Looking for recs on mainstream privates that are inclusive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, many of these schools on your list of mainstreams do not want to be known as having kids with asd in attendance. There are parents that send their kids to private to avoid kids with special needs. It’s the truth. They certainly don’t want their names on this list.

How bad is handwriting? If it’s a serious issue, k even at mainstreams is all writing. Huge amounts of it. That’s going to be tough for your kid. If I were you, I’d be trying to set my kid up for success, not just to be able to say oh he’s so mild he’s in a mainstream private! Very bright! Thanks so much for your concern but he’s going to be subclinical in the near future! Which is grating, obviously.

Also “behaviors” isn’t some strange thing. It means, does your kid not participate unless he is helped? That’s a behavior.

OP, ignore this. We've visited some of the mainstream schools and the administration and teachers are open that they welcome kids with special needs if it is the right fit. I know parents who have kids at McLean and you do not send your kids there if everything is okay. So most of those kids have something going on. They may not have a formal diagnosis but they are usually there because the local public or a more competitive public was not a good place for their child.

You sound very resentful PP. Just because her child is bright and has mild needs doesn't mean you get to belittle her or spread your doomsday scenario. Some kids end up doing okay and they do lose the diagnosis. I have nothing but great hopes for OP's child and you should too even if your own child is not doing as well.

[Anonymous]

09:40 again. I do agree with you that the more support at this age the better so if I could afford it and do it all over again I would do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, many of these schools on your list of mainstreams do not want to be known as having kids with asd in attendance. There are parents that send their kids to private to avoid kids with special needs. It’s the truth. They certainly don’t want their names on this list.

How bad is handwriting? If it’s a serious issue, k even at mainstreams is all writing. Huge amounts of it. That’s going to be tough for your kid. If I were you, I’d be trying to set my kid up for success, not just to be able to say oh he’s so mild he’s in a mainstream private! Very bright! Thanks so much for your concern but he’s going to be subclinical in the near future! Which is grating, obviously.

Also “behaviors” isn’t some strange thing. It means, does your kid not participate unless he is helped? That’s a behavior.

OP, ignore this. We've visited some of the mainstream schools and the administration and teachers are open that they welcome kids with special needs if it is the right fit. I know parents who have kids at McLean and you do not send your kids there if everything is okay. So most of those kids have something going on. They may not have a formal diagnosis but they are usually there because the local public or a more competitive public was not a good place for their child.

You sound very resentful PP. Just because her child is bright and has mild needs doesn't mean you get to belittle her or spread your doomsday scenario. Some kids end up doing okay and they do lose the diagnosis. I have nothing but great hopes for OP's child and you should too even if your own child is not doing as well.

I’m not resentful at all actually. One of the nice things I’ve found about having a kid with special needs (who is also fine academically, actually) is that I don’t engage in petty “so bright” stuff for any of my kids. My child is also bright, most kids are, it’s the average, so who cares. Success in life and happiness turns on and requires so many other things, like the ability to socialize etc. I also don’t have a doomsday scenario. My kid is thriving at private sn and reading above grade level and has a ton of friends. So none of your criticism actually sticks. I find OP condescending and irritating.

Also McLean is a special needs school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, many of these schools on your list of mainstreams do not want to be known as having kids with asd in attendance. There are parents that send their kids to private to avoid kids with special needs. It’s the truth. They certainly don’t want their names on this list.

How bad is handwriting? If it’s a serious issue, k even at mainstreams is all writing. Huge amounts of it. That’s going to be tough for your kid. If I were you, I’d be trying to set my kid up for success, not just to be able to say oh he’s so mild he’s in a mainstream private! Very bright! Thanks so much for your concern but he’s going to be subclinical in the near future! Which is grating, obviously.

Also “behaviors” isn’t some strange thing. It means, does your kid not participate unless he is helped? That’s a behavior.

OP, ignore this. We've visited some of the mainstream schools and the administration and teachers are open that they welcome kids with special needs if it is the right fit. I know parents who have kids at McLean and you do not send your kids there if everything is okay. So most of those kids have something going on. They may not have a formal diagnosis but they are usually there because the local public or a more competitive public was not a good place for their child.

