Please remove shoes sign- Rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most American houses I've been to were dirty. Mind it, not trailers or even country shacks. Sophisticated professors' houses, since I was an international student et cetera. Overall, Americans seem like a very unkempt nation. Basically, unless you're very wealthy and have cleaning staff on payroll, your house is most likely dirty. Especially if you wear outside shoes in your home. You shower and use deodorant, and maybe even dress well, but your house is a shithole, and your kids are playing with their tablets on their beds while wearing sneakers.

This post says more about your character than it says about the cleanliness of other people's houses.

[Anonymous]

I have plantar fasciitis and it’s really painful for me to go barefoot. Going barefoot is not recommended at all for people with PF because you can re-injure your foot. I find it really hard to get all this across to someone, especially someone I don’t know well, so being asked is really awkward for me.

Most people who see shoes by the door and a barefoot host automatically take off shoes if they are comfortable doing so.

[Anonymous]

No sign. Tell them.
If they are coming to your home, I assume you know them
You know them well enough to tell them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have plantar fasciitis and it’s really painful for me to go barefoot. Going barefoot is not recommended at all for people with PF because you can re-injure your foot. I find it really hard to get all this across to someone, especially someone I don’t know well, so being asked is really awkward for me.

Most people who see shoes by the door and a barefoot host automatically take off shoes if they are comfortable doing so.

You could just tell people, WHEN YOU'RE INVITED (not when standing at their door at which point they'll feel more obligated), "oh, thanks for the invitation to your home! I just have a question, are you a no-shoes house? I have a medical issue where I don't remove my shoes. If you guys don't wear shoes in the house, maybe we could meet at a restaurant instead? Or you could come over to my house!"

Always phrase it as "if you wear shoes in the house" and not "if you won't allow me to wear shoes in your house" because the latter is very rude and puts them on the spot. NEITHER of you should be in a position that you're uncomfortable with - that's the point.

And then, if it's not a big deal for them, they'll tell you. If it is, they'll accept your offer to meet elsewhere. Or at a minimum, they can plan appropriately for your visit, make sure not to bother cleaning the floors before you arrive, already plan to clean the floors after you leave, maybe ask you whether indoor slippers or booties would be okay, and/or plan for everyone to be contained to the tiled areas of the house for the evening instead of walking through as they normally would and ending up sitting in the nice living room with lovely clean carpets.

I do think though that if you've been in a situation where it's been "awkward" for you in the past then you must already know that some people do live in a cleaner way and expect people to not wear street shoes in their house. In which case, at a minimum you should be already prepared with some sort of booties to put over your shoes (even non-slip ones, if that's what you prefer).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have plantar fasciitis and it’s really painful for me to go barefoot. Going barefoot is not recommended at all for people with PF because you can re-injure your foot. I find it really hard to get all this across to someone, especially someone I don’t know well, so being asked is really awkward for me.

Most people who see shoes by the door and a barefoot host automatically take off shoes if they are comfortable doing so.

You could just tell people, WHEN YOU'RE INVITED (not when standing at their door at which point they'll feel more obligated), "oh, thanks for the invitation to your home! I just have a question, are you a no-shoes house? I have a medical issue where I don't remove my shoes. If you guys don't wear shoes in the house, maybe we could meet at a restaurant instead? Or you could come over to my house!"

Always phrase it as "if you wear shoes in the house" and not "if you won't allow me to wear shoes in your house" because the latter is very rude and puts them on the spot. NEITHER of you should be in a position that you're uncomfortable with - that's the point.

And then, if it's not a big deal for them, they'll tell you. If it is, they'll accept your offer to meet elsewhere. Or at a minimum, they can plan appropriately for your visit, make sure not to bother cleaning the floors before you arrive, already plan to clean the floors after you leave, maybe ask you whether indoor slippers or booties would be okay, and/or plan for everyone to be contained to the tiled areas of the house for the evening instead of walking through as they normally would and ending up sitting in the nice living room with lovely clean carpets.

I do think though that if you've been in a situation where it's been "awkward" for you in the past then you must already know that some people do live in a cleaner way and expect people to not wear street shoes in their house. In which case, at a minimum you should be already prepared with some sort of booties to put over your shoes (even non-slip ones, if that's what you prefer).

You do love to hear yourself talk, don’t you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have plantar fasciitis and it’s really painful for me to go barefoot. Going barefoot is not recommended at all for people with PF because you can re-injure your foot. I find it really hard to get all this across to someone, especially someone I don’t know well, so being asked is really awkward for me.

Most people who see shoes by the door and a barefoot host automatically take off shoes if they are comfortable doing so.

You could just tell people, WHEN YOU'RE INVITED (not when standing at their door at which point they'll feel more obligated), "oh, thanks for the invitation to your home! I just have a question, are you a no-shoes house? I have a medical issue where I don't remove my shoes. If you guys don't wear shoes in the house, maybe we could meet at a restaurant instead? Or you could come over to my house!"

