Husband doesn't want to leave our kids much in inheritence

[Anonymous]

We have a similar size estate at the moment. It goes 50/50 to our kids, although we will likely add a charitable piece to it now that it’s become more material. I don’t think it impacts my kids. I’m 62 and my mother is still very much alive. I’ll likely be in my 70s before she dies. So I am not relying on an inheritance to fund anything. Same goes for my kids. They will likely be retired before we die so they need to support themselves in the meantime.

With longer lifespans the inheritance game has changed. We will give money to our kids along the way, and my mother is already giving them the gift limit, but not so much that they don’t stay motivated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, we will further discuss and I think it is a matter of me to "nudge" him to go higher than $2M.

Just for a little history, before this, he was intent on funding a foundation to the tune of $2M. This was a couple of years ago, when we had A LOT less money. ...DH...you are right. He is a really good and generous guy. But I am mama bear and want to protect the kiddos.

Estate is about 14m and OP/DH might have 2-3 kids. DH /OP came from humble backgrounds and he wanted to set up a 2m foundation [scholarships in his name?] and doesn't want to benefit his children and grandchildren ...wants name on a foundation for ego?

Any grandchildren exist? Why call adult DC's kiddos? Is he competitive with his children? I did this so you should also?

[Anonymous]

Why not just set up the foundation now with $2 million? Then left everything else to the children.

That way he can direct the foundation and set it on a path that the children can continue after his death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, we will further discuss and I think it is a matter of me to "nudge" him to go higher than $2M.

Just for a little history, before this, he was intent on funding a foundation to the tune of $2M. This was a couple of years ago, when we had A LOT less money. ...DH...you are right. He is a really good and generous guy. But I am mama bear and want to protect the kiddos.

Estate is about 14m and OP/DH might have 2-3 kids. DH /OP came from humble backgrounds and he wanted to set up a 2m foundation [scholarships in his name?] and doesn't want to benefit his children and grandchildren ...wants name on a foundation for ego?

Any grandchildren exist? Why call adult DC's kiddos? Is he competitive with his children? I did this so you should also?

OP here. Two kids ages 23 and 16. We're retirement age already (younger child was adopted and we had older child late in life). So they are my kiddos--sorry if that term offends you in some way. Obviously no grandchildren yet. I am not sure what point you are trying to make here. DH is very successful in career and has always done charitable works, including starting a very successful non-profit that helps underprivileged kids access private school through scholarships. So not sure why you feel need to trash my husband, whom you don't even know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, we will further discuss and I think it is a matter of me to "nudge" him to go higher than $2M.

Just for a little history, before this, he was intent on funding a foundation to the tune of $2M. This was a couple of years ago, when we had A LOT less money. ...DH...you are right. He is a really good and generous guy. But I am mama bear and want to protect the kiddos.

Estate is about 14m and OP/DH might have 2-3 kids. DH /OP came from humble backgrounds and he wanted to set up a 2m foundation [scholarships in his name?] and doesn't want to benefit his children and grandchildren ...wants name on a foundation for ego?

Any grandchildren exist? Why call adult DC's kiddos? Is he competitive with his children? I did this so you should also?

OP here. Two kids ages 23 and 16. We're retirement age already (younger child was adopted and we had older child late in life). So they are my kiddos--sorry if that term offends you in some way. Obviously no grandchildren yet. I am not sure what point you are trying to make here. DH is very successful in career and has always done charitable works, including starting a very successful non-profit that helps underprivileged kids access private school through scholarships. So not sure why you feel need to trash my husband, whom you don't even know.

Not trashing but he is thinking in terms of 2 children and not any future GC. He also has set up a non-profit for scholarships and could expand that now which is a worthy endeavor. Why wait since each year students could be benefitting from this? Kiddos led me to believe they were in K-12 or just barely adults whch is the case with 1 at 23.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, we will further discuss and I think it is a matter of me to "nudge" him to go higher than $2M.

Just for a little history, before this, he was intent on funding a foundation to the tune of $2M. This was a couple of years ago, when we had A LOT less money. ...DH...you are right. He is a really good and generous guy. But I am mama bear and want to protect the kiddos.

Estate is about 14m and OP/DH might have 2-3 kids. DH /OP came from humble backgrounds and he wanted to set up a 2m foundation [scholarships in his name?] and doesn't want to benefit his children and grandchildren ...wants name on a foundation for ego?

Any grandchildren exist? Why call adult DC's kiddos? Is he competitive with his children? I did this so you should also?

OP here. Two kids ages 23 and 16. We're retirement age already (younger child was adopted and we had older child late in life). So they are my kiddos--sorry if that term offends you in some way. Obviously no grandchildren yet. I am not sure what point you are trying to make here. DH is very successful in career and has always done charitable works, including starting a very successful non-profit that helps underprivileged kids access private school through scholarships. So not sure why you feel need to trash my husband, whom you don't even know.

Not trashing but he is thinking in terms of 2 children and not any future GC. He also has set up a non-profit for scholarships and could expand that now which is a worthy endeavor. Why wait since each year students could be benefitting from this? Kiddos led me to believe they were in K-12 or just barely adults whch is the case with 1 at 23.