You sound very resentful PP. Just because her child is bright and has mild needs doesn't mean you get to belittle her or spread your doomsday scenario. Some kids end up doing okay and they do lose the diagnosis. I have nothing but great hopes for OP's child and you should too even if your own child is not doing as well.

I’m not resentful at all actually. One of the nice things I’ve found about having a kid with special needs (who is also fine academically, actually) is that I don’t engage in petty “so bright” stuff for any of my kids. My child is also bright, most kids are, it’s the average, so who cares. Success in life and happiness turns on and requires so many other things, like the ability to socialize etc. I also don’t have a doomsday scenario. My kid is thriving at private sn and reading above grade level and has a ton of friends. So none of your criticism actually sticks. I find OP condescending and irritating.

Also McLean is a special needs school.

Perhaps you should stop reading the thread then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, many of these schools on your list of mainstreams do not want to be known as having kids with asd in attendance. There are parents that send their kids to private to avoid kids with special needs. It’s the truth. They certainly don’t want their names on this list.

How bad is handwriting? If it’s a serious issue, k even at mainstreams is all writing. Huge amounts of it. That’s going to be tough for your kid. If I were you, I’d be trying to set my kid up for success, not just to be able to say oh he’s so mild he’s in a mainstream private! Very bright! Thanks so much for your concern but he’s going to be subclinical in the near future! Which is grating, obviously.

Also “behaviors” isn’t some strange thing. It means, does your kid not participate unless he is helped? That’s a behavior.

Not my reason. Also the description of my child is just a description. That’s all. Not sure why your bothered, but ok, I’ll accept that. Not my intention to offend; apologies.

If you’re only motivation is small class size, I would explore the public school. They have smaller classes often for kids with IEPs and they pull out for handwriting. They will also assign him a lunch buddy etc. That’s not happening in mainstream private.

And of course you would get an IEP. Autism is a serious diagnois no matter what qualifications you place on it. Especially at this age.

I don't know of any public schools that have smaller classes for kids without cognitive or serious behavior challenges. Most kids with IEPs are in the regular classroom, with varying levels of support. What jurisdiction are you in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, many of these schools on your list of mainstreams do not want to be known as having kids with asd in attendance. There are parents that send their kids to private to avoid kids with special needs. It’s the truth. They certainly don’t want their names on this list.

How bad is handwriting? If it’s a serious issue, k even at mainstreams is all writing. Huge amounts of it. That’s going to be tough for your kid. If I were you, I’d be trying to set my kid up for success, not just to be able to say oh he’s so mild he’s in a mainstream private! Very bright! Thanks so much for your concern but he’s going to be subclinical in the near future! Which is grating, obviously.

Also “behaviors” isn’t some strange thing. It means, does your kid not participate unless he is helped? That’s a behavior.

And, actually, you misunderstood (or misrepresent?) what I said. I'm merely referencing family medical history as a factor I'm weighing in this decision. It's relevant, but not dispositive. Aspergers runs in our family; I'm borderline myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, many of these schools on your list of mainstreams do not want to be known as having kids with asd in attendance. There are parents that send their kids to private to avoid kids with special needs. It’s the truth. They certainly don’t want their names on this list.

How bad is handwriting? If it’s a serious issue, k even at mainstreams is all writing. Huge amounts of it. That’s going to be tough for your kid. If I were you, I’d be trying to set my kid up for success, not just to be able to say oh he’s so mild he’s in a mainstream private! Very bright! Thanks so much for your concern but he’s going to be subclinical in the near future! Which is grating, obviously.

Also “behaviors” isn’t some strange thing. It means, does your kid not participate unless he is helped? That’s a behavior.

Not my reason. Also the description of my child is just a description. That’s all. Not sure why your bothered, but ok, I’ll accept that. Not my intention to offend; apologies.

