Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is showing me that some apps have no manners and are actually teaching their kids to have no manners and are proud of it!

The valuable lesson I teach my children that OP apparently never learned is: when there is a problem, address it clearly, kindly and directly. Don't let resentment turn you into a petty gossip.

I'd rather be around someone who cluelessly orders an extra Cruncharito than someone like OP, who ignores the easy and direct route to harmony, and instead turns bitchy and calls others to criticize a rather harmless kid.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps he’s never had to limit himself to just an entree at other people’s homes. We often get takeout when someone stays for dinner on a weeknight and it is perfectly fine with us if they order an appetizer and dessert.

Same. We had a kid order $75 worth of sushi once, and we just laughed. OP is ordering from Chick Fil A and bitching about one extra sandwich. Disgusting of her.

I mean. Calm down. I’m not complaining TO HIM or her or anyone else. I’ll never understand people who are like “YOU’RE SO RUDE”. Rude to whom? So stupid. Anyway I had no idea everyone ordered so much damn Chick-fil-A. I can’t get through one meal let alone order another sandwich. But ok fine it’s not too expensive. What prompted this post was the appetizer and dessert-I mean geez I can’t even afford to order these items for myself. If we get dessert at restaurants we share it for the table. Do you guys really order dessert when someone else is buying? And appetizers too?
E

OK so you are poor. Tell him that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps he’s never had to limit himself to just an entree at other people’s homes. We often get takeout when someone stays for dinner on a weeknight and it is perfectly fine with us if they order an appetizer and dessert.

Same. We had a kid order $75 worth of sushi once, and we just laughed. OP is ordering from Chick Fil A and bitching about one extra sandwich. Disgusting of her.

I mean. Calm down. I’m not complaining TO HIM or her or anyone else. I’ll never understand people who are like “YOU’RE SO RUDE”. Rude to whom? So stupid. Anyway I had no idea everyone ordered so much damn Chick-fil-A. I can’t get through one meal let alone order another sandwich. But ok fine it’s not too expensive. What prompted this post was the appetizer and dessert-I mean geez I can’t even afford to order these items for myself. If we get dessert at restaurants we share it for the table. Do you guys really order dessert when someone else is buying? And appetizers too?
E

l

NP. Here's how you are rude: easy solutions are available to you (stop ordering food so much; when you do order, set some parameters---you've been literally given scripts.) so you have your solution...

But you don't want a solution. You want to gossip. Gossip is rude.

Gasp! Gossip is rude! Don't you KNOW? Weren't you RAISED RIGHT? Gossip is rude, and the fact that you don't get that...IS THAT NORMAL?

See, all the same criticisms you can lob at your guest for being rude and clueless about food, we can lob at you about gossip.

Grow up. And stop ordering so much Taco Bell and Pizza Hut. Gross!

This exactly. Wow, OP, you mean you are so clueless and badly raised that you don't know it's rude to gossip? See, the judgmental knife cuts both ways, doesn't it.

You have yet to acknowledge that you can easily set parameters for ordering. Because then the problem would be solved. And that's not what you're actually after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s not being rude. He’s ordering what is a meal for him. I have two college aged boys and trust me, he is not ordering too much. Also, how is he supposed to know that cost is an issue if you or your daughter don’t tell the boy? Tell him things are tight right now - ask if he could chip in or tell him that you are only ordering entrees tonight. He can’t read your mind!

You’ve reared your children poorly if they don’t know to follow the ordering cues of the host, and when in doubt, order less. I’m honestly shocked that anyone is defending this abysmal behavior. If I were the host, I’d not say anything to the child, of course, as that would be bad manners, but anyone who did this would not be invited back to my home and I’d think poorly of their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, people in their 20s can eat a lot. That said, I was always taught to not order the most expensive thing on the menu and to generally follow the lead of the group. In other words, if everyone was ordering an appetizer, I could go ahead and do that. If not, order a heavier entree, or have a snack later on.

+1 and I followed this rule at business lunches too!

However, young men -- teenagers and under 25 -- do eat a lot. The orders themselves don't sound outrageous.

I think this is actually a money thing. And that's fine. He may be used to having more money to spend and it hasn't occurred to him that you don't. Make the expectations clearer next time. "Hey guys, we're going to order from xx place, but to be honest we're trying not to spend too much money on takeout these days so asking everyone to limits themselves to an entree and share an appetizer, no dessert. We'll have fruit/salad/milk too."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m conceding on the Chick-fil-A.

