Looking for recs on mainstream privates that are inclusive

[Anonymous]

So, it sounds like Arlington, Alexandria and DCPS all have options for smaller classes for kids with IEPs - any others? I would like a list of those jurisdictions.

And OP, I am not surprised that you are borderline on the spectrum, because of the social cues aspect of this thread. That is one of those subtle things it might be helpful for your child to work on.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op, many of these schools on your list of mainstreams do not want to be known as having kids with asd in attendance. There are parents that send their kids to private to avoid kids with special needs. It’s the truth. They certainly don’t want their names on this list.

How bad is handwriting? If it’s a serious issue, k even at mainstreams is all writing. Huge amounts of it. That’s going to be tough for your kid. If I were you, I’d be trying to set my kid up for success, not just to be able to say oh he’s so mild he’s in a mainstream private! Very bright! Thanks so much for your concern but he’s going to be subclinical in the near future! Which is grating, obviously.

Also “behaviors” isn’t some strange thing. It means, does your kid not participate unless he is helped? That’s a behavior.

Not my reason. Also the description of my child is just a description. That’s all. Not sure why your bothered, but ok, I’ll accept that. Not my intention to offend; apologies.

Arlington

If you’re only motivation is small class size, I would explore the public school. They have smaller classes often for kids with IEPs and they pull out for handwriting. They will also assign him a lunch buddy etc. That’s not happening in mainstream private.

And of course you would get an IEP. Autism is a serious diagnois no matter what qualifications you place on it. Especially at this age.

I don't know of any public schools that have smaller classes for kids without cognitive or serious behavior challenges. Most kids with IEPs are in the regular classroom, with varying levels of support. What jurisdiction are you in?

Alexandria

Arlington

DCPS has autism inclusion classrooms (not sure about the size), autism self-contained classrooms, and some of the charters give a very high level of services out of the box.

With the exception of SWS, DCPS's autism classrooms are for kids significantly more impaired than OP is describing her child. Many charters may provide a high level of service, but I don't know any that have consistently small (i.e. 10 kids) classroom sizes.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you're doing yourself and your child a real disservice if you don't at least start the IEP process and understand what your options are in your public school district. Why in the world wouldn't you want all available information when making this decision? A lot of your stereotypes (such as "spotty SEL" curriculum) are wrong about special needs in public schools. It's always better to get facts and to understand what is available for *your* child rather than just assuming what is or isn't there.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the push for an IEP. You need an IEP if you want public services. If you are doing them privately or child does not need them, at age 4, you do not need an IEP. You do need an IEP in public school if you want supports and services. However, if you go to a school who want to help, they will make it work regardless. Our IEP is worthless and doesn't address the one area of need. Services are group/30 minutes with a huge mix of kids and my child's educational need is not being met as the other kids have greater struggles.

OP, you are looking at really large and popular schools. I'd look at some of the smaller ones most have never heard of. I don't know VA at all so I can recommend any. I would not do the VA to MD commute as its terrible with traffic.

I'd skip Green Acres. Its a very fluffy school without a lot of structure. I cannot imagine that would be a good fit.

I don't get why the discussion is about IEP's and DCPS when OP is asking for private school suggestions in VA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're doing yourself and your child a real disservice if you don't at least start the IEP process and understand what your options are in your public school district. Why in the world wouldn't you want all available information when making this decision? A lot of your stereotypes (such as "spotty SEL" curriculum) are wrong about special needs in public schools. It's always better to get facts and to understand what is available for *your* child rather than just assuming what is or isn't there.

Why? Public has not been great for us. IEP is a joke and not even worth the paper it is written on. It really is school and child specific. If they can and want to go private, why is that such an issue for you? If they need an IEP later on they can get one.

[Anonymous]

Oakwood in Annandale may be an option. It’s a sn school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oakwood in Annandale may be an option. It’s a sn school.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

OP keep Commonwealth on your list for later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Op, many of these schools on your list of mainstreams do not want to be known as having kids with asd in attendance. There are parents that send their kids to private to avoid kids with special needs. It’s the truth. They certainly don’t want their names on this list.

How bad is handwriting? If it’s a serious issue, k even at mainstreams is all writing. Huge amounts of it. That’s going to be tough for your kid. If I were you, I’d be trying to set my kid up for success, not just to be able to say oh he’s so mild he’s in a mainstream private! Very bright! Thanks so much for your concern but he’s going to be subclinical in the near future! Which is grating, obviously.

Also “behaviors” isn’t some strange thing. It means, does your kid not participate unless he is helped? That’s a behavior.

OP, ignore this. We've visited some of the mainstream schools and the administration and teachers are open that they welcome kids with special needs if it is the right fit. I know parents who have kids at McLean and you do not send your kids there if everything is okay. So most of those kids have something going on. They may not have a formal diagnosis but they are usually there because the local public or a more competitive public was not a good place for their child.

You sound very resentful PP. Just because her child is bright and has mild needs doesn't mean you get to belittle her or spread your doomsday scenario. Some kids end up doing okay and they do lose the diagnosis. I have nothing but great hopes for OP's child and you should too even if your own child is not doing as well.

