Is this annoying? Daughter’s bf always orders so much!

[Anonymous]

My BIL (6’7” and 200) would easily eat two fast food meals when he was that age. My husband (6’5” 185) always orders the most expensive entree on the menu regardless of where we go/what food is available. My ILs always joked about their predilections but never corrected this behavior. I had to correct my husband after he did this repeatedly with my friends and family. It was mortifying. And it took years to cure this impulse because his parents never did a damn thing but laugh about it. I think they failed in imparting social skills to their boys.

[Anonymous]

Those are probably his normal orders and he naturally eats a lot. Some boys can eat a lot. If you want to set limits, then set them. Just say what one enter can we get you, and then perhaps offer for him to raid your kitchen if necessary.

If you are uncomfortable doing this, then talk to your daughter separately and ask her to talk to him. Especially about ordering the most expensive thing. He probably just comes from a family that orders what they want and views you as family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been doing a lot of takeout. We love having our college daughter home but when we order dinner for her bf, he really seems to treat himself. When I got Chick-fil-A the other night, he gets a combo plus another full sandwich. Tonight we are getting Thai and he’s getting an appetizer, entree, and dessert! I mean, I’d love a mango and sticky rice too, but all those extras add up. Is this kind of rude? His order is always the most expensive thing!

As a mom to boys I read the title and rolled my eyes thinking you don't realize how much young men eat. Then when I read that he orders a app an dessert I actually think he has poor manners. The CFA seems pretty normal to me though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Crappy upbringing. A 12 year old should know that is rude.

I think it's upbringing, too. I grew up in a family with less money and hesitated well into my adulthood to even order a drink with dinner when others were treating. I think most people wouyld think that is weird and can easily see that someone who has grown up always ordering app/entree/dessert would think nothing of it -- unless they are taught to do so.

I don't know. I grew up UMC in a community where it was common for kids to go out with their friends' families and have their friends' parents treat. I can't remember when I learned to follow my hosts' lead on what to order (e.g. apps/drinks/desserts), but I honestly have no recollection of ever not knowing not to order an app if no one else is, even though cost was not really a factor for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would keep things like cheese/crackers, bagged salad and ice cream/toppings on hand so that you could supplement with those - when they ask for apps, etc., just say “I’ve got those covered, what would you like as a main?” Or just order family style within your parameters as others have said.

But...to be honest OP, being annoyed about someone’s CFA or Taco Bell order makes me think you don’t care for the bf or are annoyed with him being around so often and if it wasn’t the meals, you’d find something else to pick on. Look for the true root of the problem and put up your boundaries.

I agree. This reminds me of the stuff that used to annoy me about my au pair. Looking back, I was annoyed because she was on her phone all of the time and didn't engage with my kids. If I had liked her, and if you liked the boyfriend, this wouldn't annoy you.

[Anonymous]

Get.Over. It. If you are hosting someone for dinner… Get over it. If you are that tight or that cheap… Then make dinner at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BIL (6’7” and 200) would easily eat two fast food meals when he was that age. My husband (6’5” 185) always orders the most expensive entree on the menu regardless of where we go/what food is available. My ILs always joked about their predilections but never corrected this behavior. I had to correct my husband after he did this repeatedly with my friends and family. It was mortifying. And it took years to cure this impulse because his parents never did a damn thing but laugh about it. I think they failed in imparting social skills to their boys.

+1. He's rude. MIL did the same thing to SO & his sibling and it is trainable at this age. It really does create a lasting bad impression, though.

There was a comment on the first page telling them what they could choose-just an entree or something-and that is fair. It is a combination of the rudeness as well as the frequency that is annoying to OP, I'd guess. Look, I'm happy to treat but if it is a constant thing on top of ordering above and beyond then I'd be massively annoyed no matter what $ I was making because I would feel taken advantage of. If they don't have food at home then I'll make a giant thing of spaghetti or tostadas with lots of protein for them and even give them leftovers.

As far as an appetizer goes, is he not even sharing at all? Is it one of the huge apps or the little $3 bowl of soup? It makes a huge difference if he's eating something meant for six people. If DD asked, hey, would you mind if we got a dessert to split, sure. The bf is coming off as a mannerless glutton, though, and DD needs to communicate family standards/norms to him.