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Is it NORMAL TO NOT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP w your SIL??
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Anonymous
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My husband and I have been married for 5 years and known each other and each other's families for over a decade. But, to date, me and my SIL don't have a relationship. We are cordial with one another when we see each other at family events and I've tried so many times to reach out to her, but she never seems interested. In the past, I used to watch her 3 little boys, took them out, and even had them come stay with us for a few days so her and my BIL could go away on vacation to celebrate their anniversaries. Now that I have a child (almost 2 years old), she's even more distant. I've discussed it with my husband many times and he thinks she's jealous of me because I have a career, bigger house, and am closer to our MIL than her. But, I'm still not convinced. We recently purchased a home (quire larger than theirs) and we always invite them over, but they all come over except for her. Not only do I think that's rude, but it really hurts my feelings that she doesn't want to invest any time in geting to know me or her nephew.
Is it worth me trying to reacj out to her again? I just don't think it's normal.... |
Anonymous
| It sounds like you have a relationship, just not a close one. I don't have a close relationship with my SIL, and that seems fine to me. We are very different, and I think we both recognize that we wouldn't be friends but for the family relationship. I'm fine with that. I hope she is too. |
Anonymous
| FWIW, I *would* be friends with my sister in law if we weren't family, but because we are, I stay away from her. She ALWAYS wants to invite her mother (my MIL) along to everything and I find her inability to separate a little creepy. (And I have a low tolerance for high doses of MIL) |
Anonymous
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OP, I feel that you came into the family, so it should be SIL that should have reached out and made you comfortable in the family. I have one SIL who is threatened by another woman in the family (she would never admit this, of course), so she never bothered. But I think her attitude toward me has sent the wrong message and has inadvertently ended up costing her. Another SIL isn't so insecure, so she does not come off as toxic. We are friendly, that's it. But the second one has her own successes and it truly makes a world of difference in her security with another woman added to the family. I have to say, our families could not be more different. I see that as a good thing, apparently my IL's see that as a bad thing, sad to say. If you are closer to MIL, SIL is absolutely jealous of you. Maybe it is better off that you keep her at a comfortable distance. |
Anonymous
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OP, depends on the SIL.
PP, If MIL and SIL are that inseparable, it is definitely creepy! I have seen that once or twice, and I think "what is going to happen to that poor girl when her mother dies - she'll have no friends!" Sad. |
Anonymous
Same here - I'm a SAH with a 3 little ones and she is still a newlywed, no interest in babies/kids, in grad. school, etc. Not a whole lot in common, but family ties. She's a nice person though FWIW, just not much in common... |
Anonymous
This is my SIL exactly. She and her mom (my MIL) live in the same state, about 30 minutes apart, and do everything together. They also talk on the phone a minimum of three times a day. I get along with both of them just fine, but I would describe our relationship as "cordial". |
Anonymous
| OP, you mentioned the size of your house (larger than hers!) twice in your post. Perhaps she senses that you're materialistic and condescending. |
Anonymous
| 18:12 - Really? Really? not op, but I say you are the one that is jealous! |
Anonymous
I don't get that from OP's post. I feel like I"m in her same position and I think that these types of thing matter to them more than to me. Our house is significantly larger than SILs and she acts like I'm snooty but she's the one making the comments ("I don't live in a neighborhood like yours"). My other SIL is a SAHM who is unhappy with her situation so she makes snide comments about how she could NEVER put her kids in daycare, but then tells MIL that she is miserable being a SAHM and can't wait until the oldest one is in school so she can go to work. I have basically just made peace with the fact that we are all very different and they will never be truly open to me or our family and establish a close relationship. We live so far away now that it's not that difficult to deal with any more. |
Anonymous
| Not close to my SIL at all. she is very nice, but we just don't have much in common. She SAH, I WOH, she lives in suburban VA and is very involved in soccer, PTA, etc. We live in the city and our DC isn't at that stage yet. We get along perfectly well at family get togethers but I would never pick her (and I assume she would never pick me) as a friend. |
Anonymous
| I think the OP has posted at least 3 times in this thread. |
Anonymous
| My SIL and I seemingly have a lot in common - have worked in the same field, same age, kids the same age - so I feel all this pressure to be close with her. But the truth is, I can't stand her. She drives me batty. One thing that seems to alienate us from one another is that she is a SAHM and I'm a WOHM mom. We just can't relate on the day-to-day parenting issues and I think we bring out one another's insecurities about the parenting paths we have chosen. |
Anonymous
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21:13 - not OP, but WTF is your problem? Are you a rotten SIL? Kind of a touchy subject is it?
19:06 - I agree completely. It is the touchy ones that you have to wonder about. Not so much the ones that bring up something that is already in your face. Though my own SIL has denial down to a science! |
Anonymous
I don't have any SILs. So, no. But nice try, OP. Sock puppeting is so tiresome. Multiple posters who claim to be "not OP" have exactly the same wording and tone. |