Most social, fun and extroverted selective schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of us with extroverted social kids are not talking about wanting to get "black-out drunk." We want some semblance of a social world. The tour groups we were one this summer painted a pretty bleak picture.

I'll probably get deleted for this but let me describe. We toured Cornell twice this summer (kid is interested in a specific program).

Lots of Asian kids with a parent on either side. Kid in the middle looking super stressed and pained. Lots of white kids who looked like they had never left their room in high school. Wearing graphic Ts from 7th grade, pants pulled up to their armpits, sneakers bought only for functionality. I mean, it was something. My kids (regular, normal kids from DC) were like, "WHERE the heck are we?" Then the tour started and half the questions were "now, how do we get into here? what is the secret?" The poor tour guides (of course) have nothing to say about this. Parents elbowing their child "ask the guide your question, son". Son" "Oh, yes, please tour guide, "what extracurriculars did you do and what should i do in high school to get into Cornell?"

My kids were horrified. This is nothing like the dynamic of our family and they saw nothing of themselves in this stressed out, over parented group of weirdos.

Commence the deletion of my post but it's my story and I"m sticking to it.

You do realize that 95-100% of the kids you saw on the tours were rejected if they even applied. You did not see any of the hundreds of recruited athletes nor any of the thousands of legacy and sibling kids who don't need a tour because they have been to campus 15 times already. Did you hang out at the Hotel school? Did you go to a hockey game? Did you walk around the 25 greek houses? If not, you did not see Cornell of a representative sample of the kids who go there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of us with extroverted social kids are not talking about wanting to get "black-out drunk." We want some semblance of a social world. The tour groups we were one this summer painted a pretty bleak picture.

I'll probably get deleted for this but let me describe. We toured Cornell twice this summer (kid is interested in a specific program).

Lots of Asian kids with a parent on either side. Kid in the middle looking super stressed and pained. Lots of white kids who looked like they had never left their room in high school. Wearing graphic Ts from 7th grade, pants pulled up to their armpits, sneakers bought only for functionality. I mean, it was something. My kids (regular, normal kids from DC) were like, "WHERE the heck are we?" Then the tour started and half the questions were "now, how do we get into here? what is the secret?" The poor tour guides (of course) have nothing to say about this. Parents elbowing their child "ask the guide your question, son". Son" "Oh, yes, please tour guide, "what extracurriculars did you do and what should i do in high school to get into Cornell?"

My kids were horrified. This is nothing like the dynamic of our family and they saw nothing of themselves in this stressed out, over parented group of weirdos.

Commence the deletion of my post but it's my story and I"m sticking to it.

You do realize that 95-100% of the kids you saw on the tours were rejected if they even applied. You did not see any of the hundreds of recruited athletes nor any of the thousands of legacy and sibling kids who don't need a tour because they have been to campus 15 times already. Did you hang out at the Hotel school? Did you go to a hockey game? Did you walk around the 25 greek houses? If not, you did not see Cornell of a representative sample of the kids who go there.

Ok, relax. Yes, I realize this. But there is some correlation between the tour groups and the admitted students. And the tour group kid demographics are very different at other schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of us with extroverted social kids are not talking about wanting to get "black-out drunk." We want some semblance of a social world. The tour groups we were one this summer painted a pretty bleak picture.

I'll probably get deleted for this but let me describe. We toured Cornell twice this summer (kid is interested in a specific program).

Lots of Asian kids with a parent on either side. Kid in the middle looking super stressed and pained. Lots of white kids who looked like they had never left their room in high school. Wearing graphic Ts from 7th grade, pants pulled up to their armpits, sneakers bought only for functionality. I mean, it was something. My kids (regular, normal kids from DC) were like, "WHERE the heck are we?" Then the tour started and half the questions were "now, how do we get into here? what is the secret?" The poor tour guides (of course) have nothing to say about this. Parents elbowing their child "ask the guide your question, son". Son" "Oh, yes, please tour guide, "what extracurriculars did you do and what should i do in high school to get into Cornell?"

My kids were horrified. This is nothing like the dynamic of our family and they saw nothing of themselves in this stressed out, over parented group of weirdos.

Commence the deletion of my post but it's my story and I"m sticking to it.

You do realize that 95-100% of the kids you saw on the tours were rejected if they even applied. You did not see any of the hundreds of recruited athletes nor any of the thousands of legacy and sibling kids who don't need a tour because they have been to campus 15 times already. Did you hang out at the Hotel school? Did you go to a hockey game? Did you walk around the 25 greek houses? If not, you did not see Cornell of a representative sample of the kids who go there.

