Whitman HS Suicide

[Anonymous]

Whitman parent here. My kids did not know JoJo but my heart goes out to everyone who did.

I realize this bit of information will not help those who are deeply depressed and suicidal, but for teens who are not struggling with mental illness, I think it's useful. Many (most?) teen suicides are impulsive acts. Sometimes suicide prevention is a matter of getting past that impulse. I explained that to both my kids -- that if they ever felt that way, they should remember that this is a feeling that passes.

Again, I recognize that part of the pull of mental illness is not being able to understand that in the moment, but maybe knowing in advance that these feelings can come up and that you can not act on them will help some kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would stop discounting the input from the teens on this thread. This is a time for parents to listen instead of imparting "wisdom".

There is something called situational depression and their are many triggers... like divorce and abandonment.

Or like we saw on 13 reasons ... rape (not at all referring to this Whitman case, just another example).

But there are triggers.

So for all you parents that think your "needs" are more important and that "kids are resilient" that is just a lie you tell yourself. Also stop thinking you know better, listen to their needs and let go of your attachments to your kids going to a "great college".

To all the teens dealing with parents and school stress, take pleasure in the simple things... 1 good friend, a sunset, how a butterfly flits about... and remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel where you can create your own life and choose who is in it and who is out of it.

The tunnel maybe very long but if you are in HS you have to see there is a glimmer of light. Your current world is so small and out of your control but in a few years it will be yours to guide. It won't be easy and you might eat a lot of oodles of noodles, but joy is not found in material things and a tribe of friends. Joy is found in 1 good friend and being a good person even if people are not good to you.

Stop speculating and pontificating endlessly about things you know nothing about!

To all the teen reading this thread. What this is called is gas lighting. People who are guilty of exactly what you say they are doing try to say that you don't know what you are talking about or that you are crazy. If you are young and unsure of yourself you will start to think you are wrong or crazy. But I am neither young nor unsure of myself.

This person is trying to gaslight me.

Google it "gas lighting".

It's a form of abuse. Call it out, don't tolerate it.

[Anonymous]

Montgomery County Crisis Center
1301 Piccard Drive, Rockville MD 20850
[phone] · Website
Montgomery County Crisis Center provides immediate response to crisis situations for all residents of Montgomery County, Maryland. The center provides goal-oriented crisis intervention, brief crisis stabilization, and help in obtaining services for individuals and families with a mental health crisis or experiencing other crisis situations.


Telephone or Walk-in Services: 24 Hours a Day, 7 Days a Week

Mobile Crisis Team: 8 AM to Midnight, 7 Days a Week

Administrative Office: Monday to Friday, 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM.


All Montgomery County residents are eligible for services - children, adolescents and adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is disrespectful to the family to share this news. Everyone is grieving for them and discussing ways to prevent future incidents. I pray for the family and the sad loss of life with so much ahead of her. I also pray that I get my two teenagers through the next 5 years. I know they have a lot going on in their lives that I may not know about. Scary

Amen. I walking into public school blinded why public relations surreal universe. I wanted them to experience public sxhool and all it has to offer while blinded by PR people. The fear for their safety is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would stop discounting the input from the teens on this thread. This is a time for parents to listen instead of imparting "wisdom".

There is something called situational depression and their are many triggers... like divorce and abandonment.

Or like we saw on 13 reasons ... rape (not at all referring to this Whitman case, just another example).

But there are triggers.

So for all you parents that think your "needs" are more important and that "kids are resilient" that is just a lie you tell yourself. Also stop thinking you know better, listen to their needs and let go of your attachments to your kids going to a "great college".

To all the teens dealing with parents and school stress, take pleasure in the simple things... 1 good friend, a sunset, how a butterfly flits about... and remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel where you can create your own life and choose who is in it and who is out of it.

The tunnel maybe very long but if you are in HS you have to see there is a glimmer of light. Your current world is so small and out of your control but in a few years it will be yours to guide. It won't be easy and you might eat a lot of oodles of noodles, but joy is not found in material things and a tribe of friends. Joy is found in 1 good friend and being a good person even if people are not good to you.

Stop speculating and pontificating endlessly about things you know nothing about!

To all the teen reading this thread. What this is called is gas lighting. People who are guilty of exactly what you say they are doing try to say that you don't know what you are talking about or that you are crazy. If you are young and unsure of yourself you will start to think you are wrong or crazy. But I am neither young nor unsure of myself.

This person is trying to gaslight me.

Google it "gas lighting".

It's a form of abuse. Call it out, don't tolerate it.

I love you and wish you were in my real world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would stop discounting the input from the teens on this thread. This is a time for parents to listen instead of imparting "wisdom".

There is something called situational depression and their are many triggers... like divorce and abandonment.

Or like we saw on 13 reasons ... rape (not at all referring to this Whitman case, just another example).