Always phrase it as "if you wear shoes in the house" and not "if you won't allow me to wear shoes in your house" because the latter is very rude and puts them on the spot. NEITHER of you should be in a position that you're uncomfortable with - that's the point.

And then, if it's not a big deal for them, they'll tell you. If it is, they'll accept your offer to meet elsewhere. Or at a minimum, they can plan appropriately for your visit, make sure not to bother cleaning the floors before you arrive, already plan to clean the floors after you leave, maybe ask you whether indoor slippers or booties would be okay, and/or plan for everyone to be contained to the tiled areas of the house for the evening instead of walking through as they normally would and ending up sitting in the nice living room with lovely clean carpets.

I do think though that if you've been in a situation where it's been "awkward" for you in the past then you must already know that some people do live in a cleaner way and expect people to not wear street shoes in their house. In which case, at a minimum you should be already prepared with some sort of booties to put over your shoes (even non-slip ones, if that's what you prefer).

You talk too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most American houses I've been to were dirty. Mind it, not trailers or even country shacks. Sophisticated professors' houses, since I was an international student et cetera. Overall, Americans seem like a very unkempt nation. Basically, unless you're very wealthy and have cleaning staff on payroll, your house is most likely dirty. Especially if you wear outside shoes in your home. You shower and use deodorant, and maybe even dress well, but your house is a shithole, and your kids are playing with their tablets on their beds while wearing sneakers.

LOL

I will say I’ve been to korea and the floors are often immaculate. But many get on hands and knees and wipe and polish the floors by hand, so no wonder they are gleaming vs pushing dirty mop heads around in the US.

What a huge waste of time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most American houses I've been to were dirty. Mind it, not trailers or even country shacks. Sophisticated professors' houses, since I was an international student et cetera. Overall, Americans seem like a very unkempt nation. Basically, unless you're very wealthy and have cleaning staff on payroll, your house is most likely dirty. Especially if you wear outside shoes in your home. You shower and use deodorant, and maybe even dress well, but your house is a shithole, and your kids are playing with their tablets on their beds while wearing sneakers.

LOL

I will say I’ve been to korea and the floors are often immaculate. But many get on hands and knees and wipe and polish the floors by hand, so no wonder they are gleaming vs pushing dirty mop heads around in the US.

What a huge waste of time

Houses are generally much smaller there - apartments, so not hard or time consuming. Gleaming heated floors felt pretty nice. But we have 2000sqft - not at all large for this area — and I can’t be bothered to do that.

[Anonymous]

Ah, too many pages to read... I grew up in Eastern Europe in no-shoes housr and I do think it's rude to ask to remove your shoes in most cases.

[Anonymous]

I don't undress in other people's homes. Shoes are a part of dress. I agree with a PP that it's a level of formality - would you go to someone's house in your pj's?

In Asia, of course, I remove my shoes, but in the US, the culture is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you live in a country where the culture is to take off shoes, it's fine to expect people to take their shoes off. But if you are living in a country where that is not the cultural tradition, it is not polite to expect people who are not your own family or very intimate friends to take their shoes off.

Many people in the US see taking off shoes in public as impolite and disrespectful of others with whom you do not have a family type relationship. Respect can equal a certain level of formality to some, and walking around shoeless equals zero formality, and thus respect to them.

I wonder if it's a regional thing. My dad's family is from the midwest (Michigan) and never take their shoes off. I was raised in Philadelphia and all my East Coast friends and cousins were raised to take their shoes off. My West Coast friends, the same. Plus, many of us studied abroad in Asia (Japan for me) which cemented the custom even further. The posters who are insisting that leaving shoes on is American culture -- where are you from and how old are you?

35 and from Dallas here. From a family that did lots of dinner parties and the like. It's so weird to imagine cocktail attire and no bare feet.

[Anonymous]

I think it can come across a little off putting. We go shoeless at home as a family but when guests are over we wear shoes and when guests ask if they should remove them we say no (unless in middle of snowstorm or something). I just swiffer before and after we have company.

I wouldn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I myself have ugly feet — I’d hate to be at someone’s house for a dinner party or something in the summer where I had to shed my sandals and didn’t have socks to hide (yes, sandals are more full coverage to cover said ugly feet).

[Anonymous]

We are a shoes off house and don’t throw big parties. Smaller groups it’s been no problem having people take shoes off. I once when to a large holiday party and the host didn’t mentions shoes, but had put down paper on the floor to create a path through the rooms!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wash the floors when they leave

This. Some people find it highly unsettling and embarrassing to take shoes off in front of others. My friend would just make an excuse to leave your house if he saw a sign like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We remove our shoes in the house, but when we have guests who are not family or very close friends we put our shoes on for their visit, so that they feel comfortable keeping theirs on. I would never ask a guest to remove their shoes, although I do remove mine when visiting people with shoeless households.

I can’t imagine having a dinner party with work associates and everyone is walking around barefoot or in socks.

Cleaning floors after a gathering is a small price to pay for guests’ comfort.

I'm laughing trying to picture women in short cocktail dresses to trying to politely unbuckle their designer heels and then get them back on at then end of the evening. Ridiculous.