Is having 4+ kids a status symbol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a pathetic way to think about children.

I met a beggar in India once who bragged because he had nine SONS.

Please move past thinking of everything from education to people as status symbols. It really reflects some very twisted values.

You are missing the point, that both of these examples represent twisted values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:45 year old mother of four here. We are upper middle class by any true measure but “middle class” at best by DCUM standards. Kids were born when I was 31, 33, 35, 37. Why did we have four? We had planned on three, and when the third was 15 months old, my husband (only child) decided he wanted one more. Our existing three kids were great, and we were surviving just fine, so we had a bother.

Oh, and I work for an organization that works to fight climate change.

This is almost literally me, too but our 4 was a result of lots of sex and a totally unexpected pregnancy

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The people with large families do no worry about college tuition. They teach their kids to work through college, get merit aid, and supplement with loans.

Yup I'm one of 4 and my parents didn't pay for college for any of us. We went to the cheapest option and got merit scholarships.
Me -college was free i got merit scholarships
Sibling #2: took out small loan and worked it off
Sibling#3: partial merit scholarship and worked for the rest
Shopping#4 full merit

I worked, got merit aid, took out direct loans and that didn’t even come close to COA. I graduated college in 2013. The plan you mention is not possible anymore unless you’re counting parental help (only help I got was parent loans).

My last sibling just graduated college. It can be done.

One thing was we all lived at home and did local colleges. Brooklyn College is very affordable for New Yorkers. You get a part time job and live at home and done.

Its not that easy. To get merit aid you have to b every smart. And, not all parents will let kids live at home. UMD tuition is almost $11K not including books or other expenses. That's not exactly affordable to work part-time.

Your parents are really selfish not to help pay anything.

My parents are probably the most selfless people to exist on this planet lol. And yes, we're all highly intelligent, or we wouldn't have bothered with college. We would have done plumbing or something like that - earn an honest living.

Siblings are a huge resource. One sibling borrowed money from the rest of us to start a new business which is thankfully going well. I only wish my parents had more kids!

If you live in Brooklyn. What’s a kid supposed to do, make their family move to Brooklyn? My parents told me I was not allowed to live at home during college.

There are tons of options. This was just one example.

Maybe your parents are selfish for not letting you live at home, rather than my parents being selfish for having us work for our own college educations, which hasn't set any of us back financially. We were raised to avoid loans as much as possible and be fiscally responsible.

PP here. It’s 2020, not 1990 where tuition is $3k a year. You don’t get it. I was raised to avoid loans as much as possible and be fiscally responsible. I worked for my own college education, got merit aid, had to take out loans and none of that was enough to cover COA at state school. You’ll argue till you’re blue in the face but I’m right ✌️

I do get it. My parents paid for mine. My husband and to do military at 18. His life was much harder as he couldn't get his degree till his 30's. It is not easy to just work/pay for it or get aid. And, any responsible parent doesn't want their kids taking out loans. We started saving for ours when they were born and have a prepaid and a 529. You are selfish if you have 4 kids and don't pay for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on here don’t get that having 7 siblings means a lot of cousins for your kid to hang with at family gatherings, ideally. -Parent of 4 with no cousins on my mom’s side

So you’re just popping out kids to create future playmates? This is why I assume families with 4+ children are either religious nutters or profoundly unintelligent.

Usually the oldest raises the younger ones.

[Anonymous]

I'm the daily who we went to college on our own dime and lived at home. My last sibling graduated last year. Not from a prestigious institution but they went to nursing school and just graduated and are now finding a job. Maybe 30k debt. I'm not sure why that's so terrible? She's productive and happy and recently got married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the daily who we went to college on our own dime and lived at home. My last sibling graduated last year. Not from a prestigious institution but they went to nursing school and just graduated and are now finding a job. Maybe 30k debt. I'm not sure why that's so terrible? She's productive and happy and recently got married?

On DCUM anyone with debt must have selfish, irresponsible parents and must be shunned.—not my opinion!

[Anonymous]

Paying for college via your parents is a regional and cultural thing, not a moral thing. Same with calling a friend’s mom “Mrs_______.” I did not know anyone (growing up recently) who’s parents outright payed for college for them. I had never heard of a 529 until recently. Saving for college was simply not a thing in my community. So stop with calling everyone “selfish.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on here don’t get that having 7 siblings means a lot of cousins for your kid to hang with at family gatherings, ideally. -Parent of 4 with no cousins on my mom’s side

So you’re just popping out kids to create future playmates? This is why I assume families with 4+ children are either religious nutters or profoundly unintelligent.