Ok, relax. Yes, I realize this. But there is some correlation between the tour groups and the admitted students. And the tour group kid demographics are very different at other schools.

No it is not a viable correlation to see a couple dozen kids on a tour of rejected students yet apply that minuscule sample to 16k undergrads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of us with extroverted social kids are not talking about wanting to get "black-out drunk." We want some semblance of a social world. The tour groups we were one this summer painted a pretty bleak picture.

I'll probably get deleted for this but let me describe. We toured Cornell twice this summer (kid is interested in a specific program).

Lots of Asian kids with a parent on either side. Kid in the middle looking super stressed and pained. Lots of white kids who looked like they had never left their room in high school. Wearing graphic Ts from 7th grade, pants pulled up to their armpits, sneakers bought only for functionality. I mean, it was something. My kids (regular, normal kids from DC) were like, "WHERE the heck are we?" Then the tour started and half the questions were "now, how do we get into here? what is the secret?" The poor tour guides (of course) have nothing to say about this. Parents elbowing their child "ask the guide your question, son". Son" "Oh, yes, please tour guide, "what extracurriculars did you do and what should i do in high school to get into Cornell?"

My kids were horrified. This is nothing like the dynamic of our family and they saw nothing of themselves in this stressed out, over parented group of weirdos.

Commence the deletion of my post but it's my story and I"m sticking to it.

You do realize that 95-100% of the kids you saw on the tours were rejected if they even applied. You did not see any of the hundreds of recruited athletes nor any of the thousands of legacy and sibling kids who don't need a tour because they have been to campus 15 times already. Did you hang out at the Hotel school? Did you go to a hockey game? Did you walk around the 25 greek houses? If not, you did not see Cornell of a representative sample of the kids who go there.

Ok, relax. Yes, I realize this. But there is some correlation between the tour groups and the admitted students. And the tour group kid demographics are very different at other schools.

No it is not a viable correlation to see a couple dozen kids on a tour of rejected students yet apply that minuscule sample to 16k undergrads.

+1. My DMV kid at Cornell is social chair of sorority, club team captain, and a campus tour guide. Too bad you didn't get to chat with her on your tour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it amusing that dozens (?) of PPs believe their “super social” high schoolers will have their choice of T20 schools to choose from in a few months. Why, all they need to do is determine where the most hot, semi-drunk kids are driving around in their Wranglers, Broncos and hand-me-down G-Wagons!

Once you pinpoint that funnest T20 school, the doors will obviously swing open for your teen who somehow goes out 4 nights a week but nevertheless has the portfolio to beat the 3-7% admissions rate of Cornell, Northwestern, Duke, Brown or Vandy.

Some of us have social kids with very high grades who attend elite private schools. We may not have our exact choice of HYP (and aren't even applying) but we have a very reasonable chance at top 20 schools. Naviance/Scoir show >75% chance of admission (based on 23 and 24 admission data) at at least 5 top 20 schools for my kid.

Nothing is a given but it's less of a crap shoot than you might think.

Some people have a hard time believing that there are extremely smart kids, that are popular, athletic, artistically gifted, and extremely social. Mine was valedictorian, prom king, captain on a state champion team and has played the guitar since he was 5. Still extremely social in college with a 4.0 as a double major (Chem/Econ). Plays a club sport, in a band, and VP of a huge club. Not all high achieving kids are introverted people that study all of the time. They're not all rich drunks either like the PP insinuated.

Yep. DCUM wants to believe that wealthy people have dumb kids and that the smart kids all have parents who are government PhD researchers.

My kid joined a top private for 9th grade and has many classmates whose parents are C Suite executives with exceptionally high IQs and high EQs. And in most cases the apple doesn't fall far from the tree--many of these parents have very smart kids who party hard but then score a 1550 first sitting after being out with friends until 1am the night before. It's interesting to watch.

I'm the PP. The intersection and balance of the high IQ/EQ is the key. My kid that was referenced took the SAT end of Sophomore year cold to baseline before junior year and got a 1540. Then Covid hit. Got the opportunity to take the ACT after Covid and got a 36... applied ED to his first choice and done by December. Kid is living his best life with as stated, a 4.0 as a double major.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of us with extroverted social kids are not talking about wanting to get "black-out drunk." We want some semblance of a social world. The tour groups we were one this summer painted a pretty bleak picture.

I'll probably get deleted for this but let me describe. We toured Cornell twice this summer (kid is interested in a specific program).