Here’s another example. DH texts and says he’s ordering pizza and what would we like. I say I’ll share DS’s cheese pizza. DD and her bf each order their own. Ok fine (I’m thinking why can’t they share but ok). The bf chooses the most expensive pizza. DD says can we also get xx appetizer and cinnamon pull apartment. I’m thinking ok that’s fine we will share that. And then the bf chimes in and requests ANOTHER appetizer on top of what DD has requested.

Ok and here’s a Taco Bell order: “1 beefy fritos burrito and 1 shredded chicken burrito please, Also, can we do the party pack with the 5 layer burritos in the mix instead of the bean burritos”

I mean, is this really normal?

If you're already getting the party pack asking for a specific burrito in it is reasonable, and I think a normal Taco Bell order is a few items so asking for two burritos is very normal. The most expensive burrito at Taco Bell isn't even $4. This is incredibly normal.

If you think your boyfriend's behavior is normal, you are incredibly trashy and rude. You will never grasp what manners are and what proper social norms are.

You not to have read what I wrote (or, indeed, have read what you wrote since you called him my boyfriend). I said that ordering that much Taco Bell is normal. They're small burritos and two or three is a full meal.

As to the manners question: I'll raise my child not to order the most expensive item or significantly more food than her hosts without a clear signal that she should. That said, the most important manners are those of the host, not the guest. The duty of hospitality to guests is one of the oldest "manners" that exists and OP isn't living up to it.

I grew up without a ton of money, but we had class and would never think of leaving a guest hungry. If you can't offer a guest a full meal through takeout, cook. We never have a guest without at least dinner and dessert, which means we cook more than we order, but it also means we're not being rude.

Incorrect. She’s living up to it, by buying him what he requests. But she’s perfectly within her rights to think that he’s being a rude guest. And he is.

[Anonymous]

It’s pizza and chick fila and Taco Bell. The Thai food wood be slightly different because that would ostensibly cost a lot more being a real restaurant. Otherwise stop offering to get takeout for everyone if it is that big of a deal for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s not being rude. He’s ordering what is a meal for him. I have two college aged boys and trust me, he is not ordering too much. Also, how is he supposed to know that cost is an issue if you or your daughter don’t tell the boy? Tell him things are tight right now - ask if he could chip in or tell him that you are only ordering entrees tonight. He can’t read your mind!

You’ve reared your children poorly if they don’t know to follow the ordering cues of the host, and when in doubt, order less. I’m honestly shocked that anyone is defending this abysmal behavior. If I were the host, I’d not say anything to the child, of course, as that would be bad manners, but anyone who did this would not be invited back to my home and I’d think poorly of their parents.

I don't see any cues given by the host. I'm fairly certain my kids wouldn't have realized that their normal, modest order would be offensive to OP. OP should be happy she doesn't have boys, I guess. That just isn't a lot of food for a college male, especially if he is at all athletic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s not being rude. He’s ordering what is a meal for him. I have two college aged boys and trust me, he is not ordering too much. Also, how is he supposed to know that cost is an issue if you or your daughter don’t tell the boy? Tell him things are tight right now - ask if he could chip in or tell him that you are only ordering entrees tonight. He can’t read your mind!

You’ve reared your children poorly if they don’t know to follow the ordering cues of the host, and when in doubt, order less. I’m honestly shocked that anyone is defending this abysmal behavior. If I were the host, I’d not say anything to the child, of course, as that would be bad manners, but anyone who did this would not be invited back to my home and I’d think poorly of their parents.

I don't see any cues given by the host. I'm fairly certain my kids wouldn't have realized that their normal, modest order would be offensive to OP. OP should be happy she doesn't have boys, I guess. That just isn't a lot of food for a college male, especially if he is at all athletic.

Especially if he is eating it all and not wasting it. He is ordering what he needs to not be hungry. Would you rather he be hungry OP? Sounds like it. I would be more bothered by him being hungry in my home than him ordering more food and eating it all. Not everyone can survive off one chicken leg and a spoonful of peas.

[Anonymous]

I would be so embarrassed if my son did this. I would hope he would know better. Just say that each person is going to order one main dish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m conceding on the Chick-fil-A.