Arlington

If you’re only motivation is small class size, I would explore the public school. They have smaller classes often for kids with IEPs and they pull out for handwriting. They will also assign him a lunch buddy etc. That’s not happening in mainstream private.

And of course you would get an IEP. Autism is a serious diagnois no matter what qualifications you place on it. Especially at this age.

I don't know of any public schools that have smaller classes for kids without cognitive or serious behavior challenges. Most kids with IEPs are in the regular classroom, with varying levels of support. What jurisdiction are you in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, many of these schools on your list of mainstreams do not want to be known as having kids with asd in attendance. There are parents that send their kids to private to avoid kids with special needs. It’s the truth. They certainly don’t want their names on this list.

How bad is handwriting? If it’s a serious issue, k even at mainstreams is all writing. Huge amounts of it. That’s going to be tough for your kid. If I were you, I’d be trying to set my kid up for success, not just to be able to say oh he’s so mild he’s in a mainstream private! Very bright! Thanks so much for your concern but he’s going to be subclinical in the near future! Which is grating, obviously.

Also “behaviors” isn’t some strange thing. It means, does your kid not participate unless he is helped? That’s a behavior.

Not my reason. Also the description of my child is just a description. That’s all. Not sure why your bothered, but ok, I’ll accept that. Not my intention to offend; apologies.

Arlington

If you’re only motivation is small class size, I would explore the public school. They have smaller classes often for kids with IEPs and they pull out for handwriting. They will also assign him a lunch buddy etc. That’s not happening in mainstream private.

And of course you would get an IEP. Autism is a serious diagnois no matter what qualifications you place on it. Especially at this age.

I don't know of any public schools that have smaller classes for kids without cognitive or serious behavior challenges. Most kids with IEPs are in the regular classroom, with varying levels of support. What jurisdiction are you in?

Alexandria

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand OP. On the one hand her child is so high functioning that they don't even need an IEP and could be mainstreamed as long as class size is small; on the other hand, OP is considering a SN school (typically only considered when the child needs significant supports). Something does not add up.

I'm a former Maddux family and that makes total sense to me. The issues that schools look at to determine eligibility may be different from the social emotional support that Maddux and Auburn excel in.

But OP hasn't even attempted to get an IEP. And the issues that make a child need Maddux and Auburn should absolutely qualify a child for an IEP. Nobody sends their child to Maddux or Auburn if they don't need significant supports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

Excellent advice. My DS (still no diagnosis yet, IEP is under developmental delay) could probably have coped without his IEP or in a private had we gotten in at 3-4 when his social differences were less apparent. But, he's doing SO much better with the IEP supports that helped him transition to the demands of kindergarten and learn the basic skills he's now building on. Plus, I honestly believe the public schools are more demanding and rigorous than most privates in early elementary, and that this is really good for kids with learning differences if they are properly supported, because they get a lot of practice that they need and focus on the basics. Whereas at a tony private, I can imagine that the attitude is more "oh, no need to push reading and writing; our bright children will pick it up out of the air because their parents are smart and read to them a lot."

That's awesome, PP.

We're in the other camp though, preferring privates -- SN or mainstream - that have a heavy SEL component, at least early on, rather than rigorous academics. My sense is the publics are beginning to focus on SEL, but it's still a bit spotty and always subject to getting less attention since it's not a "topic" on the standardized tests. Others agree?

Not really. I think privates may be a nicer environment but our public did SEL as a curriculum at least as well. Privates are picking kids for their good social skills so these programs are pretty loose, in my experience (not bad, just not all that helpful if your child doesn’t pick this stuff up implicitly). Whereas public (which I have mixed feeling about for other reasons) has an incentive to teach social and regulation skills explicitly, because a lot of their kids need them.

The idea that a mainstream school's "focus on SEL" is going to be the kind of social skills support that a kid with ASD needs is just wrong. Mainstream "SEL" is just stuff like "count to 10 when you feel mad!" Smaller class sizes are likely a much more legitimate reason to look at a mainstream private that might be inclusive. Also the point about my comment about our public being rigorous is not so much that I think K needs to be academic, but that by focusing on teaching basic skills such as writing with a lot of intensity is great for kids who need more support in that area. If a school assumes they don't need to teach writing and reading with focus (because the kids are privileged and are just going to "pick it up") then that might result in a 4th grader who can't write.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's not true! DC's good friend with a diagnosis was not able to get an IEP or 504 from the public school system. Nothing at all except informal accommodations after the parents complained.