Lots of Asian kids with a parent on either side. Kid in the middle looking super stressed and pained. Lots of white kids who looked like they had never left their room in high school. Wearing graphic Ts from 7th grade, pants pulled up to their armpits, sneakers bought only for functionality. I mean, it was something. My kids (regular, normal kids from DC) were like, "WHERE the heck are we?" Then the tour started and half the questions were "now, how do we get into here? what is the secret?" The poor tour guides (of course) have nothing to say about this. Parents elbowing their child "ask the guide your question, son". Son" "Oh, yes, please tour guide, "what extracurriculars did you do and what should i do in high school to get into Cornell?"

My kids were horrified. This is nothing like the dynamic of our family and they saw nothing of themselves in this stressed out, over parented group of weirdos.

Commence the deletion of my post but it's my story and I"m sticking to it.

You do realize that 95-100% of the kids you saw on the tours were rejected if they even applied. You did not see any of the hundreds of recruited athletes nor any of the thousands of legacy and sibling kids who don't need a tour because they have been to campus 15 times already. Did you hang out at the Hotel school? Did you go to a hockey game? Did you walk around the 25 greek houses? If not, you did not see Cornell of a representative sample of the kids who go there.

Ok, relax. Yes, I realize this. But there is some correlation between the tour groups and the admitted students. And the tour group kid demographics are very different at other schools.

No it is not a viable correlation to see a couple dozen kids on a tour of rejected students yet apply that minuscule sample to 16k undergrads.

It's not a couple dozen. The Cornell welcome center was full of several hundred potential students. And then we visited a second time and it was the same.
I'm not going to argue this. It was an odd bunch and very different than the cross section of kids at other schools. Believe me, we were trying hard to feel like it could work and were not trying to be critical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of us with extroverted social kids are not talking about wanting to get "black-out drunk." We want some semblance of a social world. The tour groups we were one this summer painted a pretty bleak picture.

I'll probably get deleted for this but let me describe. We toured Cornell twice this summer (kid is interested in a specific program).

Lots of Asian kids with a parent on either side. Kid in the middle looking super stressed and pained. Lots of white kids who looked like they had never left their room in high school. Wearing graphic Ts from 7th grade, pants pulled up to their armpits, sneakers bought only for functionality. I mean, it was something. My kids (regular, normal kids from DC) were like, "WHERE the heck are we?" Then the tour started and half the questions were "now, how do we get into here? what is the secret?" The poor tour guides (of course) have nothing to say about this. Parents elbowing their child "ask the guide your question, son". Son" "Oh, yes, please tour guide, "what extracurriculars did you do and what should i do in high school to get into Cornell?"

My kids were horrified. This is nothing like the dynamic of our family and they saw nothing of themselves in this stressed out, over parented group of weirdos.

Commence the deletion of my post but it's my story and I"m sticking to it.

You do realize that 95-100% of the kids you saw on the tours were rejected if they even applied. You did not see any of the hundreds of recruited athletes nor any of the thousands of legacy and sibling kids who don't need a tour because they have been to campus 15 times already. Did you hang out at the Hotel school? Did you go to a hockey game? Did you walk around the 25 greek houses? If not, you did not see Cornell of a representative sample of the kids who go there.

Ok, relax. Yes, I realize this. But there is some correlation between the tour groups and the admitted students. And the tour group kid demographics are very different at other schools.

No it is not a viable correlation to see a couple dozen kids on a tour of rejected students yet apply that minuscule sample to 16k undergrads.

It's not a couple dozen. The Cornell welcome center was full of several hundred potential students. And then we visited a second time and it was the same.
I'm not going to argue this. It was an odd bunch and very different than the cross section of kids at other schools. Believe me, we were trying hard to feel like it could work and were not trying to be critical.

Too bad you did not see 2500 udergrads going nuts at Lynah rink as they beat Harvard. You would have a different impression of Cornell.

[Anonymous]

Joe Biden’s old school UDELL still parties hard.

But seriously College in general is a lot more boring than it was when parents went to college.

My straight A daughter who I am taking in college tours now we have been talking about schools a lot and been in tours together.

I was telling her about Freshman Keg parties and she asked so the drinking age was 18? I go yea. Long pause didn’t you turn 18 during senior year HS. I said yea. In fact we had a big High School bar we hang out and then there was Thursdays nights we go over to the next town with a bunch of HS bars sometimes 2,000 kids be out there partying. Also shocked her my prom served alcohol. We had a smoking section in school.

The world has changed. I don’t think me using brothers ID to go to bars at 18 is ever coming back. And a good thing.

