Going to DIL's for first time for Christmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is our first year hosting DH's entire family for Christmas. I was game to cook but DH's family pushed the catering idea. That's fine too. So, I found some good catering options. MIL always does so much. I wanted her to not have to do as much this holiday. So, I'm going back and forth with MIL about the menu and plans. She's insisting on bringing x, y, and z even though it's kinda unnecessary. I finally realized that she wants to bring a lot and she wants to do so much. DH told me to give her assignments as it will make her happier. As a result, I'm scaling back my catering order so she can bring the dishes she wants to bring. And I'm putting her in charge of breakfast casseroles the following morning. She does seem happier about it now.

It sounds like OP needs the same thing.

Except it sounds like OP’s DIL and OP’s son WANT TO HOST, dum-dum!

But in DCUM land I am beginning to think that that only person worthy of any sort of happiness is the MIL. Make sure she does every thing she wants, how she wants to do it otherwise she might be upset and we don't want that. First year hosting and she is being treated like a silly little girl that wouldn't possibly know how to do anything so she better cater, well just a little, MIL will come in and rescue the day with her dishes, as long as DIL isn't doing any. What's so funny about this is that this DIL has been relegated to wine and muffins in her own house.

Does this MIL ever cater? I bet she doesn't because she wants to do a lot, no she won't get catering because she thinks her cooking is so good but you have to which tells you a lot about what she thinks of you and your abilities.

I'm the DIL who is hosting for the first time. I think the PP above likes to get angry and feel self-righteous. I get it. It can be momentarily fulfilling to feel that way.

MIL genuinely wants to make things easy for me. My SILs cater too when they host so it's not just us. Learning not to worry about such minutiae can be freeing.

You don't get it. If you wanted to cook and you are told to do otherwise that isn't being free. It's being a child. So what if your SIL's cater. If they want to do that great, however you said you were game to cook, you aren't because you have a MIL who told you to do otherwise. I see no support in that and I wouldn't find that freeing. I also had a MIL tell me what and how to do things and it certainly wasn't freeing.

It was freeing when I stopped and did what I wanted to do in my own house. If you find me making that point angry and self-righteous I don't know what to tell you. It was years of MIL telling me how to cook, how to host, how to decorate in my own house and it wasn't to make things easy for me, it was to have control. I guess if you fall into line and do as your MIL's family do things all will be well with you, just don't have a brain and think for yourself because then you'll run into problems.

[Anonymous]

Won’t your son be there?

Your son and DIL are hosting. Not just her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is our first year hosting DH's entire family for Christmas. I was game to cook but DH's family pushed the catering idea. That's fine too. So, I found some good catering options. MIL always does so much. I wanted her to not have to do as much this holiday. So, I'm going back and forth with MIL about the menu and plans. She's insisting on bringing x, y, and z even though it's kinda unnecessary. I finally realized that she wants to bring a lot and she wants to do so much. DH told me to give her assignments as it will make her happier. As a result, I'm scaling back my catering order so she can bring the dishes she wants to bring. And I'm putting her in charge of breakfast casseroles the following morning. She does seem happier about it now.

It sounds like OP needs the same thing.

Except it sounds like OP’s DIL and OP’s son WANT TO HOST, dum-dum!

But in DCUM land I am beginning to think that that only person worthy of any sort of happiness is the MIL. Make sure she does every thing she wants, how she wants to do it otherwise she might be upset and we don't want that. First year hosting and she is being treated like a silly little girl that wouldn't possibly know how to do anything so she better cater, well just a little, MIL will come in and rescue the day with her dishes, as long as DIL isn't doing any. What's so funny about this is that this DIL has been relegated to wine and muffins in her own house.

Does this MIL ever cater? I bet she doesn't because she wants to do a lot, no she won't get catering because she thinks her cooking is so good but you have to which tells you a lot about what she thinks of you and your abilities.

I'm the DIL who is hosting for the first time. I think the PP above likes to get angry and feel self-righteous. I get it. It can be momentarily fulfilling to feel that way.

MIL genuinely wants to make things easy for me. My SILs cater too when they host so it's not just us. Learning not to worry about such minutiae can be freeing.

You don't get it. If you wanted to cook and you are told to do otherwise that isn't being free. It's being a child. So what if your SIL's cater. If they want to do that great, however you said you were game to cook, you aren't because you have a MIL who told you to do otherwise. I see no support in that and I wouldn't find that freeing. I also had a MIL tell me what and how to do things and it certainly wasn't freeing.

It was freeing when I stopped and did what I wanted to do in my own house. If you find me making that point angry and self-righteous I don't know what to tell you. It was years of MIL telling me how to cook, how to host, how to decorate in my own house and it wasn't to make things easy for me, it was to have control. I guess if you fall into line and do as your MIL's family do things all will be well with you, just don't have a brain and think for yourself because then you'll run into problems.

Holy cow, lady. You still have some unresolved anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is our first year hosting DH's entire family for Christmas. I was game to cook but DH's family pushed the catering idea. That's fine too. So, I found some good catering options. MIL always does so much. I wanted her to not have to do as much this holiday. So, I'm going back and forth with MIL about the menu and plans. She's insisting on bringing x, y, and z even though it's kinda unnecessary. I finally realized that she wants to bring a lot and she wants to do so much. DH told me to give her assignments as it will make her happier. As a result, I'm scaling back my catering order so she can bring the dishes she wants to bring. And I'm putting her in charge of breakfast casseroles the following morning. She does seem happier about it now.

It sounds like OP needs the same thing.

Except it sounds like OP’s DIL and OP’s son WANT TO HOST, dum-dum!

But in DCUM land I am beginning to think that that only person worthy of any sort of happiness is the MIL. Make sure she does every thing she wants, how she wants to do it otherwise she might be upset and we don't want that. First year hosting and she is being treated like a silly little girl that wouldn't possibly know how to do anything so she better cater, well just a little, MIL will come in and rescue the day with her dishes, as long as DIL isn't doing any. What's so funny about this is that this DIL has been relegated to wine and muffins in her own house.

Does this MIL ever cater? I bet she doesn't because she wants to do a lot, no she won't get catering because she thinks her cooking is so good but you have to which tells you a lot about what she thinks of you and your abilities.

I'm the DIL who is hosting for the first time. I think the PP above likes to get angry and feel self-righteous. I get it. It can be momentarily fulfilling to feel that way.

MIL genuinely wants to make things easy for me. My SILs cater too when they host so it's not just us. Learning not to worry about such minutiae can be freeing.

You don't get it. If you wanted to cook and you are told to do otherwise that isn't being free. It's being a child. So what if your SIL's cater. If they want to do that great, however you said you were game to cook, you aren't because you have a MIL who told you to do otherwise. I see no support in that and I wouldn't find that freeing. I also had a MIL tell me what and how to do things and it certainly wasn't freeing.

It was freeing when I stopped and did what I wanted to do in my own house. If you find me making that point angry and self-righteous I don't know what to tell you. It was years of MIL telling me how to cook, how to host, how to decorate in my own house and it wasn't to make things easy for me, it was to have control. I guess if you fall into line and do as your MIL's family do things all will be well with you, just don't have a brain and think for yourself because then you'll run into problems.

Holy cow, lady. You still have some unresolved anger.

So MIL can cook and will bring XYZ but no one else can. Ok then lol ?.