How do low energy people parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, come back and clarify why you do laundry every day. Basically everyone here thinks this is overkill.

I do laundry every day because one of my kids is a bet wetter. But the clothes only get washed once a week. And honestly laundry takes minimal effort. Its not something that would add stress to my day one way or another.

+1. It takes so little time to do a load of laundry. Especially if you don’t bother folding.

+2, I start a load of laundry in the morning when I get up, I move it over at some point in the morning, then I look for an opportunity to fold in the afternoon/evening (conference calls are great for this). If I don't have time, DH and I knock it out together before or after dinner. It's probably a total of 10-15 minutes a day? Also we only fold sheets and towels and some of our clothes. Most of our clothes get hung up and putting clothes on hangars takes a lot less time than folding.

Why do you fold sheets? Wash them and put them back on the beds the same day. So much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The laundry is a red herring. It doesn’t really have to do with OP’s issue. It’s the three kids in general and the absentee DH. OP, most moms who work with 3 kids have an equal partner husband or a powerhouse nanny. Moms with a DH like yours don’t work.

Yes, this is true. Why don't you have a nanny/house manager, OP? Your husband doesn't sound like he contributes, and I think most houses (especially those with three kids!) need someone essentially on kid/house duty all the time. If you and your husband work, and he doesn't help out at all, you need a nanny spouse. (I called ours my wife, and couldn't have lived without her when my husband traveled a lot pre-COVID).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I swear, this forum has so many posts of working mothers wondering how to do stuff when the easiest answer is to switch out the absentee DH or have more expectations. It’s so effing sad and annoying. if your DH is making so much money bc of the hours he works, you can outsource all the stuff that needs to be done. If he’s not, he’s just using the extra working hours to avoid home responsibilities. Working your day job is almost always easier than taking care of kids and keeping house.

This is a relatively myopic view. There are lots of people who work really hard but don't get paid a lot for it. Having said that, those people probably shouldn't have three kids in sports, etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, come back and clarify why you do laundry every day. Basically everyone here thinks this is overkill.

I mean, do you do at least 7 loads of laundry per week? Whether you do all 7 on one day or one load per day, it's the same amount of laundry. I posted earlier what I thought some of OP's problems were, but laundry isn't one of them.

But OP thinks it is a problem, which is how I know she does laundry every day. Because she's complaining about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear, this forum has so many posts of working mothers wondering how to do stuff when the easiest answer is to switch out the absentee DH or have more expectations. It’s so effing sad and annoying. if your DH is making so much money bc of the hours he works, you can outsource all the stuff that needs to be done. If he’s not, he’s just using the extra working hours to avoid home responsibilities. Working your day job is almost always easier than taking care of kids and keeping house.

This is a relatively myopic view. There are lots of people who work really hard but don't get paid a lot for it. Having said that, those people probably shouldn't have three kids in sports, etc...

My husband is a surgeon and works a lot of hours and still helps out a lot. We also outsource but there are dishes daily and multiple loads of laundry. Even my 6yo can help with laundry. She helps load, move clothes from washer to dryer and helps sort and fold. She also helps unload the dishwasher, sets the table, helps clear the table, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, come back and clarify why you do laundry every day. Basically everyone here thinks this is overkill.

I do laundry every day because one of my kids is a bet wetter. But the clothes only get washed once a week. And honestly laundry takes minimal effort. Its not something that would add stress to my day one way or another.

+1. It takes so little time to do a load of laundry. Especially if you don’t bother folding.

+2, I start a load of laundry in the morning when I get up, I move it over at some point in the morning, then I look for an opportunity to fold in the afternoon/evening (conference calls are great for this). If I don't have time, DH and I knock it out together before or after dinner. It's probably a total of 10-15 minutes a day? Also we only fold sheets and towels and some of our clothes. Most of our clothes get hung up and putting clothes on hangars takes a lot less time than folding.

Why do you fold sheets? Wash them and put them back on the beds the same day. So much easier.

+1. Also solves the issue of needing two sets of sheets for every bed and a place to store them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call myself a pretty high energy person - routinely work out, am up every day at 6:30am, work full time, etc.

But being a parent to 3 young kids is kicking my butt. I am exhausted. Between the mental load (laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, doctor appointments, etc), enrichment for kids (sports, religion, etc) and school - I am so tired! How do low energy, introverted people do all of this?!?

I spend an hour a week on laundry, grocery shop 1x a week, kids eat breakfast & lunch at school, cleaning is outsourced, doctors’ visits are minimized. I sign kids up for aftercare enrichment at school so that I don’t need to shuttle them anywhere extra.

