Why would a man get married in 2023?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a happily married man I will not encourage any man to be married. Just because I am happily married does not mean I am
Getting a * good deal* like women claim. They always bring up the same set of things that they do us. Here is the deal it’s just not true. Yes our mothers offered all those perks to our dads. Our wives are not. And I am glad they are not because we should be contributing equally to everything. But women today (and in a way I feel bad) are under immense pressure from society (or maybe feminists ) to seek their own happiness (which is good) and men as a result are under a microscope.

I did everything on that list every week except meals and those we ordered from a company. I also taught the kids and earned half the money. I don't understand what men want women to be these days. Women are doing most of the working in the US now and the childrearing. What exactly do men bring to the table comparatively if and I repeat if they aren't making more than the median income? The median income is about $150k around here I believe. What does a guy making say $100k bring to a marriage compared to a woman making the same?

This actually isn't true. Reputable studies show that in married couples, men do more work overall when taking into account work outside and inside the home. Look up the Pew studies on working. Women work more hours on average in the home, which is why it seems to women that they do more work--because they don't see the greater amount of work being done by men outside of the house. Of course, this is just averages, and I'm sure we'll get lots of anecdotal responses here from women who swear they do so much more than their husbands.

Post the study. Love to know the breakdown of office work, housework, kid work, personal time, sleep, sitting on a plane, eating.

I know what it’s in our two income hosuehold.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/03/14/chapter-6-time-in-work-and-leisure-patterns-by-gender-and-family-structure/

Your response is the anecdotal stuff I mentioned. I’m sure you perceive yourself as working more overall. Whether that’s true in your case is beside the point.

I think there is an implicit bias toward paid work. If you are at work, it gets counted as work no matter what you are doing. But time at home gets broken down in all of these little pieces.
How can a couple with children only be spending an average of 20 hours a week on childcare? There are 168 hours in a week. Even if they are in school and sports, that’s still a lot of hours.

So you say that when they are sleeping, it isn’t childcare. But if you hired someone, you would pay them for that time. On the other hand, I’m an intensivist…and if the ICU is quiet in the middle of the night, and I’m in my office sleeping, it still counts as paid work.

So you think the parents should count as childcare the hours the children are sleeping, even if the parents spend those hours watching Netflix or sleeping? Putting aside the absurdity of that position, that wouldn't skew the overall results because both parents could count those hours.

Is it really that absurd? If I am in the house because I am the only person responsible for the children in the house, then isn’t it childcare? Even if I’m also watching Netflix? I mean, it’s not like I spent every evening sitting in my house watching Netflix before I had kids.

And of course it counts for both genders. I don’t see how that skews the results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any woman who would be a net positive financial won't be interested, and women, more generally, only care about themselves and their kids. Cannot find a woman who would sacrifice anything meaningful for her husband. I see no reason why a man would get married these days.

The purpose of marriage isn’t to make your partner sacrifice things for you. Ideally, you find someone that you are compatible with who doesn’t need to sacrifice meaningful relationships, career, religion, etc. in order to be with you.

[Anonymous]

Wouldn’t it be great if we could veg in Netflix every night and pass out on the sofa at 8 or 9pm. Leave the house a mess, leave family or school emails unread, leave returned work or forms unopened, ignore any traditions or holidays, keep the bills in the mailbox, etc.

Let me ask my hard working husband how he does just that every day in and day out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but it’s pretty funny how a thread about men and marriage for them devolved into a self-absorbed whine fest for women and their views on marriage. It’s kind of proving the OPs point (which I disagree with, but alas!).

It's because DCUM skews heavily toward bitter, entitled women. This is not representative of the wider world.

Wanna bet?

I only have my own experience, but neither my mom, sisters, nor my wife are/were bitter or entitled. In fact, a lot of my friends and neighbors don't see that way either, although I admit you never really know what's going on in neighbors' homes. But I just don't see the same sort of bitterness and entitlement that I see here.

What do you feel these women are bitter about?

