I’m SO flipping sick of my teenagers
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Anonymous
| Do the people attacking the OP have this much trouble with hyperbole in real life? |
Anonymous
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https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/10/how-teens-handled-quarantine/616695/
FAMILY Teens Did Surprisingly Well in Quarantine More sleep and family time—and less social media—may have made the difference. JEAN M. TWENGE As the coronavirus pandemic took hold in the United States in March, work and school moved online, restaurants closed, and unemployment soared. The effects on mental health were immediate: U.S. adults in spring 2020 were three times more likely to experience mental distress, anxiety, or depression than adults in 2018 or 2019. According to data collected by the Census Bureau, anxiety and depression rose even further among American adults in June and July, after the killing of George Floyd sparked nationwide protests. How American teenagers fared during this time is more of a mystery. With teens no longer going to school and few able to see friends, many people worried about how teens would adapt. However, teens’ experiences of these events might differ from adults’, just as responses to the Great Depression varied by age. To better understand the experiences of teenagers during this unique time, my colleagues and I fielded a survey of 1,523 U.S. teens from May to July this year, asking about their mental health, family time, sleep, technology use, and views on the race-related protests and the police. We assessed mental well-being using four measures: life satisfaction, happiness, symptoms of depression, and loneliness. We then compared the 2020 teens’ responses with responses to identical questions from a similar survey in 2018. Surprisingly, teens’ mental health did not collectively suffer during the pandemic when the two surveys are compared. The percentage of teens who were depressed or lonely was actually lower in 2020 than in 2018, and the percentage who were unhappy or dissatisfied with life was only slightly higher. This relatively positive picture for mental health occurred despite many of the challenges faced by the teens in our survey. Nearly one out of three teens (29 percent) knew someone diagnosed with COVID-19. More than one out of four (27 percent) said a parent had lost a job, and exactly one out of four was worried about their families having enough food to eat. Nearly two-thirds (63 percent) were worried about catching the virus, and two-thirds worried about not being able to see their friends. So why was teen mental health stable, or even better, during the pandemic? First, teens have been sleeping more during the pandemic, and teens who are sleep deprived are significantly more likely to suffer from depression. In 2018, only 55 percent of teens said they usually slept seven or more hours a night. During the pandemic, this jumped to 84 percent among those for whom school was still in session. With teens going to school online during the pandemic, they were likely able to sleep later in the morning than usual. When school is held in person, the large majority of middle and high schools begin classes before 8:30 a.m., and some as early as 7, requiring many students to get up very early to commute to school. This creates a mismatch between school schedules and the shift to a later circadian rhythm that occurs during biological puberty, when teens find it difficult to fall asleep earlier. Teens who were able to sleep later during the early months of the pandemic might have improved their mental health. With many parents working from home and most outside activities canceled for both parents and teens, the majority of teens reported increased family time. With positive family relationships linked to better mental health, more family time might have mitigated any negative mental-health effects of the pandemic. Fifty-six percent of teens said they were spending more time talking with their parents than they had before the pandemic, and 54 percent said their families now ate dinner together more often. Forty-six percent reported spending more time with their siblings. Perhaps most striking, 68 percent of teens said their families had become closer during the pandemic. Family closeness was associated with mental health: Only 15 percent who said their families had become closer during the pandemic were depressed, compared with 27 percent of those who did not believe their families had become closer. Although the teen mental-health outcomes during quarantine were not as bleak as we might have supposed, the financial distress caused by the pandemic still had an impact. Twenty-five percent of the teens who reported that a parent had lost a job during the pandemic were depressed, compared with only 16 percent of those without parental job loss. Similarly, 26 percent of those worried about their families not having enough money were depressed, versus 13 percent who did not have this concern. Food insecurity was associated with the largest difference: Among teens who worried that their families would not have enough to eat, 33 percent were depressed, versus 14 percent of teens who were not worried about having enough food. Some of our most interesting findings had to do with teens’ use of technology. When the pandemic hit and quarantine began, teens were unable to spend time with friends or fellow students face-to-face. Electronic communication became the primary way teens could interact with people outside of their families. Given that screen time, especially time spent using social media, has been associated with mental-health issues in teens, we wanted to understand how technology affected their mental health in quarantine. To our surprise, teens’ technology use did not appear to increase dramatically during the pandemic when compared with 2018. Teens in quarantine were spending more time videochatting with friends and watching TV, videos, and movies on an electronic device. But they spent less time gaming, texting, and using social media. We were surprised that social media, which is more connective, decreased, while passively watching television and videos increased during that same time. Teens might have primarily been using media as a form of distraction or to pass the long hours in quarantine, rather than predominantly seeking out more virtual connection with others. These trends are consistent with our findings regarding mental health, given that social-media use is more strongly associated with mental-health issues than are more passive types of media such as watching television or videos. Of course, the line between connective and passive media is blurrier now than it once was. For example, YouTube, which is primarily a video-sharing site, is now social media, where users create and post videos, receive “response” videos in return, and comment on videos in an interactive way. In fact, a rising number of social-media apps integrate video into their connectivity. Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook, for instance, were all originally photo- and message-sharing apps that now have video posting and sharing as main components. These sites/apps are often passively entertaining and connective. So teens might have been specifically using TV and videos as a twofold way to cope with pandemic-related anxiety. Another possible reason for the rise in video watching and videochatting online, and the decrease in texting, is that students on school campuses usually can’t stream videos or videochat during the day, as this would be disruptive of the school environment. But they often will text throughout the school day, as this form of connection is quick and silent. Teens also use the messaging features within video-rich apps in lieu of old-fashioned texting. However, none of these interpretations minimizes the happy fact that teens were also sleeping more and spending more time with siblings and parents (including playing family games, going outside more with family, and eating family dinners), which might have displaced some of the time they would have spent using media. And although social-media use decreased on the whole, teens might have been using it more purposefully during quarantine. Previous research has found that using social media in more active, connective ways can be protective for mental health. About half the teens in our survey said they avoided using social media in passive ways such as scrolling through posts endlessly. And most striking, almost 80 percent of teens agreed that social media allowed them to connect with their friends during quarantine, and nearly 60 percent said they used social media to manage their anxiety about the pandemic. Overall, teens during the pandemic appear to have managed the challenges of 2020 with resilience, taking comfort in their families and the slower pace of life. Indeed, 53 percent of teens said that the experience made them feel stronger and more resilient. Although teens were worried about health, economic stressors, and the protests, these challenges were seemingly offset by changes in their lifestyle, especially increases in sleep and family time. And yet, depression, loneliness, and unhappiness are still at unacceptably high levels among American teens. Although the pandemic did not appear to worsen these trends, many teens are still in need of mental-health services, and the pandemic has not changed that reality. |
Anonymous
+2, as parents if something is not working in our home, we figure it out and make changes to make it work for everyone. |
Anonymous
| I can't believe what a bunch of assholes are on this thread. This is hard. No one that I know personally it out crowing about how they're all living their best life. We're all struggling being home with our teens right now. It's so hard. My kid is disappointed and missing his friends. I'm disappointed for him. He's going through lots of developmental upheaval that's stressful even in the best of times. We snipe at each other a lot when we're having a bad day. It's okay to not love every minute living through a pandemic with a hormonal teen right now. |
Anonymous
I think your attitude toward PP gives a hint about why your family is struggling to manage so much time together. |
Anonymous
That has nothing to do with the PPs who can't stand to be in the same house as their teens. This developmental stage does not mean everyone hates each other and spends no time together. It also does not mean that teens can't also understand that times are different during pandemic and adjust in a normal, healthy, and civil manner. |
Anonymous
The "a$$holes" are the PPs who believe that anyone who is not absolutely suffering torture with their teens right now must be "boring" losers who "live in their basements." |
Anonymous
It has everything to do with it. Having to spend 7 months in abnormally close contact with the very people your brain is wired to begin distancing from is liable to cause some blow ups. Period. Doesn’t necessarily mean the kids are ungrateful brats, nor that the parents are doing a terrible job. And certainly doesn’t mean that anyone hates each other. It’s just humans being humans. If you’re not having these experiences with your teens, that’s great. I’m about as thrilled for you as I was for parents whose newborns slept through the night, or whose 5 year olds loved vegetables. Kids are different, but not necessarily because of anything you did, so spare us the smugness. And again, hyperbole. I’ve gone back and read the OP a few times trying to figure out what the big deal is and I think some of you are taking her way too literally. |
Anonymous
Oh please. "Pandemic life" and PPs are just ridiculous. I work FT, so does DH, kid does travel sport, has friends, and we travel the world quite a bit (until 2020). Our life is FAR from boring and mundane. But, yes, we like having the break from the rushing, having to be home more, and more time with our teenager. DC is far from pleasant all the time, but we have made it work and found lots of things for us to do together at home. Yeah, we can't really travel overseas right now but we know that is temporary. So you can take your assumptions and stuff it. I'm sorry if YOU can't find little joys at home for a few months and are so lacking in resilience that you cannot tolerate some minor inconveniences in life. It must suck to be so delicate. Whatever it is you and PP are "playing", I want no part of it. |
Anonymous
+2. Asshats, all of them. They need to toughen up rather than continue on in their misery olympics. Pathetic. |
Anonymous
Case in point that the happy and contented folks are sounding anything but I’m this thread. Relax, lady. |
Anonymous
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Thanks for starting this OP. It’s been a delightful read.
My own teen is super easy if just a bit lazy. Having one grown and out of the house, I take no credit, I just got lucky with his temperament and personality. The other one would have had difficulty no matter what magic formula for her happiness I followed, I simply can’t control how her mind works. |
Anonymous
I'm 10. Its not always sunshine and flowers. Sometimes my mom and dad are really nice to me. Sometimes they make me just want to scream. We have good days. We have bad days. Stop pretending every day is a good day. |
Anonymous
This is really the crux. This period of time is not a minor inconvenience to a fair number of people and your inability to see that is an issue on you. |
Anonymous
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My teen put it best - if people don't have real problems they make up some fake problems.
I think OP's kids just might be HANGRY. Yes, some families just cook lousy meals and the poor children who were used to better food at the school cafeteria and take outs and now stuck with adults without adulting skills and eating tasteless slop at home. |