If you have a boat load of cash and a good fake ID got to NYU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a recent graduate of the top school that conventional wisdom has declared FUN (Vanderbilt). This kid has a close friend attending the School Where Fun Goes to Die (Chicago) during the same years.

My kid, during many trips to stay with his friend on campus, found Chicago much more social, genuinely engaging and collaborative than Vanderbilt. People actually looked up from their phones and engaged and talked to each other and formed new clubs.

If however an elaborate tailgate scene is what you're actually asking, then yes, Vandy does well in that regard

Agree

Have heard the UChicago fun description a lot over last 2-3 years.

Is it still true today?

How do kids socialize? Downtown Chicago?

I had heard that Chicago kids were more mainstream, laid back but then we visited during their summer open house and 95% of our fellow prospective students appeared to be smart, quirky kids (nothing wrong with that but it was clearly a marked demographic).

honestly, I don't think you can avoid this at any top20 schools in 2025 except the state schools that are required to take smart but not super-gunner in-state students. The rest of their student bodies are primarily a grinder, geeky bunch. We toured a dozen top20 schools this summer and all the prospective student tours were filled with kids who looked like they don't leave their bedrooms except for school. Even Vanderbilt and Duke--it was no different there.

I know my post sounds highly critical of geeks but I actually was one (and married a guy who was even more of a science odd-ball (we met in an engineering program.) Unfortunately my kids (junior and senior) are pretty main-stream, very social but smart. They tour the top20 private schools in 2025 and feel like they don't see their people. They likely (fingers crossed) will end up at large state schools.

And my extremely bright yet social kid loved over half the t20s we toured and loves their ivy, and little sibling is aiming for a different ivy…to each their own i say! It is great yours realized that type of academic environment is not for them

No. Your kid is just nerdier than the previous poster’s kid and my own kid. And it’s OK.

Revel in their nerdiness, but let other people try to find their people too.
What’s the harm in them posting their opinion? Fii ok r a post about their kind of kid?

Glad your kid found their ppl - guess what. You’re not the target audience for this post. Read the title!

I read the title. My kid's "people" are soclal and extroverted just as they are. But at an ivy. Shocker there are socially extroverted brilliant kids too. The stereotype that they are all introverted , super nerdy, and do not leave the library is tiresome. The ivies and similar t15 provide the best of both worlds: unparalleled academics plus hundreds of clubs, performance arts, and more where brilliant kids have FUN and it is ok to care about intellectual things. We have been on campus many weekends and have seen the parties, and also heard about parties departments and professors have, for undergrads and grad students.
The whole "ivies are so nerdy" is mostly copium.

So you think parties hosted by academic departments and professors are fun and are examples of the vibrant social life?

Same NP as the previous but I happen to have just gotten pictures from a (large) department party for undergrad majors and grad students. It was an earth-wind-fire party and they played beer pong and ate pizza with grad and some professors came, dressed up, & played too. Most of them have ongoing research with some of these grad and profs too so spent the summer around them. I did not ask if 21 and up but in the past this has been the case if professors are invited. They had it at a house right near campus and had a DJ. It was definitely a fun party--students can have fun and socialize with people who are in different phases of life. It is odd to me you do not think that is possible? Last year this department hosted wine and cheese at a museum where they all dressed up and yes it was fun!

This is beyond nerd patrol.
My kid is at a T10 and this does not sound like fun.

The type of people who think this is fun are not the type of social this post is directed to.

Right? I think these parents are so funny. Their nerdy kids are at a party where there is beer pong (with professors) or eating wine and cheese at museums (in costume) and suddenly they are crazy social extroverts.

+1

In your defense, I don't think you (or anyone else) is asking for a "drunken haze" of a college experience.
Perhaps something more akin to rah-rah, socialization, involving 3+ nights out (whether on or on campus) and involving socialization with groups of kids (often in bars or other social establishments, including dance clubs). I don't think anyone equates club athletics with a "social, fun, extroverted" scene....

Obviously club athletics has a place, but that's not what my kid is talking about (and likely what the OP was referring to) when looking for "conventional" fun/social/extroverted collegiate experience?
To each their own. Why is there so much judgement here?
This post is about a certain type of school or vibe.
If that's not your (or your kids thing), don't make this post about you?

Agree. I actually find this conversation helpful.
I know several (actually more than several) college freshman from our private who are miserable at their schools because of a mismatch in expectations re the social scene (which is LESS robust than high school). Not what they bargained for. I'm sure they'll find their people eventually. But its hard and a lot of parents scratching their heads.