It sounds like you are high energy but also highly disorganized. Use some of your high energy to plan better.

DP but it actually sounds like you don’t do much parenting (or anything else, for that matter).

“I have so much energy after I pay other people to do all the things that would require me to expend energy!”

You think because the pp has cleaners and kids eat breakfast and lunch at school that the pp doesn’t parent? Wtf?

I have 3 kids. I also try to sign up for activities at school so I don’t have to do extra driving.

Obviously my response was meant to be an exaggeration, but I do bristle at people who basically outsource their life crowing about how much more efficient they are at daily tasks than others. It’s an utterly useless contribution to a discussion and it makes me wonder if the person making such comments even comprehends that they don’t get tired from keeping house and schlepping kids because… they don’t keep house and schlep kids.

And choosing not to put your kids in activities that would require any extra effort of yours is fine of course, but it is IMO a selfish motivation and therefore also not worthy of bragging about how much more efficient you are at parenting.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, come back and clarify why you do laundry every day. Basically everyone here thinks this is overkill.

I do laundry every day because one of my kids is a bet wetter. But the clothes only get washed once a week. And honestly laundry takes minimal effort. Its not something that would add stress to my day one way or another.

+1. It takes so little time to do a load of laundry. Especially if you don’t bother folding.

+2, I start a load of laundry in the morning when I get up, I move it over at some point in the morning, then I look for an opportunity to fold in the afternoon/evening (conference calls are great for this). If I don't have time, DH and I knock it out together before or after dinner. It's probably a total of 10-15 minutes a day? Also we only fold sheets and towels and some of our clothes. Most of our clothes get hung up and putting clothes on hangars takes a lot less time than folding.

Why do you fold sheets? Wash them and put them back on the beds the same day. So much easier.

+1. Also solves the issue of needing two sets of sheets for every bed and a place to store them.

No extra sheets at all? What if the dryer doesn’t finish before bedtime, or someone is sick in the middle of the night? This seems more stressful than learning to fold sheets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call myself a pretty high energy person - routinely work out, am up every day at 6:30am, work full time, etc.

But being a parent to 3 young kids is kicking my butt. I am exhausted. Between the mental load (laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, doctor appointments, etc), enrichment for kids (sports, religion, etc) and school - I am so tired! How do low energy, introverted people do all of this?!?

I spend an hour a week on laundry, grocery shop 1x a week, kids eat breakfast & lunch at school, cleaning is outsourced, doctors’ visits are minimized. I sign kids up for aftercare enrichment at school so that I don’t need to shuttle them anywhere extra.

It sounds like you are high energy but also highly disorganized. Use some of your high energy to plan better.

DP but it actually sounds like you don’t do much parenting (or anything else, for that matter).

“I have so much energy after I pay other people to do all the things that would require me to expend energy!”

None of what I listed counts as “parenting”, DP. I save my energy to spend quality time with my kids, which is when parenting actually happens.

I just replied but wanted to add - I personally consider putting my wants/needs secondary to the wants/needs of the kids I chose to have to be a cornerstone of parenting. Letting the school feed them junk for two meals a day and refusing to allow them to participate in any activities that might inconvenience me are not what I would consider parenting, and certainly not good parenting.

So again, do what you want to do but maybe take a break from patting yourself on the back for your efficiency and amazing planning skills. You’re not doing it better, you’re just not doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call myself a pretty high energy person - routinely work out, am up every day at 6:30am, work full time, etc.

But being a parent to 3 young kids is kicking my butt. I am exhausted. Between the mental load (laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, doctor appointments, etc), enrichment for kids (sports, religion, etc) and school - I am so tired! How do low energy, introverted people do all of this?!?

I spend an hour a week on laundry, grocery shop 1x a week, kids eat breakfast & lunch at school, cleaning is outsourced, doctors’ visits are minimized. I sign kids up for aftercare enrichment at school so that I don’t need to shuttle them anywhere extra.

It sounds like you are high energy but also highly disorganized. Use some of your high energy to plan better.

DP but it actually sounds like you don’t do much parenting (or anything else, for that matter).

“I have so much energy after I pay other people to do all the things that would require me to expend energy!”

You think because the pp has cleaners and kids eat breakfast and lunch at school that the pp doesn’t parent? Wtf?

I have 3 kids. I also try to sign up for activities at school so I don’t have to do extra driving.

Obviously my response was meant to be an exaggeration, but I do bristle at people who basically outsource their life crowing about how much more efficient they are at daily tasks than others. It’s an utterly useless contribution to a discussion and it makes me wonder if the person making such comments even comprehends that they don’t get tired from keeping house and schlepping kids because… they don’t keep house and schlep kids.