But there are triggers.

So for all you parents that think your "needs" are more important and that "kids are resilient" that is just a lie you tell yourself. Also stop thinking you know better, listen to their needs and let go of your attachments to your kids going to a "great college".

To all the teens dealing with parents and school stress, take pleasure in the simple things... 1 good friend, a sunset, how a butterfly flits about... and remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel where you can create your own life and choose who is in it and who is out of it.

The tunnel maybe very long but if you are in HS you have to see there is a glimmer of light. Your current world is so small and out of your control but in a few years it will be yours to guide. It won't be easy and you might eat a lot of oodles of noodles, but joy is not found in material things and a tribe of friends. Joy is found in 1 good friend and being a good person even if people are not good to you.

Stop speculating and pontificating endlessly about things you know nothing about!

To all the teen reading this thread. What this is called is gas lighting. People who are guilty of exactly what you say they are doing try to say that you don't know what you are talking about or that you are crazy. If you are young and unsure of yourself you will start to think you are wrong or crazy. But I am neither young nor unsure of myself.

This person is trying to gaslight me.

Google it "gas lighting".

It's a form of abuse. Call it out, don't tolerate it.

I love you and wish you were in my real world.

Back at you! It just takes one kind word to a stranger to bring a smile on somebody's face.

Let's all say 1 nice thing today to somebody we don't know. I will pay your kind words forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whitman parent here. My kids did not know JoJo but my heart goes out to everyone who did.

I realize this bit of information will not help those who are deeply depressed and suicidal, but for teens who are not struggling with mental illness, I think it's useful. Many (most?) teen suicides are impulsive acts. Sometimes suicide prevention is a matter of getting past that impulse. I explained that to both my kids -- that if they ever felt that way, they should remember that this is a feeling that passes.

Again, I recognize that part of the pull of mental illness is not being able to understand that in the moment, but maybe knowing in advance that these feelings can come up and that you can not act on them will help some kids.

This suicidal impulse is also a public safety issue. These overpasses should have been fenced to prevent impulsive jumps

https://wtop.com/fairfax-county/2017/10/driver-killed-man-falls-66-overpass/slide/1/

[Anonymous]

So should we encourage more people to become psychiatrists and therapists? Based on reading this thread, it seems like no one can get an appointment with one as they're all booked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

This. The environment matters.
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, First make sure you are not, In fact, just surrounded by assholes.”?—?William Gibson

+1 to both of the above. Both reflect the experience we had with mental illness and MCPS.

DD was diagnosed with depression and missed a lot of school. We asked MCPS school for 504 plan. School denied, arguing that DD's grades were still As and Bs and DD was taking advanced classes. Told us DD would have to drop down to on level classes and get Cs or below before DD could be eligible for a 504 plan and any accommodations. This is NOT the correct legal standard for a 504 plan, and we told the school that during the meetings.

The whole 504 problem took over 4 months to resolve. It became very ugly, with teachers docking DD's grades for absences or "late" work, even though DD had excused absences for which we had provided documentation by a physician, and berating her for her absences. In addition, teachers refused to allow DD to do same assignments as the rest of the class, and began to assign her alternative assignments, which she had not asked for, thereby (illegally) excluding her from the regular classroom environment. At no time did DD ask for or need any changes to the work assigned. She just asked for extended timelines/flexibility in deadlines to complete the work.

DD's health plummeted. As parents this put us in a very difficult position -- is it better to support your DC in a fight (which is stressful) or to encourage them to not fight and give in and take the bad grades and classes they don't want (which is also stressful).

This situation did not get resolved until we informed the school that we were hiring legal counsel. Then, miraculously, the school informed us that they were wrong. It still took another 2 months to sort out the plan and get all teachers on board.

PP, if you had a formal diagnosis when you went to school in MCPS and asked for help, I encourage you to pursue an IEP or 504 or home and hospital teaching, as appropriate, and file a formal complaint, in writing, with MCPS (either the section 504 county-wide supervisor or the head of special education). Re-file your request for support in writing, asking for either an IEP or 504.

School was definitely at fault in our situation, and I was genuinely worried for DD's mental stability as a result. All professionals involved (psychiatrist and psychologist) recommended that DD be allowed to continue in her current classes and that 504 should be fought for. When DD is "safe" from school retaliation, we will consider filing complaint/suit and encourage others to do the same.

I am concerned that kids in school are not getting appropriate support. I am not saying this is the problem that this particular woman experienced or that it contributed to her suicide (if that is what it was), but I am saying that it is a problem for many students. It is very easy to say, that child had fill in the blank, which was the real cause of the problem not the school. But kids with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse problems, etc., are legally entitled to some forms of support at school if their illness is affecting their education (which it often does). When schools refuse to provide support, it can be devastating to students, exacerbating their illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

That doesn’t mean it’s the fault of the school. If your son can’t function in that school environment you have to find another environment for him.
It sounds like he needs a therapeutic school - you need to advocate for him and find him another setting.