Usually the oldest raises the younger ones.

Not true.

We have 4. Four. Not a dozen. Everyone we know with 4 kids had them fairly close in age, so there’s no way for the oldest to raise the younger ones.

And, like others have already said, the 4th one is often a surprise due to unprotected sex—not religion.

The happiest most sexually active couples I know have 4 kids...and advanced degrees with well paying jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on here don’t get that having 7 siblings means a lot of cousins for your kid to hang with at family gatherings, ideally. -Parent of 4 with no cousins on my mom’s side

So you’re just popping out kids to create future playmates? This is why I assume families with 4+ children are either religious nutters or profoundly unintelligent.

Usually the oldest raises the younger ones.

Not true.

We have 4. Four. Not a dozen. Everyone we know with 4 kids had them fairly close in age, so there’s no way for the oldest to raise the younger ones.

And, like others have already said, the 4th one is often a surprise due to unprotected sex—not religion.

The happiest most sexually active couples I know have 4 kids...and advanced degrees with well paying jobs.

I don’t think 4 is a lot, it seems totally normal. I think 5 plus is a lot.

But I’m the Lapsed Mormon-Catholic family person so maybe my views are off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on here don’t get that having 7 siblings means a lot of cousins for your kid to hang with at family gatherings, ideally. -Parent of 4 with no cousins on my mom’s side

So you’re just popping out kids to create future playmates? This is why I assume families with 4+ children are either religious nutters or profoundly unintelligent.

Usually the oldest raises the younger ones.

Not true.

We have 4. Four. Not a dozen. Everyone we know with 4 kids had them fairly close in age, so there’s no way for the oldest to raise the younger ones.

And, like others have already said, the 4th one is often a surprise due to unprotected sex—not religion.

The happiest most sexually active couples I know have 4 kids...and advanced degrees with well paying jobs.

All the 4s I know had them close together and in their mid 30s. All of them have working moms too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paying for college via your parents is a regional and cultural thing, not a moral thing. Same with calling a friend’s mom “Mrs_______.” I did not know anyone (growing up recently) who’s parents outright payed for college for them. I had never heard of a 529 until recently. Saving for college was simply not a thing in my community. So stop with calling everyone “selfish.”

Yeah, I'm not saving for my kids college. My parents didnt save for ours. It hasn't held any of my siblings back significantly.

If anything, it forced us to make wiser and more thrifty decisions. Maybe it kept us from unpaid internship opportunities, but we all got where we wanted in life regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on here don’t get that having 7 siblings means a lot of cousins for your kid to hang with at family gatherings, ideally. -Parent of 4 with no cousins on my mom’s side

So you’re just popping out kids to create future playmates? This is why I assume families with 4+ children are either religious nutters or profoundly unintelligent.

Usually the oldest raises the younger ones.

Yep. Second oldest of 9 kids and my father’s remark that “when you got kids, all you got is kids” resonated. Only one sibling has a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed in my UMC area that having 4+ kids is the new status symbol, it’s mostly the wealthier families that do it and do t have to give a second though to providing college or paying for several kids at once in pricey camps or private school!

I think so.

Plus, narcissism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed in my UMC area that having 4+ kids is the new status symbol, it’s mostly the wealthier families that do it and do t have to give a second though to providing college or paying for several kids at once in pricey camps or private school!

I think so.

Plus, narcissism.

+1. They think they are such wonderful parents or the children they raise are just so fantastic there should be more of them. Also these families seem really into dressing the the kids like dolls and having lots of professional photos taken. Big social media presence, etc. It’s all just “look at us!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed in my UMC area that having 4+ kids is the new status symbol, it’s mostly the wealthier families that do it and do t have to give a second though to providing college or paying for several kids at once in pricey camps or private school!

I think so.

Plus, narcissism.

+1. They think they are such wonderful parents or the children they raise are just so fantastic there should be more of them. Also these families seem really into dressing the the kids like dolls and having lots of professional photos taken. Big social media presence, etc. It’s all just “look at us!”

How dare they have family photos and be proud of them! For shame.
I can’t even with this thread.