And choosing not to put your kids in activities that would require any extra effort of yours is fine of course, but it is IMO a selfish motivation and therefore also not worthy of bragging about how much more efficient you are at parenting.

DP - no, it wasn't. You just got busted for that BS comment and are backtracking. Parents who use aftercare/afterschool activities don't parent? What in the actual?

Running yourself ragged isn't something to brag about, PP. Putting your kids in activities all over kingdom come isn't the pinnacle of parenting. The OP doesn't *need* to keep house in her case - doing so is taking away from her energy to parent - and as a fellow parent of three, we need all we can get. Stop dumping on people who use energy efficiently, i.e., prioritize being present with their kids over "keeping house" to some 1950s standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, come back and clarify why you do laundry every day. Basically everyone here thinks this is overkill.

I do laundry every day because one of my kids is a bet wetter. But the clothes only get washed once a week. And honestly laundry takes minimal effort. Its not something that would add stress to my day one way or another.

+1. It takes so little time to do a load of laundry. Especially if you don’t bother folding.

+2, I start a load of laundry in the morning when I get up, I move it over at some point in the morning, then I look for an opportunity to fold in the afternoon/evening (conference calls are great for this). If I don't have time, DH and I knock it out together before or after dinner. It's probably a total of 10-15 minutes a day? Also we only fold sheets and towels and some of our clothes. Most of our clothes get hung up and putting clothes on hangars takes a lot less time than folding.

Why do you fold sheets? Wash them and put them back on the beds the same day. So much easier.

+1. Also solves the issue of needing two sets of sheets for every bed and a place to store them.

No extra sheets at all? What if the dryer doesn’t finish before bedtime, or someone is sick in the middle of the night? This seems more stressful than learning to fold sheets.

We have two guest bedrooms and older kids so this isn’t really an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, come back and clarify why you do laundry every day. Basically everyone here thinks this is overkill.

I do laundry every day because one of my kids is a bet wetter. But the clothes only get washed once a week. And honestly laundry takes minimal effort. Its not something that would add stress to my day one way or another.

+1. It takes so little time to do a load of laundry. Especially if you don’t bother folding.

+2, I start a load of laundry in the morning when I get up, I move it over at some point in the morning, then I look for an opportunity to fold in the afternoon/evening (conference calls are great for this). If I don't have time, DH and I knock it out together before or after dinner. It's probably a total of 10-15 minutes a day? Also we only fold sheets and towels and some of our clothes. Most of our clothes get hung up and putting clothes on hangars takes a lot less time than folding.

Why do you fold sheets? Wash them and put them back on the beds the same day. So much easier.

+1. Also solves the issue of needing two sets of sheets for every bed and a place to store them.

No extra sheets at all? What if the dryer doesn’t finish before bedtime, or someone is sick in the middle of the night? This seems more stressful than learning to fold sheets.

Um, I never said I didn't have extra sets of sheets. So yes, sometimes I do fold sheets. But as a general matter, I wash and then put the same sheets back on the beds. I actually do this on a specific day of the week when my husband takes my kids to their sports and they're not home until later, giving me 12 hours to get the sheets washed, dried, and back on the beds. If someone is sick or the dryer breaks, I have extra sets for each bed as well, but I'm not folding them every single week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call myself a pretty high energy person - routinely work out, am up every day at 6:30am, work full time, etc.

But being a parent to 3 young kids is kicking my butt. I am exhausted. Between the mental load (laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, doctor appointments, etc), enrichment for kids (sports, religion, etc) and school - I am so tired! How do low energy, introverted people do all of this?!?

I spend an hour a week on laundry, grocery shop 1x a week, kids eat breakfast & lunch at school, cleaning is outsourced, doctors’ visits are minimized. I sign kids up for aftercare enrichment at school so that I don’t need to shuttle them anywhere extra.

It sounds like you are high energy but also highly disorganized. Use some of your high energy to plan better.

DP but it actually sounds like you don’t do much parenting (or anything else, for that matter).

“I have so much energy after I pay other people to do all the things that would require me to expend energy!”

None of what I listed counts as “parenting”, DP. I save my energy to spend quality time with my kids, which is when parenting actually happens.

I just replied but wanted to add - I personally consider putting my wants/needs secondary to the wants/needs of the kids I chose to have to be a cornerstone of parenting. Letting the school feed them junk for two meals a day and refusing to allow them to participate in any activities that might inconvenience me are not what I would consider parenting, and certainly not good parenting.