You are quite judgmental. You don’t know how much we contribute to the nonprofit each year. I dismiss any further commentary from you.

[Anonymous]

We plan to leave our now adult children a lot of money because they have proven they have the wisdom and ability to deal with it. They are all married with children, have very successful careers and they are smart savers and investors. If they were slackers just waiting for us to die we’d have a very different approach. We have already put all of the money that we can (lifetime exemptions) into trusts and what we don’t spend will go to charity to avoid paying any estate taxes.

In terms of OP, it really depends on the age of her children and their capabilities. Kids getting more than $2 million at the age of 21 is not a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, we will further discuss and I think it is a matter of me to "nudge" him to go higher than $2M.

Just for a little history, before this, he was intent on funding a foundation to the tune of $2M. This was a couple of years ago, when we had A LOT less money. ...DH...you are right. He is a really good and generous guy. But I am mama bear and want to protect the kiddos.

Estate is about 14m and OP/DH might have 2-3 kids. DH /OP came from humble backgrounds and he wanted to set up a 2m foundation [scholarships in his name?] and doesn't want to benefit his children and grandchildren ...wants name on a foundation for ego?

Any grandchildren exist? Why call adult DC's kiddos? Is he competitive with his children? I did this so you should also?

OP here. Two kids ages 23 and 16. We're retirement age already (younger child was adopted and we had older child late in life). So they are my kiddos--sorry if that term offends you in some way. Obviously no grandchildren yet. I am not sure what point you are trying to make here. DH is very successful in career and has always done charitable works, including starting a very successful non-profit that helps underprivileged kids access private school through scholarships. So not sure why you feel need to trash my husband, whom you don't even know.

I'm sorry OP, but I'm having trouble understanding why you think leaving your children $2M, versus $14M, when you die in 20 or 30 years and during which your children will be ages 36 to 53, means that they're going to struggle. Sure, their life could be different inheriting 14M rather than 2M, but their overall life outcome will already be set in stone by other choices they've made, i.e. their grit, what career they chose, their own feelings towards money, etc.

Are you instead concerned that your children will feel hurt if you don't leave them the substantial majority of your assets? I think you can just ask them how they would feel, such as by asking during dinner, "hey do you think you would be upset if we left all of our money to charity?" If you raised them well, chances are they won't feel entitled to your money at all. Personally, I would want my own parents to spend all of their money and enjoy it before they died.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a d*ck. Basically, like the kind of guy who derives a lot of self-pride from having done well, and now doesn’t want to help others. I get not wanting your kids to be lazy or entitled. But wtf was the point of making all that money? To leave it to some bs charity that will forget him 6 months after he’s gone? Good grief. Tell him to set up an education trust or something like that. That way the kids and grandkids still have to work and be productive to get anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a d*ck. Basically, like the kind of guy who derives a lot of self-pride from having done well, and now doesn’t want to help others. I get not wanting your kids to be lazy or entitled. But wtf was the point of making all that money? To leave it to some bs charity that will forget him 6 months after he’s gone? Good grief. Tell him to set up an education trust or something like that. That way the kids and grandkids still have to work and be productive to get anything.

OP here. Honestly, you're the one who sounds like a d*ck. Besides setting our kids up for success with private schools and universities, we have helped disadvantaged kids through his non-profit...you have no idea. I don't know where you are getting this impression other than the fact that you are jealous of our success and generosity. Your tone, is frankly, over the top and bordering on unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, we will further discuss and I think it is a matter of me to "nudge" him to go higher than $2M.

Just for a little history, before this, he was intent on funding a foundation to the tune of $2M. This was a couple of years ago, when we had A LOT less money. ...DH...you are right. He is a really good and generous guy. But I am mama bear and want to protect the kiddos.

Estate is about 14m and OP/DH might have 2-3 kids. DH /OP came from humble backgrounds and he wanted to set up a 2m foundation [scholarships in his name?] and doesn't want to benefit his children and grandchildren ...wants name on a foundation for ego?

Any grandchildren exist? Why call adult DC's kiddos? Is he competitive with his children? I did this so you should also?

OP here. Two kids ages 23 and 16. We're retirement age already (younger child was adopted and we had older child late in life). So they are my kiddos--sorry if that term offends you in some way. Obviously no grandchildren yet. I am not sure what point you are trying to make here. DH is very successful in career and has always done charitable works, including starting a very successful non-profit that helps underprivileged kids access private school through scholarships. So not sure why you feel need to trash my husband, whom you don't even know.

I'm sorry OP, but I'm having trouble understanding why you think leaving your children $2M, versus $14M, when you die in 20 or 30 years and during which your children will be ages 36 to 53, means that they're going to struggle. Sure, their life could be different inheriting 14M rather than 2M, but their overall life outcome will already be set in stone by other choices they've made, i.e. their grit, what career they chose, their own feelings towards money, etc.