She said the school said he was fine. Those of us who came from private school learn far too late that MCPS needs to kept in line with a legal whip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

This. The environment matters.
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, First make sure you are not, In fact, just surrounded by assholes.”?—?William Gibson

+1 to both of the above. Both reflect the experience we had with mental illness and MCPS.

DD was diagnosed with depression and missed a lot of school. We asked MCPS school for 504 plan. School denied, arguing that DD's grades were still As and Bs and DD was taking advanced classes. Told us DD would have to drop down to on level classes and get Cs or below before DD could be eligible for a 504 plan and any accommodations. This is NOT the correct legal standard for a 504 plan, and we told the school that during the meetings.

The whole 504 problem took over 4 months to resolve. It became very ugly, with teachers docking DD's grades for absences or "late" work, even though DD had excused absences for which we had provided documentation by a physician, and berating her for her absences. In addition, teachers refused to allow DD to do same assignments as the rest of the class, and began to assign her alternative assignments, which she had not asked for, thereby (illegally) excluding her from the regular classroom environment. At no time did DD ask for or need any changes to the work assigned. She just asked for extended timelines/flexibility in deadlines to complete the work.

DD's health plummeted. As parents this put us in a very difficult position -- is it better to support your DC in a fight (which is stressful) or to encourage them to not fight and give in and take the bad grades and classes they don't want (which is also stressful).

This situation did not get resolved until we informed the school that we were hiring legal counsel. Then, miraculously, the school informed us that they were wrong. It still took another 2 months to sort out the plan and get all teachers on board.

PP, if you had a formal diagnosis when you went to school in MCPS and asked for help, I encourage you to pursue an IEP or 504 or home and hospital teaching, as appropriate, and file a formal complaint, in writing, with MCPS (either the section 504 county-wide supervisor or the head of special education). Re-file your request for support in writing, asking for either an IEP or 504.

School was definitely at fault in our situation, and I was genuinely worried for DD's mental stability as a result. All professionals involved (psychiatrist and psychologist) recommended that DD be allowed to continue in her current classes and that 504 should be fought for. When DD is "safe" from school retaliation, we will consider filing complaint/suit and encourage others to do the same.

I am concerned that kids in school are not getting appropriate support. I am not saying this is the problem that this particular woman experienced or that it contributed to her suicide (if that is what it was), but I am saying that it is a problem for many students. It is very easy to say, that child had fill in the blank, which was the real cause of the problem not the school. But kids with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse problems, etc., are legally entitled to some forms of support at school if their illness is affecting their education (which it often does). When schools refuse to provide support, it can be devastating to students, exacerbating their illness.

Your post is pushing me to hire legal counsel for my DC and press charges. We have done everything to provide an appropriate and enriched learning environment and supports only for DC to be harassed for not beating the crap out of a kid who jumped him. (A life of telling DC not to hit, never retaliate because the responsible adults will handle the situation is a pipe dream.) DC spends entire day trying to regain some dignity (street cred) as the school made him sign a form saying he was partially responsible for being jumped. Thank God for one non-teacher who intervened with the attacker. My DH won’t let DC leave the school. It is sheer madness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

That doesn’t mean it’s the fault of the school. If your son can’t function in that school environment you have to find another environment for him.
It sounds like he needs a therapeutic school - you need to advocate for him and find him another setting.

She said the school said he was fine. Those of us who came from private school learn far too late that MCPS needs to kept in line with a legal whip.

The principle, under the law (IDEA, Sect. 504, and the ADA), is that the public school system has a responsibility to educate ALL students -- that includes those with disabilities and illnesses -- in the Least Restrictive Environment (LRE). That means that schools are *legally obligated* to make accommodations (via a 504 plan or IEP) to keep kids in general education in their home school to the extent possible or to place them at another appropriate public school or private school at public cost.

A school which does not adhere to these legal requirements is "at fault".

Disability or illness can strike any one of us at any moment. We all benefit by making sure that disabled or ill children have full access to public education. We cannot continue to let schools evade their legal obligations, thus worsening student health, and then claim that the disabled student "doesn't belong" or "can't function" in the environment.

[Anonymous]

11:30's story is text book.

That is exactly what would have happened if we didn't just give up on public school and go private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So should we encourage more people to become psychiatrists and therapists? Based on reading this thread, it seems like no one can get an appointment with one as they're all booked up.

Supply is only part of the issue.

Some people can’t afford it.

We have our insurance thru MCPS as teachers (I’m on sick leave today) and I was shocked how limited my “behavioral health” coverage was after my DD was sexually assaulted.

[Anonymous]

I miss JoJo.