So again, do what you want to do but maybe take a break from patting yourself on the back for your efficiency and amazing planning skills. You’re not doing it better, you’re just not doing it.

Your medal is in the mail.

Luckily, many of us don't subscribe to this martyr method of parenting. You might want to take a break from patting yourself on the back for your martyring and amazing sacrificing skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call myself a pretty high energy person - routinely work out, am up every day at 6:30am, work full time, etc.

But being a parent to 3 young kids is kicking my butt. I am exhausted. Between the mental load (laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, doctor appointments, etc), enrichment for kids (sports, religion, etc) and school - I am so tired! How do low energy, introverted people do all of this?!?

I spend an hour a week on laundry, grocery shop 1x a week, kids eat breakfast & lunch at school, cleaning is outsourced, doctors’ visits are minimized. I sign kids up for aftercare enrichment at school so that I don’t need to shuttle them anywhere extra.

It sounds like you are high energy but also highly disorganized. Use some of your high energy to plan better.

DP but it actually sounds like you don’t do much parenting (or anything else, for that matter).

“I have so much energy after I pay other people to do all the things that would require me to expend energy!”

You think because the pp has cleaners and kids eat breakfast and lunch at school that the pp doesn’t parent? Wtf?

I have 3 kids. I also try to sign up for activities at school so I don’t have to do extra driving.

Obviously my response was meant to be an exaggeration, but I do bristle at people who basically outsource their life crowing about how much more efficient they are at daily tasks than others. It’s an utterly useless contribution to a discussion and it makes me wonder if the person making such comments even comprehends that they don’t get tired from keeping house and schlepping kids because… they don’t keep house and schlep kids.

And choosing not to put your kids in activities that would require any extra effort of yours is fine of course, but it is IMO a selfish motivation and therefore also not worthy of bragging about how much more efficient you are at parenting.

DP - no, it wasn't. You just got busted for that BS comment and are backtracking. Parents who use aftercare/afterschool activities don't parent? What in the actual?

Running yourself ragged isn't something to brag about, PP. Putting your kids in activities all over kingdom come isn't the pinnacle of parenting. The OP doesn't *need* to keep house in her case - doing so is taking away from her energy to parent - and as a fellow parent of three, we need all we can get. Stop dumping on people who use energy efficiently, i.e., prioritize being present with their kids over "keeping house" to some 1950s standard.

Not backtracking. You just don’t understand hyperbole. Not my problem.

And again, “parent” however you want but you are essentially setting yourself up to be the “fun weekend dad” but pretending that you’re doing everything, and you’re just SO smart that you’re the first person who figured out that NOT doing stuff for your kids is easier than doing stuff for your kids. (Because you need to save your energy to sit around at home at home with them at night and have long meaningful chats, I guess)

I am not the one who started with the criticism, so again, maybe stop pretending to be a superior parent when you’re basically only doing the fun and relaxing parts and paying other people to do all the hard stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call myself a pretty high energy person - routinely work out, am up every day at 6:30am, work full time, etc.

But being a parent to 3 young kids is kicking my butt. I am exhausted. Between the mental load (laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, doctor appointments, etc), enrichment for kids (sports, religion, etc) and school - I am so tired! How do low energy, introverted people do all of this?!?

I spend an hour a week on laundry, grocery shop 1x a week, kids eat breakfast & lunch at school, cleaning is outsourced, doctors’ visits are minimized. I sign kids up for aftercare enrichment at school so that I don’t need to shuttle them anywhere extra.

It sounds like you are high energy but also highly disorganized. Use some of your high energy to plan better.

DP but it actually sounds like you don’t do much parenting (or anything else, for that matter).

“I have so much energy after I pay other people to do all the things that would require me to expend energy!”

None of what I listed counts as “parenting”, DP. I save my energy to spend quality time with my kids, which is when parenting actually happens.

I just replied but wanted to add - I personally consider putting my wants/needs secondary to the wants/needs of the kids I chose to have to be a cornerstone of parenting. Letting the school feed them junk for two meals a day and refusing to allow them to participate in any activities that might inconvenience me are not what I would consider parenting, and certainly not good parenting.

So again, do what you want to do but maybe take a break from patting yourself on the back for your efficiency and amazing planning skills. You’re not doing it better, you’re just not doing it.

Your medal is in the mail.

Luckily, many of us don't subscribe to this martyr method of parenting. You might want to take a break from patting yourself on the back for your martyring and amazing sacrificing skills.

I’m not a martyr, I actually enjoy giving my kids a good childhood. YMMV.