I’m not resentful at all actually. One of the nice things I’ve found about having a kid with special needs (who is also fine academically, actually) is that I don’t engage in petty “so bright” stuff for any of my kids. My child is also bright, most kids are, it’s the average, so who cares. Success in life and happiness turns on and requires so many other things, like the ability to socialize etc. I also don’t have a doomsday scenario. My kid is thriving at private sn and reading above grade level and has a ton of friends. So none of your criticism actually sticks. I find OP condescending and irritating.

Also McLean is a special needs school.

if your child is in an SN school your child has significant needs. OP's may not.

[Anonymous]

OP has not been condescending or irritating in the least. She's provided important information so that people can weigh in intelligently. In fact, the language she has used has been pretty clinical and objective which is probably why so many people jumped in to offer advice. It's much harder to give advice when you need to read between the lines or figure out if a parent is in denial or what. Notice she said things like above average IQ and things like that rather than "bright."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're doing yourself and your child a real disservice if you don't at least start the IEP process and understand what your options are in your public school district. Why in the world wouldn't you want all available information when making this decision? A lot of your stereotypes (such as "spotty SEL" curriculum) are wrong about special needs in public schools. It's always better to get facts and to understand what is available for *your* child rather than just assuming what is or isn't there.

Why? Public has not been great for us. IEP is a joke and not even worth the paper it is written on. It really is school and child specific. If they can and want to go private, why is that such an issue for you? If they need an IEP later on they can get one.

Because some parents feel their kids are well-served by IEPs and public. That may not be the case for OP, but it's not rational for her not to even consider this option. I have no issue with her going private; just confused about the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has not been condescending or irritating in the least. She's provided important information so that people can weigh in intelligently. In fact, the language she has used has been pretty clinical and objective which is probably why so many people jumped in to offer advice. It's much harder to give advice when you need to read between the lines or figure out if a parent is in denial or what. Notice she said things like above average IQ and things like that rather than "bright."

The problem is she kind of does sound like she's in denial ... how could a kid who needs the supports of a SN school not be able to get an IEP on the one hand, but also be able to be successful in a mainstream private on the other hand? There's some kind of denial or information gap here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has not been condescending or irritating in the least. She's provided important information so that people can weigh in intelligently. In fact, the language she has used has been pretty clinical and objective which is probably why so many people jumped in to offer advice. It's much harder to give advice when you need to read between the lines or figure out if a parent is in denial or what. Notice she said things like above average IQ and things like that rather than "bright."

All she did was ask for recommendations for schools preferably in VA. So, everyone, based on their child's needs and situation jump on her that she is wrong for making the choices she is without even meeting the child. You don't need to read to decide if she is in denial as reality is every person who posts here is accused of being in denial. She clearly isn't and is doing what she feels is best. Denial would be my kid is fine, sending them to public and not worrying about what they need.

Chess mom, for that matter is more in denial. She brags at every post about how great her chess kid is and puts a huge focus on chess and if she is sending him to a SN school, he clearly has needed more supports all along and does this year and prefers to spend her money on chess than private services. Clearly, the public they are at isn't working and yet, most are pushing public to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're doing yourself and your child a real disservice if you don't at least start the IEP process and understand what your options are in your public school district. Why in the world wouldn't you want all available information when making this decision? A lot of your stereotypes (such as "spotty SEL" curriculum) are wrong about special needs in public schools. It's always better to get facts and to understand what is available for *your* child rather than just assuming what is or isn't there.

Why? Public has not been great for us. IEP is a joke and not even worth the paper it is written on. It really is school and child specific. If they can and want to go private, why is that such an issue for you? If they need an IEP later on they can get one.

Because some parents feel their kids are well-served by IEPs and public. That may not be the case for OP, but it's not rational for her not to even consider this option. I have no issue with her going private; just confused about the situation.

And, other of us don't feel our kids are well served with IEP's and public. Why is that so hard to consider? Why is it hard to consider some of us have had great experiences in a regular private and just did services privately, which is what OP wants to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the push for an IEP. You need an IEP if you want public services. If you are doing them privately or child does not need them, at age 4, you do not need an IEP. You do need an IEP in public school if you want supports and services. However, if you go to a school who want to help, they will make it work regardless. Our IEP is worthless and doesn't address the one area of need. Services are group/30 minutes with a huge mix of kids and my child's educational need is not being met as the other kids have greater struggles.

OP, you are looking at really large and popular schools. I'd look at some of the smaller ones most have never heard of. I don't know VA at all so I can recommend any. I would not do the VA to MD commute as its terrible with traffic.

I'd skip Green Acres. Its a very fluffy school without a lot of structure. I cannot imagine that would be a good fit.

I don't get why the discussion is about IEP's and DCPS when OP is asking for private school suggestions in VA.

Good point re smaller schools. Thank you. I don't know enough about GA but I definitely see your point. Perhaps a NP could comment.

I'd like to have a short list of schools prepared to at least start calling if the recommendation is supportive of a mainstream approach. I'm also hoping that whatever the recommendation is, that the consultant will come forward with some additional recommendations based on past placements, etc.