-dweller. I just don't get the whole socialize-with-the-neighbors thing. Why should you all be good friends...because of the proximity? Bananas.

We've lived in this neighborhood forever and are definitely on polite terms with everyone, but I'm not concerned when neighbor X is invited over to neighbor Y's porch for a visit and we are not. I'm busy living my own life.

There aren't a lot of kids in the area but I'd imagine that they'd either work out their own arrangements with other kids in the neighborhood [gasp! making playdates for themselves, without the management of their parental units], or they'd stick to their buddies at school.

Whyfor the angst?

I would die if my social world revolved around neighborhood bbqs and kiddie birthdays. Go to the theater. Plan time with your family. Geesh.

I couldn't agree with you more although I'm firmly ensconced in suburbia. I just have no desire to be all up in my neighbors' business, nor them in mine. I guess it would be good for my kids to have friends in the immediate neighborhood, but they have friends at school, and make friends with other kids at playgrounds, and I call that good enough. I couldn't stand to live somewhere where the neighbors are constantly hanging out. It would just be too much for me, and I wouldn't be able to relax if I thought someone might knock on my door at any time and want to hang out.

This exactly!