Here’s another example. DH texts and says he’s ordering pizza and what would we like. I say I’ll share DS’s cheese pizza. DD and her bf each order their own. Ok fine (I’m thinking why can’t they share but ok). The bf chooses the most expensive pizza. DD says can we also get xx appetizer and cinnamon pull apartment. I’m thinking ok that’s fine we will share that. And then the bf chimes in and requests ANOTHER appetizer on top of what DD has requested.

Ok and here’s a Taco Bell order: “1 beefy fritos burrito and 1 shredded chicken burrito please, Also, can we do the party pack with the 5 layer burritos in the mix instead of the bean burritos”

I mean, is this really normal?

If you're already getting the party pack asking for a specific burrito in it is reasonable, and I think a normal Taco Bell order is a few items so asking for two burritos is very normal. The most expensive burrito at Taco Bell isn't even $4. This is incredibly normal.

If you think your boyfriend's behavior is normal, you are incredibly trashy and rude. You will never grasp what manners are and what proper social norms are.

You not to have read what I wrote (or, indeed, have read what you wrote since you called him my boyfriend). I said that ordering that much Taco Bell is normal. They're small burritos and two or three is a full meal.

As to the manners question: I'll raise my child not to order the most expensive item or significantly more food than her hosts without a clear signal that she should. That said, the most important manners are those of the host, not the guest. The duty of hospitality to guests is one of the oldest "manners" that exists and OP isn't living up to it.

I grew up without a ton of money, but we had class and would never think of leaving a guest hungry. If you can't offer a guest a full meal through takeout, cook. We never have a guest without at least dinner and dessert, which means we cook more than we order, but it also means we're not being rude.

Incorrect. She’s living up to it, by buying him what he requests. But she’s perfectly within her rights to think that he’s being a rude guest. And he is.

DP. If your standard of polite behavior involves a guest going hungry every time you offer them a meal, your sense of what’s polite is completely out of whack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s not being rude. He’s ordering what is a meal for him. I have two college aged boys and trust me, he is not ordering too much. Also, how is he supposed to know that cost is an issue if you or your daughter don’t tell the boy? Tell him things are tight right now - ask if he could chip in or tell him that you are only ordering entrees tonight. He can’t read your mind!

You’ve reared your children poorly if they don’t know to follow the ordering cues of the host, and when in doubt, order less. I’m honestly shocked that anyone is defending this abysmal behavior. If I were the host, I’d not say anything to the child, of course, as that would be bad manners, but anyone who did this would not be invited back to my home and I’d think poorly of their parents.

I don't see any cues given by the host. I'm fairly certain my kids wouldn't have realized that their normal, modest order would be offensive to OP. OP should be happy she doesn't have boys, I guess. That just isn't a lot of food for a college male, especially if he is at all athletic.

Especially if he is eating it all and not wasting it. He is ordering what he needs to not be hungry. Would you rather he be hungry OP? Sounds like it. I would be more bothered by him being hungry in my home than him ordering more food and eating it all. Not everyone can survive off one chicken leg and a spoonful of peas.

People who have never had teenaged boys often don’t realize just how much food they need to eat at times to be full.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m conceding on the Chick-fil-A.

Here’s another example. DH texts and says he’s ordering pizza and what would we like. I say I’ll share DS’s cheese pizza. DD and her bf each order their own. Ok fine (I’m thinking why can’t they share but ok). The bf chooses the most expensive pizza. DD says can we also get xx appetizer and cinnamon pull apartment. I’m thinking ok that’s fine we will share that. And then the bf chimes in and requests ANOTHER appetizer on top of what DD has requested.

Ok and here’s a Taco Bell order: “1 beefy fritos burrito and 1 shredded chicken burrito please, Also, can we do the party pack with the 5 layer burritos in the mix instead of the bean burritos”

I mean, is this really normal?

If you're already getting the party pack asking for a specific burrito in it is reasonable, and I think a normal Taco Bell order is a few items so asking for two burritos is very normal. The most expensive burrito at Taco Bell isn't even $4. This is incredibly normal.

If you think your boyfriend's behavior is normal, you are incredibly trashy and rude. You will never grasp what manners are and what proper social norms are.

You not to have read what I wrote (or, indeed, have read what you wrote since you called him my boyfriend). I said that ordering that much Taco Bell is normal. They're small burritos and two or three is a full meal.