I can believe there are kids with ASD "diagnoses" that can't qualify. But a 4 year old with a true ASD diagnosis should absolutely qualify for an IEP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, many of these schools on your list of mainstreams do not want to be known as having kids with asd in attendance. There are parents that send their kids to private to avoid kids with special needs. It’s the truth. They certainly don’t want their names on this list.

How bad is handwriting? If it’s a serious issue, k even at mainstreams is all writing. Huge amounts of it. That’s going to be tough for your kid. If I were you, I’d be trying to set my kid up for success, not just to be able to say oh he’s so mild he’s in a mainstream private! Very bright! Thanks so much for your concern but he’s going to be subclinical in the near future! Which is grating, obviously.

Also “behaviors” isn’t some strange thing. It means, does your kid not participate unless he is helped? That’s a behavior.

Not my reason. Also the description of my child is just a description. That’s all. Not sure why your bothered, but ok, I’ll accept that. Not my intention to offend; apologies.

Arlington

If you’re only motivation is small class size, I would explore the public school. They have smaller classes often for kids with IEPs and they pull out for handwriting. They will also assign him a lunch buddy etc. That’s not happening in mainstream private.

And of course you would get an IEP. Autism is a serious diagnois no matter what qualifications you place on it. Especially at this age.

I don't know of any public schools that have smaller classes for kids without cognitive or serious behavior challenges. Most kids with IEPs are in the regular classroom, with varying levels of support. What jurisdiction are you in?

Alexandria

Arlington

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not true! DC's good friend with a diagnosis was not able to get an IEP or 504 from the public school system. Nothing at all except informal accommodations after the parents complained.

It was explained to me that a diagnosis creates a presumption in the child’s favor, but it is not a guarantee.

Is this OP? Under IDEA, you have to show 1) a disability (the diagnosis) and that 2) the disability means that special education is needed to access the curriculum. If you think your child needs a Maddux or Auburn, then #2 ought to be a foregone conclusion. I'm not saying you have to go public, but you're failing to really investigate one really important schooling option for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, many of these schools on your list of mainstreams do not want to be known as having kids with asd in attendance. There are parents that send their kids to private to avoid kids with special needs. It’s the truth. They certainly don’t want their names on this list.

How bad is handwriting? If it’s a serious issue, k even at mainstreams is all writing. Huge amounts of it. That’s going to be tough for your kid. If I were you, I’d be trying to set my kid up for success, not just to be able to say oh he’s so mild he’s in a mainstream private! Very bright! Thanks so much for your concern but he’s going to be subclinical in the near future! Which is grating, obviously.

Also “behaviors” isn’t some strange thing. It means, does your kid not participate unless he is helped? That’s a behavior.

Not my reason. Also the description of my child is just a description. That’s all. Not sure why your bothered, but ok, I’ll accept that. Not my intention to offend; apologies.

Arlington

If you’re only motivation is small class size, I would explore the public school. They have smaller classes often for kids with IEPs and they pull out for handwriting. They will also assign him a lunch buddy etc. That’s not happening in mainstream private.

And of course you would get an IEP. Autism is a serious diagnois no matter what qualifications you place on it. Especially at this age.

I don't know of any public schools that have smaller classes for kids without cognitive or serious behavior challenges. Most kids with IEPs are in the regular classroom, with varying levels of support. What jurisdiction are you in?

Alexandria

Arlington

DCPS has autism inclusion classrooms (not sure about the size), autism self-contained classrooms, and some of the charters give a very high level of services out of the box.

[Anonymous]

A bit dated, but here's an interesting discussion about how parents of NT kids feel about ADS kids being in the independent schools.


http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/447939.page