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My husband just asked me if I have a secret bank account.
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Anonymous
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I just can't help but be offended.
We have seperate bank accounts, but we do have acces to view and transfer from each others account if necessary. I do the majority of the finances, and some bills are paid with his account, some with mine. What ever is left is ours to manage, etc. I will add he makes WAY more money than I do, but I have more debt (his car is paid off, I'm still paying off a student loan). Anyways, so he looked at all of the accounts this AM and wanted to know what happened the majority of my savings account and wanted to know if I was building a secret nest egg. 1) I'm offended 2) No, I'm not building a nest egg. 3) Now I'm explaining why my savings has recently taken a hit in the last three months. He knows the specific reasons, but I guess he just didn't see it on paper before today. Now he has calmed down (he seemed a mix of emotions - anger, hurt, confused). But I'm still irritated that I even had to explain myself. What the hell? |
Anonymous
| Would you rather he hadn't said anything and let it stew? It seems better he asked, you explained and he knows. |
Anonymous
| The fact that there is so much "I" and "mine" and "his" with regard to your finances seems like the problem. |
Anonymous
| I don't know, OP. He made a flippant remark, you explained, and the situation resolve itself. Are you sure he didn't touch a nerve here? |
Anonymous
that's stupid. No, really. The husband's basic lack of trust is the problem, not that 2 accounts are easier to work out of than one. |
Anonymous
| I have never regretted merging all my and DH's accounts early on -- we didn't have a choice at the time, but it's been so much easier on our marriage. I was the only breadwinner for several years, and now he's the primary, and having merged accounts made it so we didn't squabble over "your savings" or "my spending", etc. It's all be "ours." |
Anonymous
What makes you think it was a flippant remark? |
Anonymous
OP here. Yes, he did hit a nerve. The nerve is trust. I'm glad he didn't stew about it, but really I feel like he doesn't trust me, even though I haven't given him a reason. If you are suggesting otherwise, please let me know. I don't over spend on clothes, shoes, etc, which was part of his confusion. To the PP that suggested the problem was the his vs. mine, I thought that was what worked best? We split the "ours" bills, that is not the issue. I like having *my* money and if anything, I am being very responsible, by paying down my debt. Also, my paycheck went down in January when I set up the flex spending accounts. I'm just a little hurt that he'd think I was trying to hide anything. |
Anonymous
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Him: Scared of losing you. You: Not seeing this. |
Anonymous
Thank you. You made me cry a little. I hope it is nothing more. I think we have a really strong relationship, this just took me by surprise. |
Anonymous
| The problem is that once you get married there's very little "me" and "his" and seems like you guys didn't get it. |
Anonymous
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not having joint accounts leads to this. it is not a lack of trust, but a lack of transparency.
my wife and I have separate accounts, and I have no idea what she does with her money. irks me to no end. |
Anonymous
| I really don't understand the "my" money, "his" money concept. It sounds like you are roommates, and he is scared that you are going to break the lease. |
Anonymous
Separate accounts doesn't seem easier if it causes mistrust. Chicken and the egg. |
Anonymous
I don't get it either, nor do I get "his" debt versus "mine." |