Are you instead concerned that your children will feel hurt if you don't leave them the substantial majority of your assets? I think you can just ask them how they would feel, such as by asking during dinner, "hey do you think you would be upset if we left all of our money to charity?" If you raised them well, chances are they won't feel entitled to your money at all. Personally, I would want my own parents to spend all of their money and enjoy it before they died.

I don't want to necessarily want leave them the entire amount...just more than $2M...the purpose is to get them a good head start on eduction for their kids, etc., and based on how college tuition increases, $2M isn't going to buy much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, we will further discuss and I think it is a matter of me to "nudge" him to go higher than $2M.

Just for a little history, before this, he was intent on funding a foundation to the tune of $2M. This was a couple of years ago, when we had A LOT less money. ...DH...you are right. He is a really good and generous guy. But I am mama bear and want to protect the kiddos.

Estate is about 14m and OP/DH might have 2-3 kids. DH /OP came from humble backgrounds and he wanted to set up a 2m foundation [scholarships in his name?] and doesn't want to benefit his children and grandchildren ...wants name on a foundation for ego?

Any grandchildren exist? Why call adult DC's kiddos? Is he competitive with his children? I did this so you should also?

OP here. Two kids ages 23 and 16. We're retirement age already (younger child was adopted and we had older child late in life). So they are my kiddos--sorry if that term offends you in some way. Obviously no grandchildren yet. I am not sure what point you are trying to make here. DH is very successful in career and has always done charitable works, including starting a very successful non-profit that helps underprivileged kids access private school through scholarships. So not sure why you feel need to trash my husband, whom you don't even know.

I'm sorry OP, but I'm having trouble understanding why you think leaving your children $2M, versus $14M, when you die in 20 or 30 years and during which your children will be ages 36 to 53, means that they're going to struggle. Sure, their life could be different inheriting 14M rather than 2M, but their overall life outcome will already be set in stone by other choices they've made, i.e. their grit, what career they chose, their own feelings towards money, etc.

Are you instead concerned that your children will feel hurt if you don't leave them the substantial majority of your assets? I think you can just ask them how they would feel, such as by asking during dinner, "hey do you think you would be upset if we left all of our money to charity?" If you raised them well, chances are they won't feel entitled to your money at all. Personally, I would want my own parents to spend all of their money and enjoy it before they died.

I don't want to necessarily want leave them the entire amount...just more than $2M...the purpose is to get them a good head start on eduction for their kids, etc., and based on how college tuition increases, $2M isn't going to buy much.

It isn’t crazy to spend $1m today if you go private and do med or law school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We plan to leave our now adult children a lot of money because they have proven they have the wisdom and ability to deal with it. They are all married with children, have very successful careers and they are smart savers and investors. If they were slackers just waiting for us to die we’d have a very different approach. We have already put all of the money that we can (lifetime exemptions) into trusts and what we don’t spend will go to charity to avoid paying any estate taxes.

In terms of OP, it really depends on the age of her children and their capabilities. Kids getting more than $2 million at the age of 21 is not a good thing.

Nice that there are no strings attached there PP. You must have a very loving relationship with your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in the process of updating our estate documents and it has become very tense. Current investments are around $14M and our only debt is $400K mortgage and we will owe income taxes when we exercise our stock options (probably around $1.2M or so in taxes). Bottom line, we aren't going to run out of money based on our current spending so there will be a substantial amount left when we die.

My husband only wants to leave each of our 2 kids $2M each and the rest to charity. My concern is $2M seems like a lot of money, but when you consider inflation, who knows what it will be in 20 or 30 years. He keeps telling me he doesn't want his legacy to be making his kids wealthy. I am struggling with leaving them such a small percentage of our estate. Both my husband and I came from very humble background, and he basically wants our kids to have our same or similar struggles in life. I am at a loss at how to counter this.

Anyone else grapple with this?

You aren't rich enough to leave money to charity give it to the kids, wow these boomers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds like a d*ck. Basically, like the kind of guy who derives a lot of self-pride from having done well, and now doesn’t want to help others. I get not wanting your kids to be lazy or entitled. But wtf was the point of making all that money? To leave it to some bs charity that will forget him 6 months after he’s gone? Good grief. Tell him to set up an education trust or something like that. That way the kids and grandkids still have to work and be productive to get anything.

OP here. Honestly, you're the one who sounds like a d*ck. Besides setting our kids up for success with private schools and universities, we have helped disadvantaged kids through his non-profit...you have no idea. I don't know where you are getting this impression other than the fact that you are jealous of our success and generosity. Your tone, is frankly, over the top and bordering on unhinged.

I'm with PP here. My inlaws are doing the same thing. And they are leaving a boatload more than your husband--think ten figures--all to charity. They put some money in trusts for their kids, which the kids now have, and it's helpful, but not life changing. And all the rest is going to charity and a foundation so they can secure their "legacy." It's actually laughable, because nobody will remember who they are a year after they are gone. Those charities do not care who they are. Those who do don't even like them, but act like they do because of their money. Why people care about their "legacies" when they'll be dead is beyond me. My legacy is my children and if I could leave them some security, then that's what I would do. My in-laws, on the other hand, are leaving them nothing.