What do you feel they feel they are entitled to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a happily married man I will not encourage any man to be married. Just because I am happily married does not mean I am
Getting a * good deal* like women claim. They always bring up the same set of things that they do us. Here is the deal it’s just not true. Yes our mothers offered all those perks to our dads. Our wives are not. And I am glad they are not because we should be contributing equally to everything. But women today (and in a way I feel bad) are under immense pressure from society (or maybe feminists ) to seek their own happiness (which is good) and men as a result are under a microscope.

I did everything on that list every week except meals and those we ordered from a company. I also taught the kids and earned half the money. I don't understand what men want women to be these days. Women are doing most of the working in the US now and the childrearing. What exactly do men bring to the table comparatively if and I repeat if they aren't making more than the median income? The median income is about $150k around here I believe. What does a guy making say $100k bring to a marriage compared to a woman making the same?

This actually isn't true. Reputable studies show that in married couples, men do more work overall when taking into account work outside and inside the home. Look up the Pew studies on working. Women work more hours on average in the home, which is why it seems to women that they do more work--because they don't see the greater amount of work being done by men outside of the house. Of course, this is just averages, and I'm sure we'll get lots of anecdotal responses here from women who swear they do so much more than their husbands.

Post the study. Love to know the breakdown of office work, housework, kid work, personal time, sleep, sitting on a plane, eating.

I know what it’s in our two income hosuehold.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/03/14/chapter-6-time-in-work-and-leisure-patterns-by-gender-and-family-structure/

Your response is the anecdotal stuff I mentioned. I’m sure you perceive yourself as working more overall. Whether that’s true in your case is beside the point.

I didn’t read this whole study, but at first glance, it does show men with children as having more leisure time than their wives.

That's because "leisure time" is defined narrowly to certain categories of non-working activities. That doesn't mean that mean work less. You can see from the study that married men work slightly longer hours (at home and out of the home) overall, on average, than married women.

I thought it was just because women need more sleep than men do on average.

Lol.

Men get way more sleep and personal time per 24 hour period than a working mom with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any woman who would be a net positive financial won't be interested, and women, more generally, only care about themselves and their kids. Cannot find a woman who would sacrifice anything meaningful for her husband. I see no reason why a man would get married these days.

Upon divorce my husband’s narrative in the failed marriage and his many shortcomings was that he wishes he’d had had a “supportive stay at home mom wife.”

That would have saved him, he feels. A nice SAHM milk maid like his mother was. Instead he married an HBS classmate and blew up everything 12 years later because he couldn’t handle life with adult responsibilities. And wants to blame others for him never growing up and stepping up.

Good riddance indeed and good luck to any suckers who think he cares about them beyond what they may or may not do for his own image and ego.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I was a man in my 50’s and an empty nester I’d see no reason to get married. I have no interest in estate planning conflicts, prenups or anything else. I’d be more than happy to fund my and a partners lifestyle but that would be it.

So you say, but wealthy single men in their late forties to sixties still keep getting remarried. Just went through this with a client marrying his third wife. Likely, she wanted to get married and he wanted to keep her around so they got married. It's been happening forever and it's unlikely to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but it’s pretty funny how a thread about men and marriage for them devolved into a self-absorbed whine fest for women and their views on marriage. It’s kind of proving the OPs point (which I disagree with, but alas!).

It's because DCUM skews heavily toward bitter, entitled women. This is not representative of the wider world.

Wanna bet?

I only have my own experience, but neither my mom, sisters, nor my wife are/were bitter or entitled. In fact, a lot of my friends and neighbors don't see that way either, although I admit you never really know what's going on in neighbors' homes. But I just don't see the same sort of bitterness and entitlement that I see here.

What do you feel these women are bitter about?

What do you feel they feel they are entitled to?

How's your reading comprehension? I said that they are not bitter or entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was a man in my 50’s and an empty nester I’d see no reason to get married. I have no interest in estate planning conflicts, prenups or anything else. I’d be more than happy to fund my and a partners lifestyle but that would be it.

So you say, but wealthy single men in their late forties to sixties still keep getting remarried. Just went through this with a client marrying his third wife. Likely, she wanted to get married and he wanted to keep her around so they got married. It's been happening forever and it's unlikely to change.