A discussion like this is actually helpful for those folks (like me) trying to navigate with a "social" senior. Truthfully, my kid likely won't get into any of these schools (or if do, won't have a choice of many) so the conversation may be moot.
But the social environment is more important than people think and finding a good "social" fit shouldn't be left until the very end.

So thanks for those who've contributed to this discussion productively. Some of us find it helpful.

Thank you for this post. I also have a very social senior who has the grades/stats/resume for a top school but who hasn't seen their people when they go on the tours. We are left wondering what to do (although of course deadlines are looming).

What schools are you talking about when you mentioned "kids who are miserable at their schools because of a mismatch in expectations re the social scene?"

Different poster. Among the schools we looked at, Duke, Northwestern, Stanford, and Penn all seemed surprisingly cold and stressful and un-fun. I think parents take some of the perceptions they formed during their formative years, and assume that nothing has changed. But lots has changed since the 90s. I was certain Northwestern was going to be perfect for my smart and social kid. And, well, it wasn't, which is why visits are so useful.

Columbia seemed particularly grim. But maybe that's not so different.

Vanderbilt, Notre Dame, Michigan, and McGill all seemed lively, friendly, and the most balanced of the schools we saw.

I also liked Chicago, but DC did not. And I think WashU would be a good fit for a certain kind of social student. Not mine, but others.

Can you explain more? WashU is a school on DC’s list to maybe visit but we can’t get a good read on it on-line and don’t know anyone there. Trying to figure out if a visit makes sense for a very social, sports-oriented kid (wants to play club lax and watch a lot of g school sports with friends, too. Much like in HS.) Thanks!

I liked WashU. But it's a rich kid school.

And your kid is going to have to decide

If that's their vibe, I think it's fine. It's a nice campus. And the location is great - park, neighborhood, and so on.

You should visit if you can.

If you are looking at WashU, just make a fun trip out of it and visit all the midwest schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of us with extroverted social kids are not talking about wanting to get "black-out drunk." We want some semblance of a social world. The tour groups we were one this summer painted a pretty bleak picture.

I'll probably get deleted for this but let me describe. We toured Cornell twice this summer (kid is interested in a specific program).

Lots of Asian kids with a parent on either side. Kid in the middle looking super stressed and pained. Lots of white kids who looked like they had never left their room in high school. Wearing graphic Ts from 7th grade, pants pulled up to their armpits, sneakers bought only for functionality. I mean, it was something. My kids (regular, normal kids from DC) were like, "WHERE the heck are we?" Then the tour started and half the questions were "now, how do we get into here? what is the secret?" The poor tour guides (of course) have nothing to say about this. Parents elbowing their child "ask the guide your question, son". Son" "Oh, yes, please tour guide, "what extracurriculars did you do and what should i do in high school to get into Cornell?"

My kids were horrified. This is nothing like the dynamic of our family and they saw nothing of themselves in this stressed out, over parented group of weirdos.

Commence the deletion of my post but it's my story and I"m sticking to it.

You do realize that 95-100% of the kids you saw on the tours were rejected if they even applied. You did not see any of the hundreds of recruited athletes nor any of the thousands of legacy and sibling kids who don't need a tour because they have been to campus 15 times already. Did you hang out at the Hotel school? Did you go to a hockey game? Did you walk around the 25 greek houses? If not, you did not see Cornell of a representative sample of the kids who go there.

Ok, relax. Yes, I realize this. But there is some correlation between the tour groups and the admitted students. And the tour group kid demographics are very different at other schools.

No it is not a viable correlation to see a couple dozen kids on a tour of rejected students yet apply that minuscule sample to 16k undergrads.

these people posting are not the best and the brightest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe look past the tour group?

You are doing a disservice to yourself by forming a hard opinion based on a tour and who attends the tour. 93-97% of those kids on that tour will not be accepted. And of those who were accepted 40%+ will not matriculate.

THIS. never judge based on who is attending the tour! Base it on actual students

So true!! We never did any official tours. We hate tours in general—vacation, museum, college. We prefer to do it self-guided. Experience things like a local.

My kid got into two Ivies and some T10s/20s and you never saw him at Hopkins or Duke or an Ivy or the two slacs.

I take that back- we attempted a tour at one state school and the guide was so annoying and was leading us through the back side construction sites and nothing of interest that we ditched halfway through and met up with my husband and dog in the quad which gave us a very different impression of the school

[jsteele]

For reasons that I cannot begin to imagine, the original poster of this thread is sock puppeting repeatedly and creating fake posts. So I am going to lock the thread.