As to the manners question: I'll raise my child not to order the most expensive item or significantly more food than her hosts without a clear signal that she should. That said, the most important manners are those of the host, not the guest. The duty of hospitality to guests is one of the oldest "manners" that exists and OP isn't living up to it.

I grew up without a ton of money, but we had class and would never think of leaving a guest hungry. If you can't offer a guest a full meal through takeout, cook. We never have a guest without at least dinner and dessert, which means we cook more than we order, but it also means we're not being rude.

Incorrect. She’s living up to it, by buying him what he requests. But she’s perfectly within her rights to think that he’s being a rude guest. And he is.

DP. If your standard of polite behavior involves a guest going hungry every time you offer them a meal, your sense of what’s polite is completely out of whack.

He might learn not to come around so much with his maw open, and pay for and feed himself. You know, like an adult. Which he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s not being rude. He’s ordering what is a meal for him. I have two college aged boys and trust me, he is not ordering too much. Also, how is he supposed to know that cost is an issue if you or your daughter don’t tell the boy? Tell him things are tight right now - ask if he could chip in or tell him that you are only ordering entrees tonight. He can’t read your mind!

You’ve reared your children poorly if they don’t know to follow the ordering cues of the host, and when in doubt, order less. I’m honestly shocked that anyone is defending this abysmal behavior. If I were the host, I’d not say anything to the child, of course, as that would be bad manners, but anyone who did this would not be invited back to my home and I’d think poorly of their parents.

I don't see any cues given by the host. I'm fairly certain my kids wouldn't have realized that their normal, modest order would be offensive to OP. OP should be happy she doesn't have boys, I guess. That just isn't a lot of food for a college male, especially if he is at all athletic.

Especially if he is eating it all and not wasting it. He is ordering what he needs to not be hungry. Would you rather he be hungry OP? Sounds like it. I would be more bothered by him being hungry in my home than him ordering more food and eating it all. Not everyone can survive off one chicken leg and a spoonful of peas.

People who have never had teenaged boys often don’t realize just how much food they need to eat at times to be full.

Right? Actually when I read the order, I though he was being polite by cutting a normal order in half. I guarantee that when he left that house after dinner his first stop was somewhere to get food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m conceding on the Chick-fil-A.

Here’s another example. DH texts and says he’s ordering pizza and what would we like. I say I’ll share DS’s cheese pizza. DD and her bf each order their own. Ok fine (I’m thinking why can’t they share but ok). The bf chooses the most expensive pizza. DD says can we also get xx appetizer and cinnamon pull apartment. I’m thinking ok that’s fine we will share that. And then the bf chimes in and requests ANOTHER appetizer on top of what DD has requested.

Ok and here’s a Taco Bell order: “1 beefy fritos burrito and 1 shredded chicken burrito please, Also, can we do the party pack with the 5 layer burritos in the mix instead of the bean burritos”

I mean, is this really normal?

If you're already getting the party pack asking for a specific burrito in it is reasonable, and I think a normal Taco Bell order is a few items so asking for two burritos is very normal. The most expensive burrito at Taco Bell isn't even $4. This is incredibly normal.

If you think your boyfriend's behavior is normal, you are incredibly trashy and rude. You will never grasp what manners are and what proper social norms are.

You not to have read what I wrote (or, indeed, have read what you wrote since you called him my boyfriend). I said that ordering that much Taco Bell is normal. They're small burritos and two or three is a full meal.

As to the manners question: I'll raise my child not to order the most expensive item or significantly more food than her hosts without a clear signal that she should. That said, the most important manners are those of the host, not the guest. The duty of hospitality to guests is one of the oldest "manners" that exists and OP isn't living up to it.

I grew up without a ton of money, but we had class and would never think of leaving a guest hungry. If you can't offer a guest a full meal through takeout, cook. We never have a guest without at least dinner and dessert, which means we cook more than we order, but it also means we're not being rude.

Incorrect. She’s living up to it, by buying him what he requests. But she’s perfectly within her rights to think that he’s being a rude guest. And he is.

DP. If your standard of polite behavior involves a guest going hungry every time you offer them a meal, your sense of what’s polite is completely out of whack.

He might learn not to come around so much with his maw open, and pay for and feed himself. You know, like an adult. Which he is.

Yep, he and his girlfriend can go elsewhere, which means OP won’t see her daughter as much. OP said they love having her home, but maybe that’s a sacrifice OP is willing to make to avoid feeding her boyfriend,