Right, and women keep getting married, or remarried, despite this supposedly being a terrible deal. People want to be married, and some of those people inevitably get resentful. I believe some people will be unhappy in a marriage no matter what, and I discount their views on marriage accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The better question is why would a woman get married? My two daughters don’t see the benefit.

Single mom by choice here. No reason to get married. My 20 year old daughter agrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The better question is why would a woman get married? My two daughters don’t see the benefit.

Divorcee here. I'm not seeing the benefit either. My exDH's new girlfriend was struggling financially and in him has found a breadwinner who isn't that nice a person. I am ok financially, not rich, but will be set for life. Why I want another mouth to feed who could potentially upset my life I'm still figuring out.

[Anonymous]

I will never encourage my son to marry an American woman. Your personalities are not compatible with successful marriages.

And far too many of you are mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a happily married man I will not encourage any man to be married. Just because I am happily married does not mean I am
Getting a * good deal* like women claim. They always bring up the same set of things that they do us. Here is the deal it’s just not true. Yes our mothers offered all those perks to our dads. Our wives are not. And I am glad they are not because we should be contributing equally to everything. But women today (and in a way I feel bad) are under immense pressure from society (or maybe feminists ) to seek their own happiness (which is good) and men as a result are under a microscope.

I did everything on that list every week except meals and those we ordered from a company. I also taught the kids and earned half the money. I don't understand what men want women to be these days. Women are doing most of the working in the US now and the childrearing. What exactly do men bring to the table comparatively if and I repeat if they aren't making more than the median income? The median income is about $150k around here I believe. What does a guy making say $100k bring to a marriage compared to a woman making the same?

This actually isn't true. Reputable studies show that in married couples, men do more work overall when taking into account work outside and inside the home. Look up the Pew studies on working. Women work more hours on average in the home, which is why it seems to women that they do more work--because they don't see the greater amount of work being done by men outside of the house. Of course, this is just averages, and I'm sure we'll get lots of anecdotal responses here from women who swear they do so much more than their husbands.

Post the study. Love to know the breakdown of office work, housework, kid work, personal time, sleep, sitting on a plane, eating.

I know what it’s in our two income hosuehold.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/03/14/chapter-6-time-in-work-and-leisure-patterns-by-gender-and-family-structure/

Your response is the anecdotal stuff I mentioned. I’m sure you perceive yourself as working more overall. Whether that’s true in your case is beside the point.

I didn’t read this whole study, but at first glance, it does show men with children as having more leisure time than their wives.

That's because "leisure time" is defined narrowly to certain categories of non-working activities. That doesn't mean that mean work less. You can see from the study that married men work slightly longer hours (at home and out of the home) overall, on average, than married women.

I thought it was just because women need more sleep than men do on average.

Lol.

Men get way more sleep and personal time per 24 hour period than a working mom with kids.

Over their lifetimes, women on average sleep thousands more hours than men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was a man in my 50’s and an empty nester I’d see no reason to get married. I have no interest in estate planning conflicts, prenups or anything else. I’d be more than happy to fund my and a partners lifestyle but that would be it.

So you say, but wealthy single men in their late forties to sixties still keep getting remarried. Just went through this with a client marrying his third wife. Likely, she wanted to get married and he wanted to keep her around so they got married. It's been happening forever and it's unlikely to change.

I'm sure there are some benefits to having a wife oe husband in terms of elderly care and housing no? Rather than just a partner? Beyond the wills. Just the overall care and living issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was a man in my 50’s and an empty nester I’d see no reason to get married. I have no interest in estate planning conflicts, prenups or anything else. I’d be more than happy to fund my and a partners lifestyle but that would be it.

So you say, but wealthy single men in their late forties to sixties still keep getting remarried. Just went through this with a client marrying his third wife. Likely, she wanted to get married and he wanted to keep her around so they got married. It's been happening forever and it's unlikely to change.

I'm sure there are some benefits to having a wife oe husband in terms of elderly care and housing no? Rather than just a partner? Beyond the wills. Just the overall care and living issues.

Of course there are multiple benefits for men: many elderly husbands get saved annually from imminent death by their wives when they have stroke, falls etc. They wouldn't have survived if they lived on their own